And there'll be sun, sun, sun all over our bodies, and sun, sun, sun all down our necks

Nick cautiously followed Cinder out of the lion enclosure, keeping a healthy distance from the other woman as he tried to process the past few minutes. Luckily, the tension of the lion habitat and their hurry to leave provided a good cover for his lack of engagement with Ella’s grumpy other half, and gave him time to contemplate how he would approach this.

He didn’t want Cinder to ruin what had been a good date up until now. But he also wasn’t sure how to come to terms with the woman in front of him, and how she had manifested so suddenly.

Why had Cinder come out? Ella had been pretty fine before now. There had been a few critical moments where it looked like Cinder was going to manifest, but Ella had managed to keep her at bay.

So why now? Why here? She’d looked like she had been having so much fun petting the lions, so why did she switch with Cinder if she didn’t feel like she was in danger?

…That was what Cinder wanted to know herself.

Why am I out? Cinder’s head was throbbing with pain as irritation blossomed across her face. This wasn’t at all what she’d been expecting. As much as Cinder felt personally affronted by Ella’s decision to entertain another date with this shitty layabout, she respected the fact that her other self was desperately seeking love.

And Nick wasn’t the worst person to approach that with. Not that Cinder would have ever admitted that, even under threat of horrific ****.

There had been a few moments where Ella’s emotions had gotten out of control, and Cinder felt like her presence was needed. It wasn’t as if she was conscious or anything while Ella was in control of their body, so she couldn’t say for sure what had been going on, but there were a few moments where she had felt a tug.

But now she was here, and Ella wasn’t. And she didn’t know why.

The lions, it’s gotta be those fucking lions! She fumed. What was Ella thinking, jumping into the lion pit like that!? Didn’t she know they’d rip her to shreds?! No wonder Cinder was here, if she was doing reckless, dangerous stuff like that!

Cinder wished she could talk to her other self, just so she could slap some sense into her for being such a reckless moron!

“Welcome back!” Nola greeted them as the “lovebirds” reached the gate. “How were the lions? Did you pet them? Was it fun? Did you have a good time? I hope you had a good time. Lions are such majestic creatures, aren’t they? And they’re so cute, too! Like big cats. Ones with claws like daggers, sure, and can devour you in a second, but ours wouldn’t do that! Did you get to pet them?”

“You already asked that!” Cinder snapped. “And yes, I got to fucking pet them! What’s the big fucking deal!? It’s just a fucking giant gato, nothing special about that!”

Nola’s smile shifted to a sour expression. “…Oh. So you changed. And now you’re the angry one… just great…”

Cinder’s eye twitched. “The angry one?” She snarled, balling up her hands into fists. “I’ll show you the angry one, you-!”

“Cinder, hey, come on, she’s not worth it,” Nick said gently. “She’s just-”

“And you!” Cinder turned her rage to Nick next. Nola may have been a safer target, but it just felt so much better to be mad at him. “Don’t think I don’t know what this is! This was YOUR shitty idea in the first place, wasn’t it? Petting those lions like the fucking idiota that you are! You could have gotten Ella killed!”

“Hey!” Nick frowned. He was trying to have a good date, but as he’d explained to Cinder’s other half earlier, that didn’t mean he would sit back and take whatever **** she threw at him. “The lions are perfectly safe! Ella wasn’t in any danger at all! And she wanted to do it! She had a good time! She even went back to pet the lion again!”

“El mentiroso!” Cinder spat. “She would never-! Touching a león all by herself!? She knows how dangerous those things are!”

“It’s true,” Nola chirped, completely unfazed by Cinder’s overwhelming hostility. “She said she wanted to do it! Even though she was nervous.”

Cinder couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Were they insane? …No, no, they had to be gaslighting her. (Not that Cinder knew what that word meant.) Ella wouldn’t do something so stupid! Even if Nick was right, and they weren’t in any danger, she wouldn’t!

So why was it that the first thing Cinder felt when she gained control of her body was her hand running through the lion’s fur?

“…Fucking liars!” She spat, shaking her head in denial. “She wouldn’t do something like that! She wouldn’t!”

Didn’t she know how dangerous lions were!? Cinder was supposed to keep her safe, but how could she keep her other half safe when a fucking lion was in front of her?! Even she had her limits!

What were you thinking, you stupid girl!? You could have gotten us both killed! Of course, part of Cinder knew that Nick was right- Dakota would have never let them endanger themselves with lions that could actually rip them to shreds.

But fear wasn’t a rational thing. And even though Cinder would never admit to being afraid of anything, ever…

Harm befalling her other half was the one exception to that rule.

“Let’s just go,” Cinder spat, shoving past Nola and stomping through the gate. “Why did we even come to this shitty place…”

Nick watched Cinder depart with a mournful expression on his face. They’d been having so much fun, and now she’d just showed up and ruined it. Why? Why did Ella change now, of all times? He knew that Cinder was a part of Ella and that he had to learn to embrace both parts of her if he wanted any chance of starting a serious relationship with the girl, but this had been a date that Ella had wanted so badly. She had fought Cinder off every step of the way out of determination to have a good date, and now Cinder didn’t even care about the zoo or the animals at all.

It was like all the hard work Ella had put into this, all her excitement at the prospect of a fun date, it had all been for nothing. And that just about broke Nick’s heart in two.

Nola reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. “That’s why you shouldn’t play with other pussies when you’re on a date with someone,” she said tenderly.

Nick wanted to strangle the obnoxious little brat.

Things didn’t get better after that. Cinder snatched Ella’s handbag from where she’d left it and stormed into the nearby bathroom (Dakota felt it was important to have one near the lion enclosure in case people needed to throw up after the live feedings. There was one by the poop-flinging monkey cage for a similar reason.) leaving Nick outside to contemplate what was going on, and wonder how he could turn this date around.

No matter how Cinder was acting, Nick still wanted to make this a successful date, if he could.

Cinder was less concerned about that.

“What were you thinking?!” She screamed at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. “Fucking idiota! Walking into a lion den and then freaking out, and putting ME in control?! Why!? This is YOUR date with him, not mine!”

She jammed her finger against the glass.

“I don’t want to be here with him!” She shouted at herself. “…I don’t! YOU’RE the naïve dreamer who thinks you can have love in her life, not me!”

Cinder knew better than her daydreaming alter. She may have been willing to indulge Ella’s yearning for a romance before their life as they knew it came to an end, but that didn’t mean she’d be a participant herself.

She could hardly restrain her urge to scream and curse her other self out.

Not that it would have done any good. Just as Cinder wasn’t conscious when Ella was out, Ella would hear none of the **** Cinder had for her.

Cinder gripped the edges of the sink and ground her teeth together. Her heart ached with frustration, and when she thought about what Ella and Nick must have been getting up to before she appeared, it ached even more.

That fucker… I’m sure he was acting all sweet and generous to Ella, getting her hopes up! But me… the way he was looking at me… he was disappointed, wasn’t he? Not like I fucking blame him. Fucker. Fooling around with Ella and making her hurt, sending her to go touch those lions!

Cinder wanted to hate him so fucking bad, but she couldn’t. Even when she hated him, she didn’t really hate him.

And the worst part? Unlike with her positive feelings towards some of the other girls, Cinder knew that this had nothing to do with her transformation.

No, the wording of her transformation was very clear.

• The Heart Remembers: Cinder and Ella may not share conscious memories between them, but moving forward their hearts will share significant overlap. If one persona has a close relationship with another contestant, this will result in the other persona feeling a sense of fondness towards them as well, even if they are not aware of the root of these feelings. (Switch)

Cinder and Ella were barely literate. But she still understood the nuance of her transformation. It only affected her relationships with other contestants.

Not the master.

So any positive feelings Cinder felt towards Nick had nothing to do with Ella’s affection for him.

…Not that she had any positive feelings, of course. But as far as Cinder was concerned, any dulling of her white-hot rage towards the son of a bitch that was seducing her other self constitute a positive feeling for him.

But BOY did she want to hate that guy.

And yet… if she drove him away, like she desperately wanted to, she knew that the only person who would be hurt from that was Ella. Cinder wasn’t blind to the feelings of her counterpart. As sickened as she was by it, she knew that some part of herself deeply liked him. Oh, how convenient would it have been if Cinder could convince herself that she and Ella were separate people? But they weren’t, not really. Even if she wasn’t as weak and helpless as her other self.

“…I don’t have feelings for that guy,” she snarled at her reflection. “Ella is the part of me that cares about worthless stuff like that. Not me… not me.”

Cinder couldn’t have those feelings. If she did, then how could she keep Ella safe from them?

It wasn’t possible.

So she wouldn’t.

As simple as that, right?

And yet, somehow… she knew it wasn’t so simple.

With a frustrated scream she wound back her fist, ready to punch the stupid, ugly idiot in front of her to pieces. But she stopped herself short.

All she’d be doing was injuring Ella’s body, after all, and she couldn’t do that.

…Plus, Cinder had enough bad experiences with mirrors on this show already, and she wasn’t going to take a risk like that one.

A few minutes later she emerged from the bathroom, having changed into the backup outfit that Ella had prepared.

Nick looked at Cinder, and his eyes widened with surprise. “Whoa, those clothes really fit you,” he said, nodding in approval.

“Of course they fit me!” Cinder snapped. She didn’t even accept compliments gracefully.

Nick just nodded. He’d had enough time to cool down thanks to Cinder’s little blowup in the bathroom, and he was ready to engage with her directly now. He wasn’t about to let a twist like this throw their whole date off, no matter how badly Cinder was trying to ruin it.

“Did you pick it out yourself?” He asked.

“No! What, you think I was looking forward to this or something?” Cinder snapped at him. “Fucking no! Ella just grabbed whatever she thought would look good on me, that’s all!”

Nick figured that was the case. “Well, she made a good choice then,” he said tactfully, trying to earn some points with her by praising Ella’s sense of style. “She’s got a decent eye for fashion.”

Cinder looked at him like he was a puddle of mud. “You think you can sweet-talk me with that tongue of yours into opening up my legs? No fucking way. Save that bullshit for Ella, because I don’t want any part of it!”

Whelp, so much for that plan.

Nick stepped closer, not about to let Cinder drive him off. “Well, I meant what I said, but if you’re embarrassed, I’ll drop it.”

“Who’s embarrassed?!” Cinder demanded, her face turning red. “Ella’s the one who gets embarrassed, not me! I’m always in control!”

Oh yeah, the raving lunatic in front of him was always in control of her emotions, Nick could believe that.

Even Cinder seemed to recognize the absurdity of what she just said, because she clamped her mouth shut and gave him a withering glare. “Fucking hell… just forget about it,” she muttered, shaking her head and turning to leave.

Nick figured that would happen. Cinder and Ella were more similar than either of them would like to admit- when faced with something they didn’t want to deal with, they both ran away at the first opportunity.

“Where do you want to go next?” Nick asked, moving to catch up to her. Nola was tagging along with them, while giving Cinder a wide berth.

“Anywhere you’re not!” Cinder responded like a petulant brat.

Thankfully, Nick anticipated that, too.

“Come on, Cinder!” He called after her. “Ella really put a lot of effort into this date. If you’re going to take her place, can’t you at least make sure that her effort isn’t wasted?”

The frustrated girl paused in place. She stopped and looked back at him, biting her lip furiously.

“Excuse me?” She snapped. “You want me to, what, fawn all over you like some little fucking puta, is that it?”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying,” Nick replied, shaking his head. “Ella wanted to go on this date so she could get to know me better, and I could get to know her better. But she’s not here right now. You are. And I think that we should both respect her sincerity and try to make this date work. Don’t you think that’s what Ella would have wanted, Cinder?”

Cinder bit her lip and glared venomously at him. As illiterate as she might have been, she still had a rather wide selection of words she wanted to throw in his face.

But she refrained, because she knew that Nick wasn’t wrong.

Ella DID want this date, as much as it hurt Cinder to admit. And Cinder wanted Ella to be happy, she wanted it more than anything.

So why didn’t Ella just fucking take back over already!? The lions were gone, she could come back and enjoy her date as much as she wanted! But she wasn’t!

“…You think I’d have fun at a fucking zoo?” Cinder looked around, scowling. “Touching animals? You think that’s something I’d enjoy?”

“I think you and Ella have a lot in common,” Nick said carefully. “And while you may have different interests, I think if you give it a chance, you might even have some fun.”

Cinder narrowed her eyes, glaring daggers at Nick from behind her bangs. “Fun with you?” She spat. “Are you loco? Did you hit your head in the lion pit or something? What would be fun about wandering around this shitty place with YOU of all people, huh!?”

Nick shrugged. “I don’t know. But I’ve been getting to know Ella all morning. And she’s a wonderful girl, she really is. So I think you can be, too. You’re the same person, after all, right?”

“We’re not-!” Cinder held her tongue and seethed. “…You fucking… Ella never should have gone down there to begin with!” She stomped her foot furiously on the ground. “I was fine to let her have this! Her silly little fucking date! I knew it was stupid and pointless, but I still-! And look what happened! She did something stupid because you goaded her into it, and now we’re stuck with each other!”

“That’s not fair to Ella!” Nick objected, shaking his head. Cinder looked at him in surprise.

“Excuse me?! You fucking WHAT?” She roared.

“I said, that’s not fair to Ella!” Nick knew that he was probably pushing Cinder too far. But he wasn’t about to let anyone talk badly about Ella, even if it was her other self.

Maybe Cinder didn’t know that was what she was doing, but it was.

“Ella wasn’t afraid to pet the lions,” Nick stated firmly. “Nervous, sure, and anxious, too. But she wasn’t afraid!”

“Yes she was!” Cinder snapped. “You don’t know her! Ella is a part of me! She was absolutely afraid of them!”

Nick flinched. He’d expected backlash, but how was he supposed to argue with that?

“Well… maybe she was,” he conceded, remembering that Ella had needed to wear that mask to go through with doing it. “But if that was the case, then she was willing to face her fear anyway! She was trying to be tough and brave. I thought that was what you wanted, for Ella to not be afraid anymore?”

Cinder shook her head incredulously and a wild, crooked grin broke her face in half. “Fucking what? You really are loco… You don’t know a damn thing about what I want!”

“That’s why I’m trying to get to know you,” Nick pointed out. “Ella was brave enough to try and pet the lions, even if she was afraid. Are you saying you can’t do that yourself? You’re not brave enough to try and have fun on this date?”

He narrowed his eyes. “You’re not scared of enjoying yourself, are you?”

Nick knew he was probably cheating here, pulling that on the other girl. But he didn’t really have a choice. If Cinder was going to be this volatile, he needed some way to keep her in line. If he could just get her stable and keep her around him, then maybe there was a chance he could salvage this situation and they could actually enjoy themselves.

He couldn’t imagine Cinder relaxing and having a good time, but he had to try.

Unfortunately, the seething snarl of the woman in front of him wasn’t going to be easy to work with.

“…Fine,” she muttered through gritted teeth. “You want a date that badly? Fucking FINE!”

Cinder hated everything about this. Why did she have take charge here? What was the matter with Ella? And Nick, for that matter?

Was she the only one here who understood how fucking stupid this whole fucking mess was?!