I try to speak but nobody can hear

Mary sighed and massaged her throbbing temples. What a pain in the butt. She was doing her best trying to teach these girls how to cook a simple stir-fry dish, and they’d done okay mixing the sauce. But that was the easy part.

When it came to using open flame, well…

“Yaagh! It’s burning!” Dani wailed.

“Shit, I had the temperature on ‘high’ instead of ‘low’ while it was simmering,” Gina cursed.

“Um, is… is this the right amount of time spent mixing?!” Morgana asked warily.

What a mess.

Holly patted Mary on the shoulder. “Mary… you’re a really good cook. Maybe even better than me. But you’re really not a good teacher.”

It stung, but it was correct.

There was a lot more to teaching how to cook than just dropping a recipe in front of them. She’d shown them what to do, sure, but the girls were clearly not at a level where they could keep track of all the moving parts of a complicated dish like this one.

Only Rose actually managed to cook something presentable. For everybody else, they had to start over again.

Luckily, the sauce was still good.

“Okay, I’ll show you three again,” Mary said, gathering them all around the counter. “You want to cut the chicken into bite-sized pieces, then we’re gonna put it in the wok on medium for about three minutes. You need to turn the pieces over constantly to make sure they’re cooked evenly, okay?”

“I have to be stirring for three minutes?” Gina groaned. “I could make cup noodles in that amount of time!”

“Those aren’t healthy for you. This is. Now, we’ll leave the chicken to simmer for a bit, while mixing the vegetables together on the other wok-”

“Why do we need to use two woks?” Dani asked, raising her hand. “Wouldn’t it make more sense to stir everything together on one wok?”

“We’ll do that later,” Mary replied. “But the way I learned is to mix the vegetables separately with the garlic and ginger, so they absorb the flavor properly while they heat, and then add everything together with the sauce before the final cooking.”

“It sounds like you’re making it more difficult than it needs to be…” Gina muttered under her breath.

Morgana was shaking. “I-I’m sorry I didn’t do so well before…” She whimpered, her apology sounding like she was apologizing just for breathing in Mary’s kitchen. “I swear, I’m going to do much better this time, I promise…”

Mary sighed again. Morgana’s main problem was that she’d gotten overwhelmed. She could definitely handle this if given a chance. But she was getting into her own head too much. “Let’s try this here, with me,” she said to the girls as gently as she could. “I’ll keep my eyes on what you’re working on, so I can help you adjust when necessary.”

“What should I do?” Rose asked. “I’ve already added my sauce.”

“Mix it all together until the consistency is correct,” Mary informed her.

“How am I supposed to know when that is?!”

Gina and Dani nodded in agreement. This is what they hated about cooking. It could just be so damn subjective.

If Dawn was here, she’d probably go on a tirade about it.

“Just do your best.”

Maybe Holly was right. Just because Mary could cook, that didn’t mean she could teach other people how to cook. Or at least, she couldn’t teach these girls, who could barely follow directions.

“Is this the right temperature?” Morgana asked. She’d already cut up her chicken, and was turning it over with her spatula.

“Yes, looks good,” Mary nodded. “Remember, keep it at that nice creamy brown color. If it starts to get too orange, that means you’re using too much heat and you need to cut back.”

“R-right,” Morgana nodded. Luckily she was a cautious person, and had already reduced her heat even below what Mary recommended, just to avoid burning it.

Dani was trying to do the same. She remembered the lessons from her other self, and tried not to let her impatience get the better of her.

“It’s just like with your art. If you get too impatient, you get sloppy, and your drawings suffer. Just be precise and controlled. It’s not a race. You’re just trying to make it taste good. Yeah! There you go! Perfect!”

Remember her other self’s words brought a smile to her lips. And the chicken was smelling pretty good. Maybe she could do this after all!

“GINA! WHAT THE HECK!?” Mary’s scream snapped the other two out of their cooking concentration. They turned to Gina, and were shocked at what they saw.

Her food had caught on fire.

“Whoa! Whoa!” Gina held up the wok as far away from her as possible and rushed it over to the sink. She tossed the contents inside, filling the room with steam. The smoke alarm started blaring over their heads.

Mary was livid. “I took my eyes off you for like 5 seconds and you nearly burned down the kitchen!” She exclaimed, swatting Gina on the ass with her ladle. It was practically reflexive. When she realized what she’d done, she got embarrassed, but didn’t say anything.

“…Damn, Missy, you’re pretty good with that thing,” Gina said, offering Mary a lopsided grin as she massaged her butt. “Half considering screwing up again just for another go.”

Mary’s eye twitched in frustration. “Gina, you’re the one who asked me to teach you how to cook! Aren’t you going to take this seriously?”

Gina’s cheeks flushed and she glared at the redhead. “I’m doing my best, okay!?” She exclaimed, startling Mary and causing her to take a step back. “You just don’t get it!”

Morgana winced. She had a sinking suspicion she knew why Gina was being so confrontational right now.

Mary tried to mend the bridge. “I’m sorry,” she began. “I might have been a little too overbearing. I didn’t mean to, I promise. I’m just trying to help, okay?”

“Yeah, well, I don’t need your help,” Gina glowered. “This was just one big mistake.”

“Gina, come on, stop being so dramatic,” Dani groaned. She turned the heat down as low as it could go and let the chicken simmer while Morgana did the same, putting a lid over the wok. “We’re all just doing the best we can. This is new for everybody.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Gina scoffed. “I don’t care anyway. I’m just a shitty cook. Those deviled eggs were just a fluke.”

Mary felt anxiety welling up in her chest. She didn’t know what to do in such a difficult situation. She looked over at Holly for a second, wondering if her friend might have any insight she could share. But Holly just shook her head.

Then, to everybody’s surprise, Morgana was the one who stepped up.

“Um… Gina…”

“What?!” Gina demanded, turning to her. She had a defensive posture up, but when she saw it was Morgana, her expression softened. Gina had a bit of a weakness for the other girl, and she had from the start.

She sighed. “Look, Morgana, just leave me alone, okay? This was dumb. I’m done.”

“D-don’t give up!” Morgana pleaded, shaking her head. “It’s alright if you mess up, okay?”

Gina rolled her eyes. “Yeah, no kidding,” she said, offering a twisted smile. “Why do you think I’m not even trying? Because I don’t care about cooking. So of course it’s alright if I mess up. Not like it really matters or anything!”

“It’s alright if you mess up,” Morgana repeated, though she looked a little uncertain. She wasn’t sure how Gina would respond if she kept pressing. She could see that the punk girl was backed into a corner. It was in her eyes. Morgana might not have been the most perceptive girl around, but when it came to recognizing someone trying to hide herself? That was something she could do.

Gina clearly was bothered by how hard it was to cook what should have been a “simple” dish. So she had gone to her default response when faced with something challenging: stop trying and pretend like it didn’t matter that she failed.

Morgana had done similar things when she’d hidden behind her persona as a witch instead of confronting the myriad of issues in her life. Like her, Gina was trying to run away from anything inconvenient.

“Look, I’m almost done with mine, I just have to do the veggies and mix it all together, okay? So… why don’t I help you out with yours after that?” She suggested. “We can do it together.”

Gina gave her a derisive snort in response. “Come on, really? You think I want your help?”

Morgana winced.

“Gina, that was very rude!” Mary exclaimed.

It seemed the dark-haired girl even realized that herself, because she seemed ashamed of what she’d said. She didn’t take it back, though.

“Look, it’s just… cooking is dumb! I don’t want to do something this dumb!” She exclaimed. “I shouldn’t have come here in the first place.”

“You just think that way because it’s hard,” Dani protested. Seeing Morgana try to help, and knowing how hard that must have been for her, helped spur her own attempt to get through to the other girl. “Look, I’m not that good with this stuff either. But I’m learning. You can’t expect to be an expert your first time.”

Rose cleared her throat, and gestured to her own stir-fry, which was completed. It smelled delicious.

Dani narrowed her eyes at the blonde. “Not. The. Time.”

Rose raised her hands in surrender and backed off. Dani turned back to Gina.

“Come on, Gina, let’s all do this together, okay?” She asked. “You can’t just give up because it’s getting hard.”

“Says who?!” Gina demanded.

“…Well, I mean… you can, but don’t!” Dani wasn’t exactly a lawyer. Most arguments she got into were just settled with hurt feelings and apologies, and a little aggression. “You had to know this was going to be difficult going in, right?”

“Who cares?!” Gina just got more and more defensive now that her air of passive nonchalance had been stripped from her. “It’s not like I need to learn how to cook anyway! That’s for people like Mary who are all domestic and shit! The only thing I need to do to please Nick is be a tight set of holes for him to fuck and ****, that’s all!”

Dani just stared at her. No one really knew how to respond to that.

Morgana just felt confused. “So… why did you want to learn how to cook, anyway?”

That was the part she couldn’t really wrap her brain around. Morgana didn’t know Gina well at all (and last night, when they were together, the wedding had meant there was little time for bonding) but from what she did know, Gina was correct. She certainly wasn’t the kind of woman who would be interested in domestic shit like cooking and cleaning.

Nick had reacted with shock at seeing Gina cooking with Mary while wearing that pink apron, and on the walk to the kitchen he’d seemed utterly confused at the idea she would be found there.

Morgana agreed.

And yet… Gina had asked anyway. Why was that?

“It doesn’t matter,” Gina muttered, looking away. “I just thought… it’d be nice, you know? Getting praised for doing a good job. Didn’t expect it to be so fucking hard, though, what a fucking waste of time.”

Mary winced. “Really? You just wanted to cook so I’d praise you?” That really stung.

Gina felt miserable when she saw the pain on Mary’s face. But she was too guarded to let down her walls any further.

“Look, it’s just… I…” She stammered through her words, not sure what else to say. “I…”

She slumped over and sighed.

“…I wanted to be good at cooking… but I suck.”

Not even she could explain why any better than that. It wasn’t like with Dani, who had a compulsion to cook thanks to her transformation.

The fact of the matter was, Gina had tried cooking once, and actually liked it. She wanted to be good at it.

But she wasn’t. So she might as well not bother with such a pain in the ass.

“Well… then shouldn’t you practice, so you get better?” Dani asked, confused. “That’s how you get good at something, right?”

“Yeah,” Mary nodded rapidly. “I’ll help you however you want, Gina! And soon enough, you’ll be really good!”

Gina perked up a little hearing that, but she kept her arms crossed. She still hadn’t lowered her guard.

Morgana understood why better than those two did.

“It’s not that simple,” she mumbled, looking down at the floor. “Not everyone’s good with that kind of stuff…”

“What? Practicing?” Dani squinted in confusion.

Morgana shook her head. “…Failing. It can really hurt to fail…”

Gina turned to Morgana, looking intrigued for the first time by what the other girl was saying.

Morgana felt her face heating up. She didn’t like being put on the spot like this. She took a deep breath to try and calm her nerves, but that just had the opposite effect.

So she just decided to say “fuck it.”

“I mess up all the time,” she mumbled. “Back in school, I’d keep trying to find new ways to make myself stand out. Try out different hobbies to try and make it a part of my identity, before I settled on witchcraft.”

Morgana was going to die of shame. Saying all this here? Admitting how much of a loser she was to all these women? She wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. But Gina had been really good to her this week, and she wanted to help her if she could.

“Every time though… I would suck at the new thing. At least, compared to all the other people who were doing it,” she admitted. “And when I saw how much work I’d have to put in to be good at it, I just… gave up. I convinced myself it wasn’t for me, and I looked for the next big thing to throw myself into.”

That was part of the reason she’d landed on being a witch. Not only was she attracted to the dark aura of mystique that came with being a goth witch, but the spells were very easy to do. And the failures, well…

Who could tell, right?

“I just wanted to be cool and special,” Morgana admitted. “Gina… maybe… you thought the same?” She asked hopefully.

Gina averted her eyes quickly. “It’s not… it’s not about being special,” she muttered. “I just wanted to do something I liked, and be good at it.”

“But if you weren’t good at it, you didn’t want to do it?” Rose stared at her. “That’s… okay, that’s just dumb.”

“What?! Shut up!” Gina exclaimed, her face heating up.

“No, no, I’m sick of this!” Rose put her foot down. “Do you have any idea how much effort I’ve put into my career as an actress?! Huh? I busted my ass day after day polishing up my resume by learning new skills that might give me an edge over the other women. And do you think that was easy? No, it was hard! And I STILL didn’t get any recognition for it! But at least I had the strength of will to carry myself through it! What about you, Gina?”

Gina was taken aback, not expecting a tirade like that from someone like Rose. She didn’t know what to say in response.

“I just…” Her eyes landed on Morgana first. “I’m not… like that.”

“You want the easy way, right?” Morgana approached her slowly, cautiously, not sure how much distance she’d be permitted by the other woman. “I know, I’m the same way… I just wanted a quick and easy way to be special… to earn Nick’s affection… but… it’s not quick, or easy. I’m really working hard for it now.”

“See, Gina? Morgana’s working hard,” Dani pointed out. “Can’t you?”

Gina bit her lip. “I…”

“If you don’t know something, then I’ll teach you,” Mary encouraged her. “Come on, let’s do our best, okay? Together.”

“But… I’m probably going to mess up again…” Gina mumbled. The look of shame on her face was already great progress, not that she realized it. Instead of looking forward to a punishment for making a mistake, she really didn’t want to make any at all.

Gina’s life was one long string of messing up and running away from it. For the other girls to ask her to take this seriously…

“I’m learning, too,” Morgana said. “But if we mess up, we can try again! And again, if we need to, until we get it right! Come on. Let’s all work together, okay? I don’t want to run away anymore, even if it’s hard.”

She said that, but words were easy. She could feel a weight in her gut telling her that there was a fairly decent chance she’d run away from a real problem the first chance she got.

It’s okay. I’m growing a little bit at a time, she reminded herself. I don’t need to have the full solution right now, or be a perfect person. It’s… one step at a time. …Wow. I didn’t expect the words in Nick’s book to stick with me this much!

She just hoped that Gina couldn’t see her own doubts.

Gina smiled and nodded. “Okay, sounds good,” she agreed. “I’ll give it another shot.”

“Phew,” Mary said, sighing in relief. “That’s good.”

Mary was very good at touching the hearts of people around her, but when it came to an actual argument, she had a tendency to be more belligerent than necessary. But she was working on fixing that, just like Gina would hopefully start working on not giving up immediately when things got bad.

Holly cleared her throat. She’d been silent the entire conversation, but thought that now would be a good time to speak.

“Guys, I’m really touched by your kind words, and how you’re all bonding, really, I am,” she said. “But, uh… maybe this could have waited until after you guys finished?”

She pointed at the stoves, and the overcooked meat in the woks. The smoke alarm started to flare up again.

“Aaargh!” Dani groaned in frustration while Gina just laughed.

Another meal down the drain.