Buerre Rouge

Sunlight began to filter through the curtains of the master suite, and thin sun beams scattered across the surface of the bed were enough to cause Caleb to stir. Groggily, opening his eyes and blinking a few times, he looked over and saw Maddy curled up against him, her head in the crook of his shoulder. Not wanting to disturb her, he stayed still and lay looking up at the ceiling. It didn’t take long for the worries and anxieties that had felt so far away yesterday to begin pushing at the fringes of his brain.

How had Noemi and Lily gotten on during their time out? What did Maya end up upgrading at the Ante table, and was sending Stella with her a good idea? Was Eliza going to be ok for today? What was the upcoming challenge going to be? How could he make sure all the women were safe? Did Amy go to the burning church, and had Lucian found out? Yesterday, everything had felt so far away; now his brain was back to its standard perpetual anxiety machine status.

His thoughts were interrupted by a voice below, “Mmm, are you alright? You look so tense.” he turned his gaze down and saw as Maddy moved a hand to his chest as she stared blearily at him through lidded eyes.

Caleb tried to muster a smile, though it came across as more of a pained grimace, “Yeah, I’ll be ok, just thinking…I thought I was getting better about it, not worrying over every little thing. Yesterday was the most ‘present’ I’ve felt, but now I’m just back at it, mind running in circles…”

Turning her gaze away for a moment, Maddy quietly said, “I might have had something to do with that?”

“I don’t know about that, after all, being next to you is what made me so calm yesterday, it’s everything else I’m worried about.” Caleb rubbed her back, and the blonde shook her head.

“No, Caleb, that’s what I mean.” Seeing Caleb’s confusion, she continued, “Yesterday I was under the effect of three different sabotages, one made it so my feelings were projected onto other people, and the other had a calming effect if I was close to someone. It probably is what kept you from being anxious a lot of yesterday.”

“Oh,” the master said plainly, a little wind taken out of his sails, “I had thought-I guess it was too much to hope I was actually getting better. Yeah…no, this makes more sense.” He hung his head as Maddy emphatically shook hers.

“No, Caleb! The transformation didn’t make you do anything! Those were your choices; it may have helped with your feelings, but taking the risk without the umbrella, swimming, and everything else was your choice. Maybe the magic might have helped how you felt, but everything you chose to do was you doing it.”

Caleb didn’t look fully convinced, but his expression softened, and he smiled, “Thanks, Maddy, I appreciate it,” he paused, “Wait, what did the third sabotage do then?”

Immediately, the chef’s face flashed bright pink. “I-it…um,” she swallowed, “it m-made me sweat a lot and…made my s-sweat…” she drifted off before closing her eyes and rushing the words out, “itmademysweatanaphrodisiac.”

Caleb blinked, “Oh, so that’s what that smell was.”

Maddy made an expression like she wanted to die and covered her face as she made a sound similar to a ready teakettle. Caleb, realizing how that probably sounded, leaned in and rubbed her back, “No! It was a nice smell!” met by the sound intensifying, “No, it was! Just yeah, it explains how…yeah, all day wow.”

Maddy started pounding on his chest softly with her fists, “You can shut up about it any time now!”

Caleb gave her a sideways grin, “Alright, no need to discuss it. It-it was a nice date, I enjoyed myself. Thank you for doing that. Can I be honest? I didn’t expect you to do any of the stuff with the sabotages or using your treat. It was very daring.”

The blonde nodded and lifted herself up from the bed, “Yeah, to be entirely truthful, I didn’t plan on it either. The island I found last week, but all the rest…Mira helped me out with that. She said she didn’t want me to be left behind and came up with a bunch of ways to clear bounties off the board in a safe way and encouraged me to take some risks.”

“That, yeah, that sounds like her.” Caleb leaned forward, “At work, she was pretty uncompromising, sometimes it came across as rude, but you could tell it was only because she wanted to push you to be better because she knew you could be.” The master stared down at his lap, “It’s a trait I didn’t appreciate until I was here,” he chuckled, “Honestly, I thought she was kind of a pain in the ass.”

Maddy chuckled and walked over to where she had set her clothes the night before, when preparing for Caleb, “She cares a lot more than you’d think based on how rough around the edges she is. I didn’t expect her to help me so much. I thought she was more like Maya.”

Caleb shrugged, “Maya wouldn’t mind helping people as long as it was a game she could win, or she could do it without worrying about winning.”

Frowning, Maddy paused, “Why is she like that? She seems nice most of the time, she’s always friendly, but…”

“I-” Caleb opened his mouth as he moved to stand and then shut it again, “I’m not sure it’s my story to tell. She’s…sad though, I think. Just very sad and finding a way to get through it.”

In all her interactions with the lottery winner, Maddy would have never categorized her as ‘sad’. So she looked over at Caleb and just said, “You probably know better than I do.”

“You aren’t the one being pushed to go on dates with everyone, but I'm sure she’d be open to talking about it. Might be good for her, she needs friends.” Caleb began putting on his pants and missed the look Maddy gave him unintentionally.

Hearing him speak about another member of the harem like that made it all the more evident how conscious and careful he was with everyone. Despite making it clear he wasn’t pushing romance on any of the women here, she could hear the affection he had for them. Maddy’s green eyes narrowed, and she pursed her lips slightly in irritation as she put on her sundress.

She looked around and then said quietly, “You know, you have that sitting area in your room now, I bet if we asked one of the fauns, they would bring breakfast up to us so we didn’t have to join everyone.”

Caleb put his arms through the sleeves of his shirt and began to button up, raising an eyebrow at the blonde, “I mean, probably, I don’t see Lucian complaining about where we eat. You know he’s got no shortage of things about, though, so maybe.”

The blonde kept her eyes looking to the side, “Well, there’s no harm in asking, right? And you have such a nice view of the rest of the island, it would be a s-shame to only use the place for sleeping, right?”

Caleb looked around. It’s true that it had come a long way from the shoebox he had been given at the start of the competition. Which was ostensibly a good sign for his relationships with the women here. Still, though, “Maybe we could do that next time? I really would like to see everyone today. There are a few people I have some questions for, and I want to make sure I see them before my date with Eliza.” He let out a low whistle, “Who knows if that’s even happening? I haven’t seen her all week. Have you?”

The green-eyed woman gave a thin smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, “No, I haven’t.” She leaned down and straightened her dress, “I was just tossing out ideas, of course, we can have breakfast with everyone, it’s not like it’s our d-date anymore.”

Caleb walked over and kissed Maddy’s forehead, “Hey, you don’t need the structure of this twisted game to make sure we get time together. The way I see it, we’re all stuck together and I want to make time for everyone.”

Maddy’s cheeks warmed, and she felt her chest loosen a little. Her smile brightened a bit, “Alright, well if we’re going downstairs, we'd better get moving.” She lifted up the basket, “I have to return this anyhow.”

Caleb wrapped his arm around Maddy’s shoulder. She leaned against him as they left the room, and after a moment asked, “Caleb? Maybe it’s weird to ask with everything…b-but” She swallowed, “Can I call you my boyfriend?”

Looking over at her face, staring determinedly at the floor, he gave a quick nod, “Yeah, I don’t have a problem with that. I don’t really know what it means, given the show we’re on, but yeah, I’d be honored to be your boyfriend.”

The blonde’s grip tightened on his arm as they entered the elevator and said quietly, “It’s enough.”

Another duo was getting dressed in their room, though for them it was a slightly different affair. In the Innamorti Suite, Amy was watching from the bed as Lily, with her eyes closed, sprouted vines and leaves until they formed a dress and sleeves fitted to her body. She opened her eyes and looked herself over, “I still can’t really manage anything that isn’t completely form-fitting, but I think I’m getting the hang of making different styles,” she looked over at the Oni and gave a small twirl, “What do you think?”

Amy broke out of her daze as her eyes focused on Lily, “Huh? Sorry, Lily, what were you saying?”

“I mean, I was just commenting on getting used to my transformation. You’re normally into the mechanics of these things, so I wanted your opinion.” Though her sideways glance and pink cheeks suggested it wasn’t all she had been hoping for, “You were like this last night after you came back from dinner, too, so what’s up?”

Amy frowned, unsure what she could and couldn’t say without risk. Lucian knew everything at this point, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t lash out at someone who brought it up, and Lily had a tendency not to know when to hold back when angry. Though, as she looked at the plant woman, seeing the concern in her face, she sighed, “I’ve been thinking a lot about being here and what it means.”

“Other than the fact that we have astronomically bad luck?” Lily sat down next to Amy on the bed.

Smirking slightly at the comment, Amy shook her head, “No, more…” she circled her hand as she searched for the word, “just about the nature of the competition and what’s expected of us.”

Lily’s eyes narrowed, “I’m guessing you’re talking about more than having sex with Caleb, because you don’t seem to have a hang-up on that.” She paused and then sighed, “Sorry, meant that as a joke, but realized coming from me that it might…”

“You’re fine, and you’re right.” Amy moved her hands into her lap and circled her thumbs, “Because yeah, obviously the show wants us to have sex with Caleb, but the audience wants more than that, believe it or not. Contestants who just do sex and not emotion don’t tend to do well, surprisingly.” Her tone on the last word indicated a touch of bitterness.

“What, love?” Lily asked, her face screwing up, “You’re kidding me. This is a show run and watched by a multiverse of perverts, and they want fucking love?”

“Yeah, and love-fucking,” Amy quipped as she pressed her thumbs together, “If you think about it, it makes a sort of sense. Shows like Love Island and The Bachelor all exist because audiences get high on vicariously experiencing love. The difference here is magic to up the ante and showing the fun bits between us and the master.”

“Ok…” Lily had just dismissed the audience as a matter of course as a group of sadists who got off on making them submit, ”So, they want us to not just fuck Caleb, but love him. What’s got you hung up on that? I mean, I know you’re ace, but that doesn’t mean you can’t fall in love.”

Whatever Lily had expected in response to that statement, it wasn’t the scrunched-up look of pain that Amy gave her, “Sorry, Amy, I didn’t mean…”

The oni pressed her hands tight together, and Lily was surprised to see her shoulders shake. Amy had always seemed unflappable, like nothing got under her skin. It took a bit, but she finally opened her mouth, “You don’t need to apologize, you’re right… It's got nothing to do with being ace. I’m also not aromantic, the idea of being in a relationship isn’t uninteresting to me…it’s just. Love? What the fuck is that, even?”

Lily froze, “You know…if I had a nickel for every time I was asked that this week, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it is weird that it’s happened twice.”

This led to the oni snorting and laughing despite herself, “Alright, Doofenshmirtz, calm down.”

Lily reached over and hugged Amy’s shoulder, “Trick I picked up streaming, things get to heavy, you can always meme.”

“Yeah, well, the question still stands. Lily, I have no fucking clue about the first thing regarding love. My parents never fucking loved each other, even before they separated. If they weren’t fighting, it meant they were in separate rooms. Then, once they separated, I found out they didn’t much care for me either.” She wiped a tear forming at her eye as Lily rubbed her back

“Mom was better,” the Oni continued, “I could tell it hurt to be around me, my face reminded her too much of the asshole. But she’d pretend, take me to museums and parks. She only had me during the summer, and it spoke volumes that she didn’t call the rest of the year. But I get it, she wanted to move on, and having me around kept her from doing that.”

“That doesn’t make it ok!” Lily’s voice rose, “She was your mom, she’s supposed to care about you.” Not that the plant woman had much first-hand experience on that front.

“Heh, she tried, I guess, like I said, dad was worse.” Amy’s eyes narrowed, “He signed me up for boxing so I could learn to defend myself and then pulled me out after a few years because I was getting 'too muscular'.” She grimaced, “Dad had a lot of opinions on how women should look and behave, and made it clear he didn’t want me to end up a 'poor excuse for a woman like my mother’. Spent a lot of time hiding in my room, on the computer. Luckily, he was a fairly successful surgeon, which kept him out of the house a lot. Along with his mistress. Though I guess once the divorce was final, that wasn’t the right term.” Her words grew increasingly bitter, feeling like ash in her mouth.

Lily stared, seeing Amy like this was unnerving. Since coming here, Amy was the one person you could count on to have it all together. Stoic, cocky at times, calculating, but always sure of herself. Seeing her hunched over, looking like a gentle breeze could knock her flat, felt wrong. “Amy, you know, none of that matters, right? You’re one of the coolest people I know, despite how we met and the fact that we’ve gotten close, considering that shows you’re a better person than your parents ever were.”

Straightened her back, the oni wiped her eyes and let out a shaky breath, “But I am their kid, I see it all the time. I can’t do anything without thinking, ‘Oh, Mom used to sit that way’, or ‘Fuck, I sounded like Dad there.’ They’re in me, I can feel it. Maybe I’m just like them and incapable of feeling love for someone.”

Lily reached out and grabbed Amy’s face, “That doesn’t matter! Yeah, they’re your parents and you’re gonna inevitably be like them in some ways, but you aren’t them.” The plant girl swallowed, “My parents had me just so my sister had a playmate, and made it obvious that was all I ever was to them, my sister’s plus one.” Her own shoulders shook now, a mix of emotions flowing through her, “So I get it, but you are you, not them. Maybe they’re fucked up and maybe you are too, but your fuck ups are yours.”

She pulled her hands away, “And the woman I’ve seen on this island cares too much about other people to be incapable of caring about people. Maybe that’s not the same, but it makes me think if you want to fall in love with anyone, whether it’s Caleb or anyone else, you owe it to yourself to let yourself feel like you can.”

A silence stood between them before Amy smiled, “Did you just call me fucked up?”

“You’re on this island, we’re all fuck ups here.” Lily sniffed before smiling back.

Amy reached out and gave Lily a hug, “Thanks, Lily, it means a lot.”

Lily’s face brightened to a bright red, rivaling the oni’s own skin, “D-Don’t mention it, I just couldn’t stand seeing you look that way.”

Giving the plant girl a sharp clap on the back, Amy separated and stood up, “Should we go get some breakfast?”

Recollecting herself, Lily stood up to join her, “Yeah, sure, I could stand to eat.”

They took a step to the door, and Amy turned to look Lily up and down, causing her to blush, “What is it?”

“You’re a plant, right? Do you think you could just photosynthesize?” The oni asked, fascinated.

Relieved that her friend was back to normal, Lily pushed her through the door so they could leave while giving an exaggerated, indignant humph