The first day of school after summer break

The September sun was still warm on Merel's back as she cycled up the familiar, yet now ominous, gravel driveway of Radbound College. The summer holidays, weeks of relative freedom during which her biggest concern was whether the ice in the freezer at Ron's café, where she worked as a waitress, had been replenished, felt like a distant dream. A heaviness, unrelated to her school bag, pressed down on her shoulders. It was the first day of school, and that meant one thing: the annual update of the student dossier. Today, the photo would be taken.

Beside her cycled Sanne, her brown curls dancing in the wind. While Merel's blonde hair was tied back in a tight ponytail, Sanne's brunette mane always seemed to have a life of its own, much like her personality. Merel wore a simple, dark blue dress, something she hoped would help her blend in. Sanne, on the other hand, wore black jeans with a white blouse.

"Looking forward to it again?" Sanne asked, with a sarcastic grin that made her green eyes twinkle.

Merel shook her head, her gaze fixed on the school building ahead. The brick facade seemed to bake in the sun.

"No. Never. It feels... like renewing a passport for a country you don't want to visit."

"Tell me about it," Sanne sighed. "But hey, it's not that bad."

Merel couldn't understand how Sanne could talk about it so casually. Sanne clearly had no problem with it.

They locked their bikes in the racks, the sound of clicking locks a ritual that brought her back to countless other anxious first days. The school hallways were a cacophony of laughter, shouts, and the rustling of backpacks. Everyone was pretending it was a normal day, but Merel could see the tense looks, the **** smiles. Everyone knew what was coming.

They walked on, towards the administration building where the photos were always taken. A queue had already formed, a snake of silent, nervous students winding through the otherwise empty corridor. There was no sound of chatter, only the shuffling of feet and an occasional nervous cough. Merel felt her palms grow clammy. She stared at the door at the end of the queue, a plain, grey door that was closed. Behind it was the room.

Her mind drifted to the contents of her schooldossier. In which the school kept strict records of your grades, but also things like your cup size and, worst of all, a full nude photo of both your front and back.

It was the nakedness of the information that upset her so much. It reduced her to a collection of facts, where the most intimate details, like the cup size she barely dared to say out loud herself, were noted next to her maths grades. As if they were equally important.

"I wonder if they've changed the camera this year," Sanne mumbled beside her, trying to break the silence.

"Why? Does it matter?" Merel whispered back.

"Maybe the resolution is higher," Sanne joked with a wry grin. "Then she can take a good picture of my pussy. I shaved it on purpose last night."

Merel tried to smile, but it felt like a grimace. The queue shuffled forward slowly. Then the grey door opened and a boy named Frank came out. His face was chalk-white, his eyes glazed over. He hastily straightened his shirt and walked away with quick, jerky steps, without looking at anyone. The door closed again. A shiver ran through the queue.

"Sanne Lux," called an impersonal, female voice from inside.

Sanne responded nonchalantly with a "yes".

"Good luck," Merel whispered.

Sanne nodded and walked confidently towards the room. The door closed with a soft, but definitive click.

The minutes that followed felt like hours. Merel stared at the floor, at the patterns in the linoleum, and tried to empty her mind. She counted the tiles, she listened to the sound of her own heart. Then, after what felt like an eternity, the door opened. Sanne came out. She walked out of the office as if she had just graduated. Before Merel could speak to Sanne, her name was called.

"Merel Silverstone."

Mrs. Decker's voice cut through the silent corridor. Merel's turn. Her stomach churned. She gave Sanne's hand one last, squeezing press and stepped forward. Her legs felt like heavy, lifeless wood.

Stepping into the room was like diving into cold, still water. The air was still and cool, and the only sound was the soft hum of a bright, overhead lamp. It cast a hard, white square of light onto the floor, right on a simple marker. That's where she had to stand. Mrs. Decker, a woman with a face like an impassive mask and a bun of grey hair, sat behind a bare school desk. Next to her stood a tripod with a digital camera, its black lens impersonally aimed at the empty spot.

"Clothes on the chair," Mrs. Decker said, without looking up from her clipboard. Her voice had the emotion of someone giving directions.

With trembling fingers, Merel obeyed. Every zip, every button felt like a surrender. The rough cotton of her dress, the light elastic of her bra – it all felt like a protective layer she now had to shed. The cold air pricked her bare skin, and a deep shiver ran down her back. She felt immensely exposed, infinitely ****. She folded her clothes neatly, a pointless gesture of normality in this completely abnormal situation, and placed them on the wooden chair in the corner.

"Stand there. Feet on the marker. Face the camera."

Merel walked to the indicated spot. The linoleum felt chilly under her bare feet. She tried to cross her arms over her chest, an instinctive attempt at protection.

"Arms at your sides," came the monotone correction.

It was the ultimate humiliation. Not a single part of herself was hers alone anymore. Everything was being recorded, measured, catalogued. She did as she was told, her face burning with shame. She tried to focus her gaze on a small stain on the wall behind Mrs. Decker, but the lamp's harsh light relentlessly drew all attention to her naked body.

*Click*

The sound was hard and final. The flash blinded her for a moment. Her naked body, frozen in a moment of pure shame.

“Turn around, arms by your sides,” commanded Mrs. Decker.

Slowly, Merel turned her bare back toward the camera. She felt the heat of the warm lamp on her bare bottom.

*Click*

After the flash, Merel continued to stare at the wall for a moment until Mrs. Decker's loud voice snapped her out of her trance.

"You can get dressed again," Mrs. Decker said, already making notes on her form.

Merel moved mechanically, her movements awkward and fast. She pulled her clothes on, the rough material of her dress feeling strange on her exposed skin. She didn't look at the woman behind the desk, nor at the camera. She just wanted to get out. When she grabbed the doorknob, it felt ice-cold. She pushed the door open and stepped back into the corridor, back to the world, but she felt as if she had left a part of herself behind forever in that cold, white light.

Sanne was waiting outside, her arms crossed tightly. She said nothing, but simply slung an arm around Merel's shoulders as she walked beside her. The physical closeness was a welcome anchor.

"Ready for maths?" Sanne asked finally, her voice deliberately light.

Merel shook her head, a feeling of exhaustion and emptiness overwhelming her. "No. But it can't be worse than that."

"Maths with Mr. Visser?" Sanne scoffed. "I doubt that."

They walked down the corridor, away from the administration building.