Oh Right. That Happened.

"I don't know what it is you're planning," he snarls, not even making eye contact with me while he does it, "But I'm not buying."

"Eddie," I protest, but his head snaps over fast as he snaps back at me.

"Save it, freak."

I've felt such anger, such hatred from him before. I've even had it directed at me before. But never before has it really felt so very jusitified.

Don't get me wrong, Eddie is an asshole. I'll be the first person in the whole damn world to admit to that, because Eddie certainly won't, but I can't deny that in this one very specific and particular instance he is an asshole for a good reason. A damn good reason, honestly.

There is no one in this particular dimension of the multiverse or whatever the hell this is who has felt the ripples of my emergence into this new version of my life than me. But Eddie is probably second place.

That's not to say that his life has been upset more than any other. Whether it's Rachel or Blake or Lucas or even Jake who I didn't even know before this existence, all of them have been jostled off the path of what would have been for them and onto this new direction and it is all down to me, absolutely. Eddie no more than any other, but Eddie has felt it more than any other.

Because Eddie is the one who has closest experienced that something is awry.

I'm talking about the night, the first night. The night when I went to that dance party and made out with Rachel on the dance floor and did... everything with Blake in the dark while we watched girl-Kim and her little boytoy in the dirt. And both of those moments changed things as far as the path they were on and even Lucas and that little tryst in the kitchen obviously and clearly set him on a new path as well.

But Eddie... Eddie was different.

The first night Eddie found a kindred spirit, or as close to one as he could manage. And he found an outlet for his anger, someone who could absorb it and even amplify it through passive acceptance. Eddie got to feel like he was guiding someone, me, into a vision of the world that was clear and unfettered by social blinders.

The first time around. But this time around he didn't.

What did he get? Confusion. Him making a move and getting shot down which really just reinforced his own natural inclinations towards misogyny and self-hatred. But more than that he got the full brunt of my frustration when I unleashed it all on him and told him, in no uncertain terms, just what I thought about his perspective on life and just why I didn't have any patience for it, in spite of his background and circumstances.

He got no pity from me and he got no kindred spirit, but more than all of that he got unsettled. Because in that instant I talked about his family and his parents and his history and where he came from and what he thought and who he was.

And I had no good reason to know any of that.

Fuck. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have forgotten that I'd said too much? How could I think that I could just walk up here next to him and fall into step, just be so near to him without him freaking out and thinking me to be an enemy. And one who is suspiciously prepped on the specifics of him.

So in this moment, faced with that? Well there is really only one thing that I can do.

I sigh and I give in.

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