Goblins Praising the Absolute

Among all the jeering, bickering, and sounds of drunkenness that emanated from the town, one group in particular drew Karlach's attention. If anything, it was because their speech was clearer than all of the others. Making her away around one of the larger buildings, she found a group of goblins locked in almost frenzied prayer. There were about ten of them, clearly led by a woman. Her dress had an interesting pattern drawn on it with red paint. A hand with a skull in the middle, inside a triangle.

"Praise the Absolute!" The woman yelled, her voice crazy with obedience. Her "congregation" repeated the phrase, or at least attempted to.

"Praise the Absolute, who will lead us to victory!" She preached, raising her hands to the air.

Karlach crept a little closer. She had never heard of the god these goblins seemed so intent on worshiping. Sure, she had not exactly received a proper education, but she still knew most of the gods and goddesses of Faerun. Yet this "Absolute" was foreign to her.

"Praise the Absolute, the ultimate authority!" The goblin priestess was getting more and more worked up, almost seeming turned on by her faith. It was quite amusing.

"Praise the Absolute, who will deliver onto us great power and great riches!"

At this, Karlach could not contain a deep laugh. She regretted it immediately, as the outburst was loud enough to catch the attention of the small group of goblins. They all turned to face her, especially the goblin preacher, who pointed an accusatory finger at the tiefling.

"HALT!" She yelled, hopping up and down. "INTRUDER!"

"Calm down, love," Karlach replied, raising her hands and trying to defuse the situation. "I ain't trying to intrude on anything. Just a wanderer, that's all."

"Oh, really?!" The girl now turned to her group. "If the bitch truly means no harm, then why does she laugh in the face of the all powerful Absolute!" The other goblins all murmured their agreement, casting angry glares at Karlach.

"Oh, don't get your panties in a twist," the barbarian chuckled. "I've just served quite a few 'great and all powerful' masters in my day. Trust me on this one. They never deliver."

"LIES!" The girl shrieked, seething with anger. "BLASPHE... BLASA... LIES!"

"Calm down, calm down," Karlach pleaded, not wanting her to alert the rest of the camp. It seemed her first foray into goblin diplomacy was not going well.

"YOU WILL SEE THE MIGHT OF THE ABSOLUTE!" She continued. "BY FACING ONE OF HIS DIVINE CHAMPIONS!"

The statement hung in the air for a bit, with both the goblins and Karlach looking at the priestess expectantly. Grumbling, she stomped over to a cluster of wine barrels. Passed out amongst them was a bugbear, the beast softly snoring as the goblin approached him.

"I said..." She gave him a swift kick. "BY FACING ONE OF HIS DIVINE CHAMPIONS!"

"Huh?" The bugbear slowly regained consciousness, scratching his head. "What's going on?"

The priestess pointed at Karlach. "This BITCH has insulted the AUTHORITY of the ABSOLUTE!"

The bugbear looked over at Karlach, who awkwardly waved at him. Turning back to the goblin, he muttered "So?"

"SO?!?!" The goblin gave him another kick. "Doug!!! You pledged to defend the Absolute, you numbskull!"

"Oh, right!" Grabbing a club that lay nearby, the bugbear (evidently named Doug) clambered to his feet. He walked towards Karlach menacingly, baring his teeth in an abrupt change in character. Over his eye, a tattoo of that odd symbol glowed bright.

"Nobody messes with the Absolute!"