Challenge 2, Part 1: That Ol' Classic

Daphne

Daphne doesn’t understand why her harem-sisters object to adding some more girls for her Beloved. She was added and everyone seems okay with it. Harper deserves more.

Scarlet and Dinah are grousing about it as they preen for the challenge.

“Can we stop arguing about it? What’ll happen, will happen. Let’s focus on the positive! It’s my first real challenge! I wonder what it’ll be. Ideas?”

“You’re the one who knows the most about the show, Daph,” Scarlet sardonically notes, “You tell us.”

“Aphrodisiac paintball? Stripping hide ‘n’ seek? Something built around a bad sex pun? So many possibilities.”

Dinah blanches at Daphne’s suggestions. Scarlet at least wants to think things through, “I mean, I’d guess it’s going to be something more cerebral. Both of our mid-week things were physical challenges and our other real challenge was a mental/creative exercise. And, assuming the harpy still did the planning for this one, she doesn’t seem to be clued in enough to make a bad sex pun challenge.”

“I mean, the mid-week challenge this week was a bad sex pun one.”

“Time to go,” Dinah notes. Daphne slips on an oversized T-shirt (just in case she needs something for stripping) and follows her roommates. Josie is stomping ahead of them. Scarlet jogs to catch up with her, trying to calm her down. Tina and Skye are talking behind them; it’s mostly Tina teasing the drow into some more sexy times plans tonight. But they’re talking. The harem is really starting to come together.

When they reenter the Media Room, the stage is still set up. Harper is chilling in the Jacuzzi, her new familiar eating another pizza on the edge of it. Harper even found a couple of doggy bowls at the Kang-oo’s and she filled it with Rat Leavings and some energy drink stuff? Daphne hops over.

“Hey, Beloved! Are you excited? I’m excited! Challenge time! Got a scoop on it from the producer?”

“We talked about the potential new contestants and my condition. Sorry, Beloved.”

Daphne leans over to give her beloved a kiss and the fox a pet. “That’s okay. You two getting along?”

“The producer and I or Vix and I?”

“Both?”

“The producer and I have an understanding. Vix is slowly coming to like me. Or at least like the fact that I’ll feed her. You were apparently right about what happened to me. For now, I have daily pool time to look forward to.”

“<You still not mad at me, right?>”

Haper pulls Daphne in for another kiss. “<I was never mad at you. I was mad at the situation. And, now that I have a solution, I’ve adapted. We’re good.>”

“Good. Love you, Beloved.”

Another kiss. “Love you, too.”

As Skye checks up on Harper, Daphne takes her seat by Dinah. Most of her harem-sisters want a little one-on-one time with Harper. Some check on how she’s dealing with being blue (Tina offers to turn her green, which Harper politely declines). Some on her fox. All question her on the new potential contestants. Again, what happens, happens.

Soon enough, the conversations are interrupted by the appearance of a bunch of toy guns! It’s aphrodisiac paintball after all!

The producer cat jumps up on the podium of guns.

“Boo! I want producer bunny!”

The producer wisely ignores Tina’s complaint. “Shall we get started?”

Seeing no objections (other than Tina grumbling), the cat pauses briefly then starts some oration:

“Welcome back to Harem Hotel, I am this season’s producer. Ms. Petersen is out on assignment and a replacement host will be hired shortly. Meanwhile, we have a challenge to run. Guns. Weapons for cowards. A real warrior would feel the foe’s final breath on their cheek as the mortal strike hits true. But our challenge today revolves around them. Behold, ladies, the Transmogrifier Sniper Rifle 2000. A lovely bit of magical artifice from the research and development team here at Harem Hotel. The scope here has a sophisticated targeting system, run by telepathic communication. Mental zoom up to 100x, the ability to target multiple individuals with a single shot, ability to save targets to hit later, ability to hit targeted individuals (no matter where they are), 100% accurate lock-on shots. No missing or errant shots on this season. The sling on the rifle can be used to render the weapon invisible while it is secured to one’s back, but those with personal dimensional pocket inventories can store the weapon there for the sake of discretion. Each rifle is loaded with a single round, which will deliver an intense dose of transmutation magic. Before the rifle will fire, you must select all potential targets and formulate a singular transformation for them. The same transformation will apply to all targets. The more targets, the less intense the transformation. So, hitting a singular target can apply a transformation up to the equivalent of an elimination transformation to it. Hitting a hundred targets can apply only a minor transformation, something worth our equivalent of 10 BP. Any questions from our lovely contestants?”

Eeeeeeh! This old classic! Sweet! Daphne is bouncing on her weird human legs in excitement.

“What are we supposed to do with that?” Dinah, ever the wet blanket, asks incredulously.

“Ah, we are getting to that. We are sending you back home for this challenge. You will find yourself in the exact state you were in when you were grabbed, except with the rifle shouldered securely. Those with a personal pocket dimension can access the things in it. You have up to 8 hours to find a target and hit them with a transformation. The audience will be judging you on your performance. After you fire your shot and see the results, you will be brought back here. If you choose not to fire, you will be brought back here at the end of the time limit. I would encourage you to use this opportunity to wrap up any loose ends with your sudden disappearance. You may not be going back at the end of the show.”

That last line starts another small riot. Harper is interestingly calm about the prospect of not going back home when the show is over. I guess a sea elf living in a desert would be a bad idea so she’s already decided that she can’t go home? The producer quickly uses some magic to silence her harem-sisters.

“Silence. Remember, the winner at the end of the show gets a wish. That wish may result in being put into a different situation than what you were in when you got here. Also, the entire harem will be together and, with the exception of Ms. O’Connor and Ms. Wulf, all of you live in different states; in fact, one of you lives in a different dimension. At most, 2 of you could return home. I am pointing out the likely possibility that you need to think about what life may be like for you after the season is over. I am returning your ability to speak now. Any other questions?”

Daphne is fine with that. Several of the others glare at the producer cat, but are silent voluntarily.

“Prizes are a little complicated this time around, since the other potential contestants that have been selected will also be participating in this challenge. Instead of listing out places, I’ve provided some formulae.”

The display screen shows off some algebra:

VP won = 2 + 2*(x – y), where x = number of contestants and y = number of contestants who beat you.

BP won = 10 + 10*(x – y), where x = number of contestants and y = number of contestants who beat you.

New Contestant VP multiplier for the challenge = n, where n = points earned in member selection poll

“Ugh, I hate letters math. Math is about numbers, English is about letters.” Tina moans.

Dinah looks downright crushed. Harper speaks up for the first time, “Uh, Ms. E, you sure about that? That VP formula will almost certainly cause this challenge to push at least one of them up to 100 VP.”

A couple of the girls give Harper a confused look. She explains. “Ok, so if the audience does the maximum perv thing and has added all 6, we would have 12 contestants. That means first place would be worth 26 VP. In that scenario, if any of you but Dinah wins first place, you are pushed to over 100 points. In fact, since Tina needs only 12 points to hit 100, she’ll probably hit 100 being in the middle of the pack. The numbers shift slightly if the audience shows some restraint, but, even with maximum restraint, first place is worth 14 VP. Tina getting first or second triggers the end-game no matter what.”

“How is that fair for these new girls?”

“That is the point of the new contestant multiplier. We are using ranked choice voting for the selection poll. First place in the poll gets 5 points.”

“So, there are some scenarios where even one of the new girls can be catapulted into over 100 VP just from this challenge?”

Dinah looks like she is about to pass out. Scarlet rubs her lower back to try to calm the de-aged doctor. She whispers in Dinah’s ear, “Even if someone gets 100 points, you’ll have an entire round to get the rest of the way. You’ll be fine.” Daphne was too busy listening to Scarlet to hear the producer cat’s response.

Josie grabs a rifle, asking, “Can we get started already?”

The others grab their rifles. Daphne bounds up to hers. So exciting!

Then, the others are gone.

“Wait, aren’t I getting teleported to the harem’s home dimension, too?”

“Oh, Ms. Daphne, you are already home. Was I wrong to assume you did not want to be beaten half to **** by your former frenzy? I would prefer not to arrange that. The rifle won’t work in this room and it’s targeting system will not allow you to shoot Ms. O’Connor, the fox, any major Hotel system, any contestant (on the off chance you want to ambush one of them), or myself. For the purposes of the challenge, the security bans on the staff transport systems have been removed. Have fun.”

“But I could shoot that bitch Beckie, if I wanna?”

“She’s out on assignment. If you wish to risk the real possibility of spending all of your challenge time getting lost backstage, you are welcome to it, I suppose.”

Drat. There goes the easy solution. Probably would have gotten me first place, turning that bitch Beckie into a sea slug or something. Guess I gotta think on it some.

“Well, thank you, Ms. Producer. I’m looking forward to this! Hey, can you...”

The cat turned into a big, cuddly silver squid, somehow floating in the air. Soooo cute! And tasty looking!

“Wow! Thanks! That’s a great look! Keep it!” Daphne lauds as she awkwardly trots out of the room. I wonder if I can get to my old room in the staff area?

Harper

With the others headed off to locations mostly unknown (Harper didn’t exactly get to watch her girls being snagged) and Vix fallen asleep beside her bowls (her second pizza of the day and most of those Rat Leavings snacks eaten), Harper lays back and enjoys the bubbles for a moment. One of the jets is really working on a knot she has in her back.

The producer squid turns to Harper, “Do you wish for me to stay in this form, with the understanding that I am not turning into a turtle for you, Ms. O’Connor?”

“Why not,” Harper teases, “Red ear sliders are so cute.”

“Turtles aren’t my thing.”

“But squid are?”

The producer goes back to being a cat, “Point taken. If I understand correctly, your view of the competition was not the best last round. We are in the Media Room to rectify that problem. Please turn your attention to the screen.”

Harper does so. The screen is set up in something like a multi-view thing one sometimes gets in a sports cable package. No that Harper pays for cable. A main screen in the middle, with 12 smaller screens encircling it; the arrangement kind of reminds Harper of the stage select screen from Mega Man X. Each of the smaller corner screen shows streaming options from Harem Hotel Hereafter. The 2 screens on each side shows nightmare vortexes at the moment. A remote appears on the edge of the Jacuzzi. Picking it up, Harper can scroll through the smaller screens (which are slowly starting to show actual things) to have it display on the main one. Each of the smaller screens seem to be providing a first-person view of one of the girls. The main screen is currently following what should be Daphne swimming through a pretty tight corridor; one of the staff floor water tubes, perhaps? The main screen has an audio track, with closed captioning for the psychically impaired active. Daphne is talking to herself about random ideas on what to do.

“Since you haven’t met any of the new girls yet, their speech will be replaced with a robo-voice. Would you prefer the Bea Arthur vocaloid already plugged into the audio system or Joanna Newsom? For a modern human, she is pretty good on the harp.”

“Producer’s choice on the voice. I guess the camera angle is also because I haven’t met any of the new girls yet. I’m guessing 2 of them, from the screen setup.”

“That would be correct.”

“The audience showed a lot of restraint, I see. Is there a way to help those in danger that were not selected, perchance?”

“Patience, Ms. O’Connor. One thing at a time. Enjoy the show. This particular challenge is often a good way to see what is important to each of your future wives. The insight should be enlightening, especially for those you have yet to meet.”

Leaning back, Harper watches the screen, flipping around as things interest her. She hopes some good will come from all of this. Only time will tell.

Prudence

One moment, Prudence was glaring down her boss, raging inside. The next, she finds herself in a film noir office, a lovely martini beside her. She downs it in one big gulp. Another appears in it’s place. Across the desk, Prudence sees her fears incarnate. A producer, in the (figurative) flesh. So, I’m doomed, then.

“I believe your boss interrupted your lunch, though I disapprove of the nature of it. Perhaps savoring it is called for, Ms. Prudence.”

Defiant to the end, Prudence shoots the martini back, snapping the toothpick holding the olive in the bottom in half as she chews the last of her meal. “I am no Miss. No innocent little waif waiting for a man to sweep me off my feet. State your business and let me on my way.”

“Well, my dear, I am in need of a production assistant. We are here to discuss the terms of your future employment.”

“Not if I want the job?”

“I see this faint little ember of goodness inside you, Ms. Prudence. I wish to nurture it, to bring it into the light. If you wish to snuff it out, to willingly be enslaved just to spite me, I will gladly eradicate you instead. Do you have a preference?”

A relatively new producer, then, Prudence muses as she feels something fey, something divine behind the presence. Something in her eyes. Moonstone silver eyes. Elven deity, perhaps? The only one of those I’m aware is a producer wouldn’t be so foolish as to leak some of their real presence out. And I would feel something demonic radiating off her as well. Playing into her naivete for now seems like the best plan.

Finally, she answers, “I’d prefer to continue existing, if that’s alright.”

The smirk she feels from the producer is disconcerting. “Very well. I’m sure you’ve seen enough seasons to know what this can do, right?”

Something like one of those transformation guns appear. Prudence aims it at the producer and fires.

Click

“Just checking it for functionality, ma’am.”

The producer has the nerve to giggle. “No harm, no foul. Just like a devil, trying to get away with things on a technicality. The gun won’t fire here. You need to wait until you get back to the office. I’m sure you’ll come up with something or someone to change. Enjoy.”