Call it 3 and a half?

"There are three girls I've had sex with," you admit. "And one who I never had got that far, but she did give me a, um.. I mean she performed, well, not that it was a performance, but um... oral."

"You were going to say, 'blow job' or 'head,' weren't you?" Marie accuses.

You nod. "Sorry, it's just how I'm used to talking about such things."

"No need to feel intimidated," she assures you. "If you want to tell me you 'shit fucked a bitch in an asshole the size of her cunt,' you can. What's important is that I learn about your history. Now then, let's start with the girl who only gave you a blow job. Tell me about her. Why didn't it go any farther?"

"Well, I helped her fix her car one day. Another time she didn't have her home work, so I let her copy mine. Then to top it off, I loaned her a few bucks, but she wasn't able to pay me back when the time came. She asked if a little head could pay off her debt. I agreed, and that's how that happened."

"I see. And you never tried to move any farther along?"

"Well, I was going out with one of the three girls I mentioned before," you explain. "Actually I was trying to figure out how to break up with her. The sex was good, but that's all there was. If we weren't fucking, we were fucking miserable. I thought this would help ease the break up process . None of that, 'well, let's give it one more try' crud. Or even worse, 'I hope we can still be friends' bit. That was the problem with the relationship, we weren't friends, just ... sex partners."

"You find that a bad thing?" she asks. "I'm shocked!"

"Well, I guess I was too, that's why it lasted as long as it did." You realize that you're starting to almost get comfortable talking about this with Mary's mom. "I mean, I like to be able to say to my girl, 'what did you think of that?' and not have it end in an argument."

Marie nodded. "So tell me about the other two. Was one of them your first?"

"My first was Danielle Scranski, my 11th grade biology partner. No real romance there either. We both decided one day, that we were tired of being virgins. So we went to the Junior Prom, got a hotel room, only saw each other in class after that."

"Too bad you two didn't have someone more experienced to show you the ropes."

"Anyhow," you continue. "The other girl was a one night fling, if it was even a fling."

"What do you mean?"

"Perhaps it would be best called, a one night accident," you decide. "There was this Fourth of July party at my buddy's house. He got his hands on some fireworks from out of state, and we were going to have a blast. Anyhow, someone decided to make it a blast, by spiking the punch. We all got a little drunk, almost burned the house down. Well, this girl and I got a little friendly, one thing leads to another, and you know."

"I know."

"The next day, we both agree it was a mistake, and for all non-medical purposes , it didn't happen."

Marie made a mental note of every detail. You aren't sure where she's going with this. Did she want to make sure you were clean? Did she want to know if you would cheat on her daughter? "That girl," she asked. "The one you had the extended sexual relationship with, I need her name and number."

You're too scared to guess. This was like something out of a reality TV show. "Why do you need that?"

"Honestly, I want to ask her how good of a lay you are," she explains. "If you're to be the one to deflower my daughter, I want it to be nothing less than a full orgasm, if not two."

With a puzzled look you ask, "You WANT me to sleep with your daughter?"

"No," Marie clarifies. "I want you to fuck her till her eyes roll in back of her head. BUT that?s if you get a good review. For now, just give me that name and number, and you two can go enjoy the movies."

"Umm, Samantha Scotch, 555-116-1999."

"Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?" Actually you're still stunned. "Now go enjoy the movies, you'll hear from me tomorrow."