01 Section F

This segment is dedicated to the wide world of sexy sports. Currently, the quarterfinals for the world famous "World Assball League" are happening. For those of you not familiar, Assball is a game where each of the players are current female college athletes. The girls voted to have the best asses by the student body are **** to play on the teams. The game itself requires the girls to go through all sorts of sexy challenges, such as running around spanking each other with paddles, having twerking contests, or seeing how long each girl can survive being sat on by opponents. Each team is also granted one American celebrity of their choice to join the team. Currently, LSU, captained by gymnast Livvy Dunne, is facing off against Michigan State, who got the #1 celebrity draft pick and chose Billie Eilish. Leave your predictions for the winning team below, and we'll make sure to keep you updated in further issues.

In other sporting news, the MWF (Messy Wrestling Federation) has made some big signings for their upcoming Pay-Per-View "MessyMania". Proffesionals Bianca Belair and Alexa Bliss are set to face off in a traditional mud wrestling match, while UK actresses Daisy Ridley, Emma Watson, and Karen Gillan have been announced to have a 3-way "bukkake match" in which buckets of semen will be dumped on the girls as they attempt to sexually wrestle. MWF has also been teasing the appearances of online sensations Pokimane and Valkyrae for quite some time, and there are rumors of them performing a match in a large glass container filled with Belle Delphine's toilet water.