But What If Ren Never Reached The Real World? [Smash Bros. Bonus Route]

It’s often discussed in fan forums and head canons how Super Smash Brothers works behind the scenes.

Obviously the idea that all your favourite Nintendo characters have no time to just be characters and instead beat the shit out of each other on sight can be a somewhat sad notion for some. Thinking about how they could interact in their downtime is how some of the longest pieces of fiction were written.

And, for Ren, he never thought he’d be a part of that downtime.

He had never made it home from the Palace that day. After he suggested it was time to call it, he pressed the button to navigate home… only to find himself not in the real world at all. No, his final destination was somewhere far different. A mansion. He had assumed it was some new part of Sae’s Palace, a new twist that would explain all the strange happenings that had happened to him that day, but instead he was greeted by a familiar face who took his time to explain everything.

After a lengthy explaining montage that led to him walking down an extended hallway of the mansion, Ren nodded, “Okay, I think I understand the premise.”

“Makes my job easier!” said the man explaining it to him with a big smile.

Ren hummed, “Yeah… multiversal tournament where ‘Joker of the Phantom Thieves’ has to prove his mettle to appease some big overpowered overextending deity. Tournament takes place in a universe outside of time, so I don’t age, and get returned to where I was once the whole thing is over.”

“You got it!”

“And we all live in this mansion together when we’re not fighting.”

“Yup! Your room is right here!”

Ren nodded still, but was looking slightly perturbed as well, “There’s just one problem I’m having.”

“What’s that?”

“You’re Mario.”

The moustached man tilted his head. Confused by the confusion.

“...a-yeah?”

“Like… the Mario. From Mario. You're from the video game. And a movie I think.”

Mario smiled proudly, “They-a made a movie of me? Did Luigi get to be in it a-too?”

Ren really didn’t know how to explain how crazy it was that this man was Mario. He was going to be fighting against Mr Video Game himself. It was like being thrown into a driving match with Hatsune Miku, his world was being thrown all for a loop.

“Sorry. I… I just… In my world you’re a… video game guy,” he explained, suddenly questioning his own existence, “Does that mean I’m…?”

“Multiverse things work in weird ways, kid,” said a new voice from across the hallway. Looking over to see a smoking grizzled man with a grey headband and a beard… also wearing traditional pyjamas as if he’d just been woken from the 50s from his slumber. “This line of work you get used to seeing the unbelievable. You ever wonder why grey aliens became the default? Sometimes facts and ideas leak through worlds and universes. I’m sure in your world Mario here is a video game, but not his own. Same with wherever you’re from, you can’t take this tournament to mean your world is fake. Infinite multiverse means infinite. Never ending. You may be real in your world, but a video game or a book or a thought or a fanfic or a cuddly toy in another. Doesn’t mean shit. Only the next fight truly matters.”

“Okay… yeah cool, I’ll roll with that,” Ren agreed, feeling satisfied enough with that answer. Mario was already snatching the cigarette from the grizzled man’s hand to put it out on the floor of the mansion. “Well I guess I’m ready to fight then!”

Mario beamed, “That’s a-great! But not tonight. You’ll get teleported in when you’re a-needed, so just rest for now!”

Joker was going to leave it there, go into his room and await the first trial he would face.

But there was just something he had to make sure of before Mario left him. “...hey, just to check. There were some… weird things happening in the Palace before I got recruited here…”

“What kind of weird things?” asked Mario.

“Just… you know… girls being… into me…” said Ren, feeling a redness crossing over his cheeks. The moment hung in the air for a few moments as Mario looked over to Snake before looking back to Ren. “Come on, I can’t have Mario looking at me like I’m some loser virgin teenager. It’s crazier than it sounds, I just wanted to know if that was anything to do with the tournament.”

“Not that I know of.” Mario shrugged.

“Cool, yeah, sorry.” said Ren, giving up on the idea thread quickly, “I know, I have to chill out. Like I’m gonna get so lucky that the women in the mansion will… fall in love with me on sight, right?”

Snake rubbed his chin as he frowned at me, “Said your name was ‘Joker’? Not the funniest kid, huh?” he grumbled before closing his bedroom door.

Mario seemed more cavalier about the comment, shrugging as he began waving at his departure, “Anything’s possible! Good night, a-Joker!”

“Night, Mario…”

Perspective shift: Ren Amamiya

It was the morning after I’d arrived in the Smash Brothers Mansion, full of the craziest and most outlandish characters in the entire multiverse, and I had met… basically no one.

I woke up way too early, and I guess no one had anywhere to be. A quiet hush of morning beams were my only company as I left my room to explore. This whole thing had me somewhat restless and I thought I’d get a jump on exploring the grounds while thinking about where I was.

There is a chance that none of this is real and I’m in a Metaverse Palace. It would make sense, right? Some eager video game player gets too excited by the latest Smash game and thinks he’s the Master of the game world, even recruiting the leader of the Phantom Thieves onto the roster. It would make Mario and Snake and anyone else I meet all cognitions. Totally believable to me, hell if I hadn't visited it myself I'd swear this was Futaba's Palace. Much less dry desert sand out here. Then again, I do routinely jump between worlds, with the Velvet Room clearly having some level of other worldly power too. For all I know this is real, so believable as the palace theory was, until I get confirmation that this isn’t a Metaverse thing I'll just go along with it.

A metaverse tournament does sound funny though. Persona users from all over coming together for some dumb reason like an edgy dude threatening to take over the world, lol. I'd have some grey haired rival, or be **** to fight Ryuji my best friend in a super dramatic scene! Or Ann! Or Akechi! Heh. I wonder if the Velvet Room could set something like that up?

Anyway, enough about tournaments I'm not at, this one I'm currently in has a super nice mansion.

Top few layers were all just corridors of bedrooms, all with their names above the doors. No idea what a 'Lucario' is, but I guess I may fight him at some point. Outside was a huge estate of luscious acres of wildlife that Yusuke would paint and Haru would love to garden in. Training area and gym that Makoto would adore. Relaxation area with a huge TV that Futaba would be glued to. The place had everything.

Some robot guy with a rectangular head explained to me that we’re allowed to use the teleportation portal to go to any ‘stage’ we want and walk around the background as long as no fights are scheduled in there that day. First time I got a proper three dimensional look at Princess Peach’s castle which is crazy, but there were a ton more. Teleporting on top of a train or a plane, a spooky vampire castle, a place that made you flat, I even got a quick glance into Mementos though no one else was in there.

In the end I decided to just stick to the mansion for now and explore the kitchen.

Fully stocked fridges and cupboards for all types of dietary needs. I’d probably be able to make a mean Leblanc style curry, though it’s a bit heavy for this early in the morning. So instead I just fried up some bacon and a mushroom kingdom looking mushroom (gotta see how that tastes while I can) for a quick bite of toast.

I had to cook in my full Phantom Thief outfit which was weird. They had pyjamas for sleeping (and my school uniform in my closet for some reason), but I’m assuming I have to be battle ready at all times in case I get teleported for a match. It feels somewhat bulky to be in an all black trenchcoat on such a wonderfully bright morning, though thankfully they had an apron around for me to not stain my outfit with bacon grease on my first day.

The large couch in the relaxation area was my chosen eating spot. I took a bite of toast then nearly sat on a sleeping Pikachu.

“Woah! Sorry about that!” I exclaimed, only noticing him on the couch at the last second before disaster. He didn’t even seem to notice me, lazily rolling over where he was napping before curling up again.

I sat next to him and ate my breakfast while staring at the real life video game mascot. Much fluffier than the old Gameboy games depicted. Man. It’s just a real damn Pikachu breathing away next to me. Is he gonna shock me if I just start touching him? I had to pet him. Electricity be damned.

"Um, excuse me... Mr. Chu. Do I have permission to pet you?"

“Chuuu~” he lazily agreed, rolling over to present his back to me (I assume).

Hoo boy, I was actually petting a real life Pikachu! Futaba's gonna be so jealous. His fur was so fluffy, but still lightly crackled with electricity as I ran my fingers over him. Gently I caressed his small head, hoping not to wake the tired creature up too much. Though from his soft purrs I could tell he was certainly enjoying my touch at least a little. Turning into the scratches and slightly smiling between those cute red cheeks the more I pet.

"Kaaa~"

“Hehe… Morgana likes it right here too…” I chuckled, seeing his little foot thump as I got behind his ear.

As I pet the world's most famous rat, I didn’t fully register that someone had entered the kitchen behind me. I could vaguely hear them making something, but petting Pikachu was taking far too much brain space to care.

“Let’s get a good stretch!”

That was, until they suddenly leapt to the spot next to me and yelled that.

A greyscale woman in a blue tanktop and yoga pants was bouncing around on her heels in front of me. She didn’t seem truly capable of standing still, but seemed very intent on showing me how she stretched her fit body out. It had been a really quiet morning so far so someone appearing out of nowhere made me jump. I think the feeling was mutual because when we locked eyes I heard a strange ‘ZING!’ occur between us. Probably the startled Pikachu.

“Uh… hey!” I said, “Are you like a gym trainer or something?”

“Stretch those shoulders!” she said, moving her arms around. I think she had just done a workout since her face was growing a light blue blush along her nose.

“Pikaa…” complained the tired rat.

“Don’t worry, I think she means me, shoulderless one,” I said, giving him a few last pets before standing up to greet this woman properly. “Uhh, do you… like this?” I asked, stretching out my arms above my head for her.

It absolutely seemed to do the trick as her face lit up. “Excellent form! You’re really getting the hang of this!”

“Hehe, uh, thanks?” I replied, not expecting such praise for such an okay stretch. As I got a better look at her I remembered where she was probably from. “Your top says ‘Wii Fit’, I think I remember that one. Are you the trainer from that game or something? Nice to meet you, I’m Ren.”

She didn’t really confirm or deny my question. I tried to stretch my hand out for her to shake, but instead the trainer just leapt forwards and wrapped herself around my arm. My fingers brushed up against her uncovered midriff and nearly hooking her tight pants before I barely managed to succeed that quick time event. Though the way her soft breasts smushed against my arm wasn’t much better, “Let’s stretch our legs!”

“Ah-baahh-Y-you want me to go on a run with you?” I asked, struggling to comprehend the sudden closeness of her pale white smile. “I… I… okay! I thought I had to wait for a match or something, but I guess if I’m gonna be fighting I should be fit and ready for it, huh?”

That really seemed to make the trainer happy, “Let’s feel the burn!”