Differences

I saw her Noise the moment she woke, cutting through all the grating Noise of our classmates. I’d immediately dismissed myself, the teacher giving me a surprised look as I left. She didn’t stop me and I didn’t give an excuse. Unfortunately, Chloe had made it to the bathroom before I could get to her. She spent a good amount of time there and I saw it all in her Noise. Adam’s Gift rapidly disintegrated as her Noise shaped itself into the woman I knew. Seeing it caused the weight in my chest to lift.

Chloe was okay. She was going to be okay.

But the pain she felt was real as she reflected on what had transpired without the effects of Adam’s Gift tainting them. It was enough that I almost entered the restroom to confront her but I held back. Ambushing her in the bathroom wasn’t the right move here. I needed her to work through some of those thoughts. Once she had made some semblance of peace with them, I would start the healing process. No matter how many times this happened, I would always be here to soothe her wounds and mend them.

She was worth it.

My mind never once faltered in that regard. No matter how she stumbled, how she believed she failed me, Chloe was still the same Chloe I had met. It was all in her Noise, constantly showing me the same girl I had come to like. How genuine her feelings were, matching her words and actions.

Resolution filled her Noise. It was still not completely back, but it was mending. Leaning against the wall, I waited for her to appear. I didn’t have to wait long. Eyes wide, she froze in the threshold of the bathroom at the sight of me. I could see the fear in her Noise as her determination vanished. Her feelings washed over me. Warm feelings were undercut by the chill of her disgust for herself.

“We need to talk.”

Fear spiked through her Noise before morphing into resignation. Eyes falling away, she said nothing as she nodded. Without a word, we started walking.

My mind was busy trying to find a solution, but nothing was coming to me. Police? This was beyond their capabilities, which meant they would send out a Special Gifted Unit to investigate. Considering the people and location involved, Federal authorities would undoubtedly hear about it. That meant the Gifted Investigation Agency would likely show up, and no one wanted them getting involved. They usually found a half-dozen other crimes in addition to the one they were investigating and had a reputation for being relentless.

If we got law enforcement involved, it was likely to cause more problems than it solved. It wasn’t just Adam, but his family’s influence. Then there was Chloe herself. If we escalated this, they would find out about her business. Prostitution was illegal, though there was a massive loophole regarding selling the effects of Gifts. Chloe would fall into that loophole, but she was still unlicensed, which cast her back into the illegal realm. Not to mention I had a feeling she wasn’t paying taxes on all the income she was getting. The second the GIA got involved, Chloe would undoubtedly find herself in just as much trouble as Adam.

Adam knew that. He believed himself untouchable, because in a way, he was. It was mutually assured destruction. Turning him in was the same as turning Chloe in. Not even his family’s influence could protect him from the GIA, but at the same time, Chloe wouldn’t be protected either. Even if it didn’t escalate to that level, prosecuting crimes like this were extremely difficult. I was sure his lawyers would bring up her selling her Gift and how money had been exchanged. They would question her character and muddy the waters.

So law enforcement was out.

Administration? Even more useless. They would sooner punish Chloe than rock the boat going after Adam. For a school where reputation was everything, they would do everything in their power to brush it all under the rug. Considering some of the things that happened here, they were quite good at it.

Another option was for her to quit, but that came with its own problems. I had no idea how her other clients would react to that. Beyond that, I wasn’t sure Chloe wanted to quit. She made good money, and since we started dating, her self-esteem had improved so that she no longer fell into deep pits of disgust and loathing when she met with clients. No matter how much she tried to downplay what she did, her Noise was quite clear.

Chloe enjoyed what she did.

We walked without a destination. With classes still going on, campus was deserted. We did pass a few campus security people but they steered clear once they recognized who was cutting. Thanks to her connection with administration, Chloe appeared to have a great amount of freedom here.

I glanced over at her. “You okay?” A single nod answered. She was fortifying her Noise with negative emotions, preparing for what she saw as inevitable. Time to end that misunderstanding early. “I’m not breaking up with you if that’s what you are worried about.”

That got a reaction from her. Surprise dominated her Noise as she stared up at me. “W-what? But… What I said. How I acted—”

“I warned you that this would not be a normal relationship. I am incapable of that.” Her Noise was stunned, lying still for several seconds. “That said, I was not pleased with what happened today on the roof. Not for the reasons you are likely thinking,” I added as I saw her negatively react to my words. Stopping, I turned to face her. Her Noise was apprehensive, eyes failing to meet mine as they flitted over me.

“Chloe, what Adam did—”

Her Noise roiled in anger that didn’t show on her face. “Stop.”

“But he—”

“I know what he did!” She took a breath, trying to calm herself. Her outward presence may have shown a calm and collected Chloe, but her Noise was anything but. There was a measured tranquility to her voice. “It’s not the first time he’s used his Gift on me. I’ll admit that it’s never been that strong before, but it’s not something to make a fuss over.” She cut me off, meeting my eye. I didn’t like the negative emotions I was seeing. Too many of them were the type I had been working hard to reduce. Disgust. Loathing. Guilt. Shame. All focused inward on her. “Adam didn’t **** me to do anything I didn’t already want to do.”

Remembering that I was working on emoting more, I did my best to form a frown. That was probably my closest thoughts to what she was saying.

“I have the unpleasant privilege of knowing Adam a hell of a lot better than you do. His Gift is a bitch and all kinds of manipulative, but it’s not that powerful. Make you think you’re casual friends with someone for a few minutes? Sure. He can even do the opposite, making you annoyed or angry with someone. But to **** you to do something you truly didn’t want to do?” She looked away as her voice went soft. “I wanted to, Jake. I saw that money and… I guess you saw a bit of the real me. The only thing Adam’s Gift did was make me think a friend was asking. What you saw was me being the greedy whore I’ve always been. Always will be.”

Her Noise was still on the mend from Adam’s manipulation. It was filled with self-loathing and disgust, her usual euphoria bump not having the impact it usually did. What could I say? I needed her to understand that what she felt for herself wasn’t how I saw her.

I thought of Alexis, drawing inspiration from my experiences with her. Action was needed here, not words.

Reaching out, I cradled her cheek. Her Noise lit up at my touch, the warmth spreading to her face and body. Her eyes were moist as she looked up at me, Noise full of fear and hope as if she knew she didn't deserve it. She leaned into my hand, enjoying my warmth and comfort.

“I'm sorry,” she said softly. “You deserve so much better than me.”

“I don't want better,” I said as I leaned down. “I want you.”

She made a noise somewhere between a moan and a sigh as our lips met. Her Noise flared as I kissed her, her hands reaching up to wrap around my neck as she held me close.

I was not the best at emoting, but I let my actions speak for me. I wanted Chloe to know I cared about her despite her self-perceived failures. I enjoyed how she felt in my arms as we embraced. Her lips were soft and her body warm as I enjoyed the physicality of the moment. How she felt. Smelled. Tasted.

We slowly parted. In those few moments, her Noise had changed. The self-loathing and shame weren't gone, but they were much less noticeable, like faded scars rather than recent wounds. Her body still leaned against mine. “I hate you.” Her Noise showed nothing of the sort. “No one is this perfect.”

“I am far from perfect.” She gave me a look but I kept going. “My emotional capacity is stunted,” I said in a monotone voice as I stared at her. “My sense of humor is bland.”

Darker elements of her Noise was fading. “Oh, it's far worse than bland.” Her words had the hint of a laugh in them. “Your jokes are terrible.”

“See?” I said, my voice still completely level. “How can you stand me?”

She actually chuckled at that. Then she stopped, a flare of emotion in her Noise. “Stop that!”

I blinked. “Stop what?”

She backed away, gesturing to… me. “This!” She huffed, pressing a hand against her forehead. “I can’t even properly hate myself when you do that. You have no idea how hard it is to hold onto loathing with you being all… all… ugh! Why do you have to be so god damn nice? And sweet? And… and… just too damn good for someone like me?”

I smiled. Not something big or expressive, but a smile all the same. It seemed appropriate here. Her Noise was a mix of emotions as she sighed, covering her face with her hands as she muttered to herself. A deep breath, then she looked at me.

“I’m sorry what I said. How I acted.”

“You don’t need to apologize. That was Adam.”

“Maybe, but I still said them. You have been nothing but supportive of me. Far more than you have any reason to.” I saw guilt, insecurity, and shame grow stronger in her Noise once again. “I feel like I’m the one taking advantage of you here. You give me so much and I feel like I give nothing in return. What kind of relationship is that?”

I was silent for a moment, taking time to look at not just her Noise, but her as well. The way she fidgeted under my gaze. The slight tremble in her hands and lip. The subtle shifting of her weight from one foot to the other. Her Noise showed everything despite her outward appearance and what she was doing to hide it. Her words made me think.

What kind of relationship did we have?

When I first asked her out, I told her we wouldn't have a normal relationship. That I had issues expressing my emotions. Beyond that, I found we hadn't really discussed our relationship. Perhaps the lack of communication was the source of misunderstanding. It wasn’t enough to work on emoting, but communication as well. It was time to correct that.

“Let’s get out of here.”

She was surprised at my sudden declaration. “But—”

“It’s only a few periods. No one will care.”

Her lower lip rolled inward as she glanced back at the school. When she turned back to meet my gaze, her determination matched her Noise. A small nod came with the single word. “Okay.”