When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead

The game of tag had been a lot of fun. But Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin was happy to move on from it, now that she’d caught Nick and had him firmly in her grasp.

…Wait, wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Nick was pretty sure that was the case. But the assassin’s arms wrapped around his, and her gloved fingers digging into his arm, seemed to counter that theory.

Yes as far as anyone could see, with Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin clinging to him with her head resting on his shoulder and a big smile on her face, she had been the one doing the chasing, and she had quite definitely captured her prize.

Nick smiled, glad that she was content with how the date was going. It definitely wasn’t a traditional date, that was for sure. And that seemed to work for the two of them. What, was he going to take her to the bookstore or something?

He let her take the lead, since she couldn’t really express what she wanted to do. Discussions were out of the question, so Nick felt it best to let her bring him wherever she wanted to go.

And the first thing Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin wanted to do, was bring him to the Banquet Hall.

For a second, walking through those big double doors, Nick thought she wanted to show off with herself on his arm, maybe rub it in the other girls’ faces that this was HER time with Nick. But he didn’t realize just how long he’d spent chasing her around the hotel. The Banquet Hall was empty now, all the other girls having long-since started their days.

But there was still a mountain of food waiting for them.

That’s right, she didn’t eat breakfast this morning, he recalled. When he’d come down to find her, the other girls said she hadn’t stopped inside.

Nick had to admit, he was curious about the assassin’s eating habits. While she obviously had to eat, the only thing he remembered seeing her eat at Gina’s party had been the big ice cream sundae that Dakota had prepared.

I wonder if she even needs to eat other food. After all, she’s an artificial human. Maybe they created her so that her body doesn’t even need to get nutrients and energy that way, he considered. But that seemed a bit too fanciful even for his situation.

…Then again, he was currently on a date with an assassin that had been grown in a test tube laboratory and walked around with superhuman reflexes and enhanced strength. …In a magical hotel where his dead childhood friend had been revived, and was using her powers to simultaneously make his dating life easier while also tormenting the women he had feelings for.

Compared to that, the possibility of Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin not needing to eat almost seemed pedestrian.

But he was quickly proven wrong. To his surprise, she actually DID get real food for breakfast/lunch. And by real food, he didn’t mean ice cream.

“Pizza,” he said, blinking. “You want to get pizza?”

She nodded, and put a slice of pizza on a plate. It was his favorite, just as Dakota had remembered, barbecue chicken, mushrooms, olives, and red peppers.

…Lucky for him, because she handed Nick the plate, then took the rest of the pizza for herself. Nick was definitely surprised to see that.

“Looks like someone built up quite an appetite,” he joked as he saw just how much food Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin was planning to eat.

She smiled back at him and batted her eyelashes, her ears twitching. Her face had what appeared to be a permanent flush to it, and her eyes were hot with desire. He could tell that her transformations were skyrocketing her arousal right now, and decided not to comment on that.

Almost as if she was making a point, she grabbed more things off the buffet tables to eat. She skipped over to the sandwich section, and grabbed some pulled pork with a pair of tongs. But instead of dropping it onto a bun, she just scooped it into a big bowl instead and licked her lips.

She put the pizza and the pork bowl down on one of the tables, and immediately went to get more food. The potato salad was next on the list. Nick watched as she avoided the vegetables and other healthy foods like the plague, choosing instead to grab things high in calories, fat, and protein. He was reminded of a kid, actually, picking out all their favorites, calling back to all the times Dakota had begged for “dessert for breakfast” when they were kids having sleepovers.

Back then, it had been because those moments were the only times she got to have treats like pizza and ice cream. Nick felt a noxious pit in his stomach as he considered that the situation was probably very much the same for Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin.

Whatever they fed her in that facility she was raised in, I doubt it tasted as good as any of this, he thought, remembering how overjoyed the little girl he’d bought ice cream for all those years ago had been after that first bite. Of course she would want to indulge her appetites in a place like this. Who wouldn’t?

By the time Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin was done getting her food, she’d practically picked the buffet clean. A mountain of food formed a wall between the two of them as she sat on her side of the table, and started digging in.

To no great surprise, she began with the ice cream. She smiled with every spoonful, and never took her eyes off him.

“I’m glad you like it,” Nick commented, enjoying his far more modest meal. They would probably be skipping lunch, he figured, since it was right about that time anyhow. “The faeries here really know how to make good food, huh?”

The assassin nodded in agreement, practically licking the bowl of ice cream clean. The first of many. Some people went to 31 Flavors and tried a sample spoon of each if they were being indulgent. Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin was the kind of girl who’d ask for a full scoop, and then eat the smorgasbord without hesitation.

Nick wanted to try to get closer to the assassin. As adorable as it was to watch her enjoy eating her food, it felt like he was looking after a pet or a small child, not on a date with an equal. Not being able to engage her in conversation was really hampering the ability to interpret what they were doing together right now as a date.

So even if Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin couldn’t engage in conversation, he could still try to speak up for the both of them.

“Is the reason you got so much food because you need all that energy to keep your body going?” Nick questioned. It was kind of a sensitive subject, he knew that, but Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin didn’t seem like the kind of girl that would take offense to that.

And indeed, she didn’t seem bothered by the question. She leaned back in her chair and sucked on her spoon, nodding softly. She took a gloved hand and waved it down her body, her eyes not leaving his as she did so.

He could kind of understand what she was trying to say.

“So it’s because of your augmentations, then,” he nodded slowly. That seemed to jive with a lot of sci-fi he’d seen, even if it wasn’t his favorite genre. “Your super strength, your reflexes, all of that probably requires a lot of calories, huh? Not to mention those nanomachines. You must eat this much food all the time, huh?”

She nodded cheerfully, not bothered at all by these questions prying into her past or her capabilities as a human weapon. That was a relief. Nick was glad that she was so open about herself and her history, even if that wasn’t something she had to be concerned with anymore.

The assassin was never going back to that life. He wasn’t going to allow that.

“I really had fun on our date today,” he commented as she moved onto the pizza. She paused halfway through the slice and looked up at him, apparently taken aback by his admission.

She chewed slowly and tilted her head to the side, her ears twitching as she stared at him with curious hope in her eyes.

“It was definitely unique,” Nick continued. “I mean, a date where I have to chase you all over the place and catch you? That’s not something I would have expected from anyone!” The date had a bit of a juvenile feel to it, but it was special in a way that he could only expect from Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin. There was a zest for life in the killer’s every move that no other girl had really come close to emulating before.

And why not? She’d lived her whole life as a tool for **** and ****. It was so perfect that she would enjoy herself with something so mundane as playing tag.

Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin seemed to recognize the weight of his words as she looked up into his eyes, and her lips slowly pulled back into a sweet, gentle smile. She nodded slowly, biting her lip, and then moved to another slice of pizza.

“You deserved to play tag when you were a little girl,” Nick said quietly, remembering the frail, shivering figure of that child all alone in the rain. “Not… doing all those horrible things that you were **** to do.”

The atmosphere in the room changed. Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin may not have been able to put words to the change in her demeanor, but it was a change he could observe notably. She shifted herself and looked up at him, her eyes shining with concern and intrigue as she slowly mulled over what he was saying.

He could see the hurt reflected in those deep blue pools, but there was something indecipherable there, as well.

“…I’m glad you came here,” he added, looking sincerely into her eyes. “Because you’re here, you can put all that behind you. You can live the life you should have always had the chance to live. You’ve got me, and you’ve got the other girls, too. Friends. Did you… have you… have you had friends before, Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin?”

God, she didn’t even have a name. He wished she would find one she liked, referring to her like this felt so impersonal. Asking such deep and intimate questions only made that contrast even more stark, and Nick felt his heart aching in his chest.

Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin looked into his eyes, and a shadow crossed over her face. For a moment, he thought she was going to cry.

But she didn’t.

She shook her head slowly and turned back to her food, eating it in pensive silence.

Just as Nick feared. She’d never had anyone in her life that could really be called a friend before now. Dakota had mentioned that she was “Unit 27” or something like that, meaning there were at least 26 other assassins created by her organization. But apparently, there wasn’t much camaraderie in the artificial hired killer market.

Sitting before Nick wasn’t just the playful girl who had led him on a fun and wild romp through the hotel, but a profoundly sad and lonely woman who derived so much pleasure just from sitting down with him and sharing a meal together.

“…Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin, this is supposed to be our date,” Nick said gently. “Whatever you want to do, that’s what I want to do. Even if that means just pigging out on junk food all day. So I’ll leave it up to you to decide what we do next.”

She looked at him with genuine joy and excitement in her eyes, and nodded her head excitedly. Then she took that enthusiasm and directed it towards the mountain of food in front of her, devouring everything without a moment’s hesitation.

Considering how much food Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin had gotten for breakfast/lunch (no, Nick wasn’t about to call it “brunch”) Nick was surprised that they managed to get out of the Banquet Hall as fast as they did. The assassin clearly had a lot of experience when it came to eating vast amounts of food in one sitting- another quirk of her creation?

…Well, the scientists who made her clearly hadn’t gone to the trouble of teaching her table manners, at least, because there was a stark contrast between her composed behavior at the party and the ravenous wild beast he’d just shared a meal with.

Of course, if you asked Nick, that wasn’t a problem at all. It was actually heartwarming, in fact, watching her devour her food so eagerly before his eyes. She was showing him just how much she enjoyed it, and seeing her happy brought a smile to his lips.

Every moment he spent with the present day version of Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin caused his memory of that sad girl in the rain to grow a little fainter. That overjoyed smile from tasting ice cream for the first time stood out starker than ever, and he could see it right now, spread across her lips as she dabbed them with a napkin.

She hopped to her feet and stretched her naked arms over her head, showing off the deep valley of her jumpsuit, unzipped down to her belly button and her slender tummy.

Where on earth did she put all that food? Nick couldn’t help but wonder. The woman in front of him had stuffed her face with enough food to probably trump her in terms of raw poundage, but it had vanished down her gullet like she had a black hole between her lips. And yet, she remained model thin the whole time, with a waistline that would have given Rose and even Vivian cause for envy.

She looked at him with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, like she could tell what he was thinking. Some secrets would never be uncovered, her expression seemed to say.

Then she took him by the arm and led him to the door. Nick was happy to follow her lead- he’d been doing that all day already, after all!

He was excited to know just what she planned to do next.

“So where are we going?” He asked as she led him down the hall, even though he knew she couldn’t answer. Her ears twitched and she blushed, glancing slyly up at him.

Nick felt it was important not to take special consideration for her inability to speak. If she wanted him to not ask her questions she would have said something- …Well, uh, she would have shown her displeasure on her face, anyway.

And there were other ways to answer besides words.

Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin happily led him down the hall, and to his surprise, she brought him to the Gym.

Nick blinked, not expecting to see Dani and Kim already well into their workout.

“Oh, hey!” Kim hopped up and wiped the sweat from her forehead. She was wearing tight booty shorts and a sports bra, which Nick figured was probably close enough to underwear for her schoolgirl transformation to give her a pass. “You guys enjoying your date? We’re doing a sale on special sportswear, and I’m giving Dani a sneak peek!”

“I told her she didn’t have to use her two hours of floor time for our daily workout, but she didn’t listen,” Dani said, shaking her head. “So what’s going on, you two? Enjoying yourselves today, hmm?”

Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin nodded cheerfully, and Nick felt her grip on his arm tighten up.

Kim scrunched up her face, trying to discern the expression the other girl was wearing. She seemed to be glowing from perspiration, even though they had been the ones working up a sweat.

Come to think of it, Nick was in kind of a rush this morning, looking for her. I guess she gave him quite a run for his money.

At the same time, Dani was looking at the assassin’s expression of triumph with confusion and mild concern.

He was the one trying to find her, right? So why does she look like she’s the one who managed to track down her prey and then decided to walk around showing off her prize?

Nick was the one with an inhumanly beautiful girl on his arm right now, but it looked like he was the trophy in this exchange. Dani found that mildly amusing.

Then she met the assassin’s eyes, and saw her fierce change in demeanor.

“Hey, uh… everything cool?” Dani asked, wondering why she felt a sudden change from the other girl. The hostility in the assassin’s glare was giving her some pretty bad vibes.

She shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. Most of the time, Dani wouldn’t back down from a confrontation. She wasn’t that type of girl.

But she’d gone toe to toe with Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin before, and knew just what the girl was capable of.

Picking a fight with her didn’t seem like fun.

Nick felt the assassin’s fingers dig into his arm, and realized that maybe she was getting the wrong impression about something.

He cleared his throat.

“So, uh… yeah, I think she’s just feeling territorial because this is our date,” he said, wondering if Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin had been expecting the Gymnasium to be empty this time of day.

Dani blinked, taking a second to process that. Having just spent a lot of energy exercising before the two of them got here she had a bit of a delay, but when she realized the insinuation she burst out laughing, much to the assassin’s confusion.

“Oh, well, there’s nothing to worry about there, then!” She cackled. “She can have you all to herself if that’s what she wants!”

Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin’s face scrunched up in confusion and her ears twitched. She looked up at Nick for clarification.

“Dani doesn’t like boys that way,” Nick clarified. “We’re just friends.”

“She’s already got a girlfriend,” Kim added.

Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin blinked, and in an instant all the animosity drained from her face and a cheerful smile returned. She let go of Nick’s arm and skipped over to Dani, startling the tomboy.

Still smiling, the assassin reached up and patted Dani on the head. It was an almost patronizing gesture, but Dani was more confused than irritated.

“Uh… well, okay then,” she replied, still thoroughly confused. “Glad to know we’re on the same page now.”

Kim giggled. “Well, at least things are good between you two!” She pointed out.

Nick was relieved as well. There was a stark contrast between the assassin’s response to Rose’s presence, and how she was treating Dani now. It seemed apparent her behavior towards the other girls today was determinant on whether or not she viewed them as rivals.

Kim, of course, was a completely different story. But Nick had no interest in unpacking that right now.

He was about to ask Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin why she had decided to bring him here, when he heard another tearing sound. The assassin had ripped the other leg of her jumpsuit clear off, giving her a symmetrical look while making her lower half just as exposed as Kim was in her booty shorts. She turned back to him with sparkling eyes, all but daring him to take part.

Oh. So she wanted to work off all the calories she’d supposedly eaten for breakfast (not that he could see any change) that made sense.

“Sure thing,” Nick said, not exactly thrilled that the next part of their date would be working out after he’d spent all morning running around the hotel. But if that was what Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin wanted, who was he to complain?