Defining a Relationship

I watched as Chloe finished off her second milkshake. It had been mine before she claimed it for herself. Apparently I had been drinking it too slow for her tastes. It was amazing how quickly she could put food away when she wanted to.

We hadn’t said much since we arrived. We got a dirty look from the waitress when she took our orders. With both of us still in our uniforms, it was clear we were skipping out. Disapproval hung heavy in her Noise, but my attention was on Chloe. She was anxious, but the milkshakes seemed to help.

Folding my hands in front of me, I rested them on the table. Her Noise spiked despite the placid expression she had. “I think we need to have a conversation about our relationship.”

Her throat tightened as she struggled to keep her emotions masked. Her Noise betrayed her. A stormy sea of emotions rested behind that calm and collected face.

“Okay.”

I decided to start things off. To make this work, I needed her to understand me, and that meant being honest with her. It was a risk. A big one. Things had gone well with Alexis, but there was nothing to say this would go the same. Alexis and I had two years of good relationship to support it. Chloe and I knew each other far less.

“Before that, I need to tell you about me. Well, specifically, it’s about my Gift…”

So I told her. All of it. About Noise. How I saw emotions. Her feelings. Everything. She was silent the entire time, listening with wide-eyed awe as I described the depth of my Gift. I could see my words affecting her Noise. The mix of emotions she felt as I told her that her emotions were an open book to me. The shock, unease, and embarrassment that brought her.

That being with me would mean she could never have true privacy in how she felt.

“So you can read thoughts?” I blinked, the closest thing I would get to surprise. At my silence, she started to blush. “What?”

I shook my head, putting on a small smile for her that I hoped would set her at ease. “Alexis asked the same thing when I told her.”

She puffed out her cheeks, a pout on her lips as envy danced through her Noise. “So you told her.”

I held up a hand, stopping that line of thought. “For one, I have known her considerably longer. It was also something she needed to know. As you do now.” I left it at that, focusing back on her question. “And no, I can’t read thoughts. It’s not that accurate and it’s only what you are feeling in the moment. I can dig a little deeper if I focus, but it takes a lot to do and requires a lot of focus.

“Over time, I have gotten decently good at linking emotions and what they might be thinking based on the context of the conversation I’m having with them, but specifics? No.”

I could see my words affecting her Noise. The mix of emotions she felt as I told her that her emotions were an open book to me. That being with me would mean she could never have true privacy in how she felt.

“I’m sorry I kept it a secret. It’s not something I would like to broadcast for obvious reasons.”

“I… I never heard of something like this. Or even possible. I mean… for a set time maybe, but all the time?”

“All the time. The only thing I can seemingly control is changing the distance and maybe a bit of depth if I focus, but it is rather limited.” I tilted my head slightly. “You said earlier that you don’t offer me anything in this relationship, but that isn’t true. Your Noise is special to me. There is a draw there that I don’t fully understand myself.

“When I am alone in a crowd, the constant Noise around me grinds against me, wearing me down. It’s painful at times, feeling all the unfiltered emotions of dozens, hundreds of people. But with you beside me, all I can see is you. All I feel is you. When you are happy, joyful, or in a general positive mood, it’s like a weight is lifted from me. I can just open myself and feel like I’m alive. At the same time, when you are in a negative mood I want to move the world to change that. Yes, there is a selfish motive in there, but it is also because I care about you.”

I let the silence linger, giving her space to navigate the emotional storm surging within her. My fingers fidgeted on the tabletop, my mind working to find the words needed to express what I wanted to say. To get Chloe to understand everything she offered me. She needed to understand this was a mutually beneficial relationship.

Her gaze eventually drifted up to meet my gaze. Nothing happened for a moment, then her face began to redden. Embarrassment blossomed, then fear, then regret… Panic. Fear. More anxiety. Shock. A blazing gauntlet of emotions.

“Sorry! I—You—Your Gift is—That is—And—And I am—Oh-my-god,you-are-literally-reading-my-emotions-now-aren’t-you.”

“Chloe,” I said in an even voice, hoping to calm her racing emotions. “Deep breaths.”

Her breath was coming out in short bursts. Closing her eyes, she pressed a hand to her chest as she took a moment to regulate her breathing. Even though she tried to regain her composure, she couldn't stop blushing as she slowly opened her eyes to meet mine.

She was forcing a smile. “Not going to lie. Knowing that is going to take some getting used to.” Her embarrassment was strong, but so was her determination. Her smile became more genuine. “There wouldn’t happen to be a way for me to hide my thoughts from you, is there?”

I shook my head. “I'm afraid not. As I said, it’s always on, so it isn’t something I can turn off.”

She gave me a nod before taking another calming breath.“Okay.” She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “This will definitely take some getting used to, but I'll get there.” With another deep breath, she folded her arms on the table and leaned forward. Nervousness still was a large part of her Noise, but the shock and panic had diminished. “Thank you for telling me. I can, uh, understand why you keep the details of your Gift vague.”

“You deserve to know.”

A wave of happiness rolled through her Noise as she smiled. It quickly faded as apprehension grew. “What… What did you want to talk about? Relationship wise, I mean. Since you explained, uh, you.”

An excellent question. There were several things that probably needed to be discussed, but one was an obvious choice. So far, it was causing the most issues.

“We should probably start with your business.”

A host of negative emotions hit her as she kept her expression neutral. The only outward sign of discomfort was her small shift in posture. That was until she remembered my Gift and how I could read her emotions. That set off another burst of panic, sending her emotions spiraling.

“Chloe, please calm down.”

Her smile was apologetic. “Sorry. It’s just… embarrassing. Knowing I’m an open book to you when you’re... you. Not to mention the conversation topic.”

“Nothing has changed except your knowledge of my Gift. I’ve had a great deal of experience handling other people’s emotions. I won’t judge you on what you feel, and you’ll never have to worry about hurting my feelings—though I would appreciate if you don’t **** that.” She visibly swallowed, a serious look on her face. I put on a smile. “A joke.”

“God, you’re jokes are fucking horrible.”

“In all seriousness, I will work on better communicating with you. If there is something I don’t like, I will tell you. Something I hope you will feel comfortable doing as well.”

She gnawed lightly on her lower lip. “Won’t you… know? I mean, if I don’t like something, won’t you be able to see it in my, uh, noise?”

“Yes, but you will still need to communicate it with me. I find it best to not make assumptions based on Noise since it is surface level.” I shifted in place, folding my hands together. “An example. Say we meet and you are angry. But what exactly are you angry about? Perhaps you are angry at me for something I did. What if it was something I said, rather than an action? Or perhaps it is something entirely unrelated to me. In a situation like that, the Noise is a guide, but not the ultimate authority. Without communicating the actual problem, there are only assumptions. Assumptions lead to misunderstandings.”

She took a deep breath, nodding. “That makes sense.”

A brief scan of her Noise and I continued. “Are you ready to talk about your business?”

She sighed. “It sounds so… formal when you put it like that. Business. Fuck, it is though, isn’t it?” Chloe **** a smile that was a complete mismatch with her Noise. “So… what about it?”

I had debated on how best to breach this subject, but nothing came to me. In absence of something else, I went the direct route. “You enjoy it.”

I waited for the flood of emotions to pass. To her credit, she wasn’t fighting it. The shame burned brightly from her knowing I was seeing everything she felt. “I wouldn’t say I enjoy it,” she began in a soft voice. “The perks that come with it are… considerable. The money is... nice to have. I’ve helped my Mom out a few times when she was short or an unexpected expense happened. It would be wrong to leave it at that since that makes it seem like I have noble reasons for what I do. Truth is, I enjoy it for selfish reasons. Not the sex, but what it brings me. Buying things I want, spending money on clothes and makeup and whatever else I want at the time. Little stuff. Stupid stuff."

Discomfort grew as she continued. “I’ve also mentioned the power aspect of it, which is even more embarrassing now that I say it out loud.” Her eyes lifted. “I know I have a reputation and get a lot of hate, which sucks, but that’s not the whole story. Adam is an asshole, and I won’t lie and say he’s the only one who is like that, but the reality is most aren’t. Having men desire me. Want me. Beg for me. Fuck. You just saw it. Knowing that someone is literally willing to pay hundreds of dollars for a moment of my time is...”

“Empowering?” I offered. She was silent with her mix of emotions as I tried again. “Intoxicating?”

She covered her face with her hands, running them down. Embarrassment blossomed in her Noise, drowning near everything else out. “Fuuuuuck.”

“Chloe, it’s perfectly normal to enjoy something like that. Being desired is a natural feeling and isn’t wrong or immoral.”

“Ugh, you saying it like that isn’t helping,” she whined.

“Knowing what you enjoy isn’t going to change how I view you. Nothing you have shared is exactly new information, merely a confirmation and clarification.” My words weren’t having the effect I wanted. Instead I tried a different direction. “What about you? Does knowing the full extent of my Gift bother you? Change the way you feel about me?”

That knocked her out of her funk. Confusion was dominant as she lowered her hands. “Bother? No. Maybe a little weird and will take some getting used to, but not bothered. As for the other part, you already know what I feel.”

“True, but hearing it is different. Communication. Remember?”

Chloe tried a smile, her Noise rippling as she tried to inject humor into the tense atmosphere. “Admit it. You just want to hear me say how much I like you.”

Humor was a welcome addition here. To show my support, I gave her a smile of my own. “Perhaps.”

“Jerk,” she playfully admonished before sighing. The humor quickly died, but it served its purpose. She was in a better place than she had been a moment ago. “Honestly, Jake, I really like you. Like… a lot. Probably more than I should, considering we haven’t known each other long.” Her Noise was a complex mix of emotions. Warmth, joy, nervousness, and hints of the darker emotions as she looked down. “You have been so incredible supportive of me despite… everything. Me. What I do. I can’t begin to understand why or describe how grateful I am.”

“That is a mutual feeling. Being with you has been…” I tried to search for the right word. It was difficult to find. I didn’t want to lie to her by giving her a false idea of what our relationship meant to me. It was important and I wanted it to continue, but my motivations were different than hers. “Refreshing. Positive. Pleasant.”

Chloe gave me an adorable grin. “Wooow. Romance machine over here.”

Despite her tone, I was sincere. “None of those are lies. I’m not good at describing how I feel.”

“Really? I haven’t noticed.” Humor colored her Noise as her grin transformed into a smile. Her emotions were positive, filling her Noise in a pleasant fashion. “You’re lucky you’re hot or we might have problems.”

“Glad I have my looks to carry me,” I dryly replied. Unfortunately, this brought up another point that probably needed addressed sooner rather than later.

I took a moment to plan my response. Honesty would be best, and I hoped she would understand. “Chloe, don’t take this the wrong way, but I am not with you for physical reasons.” I held up my hand stopping her as panic, fear, and self-loathing surged in her Noise. “That isn’t to say you are not physically attractive. You are a beautiful woman both in mind and body, but you have to understand that your physical nature does not have the impact on me that you may wish.”

“You’re not attracted to me.” That came with a host of negative emotions. A misunderstanding I needed to correct immediately.

“That isn’t true. I’m very much attracted to you. As I said before, your Noise is… incredible. Uniquely special. There are few people who I can be comfortable around. You go beyond that. Being around you brings me peace. It calms the constant onslaught of Noise I am exposed to. When I am with you, it’s like everything and everyone fades away and it is just you. Only you. To simplify, I see women aesthetically. I can acknowledge when someone is attractive. Beautiful. Pretty. Sexy. But to have my libido, or desires, or whatever you want to call them, activate is… difficult.” I gave a small shrug. “How does one get aroused if one cannot feel the emotions that trigger it? But that doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to you. It’s just… different.”

Chloe was quiet, her eyes downcast as she processed everything I had said. A few moments passed before she looked up at me again. Her Noise showed a mix of emotions, but none were negative. There was a brief flash of curiosity, but her nervousness buried it.

I needed to be clear here. To make sure she had no misunderstandings. “I want to be with you, Chloe. When you are not with me, I miss you. What I am trying to express is that our relationship is mutual. You provide me something no one else can. I love you. Please don’t forget that.”

“I…” She drifted off, a calm exterior not betraying the kaleidoscope of emotions playing out in her Noise. For a moment, I wondered if I said something wrong. Was it too soon? Perhaps I had used it wrong. Or maybe, we had two different ideas of what those words meant.

Taking a breath before giving a firm nod. “Okay.”

We sat in silence, Chloe dealing with the mixed emotions that still lingered. Thankfully, the negative ones were retreating as she navigated and sorted through her feelings.

As for me, I sat back in the booth, content to lose myself in the moment. There were still things we needed to work out, but that could wait for another day. I had opened up and shared what my Gift was with Chloe and she seemed open to continuing. With that, our relationship seemed a bit more clearly defined than it had been at the start.

There was much more work to be done, but this was a good start.

My eyes never left Chloe, and she noticed my stare. She didn’t say anything, blushing as she became self-conscious. Her eyes flicked away, shyly brushing at her hair.

A very good start.