Andy Cooper, a 29-year-old app developer and entrepreneur, by XarHD

“Alright Marcie, we are back at it again. How are you holding up?”

"The attempt at my life has left me scared and deformed.”

“Business as usual then. Excellent because we have...a few...a lot of Harem Hotels to get through. Haaaa…”

“Indeed. This time we are reading about one Andy Cooper, a 29-year-old app developer and entrepreneur, by XarHD”

“Good job, getting a guy that I just barely won’t call an old fart, Xar. And no I’m not adding those stupid letters. They probably stands for Huge Dick.”

“Hmmm...a self made tech mogul, is it? Finally a master that appeals to me.”

“Since when?”

“Gina, just because I have a thing for cute, submissive femboys does not mean I can not appreciate the allure of a strong, independent man. I like a mate that can match me in intellect, I just have yet to find one.”

“You know what, I just start reading.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

He saw her eyes wince when she saw what she had defined as a ‘horrid contemporary painting of a bunch of geometric shapes in an arrangement that vaguely resembled a human, dancing on a field of green’, right next to his old guitar. Every time he asked, she said it made her barf.

“Ah, I know that feeling all too well.”

“Me too.”

“Gina, deal us in.”

“Yeah, yeah, so first chapter is just some weird slice of life stuff about this rich guy hanging out with his lesbian best friend, because this is a Harem Hotel master, gotta have a lesbian best friend!”

“I like Sam, She reminds me of you, if you were not clinically insane.”

Content Note - Please Read This!

“Fuck you.”

“Gina..."

If you're primarily interested in systematic humiliation or elimination for its own sake, this branch isn't what you're looking for. I cannot stress this enough! But if you want a story about broken people becoming whole - though perhaps not in the ways they expected - then welcome.

“Marcieeeee.”

“Gina, please. We can read a wholesome story once in a while.”

“But I don’t wanna! I wanna read the story about the devil!”

“I am sure it will not be that bad, or well, good.”

“If I puke rainbows again, I **** feed them to you.”

Driven perhaps by these thoughts, or perhaps by the letter, he suddenly got up from the bed, walked over to the wardrobe, and opened it. Reaching into his underwear drawer, he retrieved a small keepsake box tucked all the way at the back. He carefully opened it, his breath hitching as he pulled out a single, childish friendship bracelet. The beads spelled out "Laura." Reverently, he ran his fingers over the small, uneven letters. He bit his lip, the old, familiar grief rising to meet him, a sharp edge against the quiet of the night. He hoped, wherever she was, that she was proud of what he'd done in her name.

“Keeping an important memento at the same place you store your underpants is certainly a statement.”

“Is this the same Laura from cowguy’s story, Marcie?”

“I find that exceedingly unlikely, Gina. Considering, well...”

Laura’s **** may have been sixteen years in the past, but it haunted him still,

“If this goes in the direction I think it is going I have to kill someone.”

He plunged back into the nightmare of that day on the footbridge, crashing into the dark, tumultuous waters of the river.

“Marcie, hand me my gun.”

“You still do not own a gun, Gina.”

“Fuck!”

He was still wearing the breezy island getup he had selected from the wardrobe: a linen Hawaiian shirt, tailored cream chinos, and the kind of loafers that made him feel like he should be posing in a yacht catalog. He looked like someone’s idea of a vacationing tech mogul, which was probably the point.

*Marcie bites her lip in that generic way women do in aftershave commercials*

“Marcie, I don’t care what. You are NOT masturbating to a guy in a hawaiian shirt while I’m sitting here!”

“Unlike every other Master, Andy arrives at Harem Hotel almost with consent. The setup is still mostly the same however and we are introduced to our host, Arabella.”

“She’s cool. I mean it’s not a guy, so that’s a plus and she’s actually acting like a host, which puts her above about 99% of other hosts. She’s no Sylvia though.”

“Naturally, after that it is about time to introduce our contestants.”

Arabella flowed toward her, hands open and palms up, like she was greeting a spooked animal. “Dawn Moreno, I am so glad you could join us.” The Host’s warmth was, if anything, even more pronounced, her accent smoothing Dawn’s name into something almost musical. “There’s no need to be afraid. You’re among friends.” She turned, and for the briefest instant, those green eyes were on Andy, assessing, searching for some spark of recognition.

“Another Dawn?”

Recognition dawned.

“Pfffft!”

I remember falling asleep, and my cats were fighting on my feet.

“Ok, but seriously, is this the bizarro version of selfie’s branch? There’s even a Kim!”

She stopped, realization dawning

“ehem, it was funny the first time, author. Do not wear it out.”

the T-shirt hitched so low she looked almost childlike

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING THE FUCK ON! FUCK YOU AUTHOR! STOP RIPPING OFF SELFIE!”

“I am sure there is a logical reasoning behind all this impostoring, Gina.”

Silent Muse: Claire's voice and struggles with empathy have often led to trouble, including with the Master. Now she needs to worry no longer. She becomes the Master's perfect intellectual companion, able to anticipate his feelings, needs and desires without words. However, she loses her voice, communicating only through gestures, expressions, and written notes. (Muse)

“Oh? Oh! Ohhhhhh…”

“It sure does recontextualise a few things from when we read RoyalGambler’s season.”

“So it was this fuck that spoiled us! Not selfie! Selfie did nothing wrong! Actually scratch that, Selfie did plenty wrong! Fuck you Selfie! And fuck you, Sarckle! Where’s my Halloween story, you fuck? This is the fifth time!"

“Gina, please stop your rambling for a few seconds so that we may take a closer look at our lovely contestants.”

“Yeah sure, so there is the...the uhh...there is the token lesbian and uh...the professor and...Marcie, I am confused.”

“What is it, Gina?”

“These characters are all wrong!”

“Please explain yourself.”

“Like, I can’t even give half of them a title! Where’s the brat? The sex-lover? The tradwife? The brainiac? The boss? The psycho?”

“Hm, indeed. Most of these characters do not follow easily identifiable archetypes, which is exceedingly rare these days. Now, archetypes are not bad per se, and most authors do play around enough with them to create something fresh but this is the first season in which I feel a large contingent of the cast can not be identified with an easy label.”

“I hate it. You never know were you are with these characters.”

“Hm, perhaps moving on to the transformations will make things clearer?”

“Huuuuuu?”

“What is it with the sudden exclamation of surprise, Gina?”

“This shit is kinda not wholesome at all? These transformations are fucked up!”

“Just to name a few, we have a girl who grows four additional arms. Another one who becomes mute. Dawn has now a compulsion to serve the master and Erin can only climax if Andy is looking at her.”

“Then there’s Norah getting turned into a walking sexdoll and the Prof who constantly has to show her nipples! What the fuck? This Ara ara bitch is ruthless!”

“Apparently this transformation voting was done by a shadowy cabal, which just proves that we all would be better of if we were ruled by a shadowy cabal.”

“Also cowguy is losing his mind in the comments. Bwahahahahaha! I love it!”

Sam: 19.06% - 2500 BP

Claire: 15.90% - 2000 BP

Emi: 13.89% - 2000 BP

Liesa: 13.89% - 2000 BP

Dawn: 12.50% - 2000 BP

Marissa: 10.03% - 1500 BP

Norah: 7.95% - 1000 BP

Erin: 6.87% - 1000 BP

“Here is the popularity standing at the beginning. Predictable. The nice girls are at the top with the serious to stand offish contestants at the bottom.”

“Wasn’t expecting the lesbian to be so popular. I mean, she’s cool, I guess.”

“We can talk favorites later, for now it is off to the races.”

“Took the author long enough. We are already in the twenties chapter wise. This will be one of these long ass seasons ,won’t it, Marcie?”

Room 143 looked like the fantasy honeymoon suite of a Bond villain: pale bamboo walls, wood floors polished to a blinding shine, a king bed surrounded by sheer drapes, and, in the middle of the far wall, a glass panel set in the floor revealing the lagoon below. Tonight, the moon’s reflection rippled up onto the ceiling, making the whole room glow like a planetarium for people who’d never believed in stars.

“Perhaps. The author has a very descriptive way with words. It is not bad, but it does result in everything taking a bit longer to go through then usual.”

Andy watched, helpless and furious, as Arabella’s hand hovered above Emi’s brow. The light caught the Host’s ring—he hadn’t noticed it before—and for a moment, he thought it looked like a wedding ring. He wondered if there was anyone in the world who could possibly love someone like Arabella, who could see the warmth beneath the machinery of her cruelty. The thought made him sick.

“I can see that. Ara acts all nice and chummy but then bamm! Your life is now ruined. This was supposed to be a nice and happy season. What the fuck!”

“And here I thought you hated nice and happy seasons, Gina.”

“Yes, but I hate being tricked even more!”

“Naturally, the group has slight acclimatization issues. A few take to their transformations better then others.”

“I like how Emi’s own hands are molesting her.”

“It is very humiliating but her hands could be a bit more creative.”

“Like how, Marcie?”

“Like picking her nose or preventing her from using the bathroom.”

“Luckily for all of us, you are not a host. Norah and Erin have it tough as well but then there’s also super easy stuff, like Sam just has to hug the master once a day!”

“Really, Gina. You wouldn’t have any issue hugging a guy?”

“Obviously not. As long as I get to castrate them first.”

There is another character we need to mention. Katherine. She is also mute. A rather strange fetish the author is having there.”

“THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE POINTING OUT ABOUT HER, MARCIE?”

“Ah yes, she is also stuck in a painting. Naked. Forever. Unable to sleep or go mad.”

“Holy shitfuck on a biscuit, this is terrifying. And XarHugeDick really goes out of his way to describe just how truly horrific this is! I wouldn’t wish this fate on my worst enemy! I mean, I do but at least I would feel slightly bad about it.”

“You know, the existential dread at display here is actually a good opportunity to talk about what I consider an unfortunate miss step by the author.”

“Is it the names, Marcie?”

“No, Gina. The names are actually surprisingly well picked for once. Other seasons could learn a thing or two from them.”

“Ok, so?”

“It is the authors note in the first chapter.”

“...what?”

“It is a bit much, but for the sake of context, let me post it here in full.”

Content Note - Please Read This!

This story explores themes of trauma, healing, grief, and the complex ways our deepest hurts can lead us to unexpected forms of happiness and connection. At its heart, it's about a man who lost his other half at thirteen and spent sixteen years emotionally unavailable, unintentionally hurting others through his apathy and unresolved grief.

While set within the familiar Harem Hotel universe, this branch focuses on his journey to rediscover leadership, purpose, and joy - and the price of getting what we think we want most. The elimination mechanics serve this narrative, testing not just survival but growth, connection, and how we protect those we come to love.

This is a story about second chances and unexpected families, about how holding onto grief can sometimes be its own form of love, and about learning that healing doesn't always look the way we imagined. Eliminations, when they occur, serve these themes rather than existing for spectacle or degradation.

If you're primarily interested in systematic humiliation or elimination for its own sake, this branch isn't what you're looking for. I cannot stress this enough! But if you want a story about broken people becoming whole - though perhaps not in the ways they expected - then welcome.

This story believes that sometimes the greatest gift comes with the greatest sacrifice, and that love takes forms we never anticipated.

And yes, there is smut.

“This single note greatly diminishes the story.”

“Ha?”

“Let me explain. When we experience a tale, we usually expect a happy ending. The hero winning, getting the girl etc. That is just how it usually goes. But there is always that niggling doubt in the back of our heads, that maybe things will not turn out well. You know it is unlikely but you can not completely rule it out. That small chance of things going wrong is what adds the spice to every story and I would say it is the selling point of Harem Hotel in particular.”

“…”

“With this note, the author denies us this small possibility. He assures us that no matter how bad things may get, they will turn out alright in the end. This story is expertly crafted. It plays with emotions, anticipation and the pure existential dread of Harem Hotel in a way I have not seen since Dissonant’s season. But that single note that promises us a happy ending spoils everything.”

“Aren’t you exaggerating a bit, Marcie?”

“No.”

“Right. What was I expecting?”

“Author, do not treat your readers like children that need to be coddled. Remove that infuriating note and let your story speak for itself!”

“Or even better, give me sadistic eliminations, you pansy!”

“Moving on...”

TODAY IS A NEW DAY.

REMEMBER: YOU ARE THE AXIS.

EVERYTHING TURNS ON YOU.

—A

“PFFFFT!!!!!”

“Marcie…”

“I like this host. Finally someone who is a professional and witty.”

“Uhu. So, we are moving through the round and...fucking hell, this is another the girls aren’t really playing the game season, isn’t it, Marcie?”

“Indubitably. They are slowly earning points but the idea to actively sabotage each other does not even cross these girls mind. Even the more abrasive ones, well just Norah really, has no intention of getting ahead. The focus is on their mental issues and trauma.”

“At least Erin has that whole orgasm denial thing going on. Having to jerk off in front of a guy is plenty humiliating.”

“hmm…”

“What? You love that shit.”

“I do not deny that it is humiliating, Gina. I just do not like how the humiliation is handled.”

“Oh, for fucks sake. Geez, Marcie! What is wrong about it this time? Is Erin’s blush 1.2 shades too light?”

“It is too dry, too clinical. Akin to having to wear adult diapers because of a medical condition. Humiliating yes, but ultimately nothing more then a bodily malfunction.”

“Yeah ok, I don’t get how your insane mind works, so I wouldn’t know.”

“Then let me give you a more specific example. There is no teasing. Nobody is making fun of Erin or any of the other vicious transformations. It is all handled in a very courteous and dignified manner.”

“Maybe because they aren’t monsters, Marcie? Have you considered that?”

“Finding the right balance between drama and eroticism is a tricky art. I think this author believes he would water down his themes if he were to fetishize subjects like Erin’s transformation. And while that is true, this is a porn story. Readers are reading this to pleasure themselves.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“I will have to, lest it will not get through this authors thick skull that a porn story needs to have porn beyond sanitized accounts of fornication that you could read at Bible Camp.”

“Oh, give it a rest, Marcie. The last story we read was cock full of fucking! I don’t mind not having a dick shoved down my throat every chapter.”

“Well, I do mind, thank you very much. Case in point, look at this challenge! A twenty plus chapter long sordid affair full of misery and mental anguish.”

“Ok, HugeDick, I try to defend you here, but Holly fuck, these girls have issues! I would say they need a therapist but even the therapist needs a therapist.”

“These slices of backstory are presented well. They avoid the usual pitfalls of flashbacks by having them be quick vignettes that are interspersed with dialog. If you have to have flashbacks in your story, this is how to handle them.”

“But there’s so fucking much! Each girl gets a lengthy chapter and it’s all right after the other, and blaaaa! Here’s a girl with homophobic parents, here’s a mom who died. You should whore yourself out. What self esteem issues have you? You’re an autiiiist! These poor immigrants can’t buy Christmas presents for their kids.”

“It all blurs together, unfortunately. I think this would have been a perfect opportunity for a multiple choice option. Pick one of the teams and instead of a hodgepodge of eight girls, you get two distinct backstories. This would also have made the second part of the challenge more digestible.”

“We should have just stuck to the part were the girls have to paint their naked bodies and show themselves off like living artworks. For fucks sake, HugeDick, it’s not that hard! Objectify these bitches!”

“That said, it is asking a bit much to take in each individual artwork.”

“I like Emi.”

“That is nice, Gina.”

“Ok, so it’s finally time to vote and they are really hyping this shit up! But then Andy finds a loophole and no one gets eliminated!”

"Which does catapult him quite high in the estimates of masters, what say you, Gina?"

"Grrr, I suppose he is the best male master so far. Not that this is much of accomplishment. His competition is an old fart, a guy who pisses himself when he walks outside and the authors self-insert."

"Ah, but not everyone is so happy about Andy saving his harem. In fact, his actions sparked some controversy in the comments, which I imagine led to Xar putting up that note in the beginning. It all comes together now.”

“In other words...the audience fucked up again!”

"It just wouldn't be a Harem Hotel season without that. That said, perhaps doing away with eliminations altogether, like other seasons have done, would have served this type of story better.”

“And we are done. Man, this round was long as fuck! And we didn't even cover the fucking fan mail."

"It is just not the same without that pedantic little shrew Hadric, sigh."

"So, we're talking favorites? Because my favorite is Emi."

“Hm, favorite, favorite...I appreciate Dawn’s work ethic but it does not quite arouse me the same way Kim does.”

“uhu.”

“I am of course talking about the Kim in sechrimas season. Not the Kim here, which is your favorite character.”

“Told you this shit is confusing.”

“But returning to matters at hand, I think I have to give the win to Katherine.”

“Katherine doesn’t count, Marcie.”

“Oh please, Gina, we both know she will join the harem in due time. I am just getting ahead of the pack.”

“Yeah sure, whatever. Least favorite. Uh... probably Liesa. She’s just kinda there? Even her transformation sucks ass.”

“While her inability to speak proper English is infuriating, I will have to pick Norah.”

“Really? You usually tend to like the hard workers.”

“Yes, but she is a failure, Gina. And I dislike failures."

“Wow, ruthless.”

"But I could have seen past her utter incompetence if it wasn't for her inability to own up to her own mistakes."

"I mean, maybe she can learn?"

"Absurd. The best Norah can hope for is getting eliminated and become Andy’s busty Bimbo Secretary. Brewing coffee is just about all this imbecile is good for. All she need now is a wrynn transformation and instead of utter incompetent she can be udder incontinent!"

"...did you hate on Norah just for the sake of a stupid pun?"

"Merely partially."

“Uhu. I wouldn’t count on anyone getting eliminated in this season, Marcie. He tries to hide it, but I can tell. This is a pansy ass, author.”

"Perhaps. You know, Gina. This truly was a puzzling season."

"Yeah, sure."

“The character work and grammar is excellent. After last weeks abomination I was pleasantly surprised. The prose is evocative too, with the caveat that the author does have a tedious tendency to overuse certain phrases.”

expression unyielding but not unkind.

Arabella nodded, not unkindly.

Arabella shrugged, not unkindly.

Arabella laughed, not unkind.

Her tone was not unkind,

“You look like shit,” she said, not unkindly.

“You are very young,” she said, but not unkindly.

She looked at Andy, not unkindly.

“That’s called empathy,” Marissa said, not unkindly.

She smiled, not unkindly.

“You can do it,” Erin said, not unkindly.

Sarah said, not unkindly.

He smiled, not unkind.

she said, soft and not unkind.

and Memory-Erin’s eyebrow arched, not unkindly.

something between a sigh and a laugh, but not unkind.

The Host said, not unkindly,

but it wasn’t unkind.

“Marcie, would you kindly get to the point?”

“In essence, from a mechanical standpoint, this is the best Harem Hotel season yet, but it’s insistence of forgoing eroticism for the sake of narrative integrity means I can not give it any higher then a middling rating. A Shame, really. And the author was even good at puns.”

“You could have all saved us some time and just said that you wanted more sexy stuff, Marcie. And by the way, I WANT MORE SEXY STUFF!”

“I think this excerpt sums up my feelings quite succinctly.”

She softened, just a fraction. “You’re not as bad as I thought, Cooper. Still not great. But not vomit-inducing.”

He raised his mug. “To not inducing vomit, then.”

She snorted, the sound raw and real. “To not inducing vomit.”

“We didn’t puke and we didn’t get off. Congratulations, HugeDick, you’re adequate.”

“And with that, I bid you adieu. Happy Halloween, everyone.”

“It’s November, Marcie.”