"I need you to date one of these men for me."

"It's a little awkward, Red," said his mother. She bit her lips, trying to determine what would be the best way to make her request. She started to say something, when the woodsman leaned forward.

"Your mother agreed to go out with both my friend and I," he said, "but can only go out with one of us."

"Oh," said Red. He didn't know quite what they meant by this, but thought he had better play along, at least to help out his mother. Red thought he might ask a question, when he noticed that both the woodsman and the carpenter were eyeing him up and down, like they would with any of the woman at the bar. Red shivered, not out of fear, but out of something in him that excited him. He almost knew for certain the words that came next:

"You look almost exactly like your mother," said the carpenter, "except younger. We want to dress you like her so you could date one of us."

"Would I get to wear long boots, like these girls?" asked Red.

"If you wanted, sweetie," said his mother.

"That's settled then," said the woodsman. "Red'll be a girl."

"But who gets me?" asked Red.