One week later...

Ross and Madison entered the nondescript college bar and looked around a bit before they spotted Andrew and Maria sitting at a small booth towards the back. Ross went to the bar to order their drinks while Madison excitedly bounced over to the booth.

"Oh, my gosh!" she said, hugging Maria. "You look amazing!"

It was true. Maria was wearing a baggy sweatshirt and jeans with worn sneakers. Her hair was a mess and she hadn't put on any makeup. She was still absolutely stunning, as evidenced by the shiteating grin on Andrew's face.

"Doesn't she?" he said. "She's incredible."

Maria blushed and putting her hand over his on the table. "Thanks. Honestly, Madison, you made the body. I just live here. I'm glad it came out well, though."

Ross appeared with a beer and a rum and coke and sat next to Madison. "How's your new life working out?" he asked.

"Great!" Maria said. "I've just been taking walks, reading books, and soaking up all of the knowledge I can. It's weird not having a schedule or a job, but it's been good."

"I do my best to keep her busy," Andrew said with a wink. "She's insatiable."

"Oh, that reminds me!" she said excitedly. "Madison, have you ever masturbated? You've got to try it!"

Madison and Ross burst into laughter, much to Maria's puzzlement. "Yeah, Maria. I've jilled off before. I take it you only recently started?"

"Why didn't you tell me it feels so good?" Maria asked. "I spent all day Tuesday in the tub! So many different types of pleasure... and I don't need Andrew for it at all. I could sit around and masturbate all day!"

Madison giggled. "Wait till you find out about porn."

Ross quickly changed the subject. "So Maria, is it different now? With the new body and name and everything, I mean. Do you feel different hanging out with us now?"

Maria nodded. "Yes and no. I'm still the same person with the same personality I always had, but little things keep tripping me up. I keep forgetting that I'm shorter and getting disoriented, and going braless causes a lot more motion. Speaking of which, I'm still getting used to the attention."

"You are?" Now Madison was puzzled. "I mean, you were pretty hot before. Didn't you get ogled then?"

"Yeah, but not like this. Watch," Maria said and gestured to the opening door. "Don't be obvious, but keep an eye on where they're looking."

A young couple walked in and moved toward the bar. Suddenly he noticed the group in the back and he began to obviously stare at Maria. His date followed his gaze and blinked with surprise, stunned by the sight. They started to order drinks, but it was clear that they were both distracted since they kept glancing towards Maria.

"See?" she said. "I swear, it doesn't matter how I dress or act. It's making me self-conscious, which is a new feeling. I was hot as a professor, but I didn't really go out in public much. Besides, I was just regular hot, not mind-blowing like I am now. Right now the bartender and those guys playing pool are staring at me, but the second I turn in their direction they'll both look away and act like they weren't."

"Yeesh," Ross said. "Sorry."

"Don't be! It's incredible, looking this way. I've gotten more new experiences in the last week than in my entire previous existence. Besides, it's fun to make people blush by catching the ." She glanced at the bartender, who immediately turned away and tried to look nonchalant. "But enough about me! How's the nitrogen research going?"

"Not great," Ross admitted. "No one in the Transcendental Metaphysics department will return my emails, and googling it only gets you a bunch of crazy conspiracy theories. From what I can tell, a substance that behaves like the one on your original script is basically impossible."

"Except it can't be, because we saw it," Madison said. She put her hand on Ross's back. "We'll figure it out, sweetie. I can't wait to feel stuff! I've already got a list of things I want to try once I get some humanity. And yes, Maria, masturbation is on the list."

"Don't get ahead of yourself," Ross said. "All we really know is that it alters the script unpredictably, which we hypothesized is to simulate irrationality and spontaneity. Even if our theory is right, there's a lot more to personhood than that."

Andrew socked him on the arm. "Lighten up, dude! We're celebrating!"

Madison agreed. "I think it's fine to get my hopes up since I technically don't have hopes yet. Anyway, Maria, what are you reading and doing?"

"Oh, all kinds of stuff," she replied. "In fact, we didn't invite you here just to celebrate. We have an idea we think you'll like."

"It was Maria's idea," Andrew said. "When she looks like that, it's easy to forget how damn smart she is. Tell 'em, sweetie."

"I've been learning at an incredible rate," Maria said. "Not just books. Teaching myself skills like sketching, cooking, and wood carving. It's so cool that I can actually do all this stuff now!"

"Couldn't you before?" Ross interjected.

"Not really. My script limited me to being a professor. I didn't have a house or any personal relationships. When I wasn't fulfilling my professional duties, I wasn't doing anything at all. Now, I've got a connection instead of an imperative. My motivation is tied to Andrew rather than a preset task."

Andrew belched loudly. "Damn straight. I'm gonna go get another beer. Anyone else need one?"

The group all declined and Maria continued. "Part of the problem I have now is that I have no legal personhood. I'm not Madison, who was built to replace a human. I don't have a social security number or a birth certificate or anything at all to legitimate my existence."

"I thought about that," Ross said. "So what's your idea?"

Maria grinned. "Here's the part I think you'll like. You've still got a bedroom you're looking to fill, right? If it's ok with you, Andrew and I would like to move in."

Madison clapped gleefully and turned to Ross. "Oh man, wouldn't that be awesome?"

Ross nodded. "It would, but Andrew doesn't have a job. How would you pay rent?"

Andrew returned with his beer in time to hear the question. He sat next to Maria with a grin and put an arm around her shoulders.

"That's the best part! Show them, babe!"

Maria reached into the baggy pocket of her hoodie and withdrew a small wooden figurine. She handed it to Ross, who examined it curiously.

It was a horse, about 2 inches tall, with meticulous detail. Ross felt the tiny grooves that simulated the texture of the mane, the flawless curve of the tail in mid-swish, the tiny indentations in the shoes where nails would have been driven in.

"Incredible," he said. "Where'd you get this?"

Andrew smirked and Maria blushed. Madison's jaw dropped when the obvious answer hit her.

"No fucking way," she said. "Maria, did you make this?"

Maria nodded. "If I got good at painting it, I could probably sell something like that for at least a hundred bucks. But the real money is in sets - chess sets, fancy children's toys, collectibles. We did the math and I'm pretty sure if we set up an online storefront in Andrew's name I could easily pay both of your rent and have some left over."

Ross's skepticality faltered; even he was getting excited. "So you're gonna carve figurines full time? And you'll cover rent completely?"

"Not exactly," Maria said. "It took me about an hour to make that out of some low-grade pine. If you factor in the fact that I don't need sleep, I believe I can make enough high-end craft goods to cover rent in about 48 hours. The rest of the month will be something I've never had before - free time."

"Well?" Andrew asked. "What do you think?"