God cockblocks Adam

"Oh... okay..." Adam nodded with a leery grin as Eve stared at him with disgust.

"Alrighty then," Lilith grabbed Adam by the wrist and started leading him away. Before they could get very far, however, God's voice boomed from the heaven.

"Adam," he said, "I know thou atest from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil."

"What... what do you mean?" Adam began stammering, deeply afraid of being in trouble.

"I saw the serpent trick Eve unto eating the fruit, and Eve trick thee. The serpent hath already been cursed to crawl on his belly, and the woman sorrow through her conceptions. And now thou, Adam, must leave this garden and for ever till thy food from the ground."

"Wait, no no no," Adam tried to defend himself but to no avail, as God flung him away from Lilith and him and Eve out from the Garden, installing Cherubim with flaming swords to prevent them from getting back in.

"Also," God continued, "I was going to give you skins to dress yourselves, but ye tried to conceal your wrongdoing and transgression, so enjoy being naked until ye find such way."

"Damn it!" Adam snapped his fingers in frustration, placing his hands back on his privates.

"So..." Adam turned with a contrite chuckle to Eve, who was visibly peeved at his betrayal and had her arms crossed on her chest more out of annoyance than modesty, "I guess it's time for us to start living on the land and having children..."