Finding a vic...uh master!

Ora’s rose garden

5 Minutes before the start of the season.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Back at home, in her rose garden, Ora was dancing around jubilantly.

She did it! Of course she did! Becoming the host of the sixth hottest show in the multi-verse was nothing but a tea time diversion for the great and magnificent Ora!

Traveling to the end of the universe? Dealing with ancient Eldritch Penguins? Hashing out dark binding soul contracts? Using a quill pen? Oh please! Ora does stuff like that before winning an intergalactic war!

“Splendidly done, Mistress Ora.”

Her aide, the penguin butler Lord Preminger, humbly served a cup of Darjeeling tea as his Mistress grinned giddily.

“Preminger.”

“Yes?”

“Preminger!”

“Yes?”

“Premingeeeer!”

“Yeeeeeeeeees?”

“Is the venue prepared?”

“It is, Mistress.”

“The transformations hashed out?”

“Quite so.”

“The special game rules?”

“Finalized and optimized.”

“The challenges?”

“As ruthless and unfair as you desired.”

“The staff?”

“Cherry and non-unionized.”

“The funds?”

“Have been transferred to our penguin island bank accounts.”

“The ultimate cosmic power and privilege of the Host?”

“Just arrived in the mail, my Mistress.”

Lord Preminger clapped his flippers and a dark and rather satanic looking black thorn crown manifested itself. It looked super cute! Ora removed her hat and the crown plopped itself unto her brow with a bit of sizzle and unholy pop.

Then she gave herself a bit of a makeover to be more show host-like.

…

…

….cackle.

Cackle cackle.

CACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“GOOD, GOOD!” Ora cackled as thunderbolts and lightning, very, very frightening, illuminated the small host. “Everything is prepared! Everything is in order! My glorious, magnificent season is just about to commence!”

Lord Preminger nodded before clearing his throat. “Just...one small issue, if I may?”

“Yeeeeees?”

“We still require a Harem.”

“Oh.”

…

…

…

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE STILL REQUIRE A HAREM?”

Ora asked calmly.

“HACK...p-please don’t squeeze my neck, Mistress…”

Frustrated, Ora tossed Preminger into the nearest rose bush.

“A Harem!”, she hissed.

Now where the hell is she supposed to suddenly pick up a Harem in three minutes and 24 seconds!

It’s not like they grow on trees!

“I-If...I may be allowed to offer some counsel, my mistress…”

Lord Preminger shakily stood himself up, plucking some thorns from his feathers. “Perhaps it would be...hmm...sagacious to pick the master component of the harem first?”

Right, right. Ora nodded sagely. Abduct the master first, then kidnap the harem. That’s Harem Hotel 101.

But eh.

Let’s face it, nobody cares about the master. They are always either some spineless wimp or some horndog.

Ora could just pluck some random shlub from the streets and be done with it.

However, audience seemed to like it more when the master has prior connection with his harem. Probably some sort of sick **** fantasy fetish these freaks have going on.

So, basically...

Ugh, so annoying!

Fortunately, Ora now had the mindbending unlimited powers of the multiverse at her disposal, so all she had to do was create an infinite amount of universes that were then scoured by an infinite amount of penguins.

Ora had to wait an annoyingly long zero seconds before Infinity Penguin #4 × 1051 struck gold.

“Oh...Ohhhh….Ohhhhhhh!!!!”

“Are you satisfied, Mistress?” Preminger asked, struggling with holding the comically large remote viewing mirror up.

The little host nodded eagerly. “He’s peeeeeerfect!”

“Q-Quite…”, Preminger agreed with a grunt. “Your orders, Mistress?”

Ora grinned.

Widely.

“SEEEEEEEIZE HIM!!!!!!!!!”

…

..

.

“Hey kitty, come here.”

Ashley Pompadour was squatting down, stretching his hand out towards the small, golden colored animal.

The cat kept his distance, eyeing the intruder warily before…

“HIIISSSSSS!!!!”

...dashing into the underbrush with surprising agility.

“You hate me too, huh?” Ashley responded with a self deprecating smile.

“I’m afraid that was my fault. I was never good with cats.”

“Eh?”

Whirling around Ashley saw something bizarre.

Illuminated by the late summer afternoon sun stood a pink haired girl in what appeared to be a frilly and rather revealing maid uniform.

“Master Pompadour, I presume?”

“Y-Yes?”, Ashley could only respond, as he had trouble not staring at her impressive...assets.

“You are hereby cordially invited to my...*sigh* glorious and magnificent mistress’s estate.”

“Huh?”

“There, days of wonder, excitement and above all catharsis await, beyond anything you have ever experienced.”

“I-is this a joke?”

Ashley frantically looked around, expecting any time someone to jump out and laugh at him.

“So follow me beyond the door, my *ugh*...beloved Master? Your magical adventure of sublime destiny that transcends the very fabric of human consciousness is but a penguins tail-feather...oh, screw this.”

The maid suddenly and swiftly closed the distance. Ashley was temporarily distracted by the two massive, jiggling orbs and…

PAM!

“Guh!”

A coordinated strike at Ashley’s solar plexus caused his eyes to bulge and his body to collapse. He expected to hit the ground but instead found himself landing in the arms of his assailant.

That was, however, all his fading consciousness allowed him to witness.

…

..

.

“Seriously! You knocked him out!”

“Cut me a break! Have you read those stupid lines? I was commanding a space-fleet 19 minutes ago! Just be glad I’m putting up with this at all!”

“He’s the master! You can’t go around punching the master! If you were a contestant, you would have lost a huge amount of points now!”

“Uhu, I’m not, though. So, shove it.”

Ugh! He better not be defective! If I have to do my show with a cripple master then…”

“groaaan...”

“See? No harm done, he’s waking up.”

“Eeek! Quickly! Everyone in position!”

Ashley grunted and put a hand on his aching stomach. He wasn’t exactly unaccustomed to getting punched, but it never got any easier.

He blinked a few times but quickly realized that wherever he was, it was pure darkness. Next, he tried to move only to find out that he couldn’t. His hands and feet weren’t bound; rather, it was as if he was stuck to the place.

And then just as he was contemplating that, his surroundings were suddenly illuminated by blinding light.

Ashley barely had time to get his bearings as a little distance away from him a large amount of black smoke billowed up, except it wasn’t just black smoke; it was more akin to a swirling vortex.

And most horrific of all, through that demonic vortex, a single silhouette slowly started stalking towards him.

At the same time, loud booming music shook Ashley to his very core.

“♬My name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“♬I know you love the thing I got.”

“♬You never see the likes of me, why I’m the biggest thing since Ora Part III!”

“Birds!”

Another spotlight went on, and to Ashley’s horror he saw a waddle of penguins, worse, they were singing.

[Penguin Chorus]

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“♬You think she’s acting, but she’s not!”

The original figure snipped her finger loudly, causing Ashley to divert his attention again.

“♬My name is Ora, I’m on fire.”

“♬I am the match, and I’m the pyre.”

“♬I’m the voyager black magician witch, why I’m the greatest thing since Ora Part III!”

“Birds!”

[Penguin Chorus]

“♬You think she’s acting, but she’s not.”

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora!”

By now the figure(who Ashley presumed was called Ora) came close enough that he got a better look. She was rather diminutive actually and had a smug, quite unpleasant smile on her face as she continued her singing.

“♬My name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“♬I’m the power Marcie used on Gina.”

“♬I am the pillar, I am the judge, I'm the big bad that makes you shake. Why I'm the top. The point. The hell. I'm more than a host. More than a hotel. I am the power of pure desire.”

“♬My magic will take you higher than you've ever been before, so follow me beyond the door of the stupid hopes and dreams you've got.”

“♬My name is Ora, Rhymes with Ora!”

“Birds!”

[Penguin Chorus]

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“♬You think she’s acting but she’s not”

“♬The show that you're about to see is the absolutely finest, greatest wonderment since Ora Part III!”

At this point Ashley was utterly and completely mesmerized. No words would suffice to describe this anyway.

“♬My name is Ora, rhymes with Ora

“♬Just wait 'til you see what I have got”

“♬There is nothing, up my sleeve, come look at this, nothing compared to me.”

“♬I am the creator, I am the source. And you will worship Me, of course.”

“♬I'm the oracle, I'm the silhouette. There is no question that I am it.”

“Ha ha”

“♬I know what you've been waiting for and you won't have to wait no more.”

“♬cause Harem Hotel It reveals my boy It reveals one thing. There's only one master. And one end. There's only one One and only is it not.”

“♬My name is Ora. It rhymes with Ora!”

“Hey birds...”

[Penguin Chorus]

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“♬She looks so cool, but she’s hot.”

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“♬You think she’s acting but she’s not.”

[Ora and Penguin Chorus]

“♬My name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“♬My name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“♬My name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“♬My name is Ora.”

“Ha ha”

“♬Rhymes with Ora.”

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora”

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora”

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora”

“Thank you”

“Thank you”

“Thank you one and all a lot”

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“My name is Ora!”

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“My name is Ora!”

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“♬My Name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“♬Her name is Ora, rhymes with Ora.”

“My name is Ora, thanks a lot!”

Slowly, (very, very slowly), the loud music came to an end as Ora continued to give thanks to some invisible audience. Ashley, terrified as he was, decided to use this opportunity to get a bit of a better handle on his surroundings, but...all he could deduce was that he was in some kind of mix between the Coliseum in Rome and a penguin exhibition.

Looking up, he could make out a moonlit and snowy night sky. That said, it was definitely daytime when he was **** and perhaps more importantly, summer.

He also noticed that none of the snowflakes are actually touching him.

“Excuse me? Snowflakes? Who cares about some stupid snowflakes! You just saw penguins singing! And I so nailed that performance! So, where is my applause!”

Ashley very quickly clapped as Ora performed an exaggerated bow.

“Thank you, thank you. I deserve it! Thank you!” A few more bows followed before Ashley was finally allowed to stop clapping.

“Ladies and Audience of the Gentlemen! I welcome you one and all to the greatest, most fantastic season of Harem Hotel: My season!”

Ora twirled a few more times as she spoke. “My name is Ora and this scrumpy looking fellow you see before you is our master. Ashley Pompadour. Oh, he looks like an Ashley Pompadour, doesn’t he?”

“What do you…”

Ashley squeaked out but was quickly interrupted by the overbearing girl. “Hah, don’t you get it? Have you looked in a mirror recently? You’re like an average anime protagonist that was feminized by 18%!”

“Uh, what is…”

“More importantly with a name like Ashley Pompadour, you are basically just begging to get bullied! (And you deserve it!) But you see, dear audience, you are not dealing with your average bullying victim anymore. This is a super bully..ing victim!”

“Can I…”

Ora shoved a finger towards his lips. “Shush now, my boy, I’m introductioning. Ah, hold on, that’s Sylvia’s thing. I’m not going to be accused of plagiarisation. Everything I’m doing is super original and unique! Umm...my femboy? Yeah. I like the sound of that. Shut your trap, my femboy!”

Ashley decided it might be best to do so.

“Where was I? Ah yes, you see, little Ashley over here somehow managed to not only get bullied by eight different people; these bullies also happened to all be female and they also happened to be super smoking hot! Like almost as hot as me! How crazy is that? You see now why I am the perfect, greatest most amazing host of all time? No? Then do the world a favor and remove yourself from the gene pool. Worthless dregs like you shouldn’t be allowed to breed. Not that you will ever have the chance to do so with that noodle face!”

“Umm…”

“Whoops, almost forgot about you, my femboy!”, Ora whirled around once more. “This would normally be the point where things gets explained to you. Then you freak out, wet your pants and we’re having this whole bit where we visit the local laundromat to get your pants cleaned and blablabla…boring! Fortunately for you, I am a much more superior host and will spare you the boring pre show stuff nobody cares about.”

Before Ashley had even time to comprehend what was going on, the so called host grabbed her thorn crown and slammed it on Ashley’s head.

Ashley couldn’t even scream as information upon information flashed up in his mind.

“As such, I simply loaded all the relevant information straight up into his brain! Efficient and cute!” Ora explained with a satisfied smile while retrieving the crown from her now fully operational master. “Ah, it really hurts to be this perfect! Sure, our master may suffer a mild case of brain hemorrhaging, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make!”

“Ah…?”

“Hey? Heeeey!” Ora snapped her finger. “Ora control to Master Ashley. Stop looking all slack jawed. We are having a show to run and I am the star! But you are kinda, sorta important too, so get it together!”

...

W-Was this...real? No, it can’t be, right? That’s impossible.

This has to be a dream.

“DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! WE ARE NOT DOING A SALLY!”

SLAP!

Ora slapped him. Surprisingly viciously for such a small girl.

The pain felt very real.

...

This was real.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

“And now that our master blaster is mentally prepared(more or less), it’s time to introduce our lovable and charming contestants!”