Ishtar is worried.

Ishtar felt restless and awkward. Will had asked to be alone for a while and the three girls with him had complied. He was now the only one standing in the fortified training room, but not technically alone. Ishtar would always be with him, whether he wanted her to or not. Right now, though, Ishtar wished she could give him the privacy he wanted.

Calm, confused turmoil would be how she would describe it. Will just stood there, eyes closed, head thrown back. A knot in his throat and pressure in his chest. Memories of past events passing through his mind one after another without lingering. He couldn’t stay in any single thought for more than a couple of seconds before a new idea popped up and made him question everything all over again.

What Johana said hit Will deep, and despite wanting to, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He couldn’t decide if Johana was right or wrong. His own sense of self needed her to be wrong, and yet his own memories tried to reinforce that she was right.

Ishtar did her best to keep her own thoughts to herself, if at least for the moment. Will needed time, not to think but to stop thinking before she could actually talk to him. He needed to get tired, let the matter go for a while, cool his head.

She was also a bit ashamed that she never even considered the idea that Will had such low self-esteem. Of course, she knew her partner wasn’t the most mentally stable. She took advantage of that to possess him, after all. He had serious, but justified, trust issues, for one, and was hungry, starving for affection. But… If she recontextualized Will’s problems under this new idea, then… some things made more sense.

She used to believe that Will was a man in love with the idea of love. Even back in their early days, his refusal to **** women to submit to him was telling. Will didn’t want fake feelings. He just wanted to be loved, and Ishtar first believed that came from wanting something that always seemed to escape him. But… What if… What if, instead, it came from a need for validation?

He had questioned himself before, just days ago. Why was he doing all this stuff? Why go deeper into this supernatural business? Why go out of his way to get into actual fights where he would get hurt? Why get involved with these underground organizations? It was all for other people, for his girls, for Ishtar herself. What did Will actually want?

…

He just wanted the girls to love him. And to be loved he had to be cool, capable, smart, reliable, strong, handsome, good in bed… He had to be great, he had to excel. He needed to give the girls reasons to love him, because… Because he can’t find reasons for himself.

Ishtar didn’t blame him for that. After all, having been betrayed so many times already, it was no wonder Will began to believe he was the problem. There was pain and anger, and the ones in the wrong were most certainly those girls, but she could see how it all would end up leading to a series of subconscious thoughts.

‘I’m not enough.’

‘If I was better this wouldn’t have happened.’

‘I’d need to be the best.’

And that was when Ishtar came into the picture. She gave Will the edge he wished for. He was more attractive, women melted under his gaze, he was peerless in bed to the point his partners didn’t even want anyone else. But she guessed this only reinforced that subconscious idea.

‘I need to be at least this good to be wanted. Or maybe not. I need to be even better.’

…

Oh, William. What could Ishtar say to him? Neither denying or affirming his ideas seemed appropriate, nor did calling him an idiot like usual. Ishtar’s own chest hurt from not knowing what to do.

Her friend, her partner, suddenly found himself lost and Ishtar didn’t know what to do to help.

“Relax, I’m not so weak-minded that I’ll break down over a little comment like that,” Will said with a chuckle. It was **** but not entirely fake.

‘Sorry. I tried to keep it all to myself, but…’

“I just get that you’re worried about me. Sorry about that.” Will sighed and lightly kicked the ground.

He began to let his aether flow again. It reached the point that his aura was visible, but not to the same level as the technique he used against Johana. He looked at the back of his hand, at the purple aether oozing like steam.

“I should be proud of stuff like this, I think,” he said. “We’ve worked hard to become stronger. We can do things most people can’t, or maybe things no one else can. I have seven women who l… Who like me. We’ll be earning good money if things go according to plan. I have more things to do than just live day to day. I have objectives.”

‘...But?’

Will smiled wryly. “But I don’t know if I can say I’m happy.”

‘Hey…’

“It’s fine. We had a talk like this before, remember? No use stating the same resolve twice like it’s new this time. I’ll… I’ll find something to call my own, something I can live for that’s only for myself. I think… I think that’s what I need the most right now.”

‘I’m here, okay? Remember that. I can’t exactly leave you alone, so you might as well take advantage of it.’

Will chuckled again, this time more easily. “I do want to get you a body soon. That’s as much for you as it is for me.”

‘Then… Want to go bother the old man tomorrow? He needs to keep his end of the deal.’

“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good.”

Will’s head wasn’t completely clear. It was easy for her to tell. Part of it was him making himself believe he was fine. Ishtar didn’t know if playing along was the right call or not. Nevertheless, she did.