Meeting Your Girlfriend’s Mom

"John!" Mary, your girlfriend answers the door. "I'm glad you could make it. Dinner is just about ready. Mom and Dad are in the Living room and they can't wait to meet you!"

Here it was. The event that makes you more nervous than the time you had to turn your head and cough. You and Mary had had 2 dates, but her folks wanted to meet you before the two of you went on any third date. Now you like Mary, but it's not like you want to get engaged or anything. If they want to meet you, that's ok, you guess, but you just don't want to find out he has a shotgun painted to match a wedding dress. Not that it could go that far, yet. You and Mary haven't gotten past 2nd base yet. Now you wouldn't hesitate to go for a grand slam, but it seems "the 'rents" are at least one obstacle you'll have to pass.

"You must be John," Mary's mother greats you. "I'm Marie and this is Mary's father, Jacob."

"I'm barbequing ribs, chicken, salmon, corn on the cob, and potatoes, " Mary's father told you. "I tried for a bit of variety for you. I hope there is something there you'll like."

"It all sounds great," you tell him. Did he really expect you to call him 'Jacob'?

The mother directs your attention to a painting over the couch as the father goes back outside to check on the grill. "Tell me, John what do you think of this? I painted it myself!"

Frankly it looks like something Mary might have done when she was about five. It's hideous! It doesn't even go with the couch! "Why it's beautiful, Mrs. Shelly. I practically like your use of color."

She giggles, "Oh, 'Mrs. Shelly' makes me sound old! Please, call me, 'Marie'. And thank you."

Soon dinner starts. As you eat, they ask you things like, what classes you're taking , which ones do you take with Mary, what activities do you participate in, what hobbies do you have, and so on. You answer all their questions, and make pleasant small talk for most of the evening.

After dinner, Mary's father called for her, "Pumpkin, could you help me start up the ice cream mixer? I thought some of my ginger honey ice cream would hit the spot after a meal like that." The two exit the dinning room for the kitchen leaving you and 'Marie' alone.

"John?" She asks you. "Now that we have a moment, could you follow me for a moment?"

"Uh, sure." She leads you back to the master bed room. She sit down and looks up at you for a moment.

"I need you to be completely honest with me, if you want to have any hope of continuing to date my daughter."

"Ok," For some reason you thought that most of the interrogation was at dinner, and anything more would be from the father.

"How many girls have you slept with?"

You're a bit shocked that she comes right to it like that. "I beg your pardon?"

"How many girls have you had sex with? And how many have you not had vaginal sex, but have had oral or anal sex?"