About The Champion

It's getting toward midday as you set out toward Route Two. Julia seems content to let your team do most of the fighting; she only pulls out her Charmeleon for harder fights.

"The Circuit gets less fun as you go," she says. "Everyone loves Brock and Misty, and Surge and Erika are okay, but Koga and Sabrina are a little bit weird. And Blaine and Giovanni are too old, frankly."

"I've seen some good forfeit videos with Blaine," you answer. "His cock's not huge, but his lab is very well-equipped. I might have to lose to him four or five times, to really get the full experience."

Julia nearly chokes. "Lose on purpose? To Blaine?"

"You must have had the fantasy," you answer. "Watching porn and wishing that was you? As pokemon trainers, it can really be us! The dream can be real, if we reach out and grasp it!"

Julia shakes her head. "I'll... think about that. Actually, there's a theory, about the gym trainers..."

"They're hot?" you ask.

"The theory is, the more you do something, the better you get at it. Especially if you have that psychic bond with some strong pokemon. And who do we know who have good pokemon and get lots of sex?..."

"High level trainers..." you breathe. Does this explain Dale, you wonder? Dale has great technique, but you felt it was a him thing and not an experience thing.

"Gym leaders," Julia nods. "And the Elite Four. And the Champion."

"But nobody knows who they are!" you object.

"Their identities are secret," Julia agrees. "But they're real people. They spend a lot of time on Indigo Plateau, but they must have other lives. Somewhere in Kanto, there are five people who are really, really good at sex. And, if we could find them, we'd know who the Champion and Elite Four are."

"Hah!" you laugh. It's a funny theory, but obviously impractical. You can't fuck all of Kanto. It'd take forever. And lots of people would turn you down, anyway.

"Hmm. Actually, my dad's really into pokemon trivia," you say. "I wonder if he knows?"

You pull out your phone as you walk.

MidnightSnuggler: Dad do you know who the Champion is?

Your dad likes to pretend he never checks his phone, but when the topic of pokemon comes up, he tends to reply fast.

DragoNate: I do! But I'm not telling.
DragoNate: You'll have to find out by reaching him, same as everyone else.
DragoNate: You can do it! I'm cheering for you!
DragoNate: *or her.

You smirk. So the Champion is a him, eh?

MidnightSnuggler: have you got any tips for beating him *or her?
DragoNate: It's not just the Champion, you have to fight the entire Elite Four first!
DragoNate: your only real edge will be that you've just done the Circuit, so your pokemon will be in tip-top shape.
DragoNate: some people's pokemon get a little rusty if they don't fight regularly
DragoNate: also, sometimes the female trainers will go easy on you if you have a reputation for really good forfeits
MidnightSnuggler: that is enough tips thank you
DragoNate: they watch the gym battles. first chance to make an impression is with Misty
MidnightSnuggler: no more tips please
MidnightSnuggler: putting my phone away now
MidnightSnuggler: Hazel is offline

"You're blushing," Julia notes. "Is there a problem?"

You shake your head. "Parent stuff," you mutter.

"They self-censored really carefully, until you turned eighteen?" Julia asks, with sympathy. "And now they're not trying as hard?"

"And every time they mention sex, it's like... no! That's my parents! They're supposed to be virgins!" You shake your head to clear it. "I'll get used to it eventually, I guess," you shrug. "Or they'll stop bringing it up. Either would be fine."

"You do know they're going to watch your gym battles, right?" Julia says.

You're blushing again. "I'm going to do my very best to forget it," you answer.

Mercifully, that's when you reach Viridian Forest.

Less mercifully, there's a trainer waiting there.

"Loud Hazel!" he calls. "I am Karl. Challenge!"

Ah, yes. That.