Getting there, monk warlock.

“Fine. I want a pussy. A sexy, slutty, one that is awesome, tight, with that stretchy thing so it doesn’t get blown out by huge cocks, and has like a magic clit ring.”

“Ok, now do you want stretchy vagina or accommodating body so all your holes are fair game? What do you want the clit ring to do?”

“Oh, definitely accommodating, um, for the ring, um, what about like fucking heals me, is that a thing?”

“You can get that by taking the next step in demonic heritage, succubus bloodline, then either sex fueled magic, and healing spells or healing reserve, or life leach.” You just stare, “Right. A reserve power is slow, and happens when you have mana in your pool, spells are fast, but use magic. Sex fueled magic is powered by fucking, either bought as a disadvantage so it is the only way to recharge, or as an advantage so you recharge normally over time, or very fast while fucking. Life leach just sucks people’s life away as you fuck.”

“Oh wow, ok, healing reserve, and fast recharge.”

“Perfect. So for the ring? +1 protection is about all you can afford, and that will cost a lot, so not much more stuff.”

“Ya I’ll take it.”

“Okay now spells probably, what about combat?”

“Oh I was thinking a sneaky ninja that has dexterity based martial arts so I don’t need strength. Is that a thing?”

“Ya, that’s a thing, so no warlock blasts?”

“Um, okay, what about magic reserve that like adds energy damage to gun shots and kicks n punches n stuff, then spells to like jump real far, turn invisible, create ammo, oh, and like reload, and run super fast, teleport maybe, oh and open portals to bring in demons to help me fight and fuck, and cool stuff.” She just stares at you. “Oh, too much?”

“Level 1 remember.”

“Right. So what of that could I get?”

She ponders for a bit. “All right I think I get the vibe you are going for. What about, with your reserve you add +1 energy damage to all attacks, +5 movement, slow regeneration, 5lbs limit telekinesis, and call bloodline. Then for spells; camouflage, jump, charm, sleep, and create ammo. Then a demon inspired slutty dance and grapple based defensive martial arts, a sleek silenced semi auto pistol that requires magical ammo, that costs a bit less, oh and warding tattoos, that will look sexy and give you better defense and a tiny bit of resistance to spells and effects.”

“Cool, sounds perfect. So I want like 4 dexterity, 4 charisma, like -1 wisdom cause I’m always doing dumb stuff and then like 2 reasoning to help figure out stuff.”

She laughs a bit, “Got that part figured out I see, ya, that’s fine, but a monk type adds wisdom to its defense.”

“Oh shit. Well then I guess 4 dexterity, 4 charisma, -1 strength and intelligence, and 3 wisdom. Is that stupid?”

“That would be min maxing, and yes it’s always stupid, but a lot of people do it. I’d suggest 3 charisma and 2 wisdom to start with no minuses, but you can do whatever you want. Or roll randomly and try to get lucky. Some people love that as it makes wildly unbalanced and often weird characters. But it’s all stats rolled in order with 1 re-roll. So if your dex or charisma suck you will probably have to start over.”

“Can’t I just finish the character and sell it as an npc till I roll what I want?”

She smiles, “Might take 50 tries, but sure if you want. She hold out 3 6 sided dice. Roll these six times. Under 8 is -1 9-11 is 0, 12-13 is 1, 14-15 is 2, 16-17 is 3, and 18 is 4. Re-roll any one stat, if the new roll is lower just get +1. Then your choice of race will modify the numbers. Several get +1 in 2 stats, -1 in 1, but most just get +1 in a stat of choice. You sure?”

Author note: (I am aware this thread line is probably only going to appeal to forever DM’s out there that love making characters, like me. I will try to contain this brand of lunacy here, as if it didn’t already exist elsewhere. But if you love this like me, I will at least try to have every character I make get fucked before moving on, and if anyone wants to run with something created here, you have my blessing and thanks.)

(Oh, btw… For fun if a thread is a yes after this, actually roll dice and make what you get. I will)