Hailey's Fear and An Angel's Memories

Hailey was still getting over seeing a woman who, despite being older and presumably wiser than her, was making the same set of mistakes that had almost gotten her eliminated in the first round. It also brought to mind the infuriating reality that she was only at risk for elimination in the first place because a demon had decided she was a useful tool with which she could mean Felix feel guilty. None of this was information that put her in the mood to fuck, or initiate things the way she knew he preferred. But she had to act, as she would otherwise become the third wheel of the harem, which was a dangerous place to be.

All of this had been made harder and more complicated by the new reality Noah's graduation had created. Hailey very much had become the third wheel of the relationship the slime girl had with Felix. Noah becoming a slime girl earlier had meant her relationship with nerd stuff had changed, and she became much more focused on creating stuff, not consuming it, or advising others on how to consume it. Hence, outside of D&D, Hailey had even less of a relationship with Felix or Noah than she did previously. At this rate, she would fall into the background without any effort on her part, and keeping her down had become an unacceptable risk.

What kept Hailey from total despair was that she had a tool to deal with this situation. A potion she had received as part of her fanmail from another season that was perfect for this situation.

Hoppalong Potion – My Fave! Be a Bunny-girl like me! Fun ears and tail! Mad hops! Super Libido!

For one hour, Hailey could have an overwhelming libido. For one hour, she could be the kind of girl that Felix needed her to be, and one that he wouldn't forget. It wasn't enough for a date, but that was okay, because had changed a lot from the insecure wallflower who was terrified of the spotlight before this season. Besides, she didn't want to rely completely on dosing herself with aphrodisiacs to get with him. After all, she had gained confidence, from things like the ability to drill headshots into distant targets without breaking a sweat, and being able to operate guns that most people didn't even know existed like it was second nature. A mastery of guns, and armor for that matter, had brought forth the part of her that fell in love with first person shooters, and more specifically the person she suspected the demon had based her most recent transformation off of: Joanna Barrett.

Sure, she wasn't real, and was often clearly the product of horny men, but the time traveling heroine of the Crisis in Time* series had won over Hailey ever since she had first encountered the games in middle school. All the different time periods, alternate dimensions, gadgets, and crazy guns had helped, but the real star of the show was Joanna Barrett. The wise cracking heroine often had a wickedly dark sense of humor, and while some of her jokes were a bit cringe as Hailey got older, it was still someone she vastly preferred over her mother, or the other options that seemed to available in reality. She didn't want to be a housewife, but neither did she want to waste away in corporate America to achieve... what? Financial independence? That wasn't independence at all if she didn't get to enjoy any of the money for anything she wanted to do.

Hailey shook herself out of those memories. She needed to stay focused on the present, and that meant starting her date with Felix on time. Her clothing options had become much more limited since the transformation, to the point that she was lounging around in nothing but a thong and a sleeping shirt. While it reflected the kind of woman Harem Hotel wanted to turn her into, the flavor of sexy was at least somewhat different than others on the show. For the date, she chose the only option she seemed to have outside of skimpy sleepwear, even skimpier swimsuits, combat grade body armor, or nudity: Form fitting jumpsuits.

The spacesuit didn't quite fit what Joanna Barrett would wear. Not because it was form fitting, Joanna Barrett had been stuck in plenty of skin tight catsuits and similar clothing in her series. However, outside of the occasional gimmick mission, Joanna had never been in space, and these jumpsuits implied a longer term presence than that. It caused Hailey to wonder if another game she loved growing up had influenced the demon here, although it was a bigger stretch given the protagonist of that series wasn't even female. Regardless if the reference was intentional or not, she put it on, hoping the confidence she had crushing people in that game's multiplayer would return on her date with Felix...

Janessa Smith was in the best mood they had been in during their entire time at Harem Hotel. The angel's fun with Castelilise had meant she was far less pent up, and she had gotten a genuine friend for the first time while she was there, albeit only as a fuck buddy for the most part. After that, some training that for once wasn't just to blow off steam, and a nice dinner, she wanted to check out the library that Felix and the two contestants who had graduated hung out in all afternoon.

Upon arriving in the library after dinner, and after finding none of the books interested her, Janessa found the TV. Checking in on the streaming service, she saw everyone else had been watching a season of Harem Hotel called The HH. Figuring she might as well catch up with what Felix and co were doing, especially given how Paisley seemed to be interviewing everyone, the angel settled in for an evening of TV. She chose a time compression option that would let her watch three rounds of the show in the time she had.

That option would end up causing Janessa Smith to witness... a lot. The first two rounds, with their focus on grief, already brought to mind something that three different reality alterations hadn't even touched yet. Something a month of humiliation, occasional beatings, and the loss of her very humanity hadn't brought to the surface other than in a single phonecall. That piece had begun to be stirred up by the first two rounds with their focus on grief, and everything that happened from a single bad incident. However, it was the third round which **** Smith to confront something she had been avoiding for years by that point, outside of a single phonecall.

Riley was the one who broke Janessa Smith, and in a way the angel didn't realize was possible from some TV. Riley was the one who brought Smith back to the first week she had been in Bunkered Together, as Riley's confrontation of Andy brought to mind every time Felix screamed at the angel, or confronted her over something she did. The angel knew that Felix, for a time, blamed her and Austin for why they were in Harem Hotel. For why people had their original gender forcibly altered, for why so many had lost their very humanity, and why they all got to witness nightmare fuel that would stick with them for a very, very long time seeing Austin get eliminated. Janessa Smith suspected he didn't feel the same way by the current round, but seeing Riley rip into Andy brought back all of those emotions.

"But instead, for someone who talks a big game about taking responsibility, you refused to punish Zachary, and instead, chose me as someone you could throw under the bus. That means every time someone is altered against their will it is in large part YOUR FUCKING FAULT!"

The words rang in her head. And the real reason she had chosen to violate Felix's consent that day. Sure, as a fallen angel during that round, she had an even harder time controlling herself, but that wasn't the real reason. The real, actual reason that was staring her in the face but she had refused to accept was quite simple. She had chosen to **** Felix because it felt better than letting him continue to speak. It didn't matter that Felix was blaming her for something that was the demon's fault, because the argument could've been about anything. What didn't change was that she still chose to violate his consent because it was an easy way to shut him up.

What was already a searing wound into Smith's very psyche was reinforced when the revelation came for why Riley was the way she was. A revelation that hit harder than anything with Laura, as while that was tragic, it didn't hit as close to home. What did hit close to home was finding out that Riley lost her spouse, and then her baby, in fairly short succession. It hit so close that upon hearing the revelation happening, Janessa Smith stopped watching, curled up into a ball, and sobbed. The kind of ugly crying that was never shown on TV, and the only sound was tears. Well, the only thing anyone else in the room would hear, the angel heard a lot of other things in her head.

"You're the most selfish man I've ever met!" The screams from Susan echoed in her head. "The first time I want something, and after even a tiny bit of friction, you give up. I did everything you wanted in bed, even the fucking **** play, but when I want a baby, you just complain and complain, as if I haven't been giving you EVERYTHING!"

It didn't matter what Smith brought up about their finances, or that she had always given Susan a choice in any of their sexual activities, safe word always included. None of that mattered, because all Susan saw was someone who just took and took without giving her anything back. How the life Smith had promised her when they first started dating was just a long list of lies and sacrifices that always seemed to fall on her. And now Smith had to remember it all over again, in a place with nothing to distract her.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!" Just like with Felix, Smith had grabbed Susan. Unlike him, she didn't have magic or shock preventing her from fighting back. They got divorced that day, in hindsight for safety more than because of the emotional rupture. After all, if Smith hadn't, she would've done something far, far worse.

Janessa Smith had once been able to tell herself that **** was just a fetish, and one she did with a willing partner. But the truth was that the first time she had been given the opportunity to **** someone without fear of legal consequences, she had taken it. Had she really given Susan a choice? Or, as a human man, had Smith entrapped her in a marriage that she hated, and had only tolerated because of the rewards of motherhood? After all, Felix had never technically said no, but it was clear as day that he didn't want what had happened. Was that Susan's life, and Smith had just refused to admit it?

Felix was right about her. She was the worst kind of hypocrite, because she was a ****, and one that just blamed it all on her transformations when called out on it. The demon had just surfaced something she had denied, and denied, because it was easier than accepting that she wanted to do one of the most horrific crimes against another human being. That Felix enjoyed it didn't matter, as after all, Susan had their **** stuff together. Or her body enjoyed at least, whether the rest of her enjoyed wasn't something Smith knew anymore.

So great was her grief that the angel didn't notice Paisley enter the room. Nor did Janessa Smith notice when the woman wrapped an arm her neck until, after a time, she stopped crying.

"You don't have to say anything, but it might be better if you do," Paisley said. "Bottling up guilt doesn't work."

"How do you know it's that?" Janessa Smith said, as she begun to regain control of herself. "Oh fuck it, you probably have magic or something."

"You could say that," Paisley said. "If you spend a long enough time around others, you learn the difference between guilt and other types of grief."

"What would you know about guilt anyway?" Janessa Smith asked. "You run a show where people are kidnapped and are then transformed against their will for the pleasure of an audience they know nothing about. If you sleep at night, you clearly don't care."

"Oh there's plenty I regret," Paisley said in a tone Janessa hadn't heard before. "Cruelty should serve a purpose, or it's not only immoral, but also empty. Any idiot with a bit of power can break people, and maybe even make something amusing in the process, but there wouldn't be any craftsmanship there. There can't be reunion episodes, the moments where honest emotions combine with sex to deliver something more, the..."

It was at that point Janessa realized that, in her deepest moment of guilt and grief, the cursed show she was on was getting ratings from it. They had made her question most of her decisions for the last couple of decades, really, for most of her life, all just to milk it for ratings. And that made what Felix said to Janessa in the first round ring out again, as she had brought everyone, including herself, into a situation where their deepest emotions were exploited for ratings.

Janessa Smith rose from the couch and stormed out of the room. The angel was past caring whether she'd get punished for it, she was done giving her captors more free ratings. Besides, the library wasn't the best place for her to sort through the pile of emotions Riley, a contestant on a completely different season, had left her...

"Hey Felix," Hailey said while meeting him in the master suite. "Forgive the form fitting jumpsuit, my clothing options after the transformation have become rather limited. Lets go."

Felix immediately noticed the change in Hailey. There was no shrinking into the background, or a clunky attempt to steer the conversation to a topic she was more comfortable with. Even her apology wasn't really one at all, just a joke to set him at ease for the evening. She didn't care how he looked at her in the skintight jumpsuit, and on the flip side, openly looked at his body in a way he had only experienced when she was with Cammy. Her latest transformation wasn't one he had time to notice before, but he appreciated its impact on both her appearance and the way she carried herself.

Dinner started on an awkward note as while Hailey got to enjoy her usual fare, Felix had to continue his new diet. They hadn't had time to adjust the options yet, so he was **** to find a scale that had just been added to the room, and weigh out his dinner. Other than a big hunk of meat as his protein serving, the rest of his meal was unrecognizable, being a bunch of brocolli cooked in a non-seed oil. Hailey meanwhile just nibbled on a pizza slice while he made his dinner.

"New diet?" Hailey asked. "I thought exercise meant you got to eat whatever you wanted?"

"Well, if I want to keep all this muscle mass, I need piles and piles of protein," Felix continued to put together his dinner by mixing up a protein shake. "There's other stuff going on, but I'll need to follow this diet for the rest of my life if I want to keep all this muscle mass. We, hopefully, won't always be in Harem Hotel, and that means I have to learn how to maintain this body without its magic."

"I can definitely appreciate that," Hailey said. "Especially as that body is amazing. One of the few bright spots of being stuck here if I'm being honest."

After some light flirting dealing with his body, Felix and Hailey had a nice dinner together. She admitted that she probably need to start dieting herself, if only because she was worried about some bad habits she had picked up from earlier rounds out of boredom, but knew it wouldn't be anything like what he was doing. After that, conversation descended into Harem Hotel, starting with Bros to Hoes, but eventually making its way back to the HH. That was when Hailey revealed a pile of stressors to him.

"I left because Chloe reminded me too much of what almost happened to me," Hailey said. "I don't blame you, as you were dealing with Austin and a bunch of stuff that none of us can even remember anymore because of all the reality alterations but..."

"You almost got eliminated," Felix picked up from her. "Worse, it happened not because of you did, but rather because you faded into the background. And I had too much going on to notice so... right."

He stopped eating and circled over to where Hailey was. "Hailey, that was still a failure on my part, and you almost paid one of the worst prices imaginable for it. I won't let that happen to you again."

Upon hearing that, Hailey threw her arms around Felix and brought him into a kiss. It shocked him, but he quickly reciprocated. It wasn't a lustful kiss, nor one quite based on romantic love, but instead was a kind of desperation from her, and an attempt to reassure from him. It was a level of emotional nuance that he never thought he'd experience, nor be able to understand. But all anyone watching would see was a series of sloppy french kisses.

"I'm going to hold you to that," Hailey said. "Now, lets finish dinner so I can show you what I can for a boy who deserves it..."

*(Author's Note: Imagine if Joanna Dark from Perfect Dark was put into a blender with Time Splitters if you want to picture the game series she's referencing.)