Before I lead with the worst of me

“Good work, Dani! Passing marks!” Mary beamed at the tomboy, and Dani felt her face heat up with a mixture of pride and embarrassment.

And lust.

Dani’s I’ll Have What She’s Having transformation didn’t just give her a compulsion to cook. That was a major part of it, and something she’d resisted the pull of for most of the week (due to various other bits of drama) but once she’d actually had the time to apply her new interest, she found herself unable to stop.

But her transformation also came with arousal. She knew that going it, of course, but didn’t expect the effects to be this pronounced.

Mary saying that she enjoyed Dani’s cooking nearly brought her to orgasm. Like Gina before her, Dani clutched the edge of the counter to remain stable, but unlike Gina she fought those feelings every step of the way.

“A-are you okay?” Morgana asked, staring warily at the tan tomboy who seemed to be practically humping the countertop to keep from falling over. She’d helped Dani measure out the ingredients properly, and had tried to be attentive to her needs- that was how she saw the tomboy growing more aroused with each step they completed.

“I-I’m fine…” Dani managed to regain her composure, grabbing a napkin and wiping the sweat off her brow. “I just… I didn’t expect it to feel… like that…”

“Serving your master should always be a source of pleasure,” Holly chirped. She didn’t see anything wrong at all with a woman being driven to orgasm by cooking for Nick- except the fact that the girl had almost cum without his permission, of course.

Dani was too tired to even bother correcting her at this point.

“Do you… want to sit down?” Mary asked worriedly. She knew about Dani’s transformation compelling her to cook, and that was part of the reason why she’d agreed to help. But if it threatened to overwhelm her like this…

“No… no, I can handle it…” Dani said, tamping down on her feelings through sheer **** of will. She was stronger than this. So what if she’d nearly cum just from the sauce? She could make it through the rest of the recipe.

“Are you sure?” Rose asked, raising her eyebrow.

“Let her try,” Gina shrugged. “Come on, you can see it on her face, right? She wants to keep cooking so she can keep chasing that rush!”

Gina laughed, but Dani just glared at her.

“I’m not like you,” she snapped. “I have a little something called self-control. My life isn’t some big hunt for stimulation.”

Gina grunted something in response and rolled her eyes.

“I think that’s enough,” Mary said, stepping between them. “Now that we’ve made the sauce, we’re going to cut up the chicken and cook it until it browns. In the meantime, we can look at the selection of vegetables here, we’ve got snap peas, carrots, peppers, broccoli, mushrooms…”

Mary listed out everything available, and Dani tried to pay attention to it, she really did. But in spite of her bravado when speaking with Gina, the fact remained that she was being assaulted with pleasure and wanted more.

This is my fault, at least a little bit, she acknowledged, recognizing her own hand in this. After all… I haven’t really been taking care of my… urges.

On a show like Harem Hotel, it was obvious that there would be sex involved. But Dani had done a fairly decent job of avoiding that up to this point. Sure, in the beginning, there were a few occurrences with Nick and Carly that she regretted, while she was still getting used to the atmosphere around this place. But since then, she’d done a very good job about keeping it in her pants, and none of her transformations had compelled her to do sexy things, or boost her libido, or anything like that.

This was the first.

And Dani was finding it a little difficult to fend off due to her lack of experience and how much she’d bottled herself up.

“Come on!” She growled under her breath, rubbing her crotch against the corner subtly enough that Mary wouldn’t notice across the room. “It’s just a bit of cooking! You’re not going to let this break you, are you?”

“Um… Dani?”

Dani jerked up slightly and turned to Morgana, staring at the goth with a look of abject terror. She’d completely forgotten that Morgana was still here. In spite of her tan, Dani’s complexion could give the pale girl’s a run for its money, and she tried to think of something to say.

“It… it’s okay…” Morgana whispered shyly, glancing at the others. “I don’t think… I don’t think they noticed…”

Rose was engrossed in Mary’s directions while Gina was trying not to fall asleep. Nobody was paying any attention to the two of them.

Dani looked down at the bowl of sauce in front of her, her face burning with shame. It was the culmination of her hard work, and also a symbol representing another notch she slipped on the ladder towards becoming someone she didn’t recognize.

“Please don’t tell anyone,” Dani whispered. She hated looking so weak and helpless. And she was quickly starting to think that this cooking class was a massive mistake.

“Of course I wouldn’t do that!” Morgana hissed, looking frantically around the kitchen. “That would just be awful! It’s clear that you don’t want to do any of this stuff, after all!”

Morgana knew just how bad it felt to attract the wrong kind of attention. She wouldn’t wish that on her worst enemy!

…Okay, maybe on her worst enemy. So what? She wasn’t some fucking saint.

“Honestly…” Morgana looked down bashfully. “I’ve… kind of been dealing with the same thing myself.”

Dani perked up when she heard that. “Wait, what?”

Morgana bit her lip and nodded. “Because… of one of my transformations, I… my butt… I have to show it off. A lot. And when I do, well…”

She squeezed her legs together. As she did, she leaned forward slightly, sticking out her rear. If anyone was behind her, they’d be getting quite an eyeful.

“Oh…” Dani had honestly forgotten about Morgana’s transformations besides the diary one, and the physical changes she went through. She wasn’t really all that focused on other people, to put it bluntly. But now that she brought it up, yeah, there was something in her transformations about being compelled to show off her ass.

“Is that why when you were stripping the other night, you shook your ass so much?” She asked, not realizing just how humiliating of a question that was. After Morgana stripped off her top, she’d descended into full-on twerking to make her curves bounce, and draw some of the attention away from Rose.

Dani remembered THAT, but she couldn’t remember the goth’s transformations. It was pretty clear where her priorities lay.

Morgana, in turn, felt completely humiliated. She glanced away and nodded sheepishly. “Y-yeah, sorta…” She admitted. “But… even though people are checking me out, and it gets me aroused… I’m trying to control myself. Since the last time I lost control…”

Guilt flashed over her face as she turned her eyes away from Dani. Dani herself glanced down. Neither girl needed to say anything to know what they were both talking about.

“Hey… you’re doing a really good job, okay?” Dani said, placing her hand on Morgana’s shoulder. “I know that your transformation is a rough one, but it’s really admirable that you’ve been able to control yourself. And… like I said before, I’m sorry I lost my temper that one time.”

“I’m sorry too,” Morgana apologized. “I should never have let my fantasies get out of hand like that. It may have been because of a transformation, but honestly… I wasn’t even thinking about that. I was so focused on myself and what I found hot, that the rest of you… it just didn’t cross my mind.”

That made her sound like a terrible person. But the self-absorbed brat she’d been when she first came to the island honestly was a bit of a terrible person.

Morgana really didn’t want her to be the person Dani saw when she looked Morgana’s way. Dani or any of the other girls.

“I’m trying really hard,” she promised the tomboy. “I won’t give people dreams like that again, unless, unless they want to... and I… I’m trying to be more attentive to everyone’s needs.”

“Oh?” Dani raised her eyebrow curiously.

“You know, like… making friends, and stuff,” Morgana clarified, blushing slightly. “I’m not very good at it… but I’m trying to see things from other people’s point of view, so that I can get to know them better… sorry, does that just sound weird? I mean…”

“No, I think it’s fine,” Dani assured her. “To tell you the truth, I wish I could do that.”

“Do… what?” Morgana asked, confused.

“Make friends.” Dani averted her eyes as she said that, much to Morgana’s confusion. The goth stared at her, not sure what to say.

“You… you don’t have any friends?” Morgana asked, confused. “But everyone seems to like you! …Well, maybe not the audience, but…”

Her voice trailed off as she realized what she was saying, and she gasped, clamping her hands over her mouth.

“That’s-! I mean, I…”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Dani said, scowling. “Like I care what that mob of deranged perverts thinks about me anyway. Fucking bastards. They’re trying to turn me into some Stepford nightmare, and they just can’t stand the fact that I’m fighting back against it!”

She punched her palm with her fist.

“I-I see…” Morgana swallowed. She felt that old intimidation from earlier start to flare up again, but as she looked at Dani, she could definitely feel that those emotions were starting to dim. After all, Dani wasn’t as bad of a person as Morgana thought, she was just a little rough around the edges.

Dani sighed and rubbed her temples. “I’ve never been good at making friends,” she confessed. “It’s more like… people were drawn to me. Like, back when I was in high school, running track, people just sort of gathered around, acting all friendly and nice, and they were my friends. I didn’t have to really try to befriend them, you know?”

Morgana stared at her, not quite sure what to say to that. But she definitely did not “know” what Dani was talking about, that was for sure.

“…I’m sorry?” Was she supposed to feel bad? That Dani lived a charmed school life with a bunch of people who wanted to be her friend, without having to work hard at it?

“No, sorry, I’m not trying to get sympathy or anything with that!” Dani quickly clarified, shaking her head frantically. “It’s just… when people naturally gather around you, well…”

How could she explain this? She couldn’t even fully grasp it herself.

“…After high school, my life kind of fell apart…” She muttered. “But I don’t want to talk about that. Okay?”

She hadn’t meant to give Morgana such a menacing look, and when she saw the other girl’s frightened expression she immediately regretted it.

“Oh… oh, I’m sorry, I’m not mad at you, really, I’m not,” Dani pleaded. “And I was telling the truth before. If you’re really trying to come out of your shell and be more social, that’s great, Morgana, really, it is.”

She gave the goth a thumbs up.

“You just need to keep trying. You seem like a really nice girl. You’re just a little weird, that’s all.”

Oof. Dani might as well shoved the knife for cutting the chicken into Morgana’s throat with that one.

“Weird…” She crumpled over and sighed.

“Wait, I didn’t mean that in a bad way!” Dani exclaimed, waving her hands. Of all the times to have such limited vocabulary… that’s what she got for reading nothing but manga and light novels aimed towards horny Japanese teenagers. Maybe she SHOULD have read Nick’s book! “Um… weird isn’t the right word… how about… quirky? Yeah, you’re quirky!”

Morgana raised her head. “Is that… good?”

“…Yes?”

Dani wasn’t exactly sure what “quirky” meant, it just seemed like the right fit for Morgana.

“…Anyway, my point is that you’re really doing good, trying to improve yourself,” Dani said, trying to steer the conversation back on course. “Just like Kim. You’re both working so hard, and it’s impressive. I mean it.”

“Thanks,” Morgana said, smiling a little.

“Well, isn’t this lovely?”

Dani and Morgana both turned to see Mary standing next to them with a bright smile frozen to her face.

“Oh…” Morgana blanched.

“L-look, Mary…” Dani stammered.

“Save it,” Mary said, sighing. “Look, I get it, you two are having some bonding time. Making friends. It’s sweet, I know, good for you. But in case you two forgot, we have some food to prepare. The kitchen is NOT the place for making small talk, it’s for making delicious dishes! Come on you two, let’s get a move on!”

“Ooooh, someone’s in troo-uuble!” Gina called, leaning back against her own counter with a smirk on her lips.

Mary cast a dry stare her way. “At least they have a reason for not getting their work done, what’s yours?”

“…Right, sorry Missy Mistress.”

“Don’t call me that!” Mary exclaimed.

While Morgana was cooking with the girls, Nick found himself with some free time on his hands. He didn’t know how long she’d be occupied, but he hoped that she’d use that time to make friends with the others.

Meanwhile, he had someone he wanted to talk to.

Taking a stab in the dark, he headed for the location he expected to find his childhood friend. And there she was, sitting on the swing, kicking out her legs to propel herself forward as she stared blankly out across the sky.

“I knew I’d find you here,” Nick said, approaching Dakota. He stomped through the woodchips as she turned to see him. His eyes scanned over the playstructure. “…It’s still strange how there’s a replica of the park we grew up in here.”

“...This place has everything,” Dakota replied. She slowed down to a stop, but didn’t get off the swing. She looked at Nick with an appraising gaze. “So what’s up?”

Her lips curled into a smile. “Don’t tell me married life has already lost its shine, has it?” She giggled. “Does the wifey know you’re here, seeking me out?”

With one hand on the chain, she leaned back and ran the other along the curves of her body, showing off her appeal.

Nick didn’t respond to her, he just approached the swing set with a wary expression on his face. “Not here for that,” he told her. “And even if I was, I don’t think Mary would have that much of a problem with it, honestly.”

“…Fair enough,” Dakota agreed. She straightened up and began to pump her legs again, working the swing back and forth. “So what did you want to see me about, then?”

“Can’t we just talk?” Nick asked, sitting down on the swing beside hers. He didn’t go to the trouble of actually swinging it, though. “It feels like we never get a chance to do that anymore.”

Dakota slowed down a little and turned to him. “Talk about what?” She asked.

“Anything,” Nick said. He wanted to talk with his childhood friend about anything at this point. “How are things going? Are you doing okay? Watching any good movies?”

“The usual ones,” Dakota murmured. “You know… when I first came back… I was thinking that there were a lot of movies that must have come out in the last 15 years… I thought that maybe, we could watch them together.”

“That sounds like fun,” Nick nodded. “Maybe we could do that for our night next week.”

Dakota chuckled. It sounded painful and bitter coming from her lips. “No, see… the thing is… when I got all those memories back? You know, when I had my past remade for me…? I had already watched them all with you. I… I lost that.”

“I’m… I’m sorry…” Nick didn’t really know how to respond to that. He’d been so happy to have all those memories, that new life where his childhood friend hadn’t died, that he didn’t even consider how she would have felt about it.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Dakota said, shaking her head. “Honestly, you don’t. It’s what I wanted, after all. A life with you. The transformation granted me that. But still… that was something I lost. Getting to know you again. You getting to know… me again.”

She turned to Nick, her golden eyes glistening. She looked sad, but at the same time, he couldn’t avoid the predatory gleam in her gaze. He kept remembering what Morgana had warned him about.

“…Tell me, Nick, if your entire life changes… if your past changes… do you become a different person?” She asked quietly. “Am I still… the same Dakota you knew, back then? Or did those extra 15 years that we spent together… did that change me into someone else?”

Nick wasn’t sure how to reply to that. He honestly hadn’t even considered it. As far as his feelings went, Dakota was Dakota.

She stopped swinging, and her gaze never left his. He was the one who broke it to stare down at the woodchips beneath him.

“Dakota… you’re important to me,” he finally said, raising his head to meet her gaze again.

She snorted and rolled her eyes. “I know that already, you dork. But that didn’t answer my question.”

Was she the same Dakota she was? Or had she become someone new?

…Did it even matter at this point?

“You’re still you, Dakota,” Nick said firmly. “No matter what memories you have, I don’t think it changes who you fundamentally are as a person. You’re still my friend, still the person I love. That’s what I think, anyway.”

“I see…” Her lips turned up into a small smile hearing that. “So it doesn’t matter whether it’s my new life, or my old life, I’m still me.”

She let out a long, relieved sigh. “…Thank you for that, Nick. It means the world to hear you say that. To be honest, I’ve always had this feeling in my gut, this doubt, ever since I came back… that who I am now… that you would reject me. Because of how much I’ve changed. That I wouldn’t be the Dakota you wanted.”

“That’s crazy!” Nick hopped off the swing and turned to look at her directly. He placed his hands over hers on the chains and leaned in, looking her directly in the eye. “Dakota, none of that matters. You’re important to me. And no matter how your past has been changed, or how your future is going to change, that, I know, won’t change.”

Words couldn’t describe the relief that poured out of the dark-haired girl in front of him. But that relief brought a new anxiety with it.

Dakota exhaled, and looked down at the ground.

“Please… Nick… can you answer something for me?”

“Anything,” Nick promised her.

“If I… wasn’t a good person. If I was really a wicked woman, a monster… what would you do?” Her voice, usually so measured and balanced, ached with anxiety.

Nick took a moment to process her words, not sure what brought them on. Then he tightened his grip around her hands.

“…I would love you,” he confessed. “If that was what you were.”

He leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers. And for a moment, it was like they were children again, sharing a secret first kiss on their favorite playground like a scene from a movie, a scene that should have happened many, many years before now.