No, no one can really see

It would have been nice if Nick’s sweet words to Morgana had been enough to soothe the feelings of doubt and inadequacy about her maturity swirling around in her chest. But sadly, that did not end up being the case. Because as wonderful as it was for Morgana to hear such kind, caring things, and as good as it did make her feel…

…Morgana still had her doubts. She still had her insecurities.

She was still a teenage girl in a body that felt so alien to her, even if it was the one she had grown up with her entire life.

That was why she was in the bathroom right now, having scurried away to the nearest one, appraising her appearance in the mirror.

As usual- she didn’t like what she saw.

“Haaah…” Morgana let out a sigh as her body drooped down like a marionette with its strings cut. She reached up and cradled her cheek, running her fingers along the tiny bumps that she’d tried so hard to conceal with makeup. Just yesterday, her skin had been soft and smooth, like a baby’s bottom (not that Morgana actually knew what a baby’s bottom felt like, it was just what people said) but now it felt so… normal.

She knew she shouldn’t be so critical of herself. She knew, intellectually, that Nick didn’t mind her flaws- even appreciated them! Sure, her face was a memorial dedicated to her body’s brutal war with teenage hormones, a war that had been a pyrrhic victory at best, but Nick didn’t care about that. He liked her for who she was, warts and all- or in this case, persistent and medicine-resistant acne.

For all of Morgana’s fantasies and dreams, she had never gone so far as to delude herself into thinking that she was some great beauty. Certainly, she had always dreamed that she could be, but even at her worst, late at night curled up in bed and crying herself to sleep over a particularly vicious day of bullying, convincing herself that magic was real and she would have her **** on all those bratty mean girls who tormented her, she knew that her looks were average at best.

Morgana’s delusions could withstand quite a lot- but when a single glance in the mirror was enough to shatter the façade, not even she could convince herself to deny what was staring her back in the face.

It stung, acknowledging that. But she was a surprisingly resilient girl. You wouldn’t know it to look at her, but to make it this far, she’d had to be.

Right now, though, when she looked at herself in the mirror, she sadly couldn’t see a trace of that resilience.

She was too nervous and afraid for that.

Coming to Harem Hotel… it had granted her so many wishes. So many dreams had been realized, so many fantasies had come true. She’d found a boy who genuinely cared about her- and not just any boy, but a man, her man, the author she’d always dreamt of meeting in person, whose writing had spoken to her in a way nothing else did, who she was so certain understood the true her, and saw her for who she really was.

Even now he was still doing it.

So why couldn’t she be content with that? Why was it always in her nature to start thinking about worst-case scenarios and sabotaging her own happiness? Why, when Nick was hugging her the way she loved so much, did she make up some excuse about needing to use the bathroom, and ran off away from him in the middle of their date?

She touched her face again, tracing over the covered scars. Was it… because of how she looked? Because she’d regained her original appearance, even if only temporarily? But no… that had been a choice she’d made, because she wanted to know, she needed to know for sure, whether or not he would love her for who she was under her beautiful, enhanced appearance.

It was the only way she’d be able to have faith that, if things had gone differently, Nick could have fallen for the real her, had they met on the street in some alternate reality.

…Besides. It wasn’t like her new self was all that impressive, either.

Sure, with the influence of her transformations, Morgana was more beautiful than she’d ever been before. She had the smooth skin she’d always desired, with the added bonus of a pale complexion that gave her the perfect appearance of a goth witch. Then there were her massive breasts, her shapely ass, so different from the scrawny figure in front of her.

But even with all those enhancements, Morgana’s brain could still only pick out the flaws.

Sure, her skin was smooth. But so what? Smooth skin meant very little when the features of her face were only average. Compared to knockout beauties like Rose and Vivian who could be in magazines, was Morgana even worth looking at?

Then there were her breasts. They were wonderful, yes, but hardly the biggest on the island. Carly and Marley had her way beat, Gina too, and all three of them had natural assets, not even enhanced by a transformation!

As for her ass… well, in many ways, that was her strongest tool. Maybe it was because Sylvia and Dakota had tried to tailor the transformations to Nick’s preferences, but most of the girls had been blessed in the chest area, and only a few had gotten any enhancements down below. Gina was her only real competitor when it came to the size and suppleness of the backside, thanks to a transformation of her own… …But she still carried it better than Morgana.

Looking at her reflection again, Morgana struggled not to cry. Today had been so wonderful, so perfect… she couldn’t ruin it by crying, how could she!? After all Nick had done for her, after how much time he’d spent getting to know her, how happy he seemed, just to talk with her…

It felt like she was slapping him across the face with her ingratitude, to cry after such a wonderful date with him.

And no, Morgana knew it wasn’t his fault. It was hers. Her doubts. Her insecurities. Her feeling like her body- even with all those transformations- just wasn’t enough.

It was enough, of course it was. Nick didn’t care.

But Morgana cared.

Even though she hated it.

Still staring at her reflection, seeing all the flaws staring back at her, Morgana **** herself not to burst out crying.

It was hard. Incredibly hard.

But she could do it.

She knew she could.

Morgana took a deep breath, exhaled, and **** herself to stop thinking about it. Only bad things would come from thinking about it!

“Nick likes me, just the way I am,” she told herself. “I don’t have to be beautiful. I don’t have to be perfect. I just… have to be me.”

She tried to smile, hoping her reflection would smile back at her.

Sadly, the look her reflection returned was hardly the kind of smile she wanted to see. It was the smile of a girl who simply refused to believe her own words, no matter how true they may have been.

And of course, Morgana immediately felt like crying again.

…Then the door swung open and she jumped.

“Whuh-! Ab-eh!?” Morgana stammered and gasped. Her mouth dropped open in shock as the last person she expected to see strolled into the bathroom.

“…Serenity!?” She sputtered. “You…”

“…You’re wearing clothes!?”

The siren crinkled her forehead as she gave Morgana a scrutinizing look. Like she was confused by the bizarre question the goth girl had asked.

“…Obviously?” She tilted her head to the side and walked past Morgana, slamming the stall door shut behind her.

Even though the thin wall of metal between the two of them offered Morgana zero separation from her sudden bathroom partner, it was still enough of a barrier to let her breathe a little easier. Her mind raced as she wondered what Serenity was doing here, the siren hardly ever left her underground grotto of a home!

…Which was kind of sad, now that Morgana thought about it. Another thing that occurred to the goth witch was that she and Serenity barely even spoke to one another. Likely because of how their respective transformations interacted together. Serenity had an influence on anyone who got close to her, while Morgana aroused people who heard her voice.

The feedback loop likely to result from those two transformations in proximity wasn’t exactly something worth risking.

Plus… Morgana was hardly what anyone would call a people person.

But still… Morgana felt a strange sort of affinity for the siren she had barely even spoken to. After all, Serenity knew better than anyone what it was like to be afflicted with a transformation that made it difficult to be around people.

So that’s why, even though Morgana would normally excuse herself as quickly as possible to give her some space, and avoid an awkward social interaction (not to mention the fact that Nick was waiting on her) she remained, hovering listlessly in the bathroom while Serenity did her business.

By the time the toilet flushed, she had finally summoned up the courage to talk.

“Uh-um-!” Morgana opened her mouth, but hardly any sound escaped as the siren strolled past her, walking towards the sink. It was rather amusing, seeing a woman who was already dripping wet washing her hands out of courtesy. But Morgana didn’t dare giggle.

She just followed the glowing-skinned woman with her eyes, which was probably bothering her even more.

Serenity, finished, turned and gave Morgana one last passing look, not even acknowledging the goth’s attempt to talk to her, and headed for the door.

“W-WAIT!” Morgana cried out, and immediately clasped her hands over her mouth. How rude of her! She couldn’t believe she’d just shouted out like that!

…But to her surprise, Serenity actually waited.

The siren paused, then turned to Morgana and raised her eyebrow.

She didn’t say a word. She didn’t say many of them, usually. She just moved her mouth and made that strange rumbling sound from the back of her throat, and narrowed her eyes in a look that suggested what she saw was distasteful.

…Okay… maybe Morgana deserved that a little.

But that couldn’t stop her!

“Can… can we… can we t-talk?” Morgana stuttered. Already she knew that she wasn’t making a friend here. She was rubbish at that even at her best.

Honestly? Part of her considered it a win that Serenity didn’t walk out on her.

“Why?” Serenity finally responded to her, and Morgana jumped again.

“I-I just… I…”

What exactly was Morgana even looking for from the stoic woman? Understanding? Guidance? Advice? Or just a kind word to help soothe her anxieties?

She doubted she’d get any of that stuff.

But she had to try.

“I-I just… we… we don’t talk much, so…” Lame. She was stalling, avoiding the conversation, and it was painfully obvious, too.

Serenity crinkled her nose. “Don’t. Talking. Not for me.”

…Yeah, it really was kind of stupid for Morgana to say that.

She swallowed and shook her head. “I-I meant… m-me,” she mumbled out, waving her hand at herself. “I’ve wanted to… to talk to you… b-but…”

“Grotto,” Serenity brusquely replied, pointing out that Morgana could have come by the grotto any time if she wanted to socialize. But no, she had to be wasting her time today, when there was only so little time left before her boon would wear off.

Morgana winced. “I-I know… it’s just… well… I’m very shy.”

Serenity’s only response to that was a grunt. It sort of said it all, in a “No fucking shit” kind of way.

“…I wanted to talk to you about my transformation!” Morgana **** out of herself. “B-because… because you have… that is… you’ve got… um…”

“Yeah.” Serenity wasn’t exactly the most verbose person. She talked less than Morgana’s roommate, and Amelia was the picture of efficiency!

Morgana’s shoulders sagged.

“I… this transformation… it’s been really hard for me,” she mumbled out. The words were coming out surprisingly easy now. Maybe because she knew that Serenity was already looking down on her; there wasn’t really anything she could say that would cause the siren to lower her estimation of Morgana, after all.

Serenity nodded silently.

“I just… um… how do you do it?” Morgana asked. “This date… I’m-I’m supposed to be on a date with Nick… r-right now… but I’ve aroused him several times… and I want to stop that… and my friends too… it’s so… how do I…?”

The sharp gleam in Morgana’s eyes made her realize how terrible of a question she’d just asked.

Serenity isolated herself from others because she couldn’t “do it”. Everywhere she went, people were affected by her transformation.

Did she whine? Did she beat herself up in the mirror? No, she lived a life that was far harder than what Morgana was dealing with, without a single word of complaint.

Morgana felt like the worst person in the world.

“I-I’m so sorry…” she stammered out, shame burning across her face. “I’ll… I’ll leave now… I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s hard, isn’t it?”

Morgana jumped in surprise. Her head shot up and her eyes widened as she heard one of the most complete sentences Serenity had ever spoken.

The hardness in the siren’s eyes hadn’t changed. But they were conversing now.

“Difficult,” Serenity said, more in line with her stilted style of talk. She stepped forward, and Morgana got a faint whiff of the ocean from her.

To her surprise, she didn’t feel anything. “Isn’t… isn’t your transformation supposed to… um…?” No, that was too rude to ask…

“Boon,” Serenity bluntly answered her. She rolled her hand over her body slowly. “Negated. Transformation.”

Morgana’s eyes widened. So… she was safe to be around, then… wow… Then, she realized, feeling Serenity’s eyes on her, that the siren hadn’t said one word about her appearance.

Her cheeks turned scarlet. “I… I negated, um… m-my transformations too,” she mumbled out, looking down at her body. Compared to the strong and curvaceous figure of the siren in front of her, a body designed for both sex and sleek athleticism, she felt very self-conscious.

Serenity stared at her with that same stony, unreadable expression.

“Stupid.”

Morgana’s jaw dropped. “HUH!?”

“Negated transformation,” Serenity pointed at her, her eyes trailing down Morgana’s scrawny body. “Not voice?”

Oh.

OH.

…Yeah.

“I’m dumb… you’re right…” Morgana accepted the criticism without argument, because Serenity was absolutely correct.

Morgana was the biggest idiot in the world, not negating her Sotto Voce transformation.

“Why?” Serenity asked, showing an interest in Morgana for the first time… ever. “Dumb?”

“NO!” Morgana shook her head frantically. “I-I just didn’t think about it! I-I didn’t have enough money anyw-w-way, I had to negate th-three transformations!”

“Why?” Serenity asked again. She was still staring at Morgana like she was an idiot, and it stung.

Morgana hung her head.

“Be-because… I needed… I needed to know…” It felt so foolish to admit to the woman in front of her, but Morgana was too exhausted to do anything else. “If Nick would still… if he would like me like this…”

Serenity blinked.

“…Dumb.”

“I-I know!” Morgana wailed, shaking her head. “It’s not like I can go back to this body for good anyway, even if I wanted to! The transformations are permanent, after all!”

Again, she kept putting her foot in her mouth. Like she needed to remind Serenity of all people that transformations were permanent.

“But…” Morgana couldn’t help herself. “I wanted to know… if we met each other out in the real world… in another life… in another reality… would he have still… felt the same way? Would he have liked me? Maybe even… f-fallen in love?”

Their relationship now was because of Harem Hotel. Morgana would have to be a fool to think differently. But in her heart, part of her wanted to know, if she had never been brought here, if Nick had never come to her house that day… if they’d just encountered each other in the real world…

Would he have even noticed her? Would they have been able to form a real relationship?

And as she felt Serenity’s eyes bore holes in her, Morgana became keenly aware of the answer to that question.

No.

Of course not.

She was an idiot for thinking otherwise.

“…I’m an idiot,” Morgana said suddenly, not even to Serenity, but to herself. “Of course he wouldn’t… not… not me.”

Nick, falling for her after meeting her on the street?

Of course that wouldn’t have happened.

Because Morgana never left her house.

All the fantasies she’d crafted of meeting Nick someday, of him seeing past her appearance and falling for her as a person, they were just delusions, because the Morgana she used to be was the kind of girl who would lock herself up in her room watching anime and reading books. How would she have met him? How would she have met anyone?

If not for Harem Hotel… she never would have met Nick. He never would have felt this way about her.

She never would have given him the opportunity.

“Dumb.” Serenity’s chastisement slammed into her like a truck.

“I-I know…” Morgana sniveled, unable to stop herself from crying now. “I’m a dumb, stupid girl who never could have-”

“It’s dumb to think about.”

Suddenly she was speaking complete sentences again, and Morgana was taken by surprise. She looked at Serenity in confusion and felt the woman’s piercing gaze burn right into her.

“I-uh… what?”

“He would not have liked you then? So what?” Serenity crossed her arms over her chest, the look on her pale face saying she honestly couldn’t care less. “You can’t go back,” she reminded Morgana. “Can’t be undone.”

Morgana blinked furiously, trying to understand what the siren was saying. “Wait… I don’t…”

“This is you now,” Serenity cut her off. She could somehow be sharp and blunt at the same time. “Your body. Your life. Thinking about what could have been… pointless.”

A sad look flashed across her face and she shook her head.

“Stop worrying. Just accept it. Who you are. Make it work for you.”

With that, Serenity turned away from the stunned witch and left the bathroom empty except for a dazed Morgana and a thousand thoughts swirling around in her head.

“I… that… that’s right…” Morgana mumbled hazily, nodding her head. “I didn’t… even think about it like that…”

Nothing Morgana said or did could turn the clock back. This was the life she was stuck with now.

Did it matter if Nick wouldn’t like the old her? It wasn’t like things could go back to that time.

“Um… th-thank you!” Morgana rushed out of the bathroom to express her gratitude, but Serenity had already disappeared.

Sighing dejectedly, Morgana made it a point to remember to repay the siren somehow, the next time they met.