In-A-Gala-Da-Vida (Part 5: Royalty)

It was certainly a strange feeling...

...to be at a party that was about you yet feeling totally alone...

...and to be in a party that didn’t seem to need you anymore...

Looking to the shimmering night sky through one of the large windows, Aqua was lost in thought. Deeply sighing at the tumultuous feelings that plagued her gut. When did things get so complicated? When had everything stopped making sense?

Nothing in the gala was interesting her enough to keep the thoughts that had been plaguing her head from overtaking her mind once more. Doubts, fears, worries, and more all swam through Aqua's mind more and more. Unrelenting in their horribleness. Fears of possible futures that she hoped never to exist. Past actions and failures that attacked her at weakest points. It was all so annoying, to be feeling so very-

“Aqua.”

She was thankfully shaken out of her cyclical brooding by two women approaching her. Complete strangers that seemed to know her name. They almost looked familiar, like friends of a friend, but Aqua couldn’t think of which friend.

Both of them were fairly short and slender, wearing dresses that didn’t get to show much of their lack of assets. One wore bright pink, the other bright orange, and in a design that came from the most default definition of ‘Princess Dress’. Their hair was the only thing Aqua could somewhat remember, the long red and green hair that was worn in cute little hairbands. It was impossible to say who they were as the goddess shoved the last of the shrimp back into her bra.

“Hm? Are you looking for me?”

The redhead in a pink dress nodded. They both had such serious expressions and spoke in hushed tones like someone was listening in to them if they spoke too loud, “Do you remember us?”

“No. Have we met?”

While the one asking looked a little hurt, it was her companion that got angry at the quick reply, “Wow, okay. We were the great Mitsurugi’s party members, I’m Cremea and this is Fio.”

“Who’s Mitsurugi?”

Fio had to hold Cremea from physically attacking the blue haired girl. “I-it doesn’t matter! Even if we are here checking on you for his sake…”

“Grr… what he sees in you I have no clue.” Growled Cremea, spitting lightly on the ground as she composed herself, “We’re here to find out what happened between you and Kazuma.”

This conversation was lost on the woman, “Hm? Kazuma?”

With a heavy look on her face, Fio nodded, “Yes. I’ll cut to the chase… did he trick you into having sex with him?”

“You can be honest with us,” Cremea cut in before the shocked Aqua could answer. Walking in closely to whisper, “Mitsurugi is willing to save you. He just needs to know what happened between you two. Did he use a skill? A potion? Has he blackmailed you? Or was it just brute **** on a poor unsuspecting and pitiful woman?”

“Pitiful?!” gasped Aqua, anger rising through her as she pushed back on the lack of personal space, “I am a Goddess! Kazuma is a pathetic NEET who never went outside! He couldn’t **** himself on me unless he wanted a taste of my Goddess Requiem right to his nethers!” She pomfed up her chest proudly, though the other two weren’t convinced.

“Mitsurugi said you might say that…” mumbled Fio, “...but he also said you could be tricked easily. Maybe Kazuma didn’t use brute ****, but-”

Her friend once more cut in with a rising anger of her own, “Why are you even fighting this?” huffed Cremea, “You just said he was a loser. Throw Kazuma under the bus already and come join us on team Mitsurugi. He’s so much taller and more handsome than that worm.”

"I don't even know who he is!"

Fio sighed lightly, pointing over to the tall hero before Cremea could become even more enraged, "That's Mitsurugi-san right there. He'd never steal anyone's panties and wave them around the bar."

"Or trick you into having sex."

"Or attack a woman."

"Plus he's so cool, I bet deep down all men want to be him. To think you had to sleep with that slimy, weaselly, putrid, smelly, narcissistic, mean, scheming, moudly-"

“Stop saying mean things about Kazuma!”

The outburst surprised all three of them. Fio and Cremea blinking at the sudden yelling, while Aqua hadn’t expected to come to Kazuma’s defence so naturally. Quickly trying to save face by quietly adding, “O-only I get to make fun of him...” Before stepping away and leaving the pair a huff.

After Aqua had left, Cremea shook her head, “She’s far more indoctrinated than we thought.”

“Yeah… looks like we’ll still have to still wear her outfit during sex for Mitsrugi-san a little while longer...” Fio sighed sadly as her friend put her hand on her shoulder.

The four thrones were for the four members of the royal family. At the centre was the King and Queen’s seats, even with no Queen alive at the time he kept her seat empty as a symbolic show of respect for her legacy. Behind his seat on the left was his son’s, also empty with him on the front lines against the Demon King.

Sat on her throne, behind the Queen’s place, was a young blonde girl. Due to the nature of the event she was not allowed to mingle with the guests, lest any specific topics she was too young for arose. So she sat near Claire, her guard, looking as regal as she could to bless the event. She knew the importance of the kingdom’s future was somewhat entrusted to these nobles and their choices, though she hadn’t the foggiest clue what a ‘harem’ was. Claire just told her to sit quietly for now. Which wasn’t the most interesting thing for the poor girl… which is why she was thrown from her thoughts quite quickly when a piece of popcorn hit her nose.

“‘Sup stinky.”

Iris turned, eyes illuminating brightly when she saw the familiar man leaning next on her throne. “Onii-chan!” She beamed, fidgeting in her chair out of pure excitement. Kazuma gave her a big smile too even while he casually munched his food.

“Oh lord,” Claire groaned, instantly slumping her shoulders. “Do not refer to the princess, Belzerg Stylish Sword Iris, as ‘stinky’.”

Kazuma shrugged, still chewing away, “Why not? She’s a right ol stinker, aren’t you?” He asked the princess, flicking another piece of popcorn at her but this time she opened her mouth to catch it.

“Mmhmm!” She nodded while chewing the food. Very happy to be having even a little bit of fun tonight with one of Kazuma’s games he taught her. “Your stinky little sister!”

Her gallant knight bodyguard could do nothing but place a hand to her temple and sigh. Truthfully she was just happy Iris seemed to perk up a bit but Kazuma’s continued influence was just so troublesome for the princess. Even now people were watching and murmuring while the two laughed, Iris missing a piece of flicked corn and hitting her nose in the process.

While Darkness couldn’t be happier.

She was lingering nearby in a gathered group of party goers while pretending to listen to whatever inane drabble was spewing from their mouths. She had chosen to not engage with the princess so Kazuma could get some one-on-one time with her, all while pondering his relationship with her.

‘It’s weird to think about, but Kazuma does have good maternal instincts sometimes. While I was wary of his relationship with Iris at first… he really does just consider her his sister. He wants the best for Iris and enjoys giving the sheltered princess a dose of fun and thrills in her otherwise boring lifestyle. As someone who escaped that world it can be a suffocating environment, especially for someone so young. So watching him flick popcorn at the princess felt liberating even to me.’

‘And it’s even easier to support now thanks to the earrings. Fear of Kazuma taking it too far and being executed for something silly was certainly present. But now that I can bend reality, I can protect him from that potential future. They can have their fun without worry of the truly ghastly ramifications. Though I won’t normalise anything just yet. I think they enjoy the abnormal circumstances of their friendship, so I shouldn’t mess with it without it being necessary.’

“So, why you still out and about this late, stinky?” Kazuma asked once out of popcorn. Then giving an eyebrow to Claire, “Isn’t this shindig a bit adult for her?”

The knight huffed, “Princess Iris knows the importance of supporting our Knights for such an event. She doesn’t need to know what they’re doing…” Her voice sounded determined, though her face betrayed that. Perhaps not swallowing her own bullshit as much as she’d hoped.

“Mmhmm, and what if I offered to help put the young one to bed?” Kazuma asked.

“...you better mean that-”

Kazuma cringed at her anger, “Ew! Gross, get your head out of the gutter, Claire.” He grumbled, to which she lowered her eyelids but said nothing. Between them, Iris was looking a little confused, “What do you say then, Stinky? It’s getting pretty late for you.”

There was a level of excitement that Iris couldn’t hide, especially when Kazuma was around, trying her best to stay regal, “While I should stay with the crowd, it is certainly late… and it would be nice to show you the new chess set I got… with Father’s return, I may not get another chance to…?” Her childish nature certainly betrayed her adult words, looking at Claire with big pleading eyes after being so bored moments prior.

Her assistant sighed, rubbing her temple, “Though it is you, I’m going to stop looking a gift horse in the mouth. I didn’t really want Lady Iris here in the first place. Putting her to bed sounds agreeable.” Iris and Kazuma subtly high fived as she left her throne, which only gave Claire more reason to growl, “But no playing! This is not a social call, you are to show Kazuma your chess set then send him on his way, agreed?!”

“Yes, I agree. Thank you, Claire!” She beamed, quickly grabbing Kazuma’s hand and rushing off with him towards the doors behind the thrones.

Only for the doors to open before they reached them. Revealing a massive stone wall of a man.

“And where do you think you’re going, young lady?”

Iris squeaked, stopping in her tracks and letting the stumbling Kazuma crash right into the floor. Looking up, the sight of someone so much taller than him while in a heap on the floor really added to the sense of size. A looming figure, one with a brown with white streaky beard, a golden shiny outfit… with a matching crown to boot. It was quickly apparent that Kazuma needed to be bowing to this person, quickly.

“Y-your majesty, I presume?” He chuckled while placing his forehead on the floor. The rumours of him and Iris had no doubt floated by this man’s ears, so first impressions to not get publicly lynched was very important, “It is an honour, and a privilege, and a blessing, and a wonderment, and-”

“Answer me.”

The voice was powerful, deep, commanding. Kazuma so deeply wanted to answer him, but the order wasn’t directed to him, so he just tensed everything while looking at the blonde who hadn’t turned around yet.

“I… I’m sorry, Father. I just wanted to show Kazuma the present you got me…”

A long pause, with a longer stroke of his beard, the dark ochre eyes that had seen many things were locked on Kazuma suddenly. “Hmm, so this is the infamous Satou Kazuma?” He asked, letting the terrified Satou Kazuma have a proper look at his oncoming ****. There had been some words about the King that Kazuma had picked up. Known as a War King, he’d been stuck on the front lines for years and it showed. A scar on his forehead, muscles that could put Darkness to shame, and the kind of aura that could make an entire army turn around with just a single glare…

Until he smiled of course.

“Pleasure to meet you, my boy!” The grizzled man beamed, grabbing Kazuma under the armpits to embrace him tightly in a hug. Too tight, the spine that had survived sex with Lalatina was immediately crushed to what felt like mush from the hulking man’s hug. “Iris has told me so much about you! Thank you for keeping her happy with your stories, my little girl needed a friend so badly!” Tears. Actual tears were dripping onto Kazuma’s head while he gasped for air.

“KAH! Y-Y’RE WELCKKKKM!!!”

Realising his error and releasing his prey, the King placed Kazuma back down on shaky legs and a shakier spine. “Sorry about that, lad! I’m just so pleased to finally meet you!” He continued to beam, letting Kazuma look over at the man’s daughter long enough to see an embarrassed blush from the young lady, “This war has taken so much from me, but when I read in her letters about your friendship I couldn't be happier! It didn’t take Iris’ entire childhood! She truly made a friend! Ah!” The tears were flowing again before he blew his nose on his robe.

“Uh, wow. You’re welcome again?” said Kazuma with a slightly nervous energy. This King was really not what Kazuma was expecting at all. “Iris is a good kid, and all I did was have fun with her-”

“Oh yes! You were going to go play together!” He clapped his terrifyingly big hands together, “Come! Let’s all have a merry time and I can finally hear some of these stories she kept writing about!”

There was someone who didn’t agree with this though, “K-King Jeronim! You mustn't!” Claire protested, “Your gala! Your speech! You must please stay here!”

“Boo, Claire’s no fun.” The giant man pouted childishly, kicking the floor like a sulking boy told he was to get no dessert, “Fine. You two go have fun. I’m sure we’ll have a chance to meet properly after tonight.”

Before Kazuma could register what was happening, Iris was pulling on his sleeve again, “Yes, let’s go, quick!” She insisted. Confused adventurer, embarrassed princess, and overworked assistant all rushing away from the waving king. Down one of the castle’s many huge corridors, they still managed to hear the King one more time.

“Right!” The smiling giant clapped his hands, “Would everyone please return to their seats?! I think it's time to get this announcement under way!”

Kazuma’s group were still walking down the castle’s many corridors towards Iris’ room, with the younger pair out front and Claire following behind with a frown.

“Man, your Dad was not what I was expecting. At all.”

Iris just sighed, “I’m sorry…”

“No! Don’t be sorry, not your fault or anything.” Kazuma tried to alleviate the blushing frown of the young princess, “But… I don’t know, must be nice having a dad being that fun and supportive.”

“He is when he’s around…” the blonde mumbled with more frowns, “To think he is just back for this gala before leaving again tomorrow…”

It was clear Kazuma was on a sour spot, and he decided to switch topics, “Have you seen the newest Axel Hearts performance? Those girls really know h-”

“Why did he even return for THIS event? When I have had to be responsible for so many others…” Iris ignored the attempted change. ‘Pouting in frustrated anger’ was certainly a rare look for the princess outside of losing board games. With her head full of confused thoughts Iris continued to vent, “It is so strange. Does this event have some meaning for him? I hear it is dedicated to all the members of the ‘Harem Knights’. A sect of knights dedicated to raising the next generation of heroes… though I am still unsure what a ‘harem’ is.”

“Yeah, it’s a real mystery…” mumbled Kazuma awkwardly, looking behind him to see Claire’s intense glare to not say anything further. Unfortunately, Iris did not see that glare, instead clicking her fingers and looking to her friend.

“That’s right! Big brother, you are a Harem Knight now too, correct?”

He finished his look back at Claire with an apologetic shrug, then nodding the truth to the young girl, “Yep, that’s right. Lady Lalatina has me under her noble wing.”

“Lady Lalatina-sama is so wise! How incredible that the two of you work together so well!” Iris beamed up at an ego boosted Kazuma.

Claire tapped her fingers against folded arms, “You’ve been making some waves in the knights from what I hear. Reports of angels, demons, monsters, ex-demon lord commanders…. all sorts from your secretary of new members. And you’ve only been employed a week?”

“What can I say? When you got the skills…” He flexed comedically at Claire, earning a tired groan, “I’m sure we can hook you up too, Claire. If you’d lik-”

“Demons?!” Iris suddenly gasped, her face far more serious and wide-eyed than it had been, “You’re not telling stories? Your group now includes monsters and demons?!”

Raising an eyebrow and assuming she was scared, Kazuma gave a reassuring pat on her head. “Don’t worry, they’re not scary. They’re all a little scared of coming here, so you won’t have to worry about th-”

“Do they live with you?! And do regular people accept them?! Are they bullied or-or-”

Claire was getting as concerned as Kazuma by the reaction, “Princess! What is the meaning of all these questions? I knew letting you near her was a mistake, you’re getting her all riled up and scared!”

“Hey! You were the one who brought them up!”

“Wait!” Iris quickly interjected before their usual fight started up, “I’m sorry. I did not mean to worry you both.” She bowed, to which the two looked at each other briefly before back at her. “I… would like to hear about one or two of your new friends is all. Just their names, or their dreams. It is so very interesting.”

“Uhm, okay?” said Kazuma while scratching the back of his head, a shrug from Claire was about the best permission he was going to get so they began walking again.

“So, let’s see. I’m guessing Claire wouldn’t like me to bring up any of the succ-'' He could feel the radiant rage splash against the back of his neck, “-yup. Not them… hmm. There's a whole bunch of them really..."

Iris was still rather excited but was doing her best to hide it, "Truly?!"

"Mmhmm, Oulan’s an ogre lady that’s sweeter than sugar and wants to be a writer. Esu’s a slime girl that wants to see the world…” He began to list off, pointing to his fingers each one as he was trying to find the right story to share with the princess, “Svobena is a mind flayer who 'prefers dreams in naps'. Ah yeah! Luminara! She’s a big red cute lamia girl. Her dream is to open up a little place to make bread and cakes called ‘The Snakery Bakery’ and have people enjoy her cooking.”

“Amazing!” Iris gawped, eyes sparkling with wonder, “And, as a Harem Knight, you help all these girls reach their dreams?”

He nodded with a smile, “Well, yeah, I’d like to. It’s not really what the job description is though, and Darkness had to pull some hella strings to get them all an ID to even start the process of getting a business off the ground. Some of those monsters have just wanted to live peacefully for years, but with the Demon King army being the only one hiring there wasn’t much choice.”

The Princess just stayed quiet, a sombre look on her face, lost in thoughts as Kazuma talked. Meanwhile, Claire was just impressed with some level of competency and insight he was spouting. It was technically radicalistic ideas, but currently under their laws Kazuma had rights to accept the Monsters into his harem.

“Really, I’d like to do so much more for these poor creatures…” He continued as they neared her door, growing more dramatic in his speech and facial features, “But if your Dad really is cancelling the Harem Knight programme today… then I’m probably going to go to… to JAIL for all the poor defenceless women needing my precious alimony… if only there was some way to… uh…”

He had tried to look as pitiable and weak as he could, the kind of brave man who you’d want to give money to…

But they both just blinked at him.

“Cancelling the bursary?” said Claire, tilting her head in confusion, “Where’d you get that information from?”

“...um, a-a carriage driver?”

With an eye roll from one and a giggle from the other, Iris pointed down the hall they’d come from, “Onii-chan, you probably shouldn’t miss my father’s speech.”

Kazuma was confused, excited, and felt a burning need to rush back the way they came… before he found he couldn’t run anywhere. Iris’ single hand and strength holding his sleeve and keeping him there.

“After you see my new chess set.”