Shit sneaks up on you sometimes...

Cassidy and Cattie, when I texted them, both sent me hearts and kissy emojis in response to my questions. They refused to tell me anything about their lunch, what Dayana did or didn’t know, or generally acknowledge that it even happened. I did get a picture of the two of them, out in Cassidy’s car and looking cute in sunglasses as they were driving with the windows down, blowing me kisses. And then another one of Cattie in the passenger seat, pulling down the collar of her baggy T-shirt and flashing me a little areola as a tease while she stuck out her tongue.

The hour between ending my lunch call with Becca and meeting with Dayana ended up being very, very unproductive because my mind was not ready to think about logistics, organisation or even cold-calling past clients to see if anyone needed event space.

And God did I feel like cold-calling to look for space-fillers was a bad look for the Vaso in the long run.

By the time it was five to two, I felt like I was sweating even though I was bone dry in my air-conditioned office.

Your office? I texted Dayana as I left mine and headed for the elevators. She replied the same way I had earlier, with a thumbs up.

I ran into Chuck in the elevator, on his way down. “Sup,” he grunted, giving me the universal upward nod of one man to another.

“Hey, Chuck,” I said, seeing he was headed to the ground floor as well and moving to stand beside him.

“You OK, Robbie?” he asked me, giving me a look. “You’re looking… I dunno. Off.”

I blew out a breath and shook my head. “I think so, just a little distracted,” I said.

“Woman trouble,” Chuck said, pointing and nodding sagely. “I know that look and it’s woman trouble. You and that little thang of yours on the outs or something?”

“No, nothing like that,” I shook my head. Though he wasn’t entirely wrong - since the last time Chuck and I had a conversation one-on-one, let alone since the last time he would have seen her, I had learned that Cassidy had cheated on me literally hundreds of times with a variety of women when we were younger. And had therapy to start dealing with that later that evening. “Just got a lot going on, Chuck. Thanks for asking though, I appreciate you taking the time to notice and ask.”

“Ah, well, you know me,” he said with a half-grin. “Very observant. Well, whatever’s on your mind, kid, I hope you get it sorted.” He clapped me on the shoulder and led me out of the elevator, splitting left while I was heading right.

I wasn’t sure how I felt that the male coworker I got along with the best at my level or higher in the hotel was Chuck. The guy was a grump, often a grouch, and yet somehow he’d taken a shine to me.

Shaking my head, I walked through the main atrium, skirting the casino pits and nodding to Ash as I bypassed the front desk. He gave me a nod back but was in the middle of dealing with a customer, so I couldn’t check in with him quickly.

I carded through into the back area of the hotel and followed the corridors around to the bank of spartan offices where Dayana was assigned, the walk was very familiar but the feeling in the pit of my stomach growing uncomfortable. What if she was shocked and appalled? Horrified? I didn’t think she would react like that, but she wasn’t a wild liberal activist for sexual freedom and rights either. Or what if she had a ton of questions that I wasn’t comfortable answering, especially at work?

Hell, what if she was pissed off with Cassidy and was about to hold my feet to the fire, trying to keep me accountable for what I couldn’t argue was a toxic-as-hell situation? How did I explain to her that despite all that cheating, I still loved my fiancee and my forgiving her had nothing to do with these new relationships I had (or the week of sex). And also that I was pretty damn sure my response to all of it was also being influenced by a magical app that was affecting my relationship with her, but also that I wasn’t sure I minded that it was because I truly did believe Cass was repentant.

By the time I reached Dayana’s office door, I really was sweating and sucked in a breath before pushing through since it was only half-closed.

“Hey- Jesus, Robbie, are you alright?” Dayana asked, looking up from where she’d been typing on her computer at her desk.

I let out a hard breath, my vision swimming a little, and realised that I was feeling a pressure on my chest. Managing to close the door after me, I staggered slightly as I went to the chair I usually sat in when we had our lunches and collapsed into it.

“Robbie!?” Dayana asked me again, her voice more sharp, and when I looked at her she looked like she was farther away than she should have been, but she was standing and moving around her desk.

“Just-” I grunted, grabbing the arms of the chair tightly. “Don’t-” I wanted to tell her not to worry, but the ‘w’ wouldn’t form in my mouth. “Panic attack. Just- give me a minute.”

“Jesu Cristo, Robbie,” Dayana said, suddenly next to me and looking at me from up close with clear concern on her face. “What can I do? What do you need?”

“Breathe,” I managed. “Just need to breathe.”

She grabbed my hand and pulled it from the arm of the chair, and I clutched tightly as she tried to guide me through breathing deeply. It only sort of worked. My mouth felt dry as hell, my mind was spinning and I could feel my adrenaline roaring through me.

The good thing was at least I understood what was happening, even if it really fucking sucked.

The pressure on my chest finally felt like it was lifting, and I blinked in confusion because I realised the office had gone dark. Dayana had turned off the overhead light, the only light coming from the window over her office door from the hallway.

“You’re OK, Robbie,” Dayana was saying, and I realised she was still holding my hand but her other one was rubbing my back as I leaned forward in the chair. “You’re OK. You’re OK.” She just kept repeating herself, the worry in her voice clear.

I let out a hard breath, emptying my lungs, and then sucked in a fresh one before letting go of her hand. “I’m- OK, just give me a second,” I said, needing to stand and breathe hard a few more times. She let me go, watching me in the dark as I paced the two steps I could between the chair and the wall several times. “Fuck,” I finally exhaled. “Fuck.”

“Are you alright?” Dayana asked me.

“Yeah,” I said slowly. “Yeah, I just- Fuck. Sorry. Jesus, that’s- I didn’t realise that was coming on until I was pretty much at your door.”

She came to me, holding my arm and rubbing my back again in the dim light. “When did you start having panic attacks? How did I not know you were having them?”

“It’s… a not fun new thing,” I admitted, leaning into her a little more to steady myself.

“Like how new?” she asked.

“Last week,” I said. “This is… I think the third one. I’ve already got an appointment to help start dealing with it.”

“Fuck, Robbie,” Dayana said. “Last week? Wait- you started having panic attacks while you were on holiday?”

“Well, I mean…” I gulped, my mouth finally feeling like it wasn’t dry but was also too wet. “I- OK, let me sit.”

She practically guided me to the chair, then went and turned the light back on. Instead of going around to her side of the desk though she came and stood just in front of me, leaning back against the front of it so I was looking up at her. Dayana was wearing a purple dress shirt that complimented her warm brown skin tone and was tucked into a knee-length black skirt, and my muddled mind questioned how far she had that shirt unbuttoned, showing off a sliver of her smooth skin down to her bust.

I swallowed hard as she crossed her arms, doing that thing I’d been noticing as it pushed up her small breasts and formed a cleavage.

“Was it just out of the blue, or did something happen?” she asked, still obviously concerned, and clearly in the dark so Cass hadn’t told her about this at the very least.

“Stuff happened,” I said, letting out another long breath and running my hands over my face, then up through my hair before blinking hard. “OK, I’m good. Thanks for- yeah.”

“Robbie,” she said, her voice low. “What did you think I would do? Go running from the room screaming?”

“I don’t know,” I said, shaking my head. “No, obviously not that. I wasn’t thinking anything.”

“What happened on your vacation?” she asked. “Cassidy didn’t say anything about this last night or today.”

“Right,” I said. “Right. Um… OK, maybe it’s easiest if you tell me what she did tell you, and we work from there.”

Dayana gave me a look of mild confusion and concern but slowly nodded. Then she pushed herself up higher onto her desk to sit on it, bracing her arms on the edge and crossing her legs, and I managed not to glance as she made that particular move because I would have been at the perfect height if she intended to-

“Well,” she said, cutting off that thought. “Um, let me think. Specific stuff…”

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