And I know that admittedly it might not even come true

As the group of young women walked back to the hotel from the stables, Vivian’s smile was brighter than Dawn could ever remember it being. While it wasn’t unusual to see the heiress with a smile on her face (in fact, an expression other than a smile was a rarity) she couldn’t recall ever seeing one this… honest.

In that moment Dawn was certain that the fashionista was devoid of any guile; her expression dripped with sincerity, to the point her good mood was practically oozing from her pores.

Dawn had a pretty good sense of why that was the case, as well.

“You look like you had a lot of fun,” she noted with a wry grin. “I knew you liked riding horses, but-”

“Oh, it’s so much more than that!” Vivian interrupted, shaking her head quickly. “Going for a nice trot with a horse is lovely… but spending time with friends? Well, that just can’t be beat.”

Morgana felt all warm and fuzzy just looking at the older woman. She wasn’t intimidated or overwhelmed by Vivian’s passion for horses any longer. Having finally ridden one herself, she could admit- Vivian was correct. It was fun. A little scary, yes, but once she’d gotten the hang of it, she’d actually really enjoyed herself.

…The part where her foot got caught in the stirrup as she tried to dismount and she’d ended up squashing Holly like a pancake had been less enjoyable, but for the most part the positives outweighed the negatives.

Now that she could really take a deep breath and look at the morning with clear eyes, she could finally see Vivian’s passion for what it was- passion.

She’s so happy… it reminds me of when I got to watch anime with Carly and Dani and I got to show them some of my favorite shows. I kinda get it… she’s sharing something she really loves with other people, and we all had a good time together. Morgana felt the warmth welling up in her chest rise to touch her cheeks and spread through her whole body. Understanding Vivian’s feelings like this, it made her feel genuinely close to the heiress for the very first time.

It… was a strange feeling, to say the least. But one that she deeply appreciated. And one that brought a smile to her face.

In spite of how little they seemed to have in common, maybe she and Vivian weren’t so different after all.

“I know I was surprised by how Rose did,” Holly said, turning to look at the actress with a renewed sense of admiration. “She handled Licorice like she was born to do it!”

“Yeah, I was surprised by that as well,” Dawn agreed, nodding. She and Holly had both tried their best to ride Toffee, but neither of them had done very well at it. Same with Morgana. Rose was the only one who looked like she knew what she was doing.

“What’s your secret?” Morgana asked, intrigued. “Do you actually really love horses or something? Do you have your own horse back home that none of us know about?”

“Hehe, maybe it’s all the practice she gets riding Nick at night,” Holly suggested with a snicker.

Dawn rolled her eyes and Rose smirked.

“Well… I can’t deny that may have been a factor,” she mused, winking at the shorter girl while playing along with the joke.

Holly’s expression turned serious. “…I was just kidding,” she clarified. “Everybody knows that you’re never on top. Nick’s got you so wrapped around his finger that you just lie back and mewl like a cute little kitten.”

Rose’s smug expression fell off her face and she looked sourly at Holly. There were a couple choice words she had for the smug little brat, but half of them she’d probably agree with and the other half were a little too mean for someone who couldn’t actually be with Nick herself.

“Okay, let’s leave cats out of this,” Dawn said, stepping between the two women before it turned into a big thing.

“Right, sounds good,” Holly agreed with a nod. “Sorry for bringing it up, Rose.”

“Well, I’m not,” Vivian jumped in. “I’m pretty curious myself! Rose, you never said anything about being familiar with horses!”

Seeing Vivian’s exuberant expression left Rose a little cowed. She blushed and scratched her cheek sheepishly, feeling her face burn.

“It’s… well, look, it’s not as special as you’re making it out to be,” she said, shaking her head. “I don’t, um, I don’t exactly have that much experience. I, uh…”

She cleared her throat and straightened up, and her face took on a look of confidence as she reasserted herself in a way Dawn found all too familiar. Either she was about to start bragging, or she was about to start lying her ass off. Maybe a little bit of both.

“…To tell you the truth, I’ve acted in a fair bit of films over the years,” Rose proudly declared, puffing out her chest.

Ah, so a brag that was also kind of a lie, given that the actress failed to mention the quality of the films in question. Dawn figured that was about what she should have expected.

“One of those movies was a sweet love story about a young lady fresh off a plane from France during World War II, seeking shelter from the war in the United States,” Rose said, her voice filled with pulpy emotion as she made a yearning expression, reminiscing as if she was speaking about her own past. “She finds herself at a small town in the middle of the countryside, where she falls in love with a handsome farmer who shows her how simple and sweet country life can be…”

Rose let out a wistful sigh and cradled her cheek. “…So anyway, I learned how to ride a horse as part of my role. One of my favorite films, in fact.”

“So your character left France and somehow found herself on a farm in the middle of the country?” Dawn scrunched up her face. “That seems… unusual. What was the sequence of events that led to that?”

Rose scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Does it matter? Nobody cares about that boring stuff, they want to get to the drama! So the director just cut that part out.”

Vivian was also somewhat perplexed. “So your character had enough money to buy a ticket across the pond, but instead of staying in the city she went to the middle of nowhere?”

“Stop picking it apart!” Rose’s face turned hot. “None of that matters anyway, the point is the romance!”

Holly giggled. “Well, I think it’s a sweet plot of a movie, if you ask me.”

“Yeah!” Morgana nodded in agreement. “It’s so romantic… You guys don’t get it, stuff like that, it doesn’t need to make sense!”

“It does make sense!” Rose pouted huffily. “You just have to watch the movie yourselves to understand it.”

“Any steamy sex scenes in it?” Holly asked, suddenly very interested.

“No, I don’t do those,” Rose replied automatically. “What kind of actress do you think I am?”

Holly’s shoulders sagged. “…A boring one, apparently.”

“And a poor one,” Vivian pointed out before she could stop herself.

“Also a really arrogant one,” Dawn chimed in with a smirk.

Rose leered at the three of them. “Gee, thanks ladies.”

Morgana patted her gently on the arm. “It’s okay, Rose! You don’t have to make a lot of money or have people like you to be successful!” She tried to comfort the other woman. “I write a lot of fanfiction, and hardly anybody reads it, but even if my grammar isn’t the best I’m still just proud I actually wrote something!”

That was not the inspiring, supportive statement of camaraderie Morgana wanted it to be. Or at least Rose sure didn’t take it that way.

“…Thanks,” she said dryly, forcing a smile onto her lips.

Dawn was eager to put this whole mess behind them and get back on track. Contrary to what Vivian believed, today was not actually about riding horses. “Anyway, enough about Rose’s failed dream of becoming an actress-”

“HEY! Uncalled for!”

“…We’re here to discuss Morgana, right?” Dawn ignored the failed actress, turning to the goth girl. It seemed like the perfect transition now that the five of them had made it back to the hotel.

Morgana blushed. “That… yeah… right. My… my date.”

They’d all gotten together today in order to help Morgana arrange things, but Vivian had swept them up into a detour with the **** of her personality. Frankly though, a part of Morgana would have been perfectly happy to let Vivian keep dragging them around- as much as she hated it, she was a major procrastinator when she was nervous.

“Well, I think we can definitely rule out horses,” Holly noted, shaking her head. “Because I’m not gonna be there to break your fall tomorrow.”

Morgana’s face reddened even more. “Y-yeah… sorry…”

“It was just an accident,” Dawn soothed her. “But is there anything special you do want to do with him, Morgana?”

That was the question, wasn’t it? Morgana had hoped to start the day off with a nice breakfast, but that had promptly failed. And it wasn’t like she was even that interested in horses to begin with, that had been all Vivian.

And since it would just feel awkward to watch a bunch of anime together and call it a date…

“Maybe we should revisit my idea of the two of you staying in the Master’s Suite all day and just have sex,” Holly pitched. “I mean, you both really like it…”

“That isn’t what I want though!” Morgana wailed. Yes, she liked having sex. After having built it up so much in her mind, actually getting to do it was amazing! But… she wanted to be more than just the sexy goth girl that Nick couldn’t get enough of!

…

…

…

Actually, that sounds pretty good… why am I against that again?

For a moment, Morgana found herself swayed by Holly’s argument. But then she remembered how wonderful her first time with Nick had been, how tender and delicate he had treated her, how much love and affection he’d lavished on her…

She wanted more of that. More of the love, more of the romance, more… just… just more.

If only she could properly express the feelings overwhelming her heart. But unfortunately with Amelia as her bedmate, that was becoming rather difficult thanks to the effect of her room…

And it didn’t help that she was surrounded by a bunch of forceful personalities that had a tendency to seize control of the flow of the conversation.

“Morgana does work best in the harem as Nick’s sexy goth witch slut,” Rose said, scratching her chin as her transformation got to work fitting every girl into their proper place in Nick’s life. “Maybe Holly does have a point.”

Holly rolled her eyes. “Yeah, duh!”

“But it’s also important to keep in mind the value of expanding past that,” Vivian pointed out. “When Nick saw her wearing normal clothes, he was blown away! Sometimes seeing someone change their look and style drastically can have a big impact, so we should factor that in…”

“Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh,” Holly nodded in swift agreement. “What if we give her a makeover? Nick thinks he’s gonna be dating a sexy goth, but then she shows up, and- boom! Sexy nurse. Whoa. Mindblowing…” She widened her eyes like saucers and waved her hands eclectically in front of her face as the two taller women nodded contemplatively.

And poor Morgana just stood fixed on the sidelines, unable to get a word in edgewise in spite of being the subject of the conversation.

“Dawn, please help!” She used her link to Dawn to plead for the one advocate she had out here to lend her support.

“Okay, ladies, I think that’s enough,” Dawn said, stepping forward. “Keep in mind, this is Morgana’s date. Not yours.”

The three girls turned to look at her, and realized to varying levels of sheepishness that they’d gotten a little carried away.

“…Sorry about that Morgana,” Vivian said with a laugh, scratching her head. “What is it that you want to do, then?”

Ugh! Morgana just couldn’t win! She didn’t want the other girls to decide for her, but she also didn’t want to decide for herself!

Dating was so hard! Maybe Holly was right, maybe it was just easier to have sex the whole time.

Morgana looked timidly from one expectant face to the other, but when her eyes landed on Rose, her mind was made up for her.

No… if I just do the sex thing, then Rose’s perception of me will be correct! Ella is so shy and sweet, she’s definitely having an amazing date with Nick that’s wowing the audience right now! And she has Cinder for an added edge, too! If harem anime have taught me anything, the strong-willed split personality will fall even harder for the male lead, and then she’ll melt like butter! No, this is no good at all! Morgana mentally wailed, flying into a panic. If I don’t do anything, my role in the harem is going to cannibalized by those two, and all that’ll be left is a nice set of tits and a big ass that aren’t even originally mine! I’ll just be a goth witch sex doll!

Having spent so many rounds lounging in complacent bliss, Morgana actually felt real panic again. Her place in the harem was under attack! It wasn’t like she held it against Ella or anything, that wouldn’t be fair, but reality was reality and there was no changing it.

Why did she always do this? Why did her low self-esteem have to keep rising up?

She was supposed to be confident now. That’s why she’d tied up her hair into twintails, to be the cool, confident Morgana, to build up her courage for tomorrow!

Hadn’t she changed even a little bit? Morgana had been certain that she had. But faced with so many beautiful faces staring back at her, women that definitely had Morgana trumped, she kept feeling insignificant by comparison.

Rose was so glamorous and beautiful, and spoke her mind without hesitation.

Vivian was cool and stylish, a free spirit that could find the fun in anything she did.

Holly… Holly loved Nick more than anything. Even Morgana’s wildest fantasies couldn’t compete.

And even Dawn, her best friend on the island… even she was smarter and more sensitive than Morgana could hope to be.

All of them… they were all so amazing. And Morgana…

The shameful memories Morgana had tried so hard to bury kept rising up in spite of her best efforts. The ones from when she’d first come to the island. She’d looked down on all the other girls, and had been so confident that she would be the perfect queen of Nick’s harem, and the other women would naturally grovel at her feet.

Those crazy delusions, the ravings of a twisted child who had absolutely failed every attempt she’d had at making friends before coming here. Morgana had been so twisted back then, and while she’d improved in so many ways…

…A small part of her wished she could borrow that unearned, blind arrogance from her past self, just for a little bit.

“…I have no idea,” she mumbled out, her shoulders sagging. “I’m not… good at this sort of thing… I’m just a weirdo… I’m creepy… I… I know Nick really likes me, but… what do I even do about that?”

Sometimes, that was the worst part. Those tender touches? The way he cared so deeply for her? The moments together when they really made love, instead of him just feasting on her body the way he had that night she’d shared him with Mary?

…What had Morgana ever really done to deserve that?

The best night he had with me was when I drank Mary’s milk. When I became someone completely unlike myself. That was the part that stung the most. As sexy as that night had been (and it had been the subject of MANY of Morgana’s fantasies since then) she couldn’t shake the fact that everything Nick had done had been with a woman who was her… but not her. Not completely.

They’d hardly spoken all round. When was the last time the two of them had a real conversation? Morgana could hardly remember.

The fact is, I’m not all that special, am I? Nick cares about me because I’m here. Because my name was on some list as his biggest fan, so the producers brought me onto the show to be a part of his harem. And now that I’m a part of it, Nick cares about me and genuinely does love me… but it doesn’t have to be me, does it?

Would Nick be that kind and sweet to her were it not for this? Maybe he would. But that’s because he was such a great guy.

Tears began welling up in Morgana’s eyes, to the shock of the other girls.

“Morgana? What’s wrong?” Dawn asked worriedly, approaching her friend.

“Hey, we were just teasing before about the sex stuff… I-I’m sorry!” Vivian turned white and her eyes widened. “Please, please don’t cry, I didn’t mean-!”

“It’s not you!” Morgana blurted out, shaking her head. Her pigtails bounced as big, round tears rolled down her cheeks. “I… I…!”

Her heart was all twisted into knots as the reality of her situation really sank in.

“I’m not… special.”

A hush fell over the clearing, as grim and ominous as the looming shadow of the hotel overhead.

“You’re not special?” Rose looked at her, dumbfounded. “What does that even mean?”

“It’s been that way right from the start!” Morgana blubbered, balling up her hands into fists. “I knew it… I… I knew… I… I wasn’t… all the time-!” She wasn’t even making sense anymore, she was just rambling. But in her heart she knew the truth.

“Calm down, breathe,” Dawn tried to soothe her. “Take a deep breath… there, that’s it… now tell me, what’s this about, Morgana?”

Morgana exhaled, staving off her panic attack. Calming down a little bit, she was finally able to speak clearly.

“I… I’ve always been Nick’s biggest fan,” she mumbled out. “But that’s just it. That’s all I am, isn’t it? His fan. I loved his work so much that I was brought here, and that’s all I’ve ever been. Nick, he… he cares about me, I know he does, but it doesn’t have anything to do with… with me.”

“Sure it does!” Holly said, shaking her head and sending her curls bouncing. “He likes you for who you are, Morgana! He’s a simple kind of guy! You’re sweet, and you’re cute, and he likes spending time with you!”

“Yeah, he’s just really bad at showing it,” Dawn agreed.

“But how could he?” Morgana sulked. It wasn’t just about her being a weirdo. The fact was, she really didn’t belong here. “I’m just filler! A side girl to pad out the numbers! Rose is right, I’m basically just here to be the sexy goth eye-candy, and I can’t even do that right! Nick only likes me because he’s such a great guy, not because we have some deep, meaningful romantic connection!”

All the stuff the others had been saying about friendship all day, it was all so obvious to her now in hindsight. What even WAS her relationship with Nick supposed to be? A romance? How? It was just a twisted infatuation on her part.

Nick was like a movie star. An idol. Someone who she’d pined over as a naïve kid. And now she’d gotten close enough to become a part of his world. But… that was all.

She’d once been delusional enough to think she could be his queen. Now she understood that she barely even made it to the level of concubine. Nick had so many wonderful women in his life that he loved and cherished, and Morgana was just plain and boring and forgotten.

The goth girl stood there and bawled her eyes out as the others tried in vain to comfort her, but none of their words seemed to reach her aching heart.