Red Sonja

All this world makes no sense ... and after absorbing so many adventurers ... the digestion is finally completed.

I refused the elves invitation to destroy a guild, and moved away ... and with me ... my old path. The full armour is no longer necessary, I have enough red fluid inside to fake a wound and pretend to be a human, and can harvest more if necessary. This is a tribute to her ... The face, and the hair are taken from others ... but it's her hair ... and my strength. It's now very clear to me ... Heroes and Heroines exist to keep this world balanced ... Guilds, adventurers, all this ... is rotten to the core, and soon will burn under the magic arrows of the elves ...

Not enough to destroy this land, but this town will suffer ... So I move away. According to my memories, people think that females are weak ... Carrying a heavy battle axe is enough to make them thing twice before coming closer.

The path is empty ... I can move freely ... all gear goes to inventory ... and I move faster ... Slime form, like a serpent, no ... like a river ... flowing trough the forest unstoppable ... unseen and unheard ... My scan takes care of that. After leaving the elves, I returned to the cave, swallowed the Flying Snakes, and here is the result ... My scan senses a town close ... Return to human form, and leave the forest ... Just another adventurer walking on a desert road ...

" Stop. Show me your papers. "

Shout the guards ... two of them, this town is not expecting troubles ... or has several strong adventurers.

" Lost plate. "

My voice is now perfect, and they are hesitating ... looking at my axe ...

" Where did you get that axe ? "

Raising their spears against me ... If I say that the axe was between the loot of the Flying Snakes, you will never believe me ... so I prepared a story. Talking is not easy when someone is hearing ...

" Found. "

It's true ... and also says nothing ... They are looking at me ... and the older of them speaks in a different tone.

" Bandits ... that makes sense ... From the way you carry it ... they messed with the wrong adventurer. We need to check the bodies to identify them, there is a reward and ... "

" Eaten. "

A simple word, that makes the old man nods to the young one, and then turns to me.

" Before getting eaten they ... "

I don't answer, just touch the blade of my axe. The soldier nods, and steps to the side. When I pass him he says.

" We don't want troubles on this town ... Without a plate you will have to start over. Those Bandits had a big reward on their heads ... and a lot of friends ... You should ..."

I touch the blade of my axe once more, and he nods, while pointing to a street.

" Follow that street, last building is the Guild ... They can give you a new plate. Don't get lost ... Rookie. "

He waits for a reaction, I walk away and follow the path he said ... My scan already revealed that is the right direction. Besides streets, and living beings, it can now identify some more things ... one of them is booze. For some reason adventurers like to get drunk ... Booze and swords ... what can go wrong ? For now is ignoring the eyes that look at this body, and turn their heads after seeing my axe. A noise ... a horn is blowing ... Comes from that side, but no one is running ... on the other side there is a celebration happening ... for some reason ... That is not important.

I enter the guild, and all the eyes turn to me ... a new face entering caught all the attention, even more carrying a battle axe. Those are the excuses, but I see it ... The Lust in their eyes ... I wonder if the Heroine also passed by all this ... There is the receptionist, looks young compared to all the others in the room.

" Lost plate. "

A simple sentence that makes the receptionist shakes a little, then she grabs a little piece of wood.

"You will ... have to register again ... it's ... one gold piece ... Name ? "

She is hesitating ... and all eyes are following my movements ... I place my left hand inside my right glove, and a gold coin falls from my inventory into my fingers. For all seeing, looks like I took it from the glove.

" A strange place to keep your gold ... "

" Sonja, last coin. Give quest. "

My words surprise her, and I can see using scan that several adventurers are returning to their conversations. Lost a plate, no gold ... some will think I was robbed, others will think I really lost my things ... Both are a sign that I'm not dangerous to them. The receptionist is carving the name I gave her on the wood plate, and returning it to me.

" Sonja, wood is the basic rank. Then we have Bronze, Silver, and Gold. The available quests are on the board. You can ... only pick according to your rank."

She stops talking, waiting for some questions, I turn around, and look at the quests. While I read the posters, I remember that she is hiding information. After Gold, there are Diamond, and a few others ... My scan picked their plates. They are on the upper floor on a meeting for some reason ... Detecting minerals ... I could use this skill to dig a mine ... If I was needing for gold. I just wanted the plate ... And since I'm here, I look to the other board.

A full list of beings that are wanted ... I wonder if I level up my scan I can pinpoint them ... But for now, is the basic one ... There were several on the board for Wood rank ... The one I picked makes the receptionist blink.

" Herb gathering, Sonja ? I have a group that needs members to escort a chariot "

I don't answer, just push the poster to her. She nods, gives me a small map, and a poster of the herbs. I leave the guild, and now have an excuse to walk free. The music is getting louder, the party is on the side streets, but I'm leaving the town. The old man looks at me, I show him my wood plate, he nods. No words are necessary, he wanted to know if I kept my word, now he knows.

I reach the area of the forest on the map, not far, just a little to the side from the main path. Adventurers don't like to gather this herbs for several reasons. One of them is that is boring ... but not for me. One herb I collect on the bag tied to my waist, two go inside my body. It's always good to know what is around us ... Something is different.

" Herb scanned. Updating. "

Ok ... this is interesting ... after eating this herb ... the scan is showing me ... a lot of them ... not on this area, but a little more to the side ... I could harvest them, and show to the guild what I can do ... but is best not push my luck. My spies are getting closer ... It's normal that the guild send some supervisors to watch a rookie ... But that is an excuse for them to follow me ... I can see what they are doing from the corner of my eye ... such small tentacles ...

" Are you seeing that ? "

" Alone, crouched on that position ... perfect to grab herbs ... "

For now I pretend to not hear them, while maintaining the normal awareness for an ambush typical of an adventurer alone in a forest. They think they are good ... my scan is detecting ... a thin layer of copper. The plates are not full copper ... two of them ... And this area ... smells ... someone used it to fertilise the land, and forgot to cover it ... Humans have such terrible ways ... On the other side ... they are marking territory ... a safety measure terrible executed ... But is best to move to another zone, still inside the area on the map. I have no problem with smells, since I don't breath ... but is best for them to not know it. Talking requires breathing ... or at least the passage of the air ... I do it only near humans ... Using the sucking capacity to absorb air, and then expel it using the reverse function ... unsucking ... blowing is the correct word. Here come my fans.

" Your gloves seem heavy, let me carry them. "

" And the rest of the clothes, also. Not that you have much left. Hahahaha. "

Funny ... two copper ... no one else. my battle axe is on the ground ... they were waiting for this moment ...

" Are you deaf ? Strip now. "

**** ... the smell comes from them ... Some liquid courage on the way here. I can sense some gold on their pouches ... my thin tentacles are moving fast, and already reached them. A tiny hole on the bottom of my boots is enough for me to release them. At first I did it to sense the floor ... Being covered has so much disadvantages. They don't have much mana ... and are drawing their swords ... Warriors ... Swordsman ... That is not important.

They try to scream, but my tentacles are already coiled on their throats. And using Morph I can make them look like my gloved hands ... The guild will probably want to know what happened to them, so is best ... No. I changed my mind. They are evil, so I'll absorb them. Their swords look good ... One for each hand, and chop their heads.

Blood is flowing on the floor ... enough to leave a trace to investigate ... and call the beasts I scanned. But one of the bodies is mine ... Let me try it ... Move more mass trough the tentacle ... and it's working ... he is fully covered with my body. And ready to be digested. Collect the loot from both into my inventory. And the plates inside my glove. One sword on each hand ... I like that, felt like tentacles ... Carrying the battle axe is not easy to enter a building ...

I almost destroyed the guild's door. But two swords, with metal scabbards ... I can use them ... Tied on my back, and it's done. The trick is simple, with a small movement I can block any attack by luck ... and luck is my scan telling me exactly where the attack is aiming at, and the best way to intercept it ... Not much, but easier to carry then a shield ... And being above the fur mantle, I can even bleed a little if necessary. This fur is from a wolf ... big one ... Need to search where I can catch one of those ... They have more meat than this copper adventurers.

The bears are getting near ... but slowly ... They fear me ... So is best to walk away ... There it is, I can see them walking slowly. For each step I move forward, they do the same ... to keep the distance ... Eat well furry friends, there was plenty for us both. Only one herb gathered with all this mess ... and the bag is stained with blood.

When I pass the guards, the young one sees the stains on the bag, but the old one is making him a sign to not say anything. They saw the two copper following me, but didn't do nothing .... The authority they have is only valid on the town. What happens on the forest is not for them to know ... Explains why no one does the easy tasks ... I found a new bait for my future meal ... but for now is delivering the bag to the receptionist.

" Only one, Sonja ? Any problems ? "

I drop the two copper plates on the table, and my scan picks a big man looking at me. He was looking since I entered, and now is looking at the plates ... and back to me.

" Bear. "

One word, enough to make a small group gather around the big man. The receptionist is nodding.

" Yes ... We received some reports ... something is happening deep inside the forest, and the beast come closer to get their food. So the bears caught the adventurers, and you try to save them ? "

" Wolf bite cooper. Bears took them. "

My sentence gains a new meaning when I touch my mantle. The receptionist sees that is wolf's fur, and the big man is getting up ... Getting closer ... The receptionist places one copper coin on the counter.

" I'm sorry ... One herb, one coin ... "

I grab the coin, and place it on my glove ... here comes the big man ... and he is touching my left shoulder.

" Listen up, Sonja. We have rules here and ... "

He stops talking when my right punch hits his stomach, then he falls, and all behind me are surprised. I ignore all, and crouch. Useless gear, and can't eat him ... But the sword is a little bigger, and so the scabbard. Plus the pouch with gold ... Here, you can have one of the small swords ... this one looks better.

" Hey, what are you doing crazy lady ? "

The voice comes from the table where the big man was ... a group of copper, and some silver is looking at me.

" Touch, pays. "

I point to my left shoulder, and they all tremble for a moment. The receptionist says.

" Sonja ... you can't take his sword, or his gold and ... "

I nod, and grab the small sword I dropped on his chest. Then I grab his right arm, and an old lady shouts.

" Stop ... Sonja, keep the things ... We don't follow the old ways here. "

I turn my head to her ... an old lady using a robe ... A mage probably ... I nod, drop the sword, and stand up again. My looted memories showed what they used to do some years ago ... It worked so well that they stop doing it. Human ways are strange ... But with this small pouch of gold, I have an excuse to look for a room.

One of the problems of being a slime ... need to stay still absorbing mana ... so a private bedroom is a good place to be. Back to the counter, the old lady stands in front of the young receptionist. She is on a defensive posture.

" Room. "

One word, the old lady nods, and points to the stairwell. I nod back, and toss her the small bag of gold. She says.

" Meal ? "

" Forest. "

" Door open. "

She nods, I go closer the stairwell, and climb the stairs. There is no sound heard, until I pass the small corridor, and enter the room with the open door. Then I listen all, using a thin tentacle on the beginning of the corridor.

" Listen up, don't mess with Sonja ... You all saw it. "

" One punch ... must be some kind of trick ... and what about my party members ? "

" My job is to warn you, you are warned. About your party members ... they were caught by a wolf. Apparently their duties of watching were performed ... close. "

" They were ... helping ... Yes, Sonja was attacked, and they were helping ... "

He stops talking, my scan shows that all are returning to their conversations ... The receptionist whispers.

" Guild master ... that bag of gold ... isn't that too much ? "

" Listen well ... Barbarians are ... not good with numbers. That's why Sonja carries a gold coin. Not copper, not silver. Gold ... so that no soldier can say she didn't payed a meal, a trip, or even a room. "

They continue to whisper, no one is listening ... but my plan worked. Sonja's appearance, plus lack of speech, and pure brutality gave them all the clues. Sonja is just a dumb Barbarian, without anything worthy to steal ... Someone is getting closer ... the scan shows a man with a dagger ... Entering my room ... amusing. I grab him by the throat, and climb down the stairs. Then I place him on the table.

" Rat. "

One word is enough, I carve the dagger on his hand, and take his pouch. Nothing more worthy to loot ... Take one gold coin from his pouch, store it on my glove, and empty the rest of the coins on the table.

" Rat pays. "

Two words, and point to the barrel. A small group comes near me fast.

" Are you serious, Sonja ? "

Says the man in plate armour ... looks expensive ... I grab the coins, and place them on his hand. Then I turn my back, and return near the stairwell. The old lady whispers.

" You should join them, Sonja. "

" Tired ... Bears ... Herbs tire arms. "

" Bears ... plural ... alone ? "

" Cooper. "

" Ah ... yes .. two Copper against Bears ? "

" Bear family ... Wolf shared ... All happy. "

This is enough to make the old lady nods, I climb the stairwell, and listen the sound of the party happening downstairs. The pouch was loaded ... and the dagger had poison ... The taste was good ...

" Poison scanned. Sleep potion. "

Sleep ... Need to get a few of those ... but for now, is staying still ... humans sleep lying down on beds ... not very comfortable, but my body can adapt ... use the mantle to hide ... and stretch a little ... Feels good to be myself again.

No night visits, placing the bed agains the door was a good idea ... Can't move while resting ... But this room looks almost a cave ... For now is the best solution ... is time to visit this town, and see if there is something interesting.

" Good morning, Sonja. Here ... this is for you. Your herb even had the roots ... The client was happy."

One gold coin ... not a copper one ... I wonder how humans gather herbs without preserving the roots ... But is a free coin ... Into the glove you go ... Here comes an old man ... I recognise him ... he was seating close to the one I looted.

" Sonja ... the Copper ... did you help them fight the bears ? "

A good question, and honest man near the scum of this land ... But I already prepared my answer.

" Why ? "

The answer shocks him ... the old lady comes closer, but doesn't intervenes. The old man looks serious to me.

" They were being attacked ... You have the duty to ... "

" Good ****."

Another sentence that makes the old man steps back, being pulled by the old lady. Before leaving, I hear her words.

" Some barbarians are good backups, some don't. Sonja is a loner. "

" No one will want to form a party with her, Guild Master. "

" And for Sonja, is less rats to stab ... With a ... figure like that ... You know how nights are ... "

They continue to talk, I leave the Guild ... A party ... working with a group ... That can be interesting ... But for now a new day is calling ...