Hazardous Spunk (Part 1)

Cover Story: Captain Jango's Hypnotised Marines Pirates Story (Part 3 - Is It Triple or Quadruple Agent Now?)

Another day, another moulded mind that wanted to do nothing but fuck his brains out after a conversion.

This was getting tiring. Hina and Anna were already demanding they continue their hypnotic sessions to become 'better pirates' but Jango needed to get through the rest of the crew first. He could barely even enjoy the feeling of Ahiru's throat as he limply dangled his chakram in front of the beautiful woman's eyes. Bobbing away to the tempo of his swings, using her robotic arm's dildo piston feature to fuck her own pussy while becoming a pirate.

The ex-double agent for the revolutionaries, now ex-marine, current pirate was so in the fold that her only desires revolved around getting that wonderful chakram in front of her eyes again. She wondered if Betty would be proud of her, fighting to let her new friends live their best lives... well, maybe if they reunite she'll introduce her to her new master.

"W-wait, what did the short straw mean again?"

"It means we're going on an adventure! Wahoo!" Luffy cheered as he grabbed my hand, dragging me towards the edge of the boat to stare at the boiling hellscape in front of us. "Can't you just smell the fun we might have over there?!"

"...all I smell is sulphur..."

"Does anyone want to switch with me?!" Usopp whined loudly and unashamedly, "F-Franky?! Sanji?! N-Nami...?"

"No way! This is the perfect place to work on some nude tanning while I wait for you brave return, Captain Usopp." She giggled, pecking the tip of his nose before walking away from the danger, "Just be sure to take plenty of notes about the layout of the island for me! My maps won't make themselves!"

"Now I'm doing your job too?!"

Perona, ignoring the bellowing sniper, floated off after the navigator, "Nude tanning? I think I'll join you~ Horororo~"

As the girls got ready to do nothing at all, the Luffy escort party began entering the Mini Merry to begin the approach to the hellish fires. Only problem was... there was like, no space for all of us. There were only really four spaces for six of us. Luffy at least wrapped his legs around the head of the smaller vessel to sit on 'his seat' as he called it. But then that left me to sit... "Come on, my lap is free, Natsuo."

"Y-yeah... thanks, Robin..." I chuckled as I heard the snickers and chortles of the others on the ship.

As I tried not to put too much weight on her legs while she wrapped her arms around my belly, I could see the woman next to her getting a little restless. "L-Luffy? My lap is also free if you-"

"No way! I'm happy here!"

Marguerite pouted. Never thought someone would be jealous of the way I was sitting right now...

After making a road of clouds up and over the wall of fire, we began our journey towards Punk Hazard. I at least got to start eating a nice box lunch with the rest of the crew, though the way I was steaming it didn't have much of a pleasant picnic vibe.

"Natsuo! You better keep Robin-Chan and Marguerite-nyan safe, ya hear?!" Sanji yelled as we disappeared from view, "And any new girls that may need boyfriends too! Or any that don't! And don't let your annoying massage hands get on any of the new gir..."

Deep in the labyrinthian maze of grey tunnels and scientific experimental rooms, sat a woman writing at her desk.

This was her space to unwind. The small section of this massive facility that let her be herself without needing to worry about the missions for her young master, the children she was helping to 'raise', or the coup her boyfriend was planning. A place to cast out the worries of the world and focus on what really mattered, studying the endless abyss of stars above the planet.

This was her space to unwind, yet today it felt impossible.

So much had happened that her mind could not detangle from the surface world. Her feathers drawing out the same constellation over and over again, erasing for no other reason than frustrations beyond what was in front of her. Decisions of her future, regrets of the past, and a dangerous present.

It had been so simple before, hadn't it? She was a member of the Doflamingo family, and all the baggage and horrors that included. Detachment of self was a gateway **** to apathetic acceptance. Putting on the smile needed to encourage Caesar's experiments, clouding skies in snow for the young master to annihilate his enemies, playing the part of an evil harpy woman to the point she willingly gave away her arms and legs. Always knowing she had nowhere to run, nowhere to go but the cold embrace of the wall her back was pressed against.

Yet, that stupid man had made the winged woman fall. What had started as a fling, and a callous flip to his crew, had made Monet reflect on so much in her life. There had been an inkling that she'd leave betray him, yet now she was only thinking about all the evils she'd committed in the name of Doflamingo. Could you ever reattach yourself to the normal world after standing with one that burned its name? Could she truly deserve to raise a child after standing back and not stopping Caesar? What would her sister think if she saw the emotional wreck that she'd become?

Getting nowhere fast, it was almost a relief when her space was invaded from the other side of the metallic wall by a thin translucent film. Covering just over her workspace to swap a book with a single piece of paper onto her desk.

"Anything to report?" Ah, the loving message of a truly caring partner.

She adjusted her swirly glasses and wrote her response, Monet then knocked on the wall. "The Yeti Cool Brothers have been sent to deal with the Straw Hats." Was what she wrote, waiting patiently for him to write back once again.

"Change of plans. Will find you again once I've made contact with Straw Hat."

With a slight sigh, watching as his power deactivated, the green haired harpy just quietly responded while freezing the paper to shatter into a million pieces. "Aye aye, captain."

"Monet, honey?"

She snapped around, not expecting anyone to enter her room at all. But especially not... "M-mom?!"

There she was. The olive haired woman that had abandoned her so long ago. The raggedy hourglass bitch who had sold the two sisters for table scraps. A deplorable woman that the harpy knew had died, yet here she was... standing in her doorway.

But as the grin of the evil being got wider, it clicked in Monet's mind exactly who this really was. "K-Kardia-san?" She asked, watching as her mother's form melted away into sizzling blue flames to reveal the officer underneath. "What are y-you doing here?"

Always having a flair for the dramatic, Kardia whipped his pink cape around his shoulders as he entered. The blue dressed man with his blue ponytail hair hummed a completely out of tune blues song while confidently striding towards his green associate. Monet knew how tricky he could be, having eaten the Nibi Nibi fruit and becoming someone that could look exactly like the dead, the only thing scarier was his complete and devoted loyalty to Doflamingo. "Word spreads quick in the family, Monet." He said without responding to her at first, making her stomach drop with worry, "Vergo and I are here to secure Caesar. Our master doesn't want anything going wrong that could jeopardise his deal with Kaidou."

"I... I would never..."

"No, you wouldn't." He cut her off, grabbing her face to tilt her towards him, "Hmm. We were both saved off the streets by our young master, our loyalty is beyond measure, isn't it? No matter what he orders us to do, our duty is clear."

Pushing back on his grasp, Monet just frowned at him, "Stop being creepy, Kardia. If you have something to say, then say it."

A pregnant pause hung in the air between the two, both studying each other's reactions before the blue man finally gave a relenting shrug. "Very well. Doflamingo has ordered you to return to Dressrosa with Caesar. He needs scientists to work on ways to restore his god given fertility, and broodmares to breed with once it's completed."

"B-broodmares?!"

"I've sure you're just as pure as the snow you can create," Kardia haughtily huffed, looking down at the pile of water on her desk, "Of course, your sister is always another option."

"N-no! I... I'll obviously return at the master's request." Monet replied with a shaky bow, "I am loyal to my young master."

Expending the air though his nose, the loyalist nodded before walking right out the room again. And in a voice that wasn't his own added, "Good girl." before leaving the harpy to her only safe space.

“STOP IT USOPP!”

We all turned to Nami. Wait, no, sorry, that isn't Nami right now. This is confusing my stupidity already, but I think Sanji's soul was in the bouncy navigator body... though with how angry she looked it almost seemed like she'd returned.

“W-what? What’d I do?” The Sniper squeaked in surprise, dropping the picture of Chopper he was giving to Sanji.

The fake Nami's jagged teeth only grew, eyes white with rage, hands ready to strangle Usopp any second now. “GAHH!! STOP MAKING ME FEEL THIS WAY, ASSHOLE!”

There was a beat of silence.

"...eh?"

Then everyone burst out in laughter. All realising at once what had happened to the ex-blonde in the new body. After happily groping his new tits for the last few minutes, he had suddenly closed his jacket and gotten quiet. Even if Nami in Franky's body had been accepting of his gropes, he had looked very uncomfortable until his outburst. Though the kids who were with us were a bit confused.

“Aww. Sanji’s pussy is in love with Usopp~” I teased.

A full, furious inferno erupted from the lass, boring daggers at me from afar. Since it was from Nami’s face, it was particularly worrying. “Shut. The Fuck. Up.”

"Serves you right! Now you see how the perverted body of a girl feels like! Hororororo!" Laughed a far too cocky and expressive Chopper.

Robin glared down at Perona, "Stop making faces in that body."

Though she could have responded, the sound of Zoro cackling so hard that it echoed against the icy cavern was a bit too hard to ignore. 'Nami''s forehead vein growing in size the longer he pointed and laughed at the body swap predicament. With Usopp nearby clearly wanting the swordsman to shut the fuck up quicker.

Stepping up to him was a Franky that had been recently playing around with his body, nipple lights beaming and hair a complete mess, but now grinning as he approached the ginger. “Are you sure you don’t want to scratch that itch, Sanji-kun? I know how unbearable my pussy can be when it’s hungry for Usopp's cock.”

“No, Nami-san. No. Not interested. No.” He repeated, perhaps growing the most angry with a woman I'd ever seen him as she continued to grin suggestively. "No."

Sanji then had to deal with his own face jumping up to spout medical knowledge at him, “Desires like that are perfectly natural, Sanji. We just went through this with Camie. A vagina that’s fallen in love often needs regul-”

“EVERYONE! STOP TALKING! FOREVER!”

Jumping out of the immediate fire zone, Usopp decided to hide behind Franky-Nami for now. For both his and Sanji’s benefit, hoping no line of sight would benefit his new body.

Meanwhile, the person he was hiding behind had returned to playing around with their body, "This thing is so weird to pilot, I can't even enjoy having a penis now since this robot body is too bulky!" Grumbled the cyborg, poking at his sea panties with his oversized blue fingers, "Oi, Franky! How the hell do you jerk off with this thing?!"

Zoro was still rolling on the floor with laughter, not noticing that the man in Perona's body hadn't responded. Though when he spotted those big eyes looking at him with need, eyes that were not the cute pink haired girl's but instead the nearly forty-year-old man, he suddenly felt chills run down his being.

"Z-Zoro... you're looking pretty super today..."

In what felt like a single second, both Nami and Zoro were at the edge of the cave with fierce determined stances. "I'm going to KILL Trafalgar Law!"

"Smoker-san! Where are you!"

"Tashigi-chan! Are you okay?!"

Neither wanted to answer the G-5's call. Their tiny little hidey-hole just the right space to keep the pair locked together. A single closet on the battleship they found to house mops for swabbing the deck. It was only enough space for them and the handles to hide as a series of raucous stamps raced past the door.

"I... I think they're gone, Smoker-san..."

"Shut up."

Smoker hated this. This damn woman that had been demanding more and more of his time while they were supposed to be training the G-5. Teasing him with her large breasts and long legs... well, they were literally his problem now. Trafalgar Law had switched their bodies, and he could feel Tashigi's heart and heat of desire calling out for the person it was rubbing against. Him.

"Your ridiculously perverted body... how can you deal with this constant **** of the senses?"

Tashigi gulped, feeling her own hard nipples atop soft breasts against Smoker's burly chest, "Y-you get used to it... how do you deal with a growing hardness between your legs? It feels like my entire focus is being pulled to this one place..."

"That's just your perverted mind." He huffed, feeling said lump pressing against his belly. A pulse of pleasure shot up from his new womanly womb as it was so close to kissing its favourite cock.

"H-hey! Is it my mind that's perverted or my body?! S-some of this has to be your fault too!"

"I said shut up!"

Ever the subordinate, Tashigi did shut up. Not that it helped matters in the slightest. Their souls still intertwined in this cramped closet. The hardness in her legs still thumping her brain into a stupor.

It quickly became too much for the girl in a man's body. In an act of horrendous narcissism, Tashigi grabbed her own tit and gave it a hearty squeeze. The shudder of pleasure she felt through his smoky spine was only enhanced by the girly gasp that her superior let out from such an intimate act. He'd just given her such easy access to her own body it felt like a crime to not go for it.

"Smoker... you say I'm perverted, but look at the way you're wearing my shirt..."

Seeing her own face with such angry eyes was a weird turn on, but the sword girl couldn't help squeezing the breast as he grumbled at her, "...this is what I'm used to."

"And I always appreciate that," Her voice was a whisper as she stroked the muscles she now sported, but now with his rough fingertips. One hand on her body, one on his, like she was comparing them. In the end, she could only reach one conclusion: "Y-you're so sexy..."

Smoker would forever deny being the one to initiate what they did in that tiny closet. Mostly because he would forever deny the existence of any such event, forever.

But Tashigi knew the truth.

As Brownbeard's men worked tirelessly to pilfer all items of use for the cause from the Straw Hat's ship, Kardia had other plans.

"Hmhmhm! So many lovely mementos of friends and family!" He chortled. Feeling his power growing with each new item he touched, gaining more will-of-the-wisps for his plans. "A hammer used by a deceased father, a famous brother's wanted poster, orange trees passed down from a mother stricken down in her prime, and keeping a photo of your parents under your pillow? Pahaha! They're going to make this too easy for me!"

"Being in this cage is sort of nostalgic, hm Luffy?"

"Hahaha! Oh yeah! You captured me and Smoker back in Alabasta, huh?"

That fact threw both me and the chained up blonde for a loop, "What?!"

"Would you two stop reminiscing at a time like this?!"

"Wait, I wanna hear when you captured Luffy!"

"I think I mentioned that I used to be employed by Crocodile."

"Oh yeah... I guess that tracks."

"Gasp! Working for the enemy! A member of the seven warlords?!"

"Says the Kuja pirate."

"..."

"The island of women? I've always wanted to visit there. It's said your culture is so rich with life and trust between the inhabitants."

"It truly is. With a benevolent and beautiful ruler-"

"Tashigi! Stop fraternising with the enemy!"

"I was just trying to figure out why this woman was with Straw Hat Luffy!"

"My King conquered Amazon Lily with his superior male mushroom and brave heart that made even the Boa Hancock swoon."

"...it that why that blasted woman attacked me during the war... grr, you damn pirate. Were you really on that island the last two years?!"

"Oh? Is that jealousy I hear, Mr. Marine?"

"Shut up! Where the hell is Caesar?!"

"Ma~an. This cage is super noisy. Can't a robot get a nap in peace?"

"Straw Hat-ya. Have you really got the warlord Boa Hancock under your employ?"

"Hm? She's going to be my wife if that's what you're asking. Oh wait! If we're in an alliance does that make her your wife too? Or are you now my husband? Wait, how does marriage work again?"

"...this was a horrible mistake."

Just play the part.

Stop the children from escaping, feed them their candy, keep Caesar unawares until Law is ready to strike.

"Miss Monet! Please! I-I wanna go back to the nice lady and the tanooki!"

Just play the part. It doesn't matter where fate lands on these lives, Monet just had to make sure she got through this.

"Hmph." Harrumphed Kardia, "Children are the worst for my powers. They have no concept of ****, and barely any life experience with others to exploit any grief. If only you'd killed their parents when you had the chance, Caesar."

Ignoring the blatant murderous whispering, the gas man floated over to the scared black haired giant, "Shulolololo! Why, Mocha, you've become so rebellious! Don't you want to trust the nice scientist? I just want to give you some more delicious candy!"

"YAYYY!!!" Cheered out all the other children in the room. Their brains needing desperately the stimulant that Monet had helped feed them for months now.

Suddenly something bumped up against her wing, as the blue haired loyalist gruffly thrust a massive red and white ball towards the harpy, "You feed them. Now."

"I... I..."

"Candy! Candy! Candy! Candy!"

The deafening cheers surrounded her. Yet all Monet saw was Mocha's sad eyes looking at her, and all she heard was the single voice of the scared girl. "Is... is the candy really bad for us?"

...

"Shulolololo! Yes, come around children! My loyal assistant Monet will feed you all the candy you could ever want! You'll always be safe and warm with... brrr. Did someone leave a window-EHHH?!!"

The clown could only stare on in disbelief at the wall of snow that had suddenly formed, trapping the horde of children inside. "The traitorous bitch has made a run for it!" Kardia roared in anger, grabbing his sword and slashing ineffectively at the near iron strength wall. "We have to stop her!"

"Grrr! I knew she'd defected! Does she really think she can run from Doflamingo?!" Rearing his head back as he snarled, the gas man unleashed a powerful blast of heat from his being to melt through the snow almost immediately.

Not waiting to let it fully dissolve, Kardia burst through the heated water and emerged on the other side to sense exactly the corridor that Monet had flown down.

"This way!" He barked as the two quickly rushed away from the children together.

"ATTENTION ALL EMPLOYEES! DO NOT EXIT THE BUILDING! A ROGUE EXPERIMENT IS ON THE LOOSE! I REPEAT: DO NOT EXIT THE BUILDING!"

Monet was running out of options and fast.

The 'Land of ****' as Caesar called it had begun to take effect, and as such the shutters were closing all around her. Poison would be surrounding them for hours, but she was in the unique position to get above it before it got her. Monet flew as fast as she could with the candy in tow, knowing the layout of the building better than anyone after living here for so many years.

Yet even with all the time and preparation in the world, you can't always predict a surprise attack from an ex-ally.

KABOOM!

"UNH!" She screamed, falling from the sky after the powerful explosion hit her wing point blank. Even transforming into a logia only barely helped with the painful impact as her snowy form splattered against the floor.

Monet crawled her way out of the frosty puddle, just in time to have all three men standing above her. Caesar, Kardia, and Vergo.

She tried to grow her harpy teeth, but without a single shred of mercy the man with beef on his face grabbed aimed his bamboo shoot and shot another pressurised blast of haki infused fire into her body at point blank range. KRAKAKOOM! "AAHHHH!!"

"Target neutralised." He said while snatching the ball of tainted candy from her crumbling form.

Caesar and that horrible laugh violated her ear as he kept the air limited around her head, "Shulololololo! Well, I hope that Trafalgar's shrimpy little weiner was worth throwing your life away, you stupid whore!"

"You could have had the glory of having one of Doflamingo's children in your womb, yet you chose the tainted orphan seed of a terminally ill buffoon?!" Kardia kicked her hard in the stomach, "Why would you do something so stupid?! I know I would have his babies in a heart beat if I could!"

The seriousness of the scene was slightly ruined when the other two men gave him a rather incredulous look.

"...seriously?"

"I... uh... well... you know..."

"Perhaps you could find Ivankov for a sex change." Vergo suggested, "As a woman, I sometimes wonder what it's like to be a man."

"...Vergo, you are a man."

"...oh yeah."

"Perhaps I will miss my assistant's lack of incompetency after all... wait, where'd she go?" asked Caesar, only seeing a dome of snow that was starting to grow around where the woman had been. It wasn't much of a plan, but Monet had little options left when surrounded by such power. As Vergo raised his bamboo to blast her out of the ice prison, the clown raised his hands. "Wait, Vergo! I have a better idea... Kardia, why don't you keep her inside there while we phone Doflamingo and ask him what he wants to do with the little traitor? Shulololololo!"

"It would be my pleasure. Nibi Nibi Parade!"

Satisfied, Vergo and Caesar walked away from the trapped harpy with candy in tow. Leaving only the single man to loom over the dome of snow with a sickening grin.

It was cold inside, but it was giving her time to heal her injured wing. The real worry was that they hadn't broken open and killed her yet, their comedy bit couldn't be this long, could it?

"Monet."

There was barely any room for her to stretch her talons out, yet somehow a voice had entered the tiny pocket. And the worst of it was... it was her mother's voice again.

"Monet, you're such a disappointment."

"Just tune it out... she's just an illusion..."

"Was I an illusion too?"

The snow woman's blood ran cold. It wasn't just her mother anymore...

"I know you can hear me, Monet." Said the calming male voice, "You've never stopped hearing my voice, have you? I was the first one you killed. Back when you were just starving orphans. A hapless trainee pirate, struck down by you, before you could even blame it on Doflamingo."

"S-shut up."

"Oh, but I'm not alone."

"You killed me in Dressrosa, Monet."

"And me."

"Don't you remember the look in my eyes when you struck down my future?"

"All in the name of someone else."

"You killed us, Monet."

"You killed us."

The howling winds of the snow could not drown out their voices.

She tried to make them quieter with the roaring winds she could create, but as their voices kept growing louder she just increased the size of the storm more. Soon the entire Biscuit room was filled with only the roaring snowscape she was hiding in, as the man above her cackled in victory at the traitor's fall.

All she had left was to feel the cubed heartbeat in her hands of the man she hoped would save her.

"You said that Luffy actually lost?"

"Yeah, Caesar was bragging about it when he took out me and Nami."

"Dammit. That guy isn't taking this seriously enough." The green haired man snarled, stomping across the floor towards the rubber man that had already begun charging ahead, "LUFFY! THIS ISN'T A JOKE! THE NEW WORLD STARTS HERE!"

A moment of realisation seemed to dawn on the captain's face, nodding back down to his first mate that was grilling him with a reassuring expression. "Right! I'll do this properly!"

Down below, a blonde woman in a skimpy outfit was worrying about the children up ahead. Even ignoring the grimy G-5 Marines that were trying to hit on her. Thinking only about the horrors of a man's world, and not noticing when a rubber arm stretched down to wrap around her stomach. "Eh? EEEHAAIIIIIEEEEE!!!!"

"Marguerite! Let's go have some quick sex so I can power-up and really kick Caesar's ass!"

"B-but-!"

"Gomu-Gomu no... UFO!"

As Usopp laughed at the antics on the railing above them, a rain of cascading bodies falling down, Zoro could only look on with a frown, "That fucker. Was he even listening to me at all?"

AN: Face front fans of the One Piece Stage Show 2021! The original character for that event has now returned to become canon in a mind control fanfiction! Man, the depths of the One Piece wiki I had to go to find out about Kardia, lol. Without much else in the details of his fruit I got creative with it, but this is ultimately the price I pay for making Monet a good guy now. She's the one part in my reread of Punk Hazard that made me pause. Cause man, she is e-vil in canon. Caesar too, obviously, but she was just as bad in her acceptance/assistance of his actions.