In-A-Gala-Da-Vida (Part 3: Revelations)

“What do you mean the Demon King is gone?” Sena asked, shocked and amazed by what the driver was saying, “Has someone finally slain him? Who was it?”

The man was just beaming with happiness, with his eyes on the road still, “That’s the funny part! No one’s come forward yet! From what I hear through the vine, reports are still a-coming in from the front lines and they all say the same thing: The Demon King is gone!”

“Huh,” said Divane, placing her chin in between her thumb and finger, “I always thought that it would be more… climactic than that? You humans always have such a penchant for wonderful drama.”

Aqua was in a similar confusion, “He’s gone? Like, he’s missing? Is he on holiday?”

“...from the sounds of it… we’re free…” said Darkness, brief shock and awe crossing her face before she shook her head, “No. Until I see proof then that has to be baseless rumours. It’s happened too many times before with random glory seekers. How has no one come forward yet? They’d have the whole kingdom singing their praises!”

“Deny it all you like Missy, but I also know that you may be hearing it from the King’s announcement tonight!”

Darkness blinked in surprise, “He’s… King Jeronim is going to be at the Gala?!”

“Woah, we’re seeing Iris’ dad?” Kazuma was impressed, “I only ever heard about him and her brother through her stories. Weren’t they on the front lines?”

“Yes, and the fact that he’s here today does add some legitimacy to the rumour…” Sena admitted, calculating in her mind what it all meant, “...and you say he’s announcing something at the Gala tonight?”

“That’s what I hear! Maybe since the evil one’s gone there won’t be any more need for you Harem Knight types!”

Kazuma was on his feet at that, Sena dodging away from the front window as he practically dived through it, “Woah, woah, woah! C-calm down! Let’s not get too hasty!” He frantically grabbed the man’s arm while the carriage rocked and swayed, “We have a LOT of money owed that the KINGDOM promised to PAY! You CANNOT tell me I might be losing my HAREM and my FUNDING?!”

“Sir! Please! I-It might just be rumours!”

Aqua defended the poor man by grabbing Kazuma’s face and tried pushing him back into the carriage, “Oh what do you care, Kazuma? You’ll still have Darkness and Xara and Wiz and everyone else who wants to waste their life with a lame loser NEET like you.” She hissed while he fought her grip.

“Hey! This affects you too! If the Demon King is really gone, why don’t you just go back to Heaven already, you annoying Goddess?!”

Around them were many other carriages of Harem Knight all making their way to the Gala. The noise and commotion coming from their area was making many look over in confusion, only to see two knights fighting in the front seat, a noble and an oversized Goddess walking alongside while begging to be fought with instead.

“W-we’re approaching the castle!” The driver tried to advise as the convoy of carriages aligned to single file, “Sh-shouldn’t you lot be-?!”

“Le go offf mah fahce, Aka!”

“OW! You let go of my hair first!”

“Kazuma! Fight with me instead! I want to enter the gala with everyone knowing my place!”

“Hey! I’m his girlfriend, if he’s fighting with anyone it should be me!”

“Mistress Darkness! Please don’t agitate Master Satou Kazuma any further! I think I see someone I publicly defended in the carriage behind us!”

This continued until they’d parked in front of the castle itself. At which point the man signing them in was greeted by a gaggle of the most roughly dressed nobles out of everyone. Though thankfully for the group the assumption was more that they’d all just had sex in the carriage rather than anything undignified.

We return to a time long, long ago...

“How far down are we going?”

Gaia just smirked at her before turning back to the amazing view of floor after heavenly floor flying past them. The elevators were always too quick for Aqua, with her eyes constantly wanting to latch onto a floor and making her dizzy when it left too quickly.

One frustrated angel had once tried to describe how Heaven worked to Aqua. Most of the info flew over her head, but the gist of it seeped in the cracks in her brain as best it could. In the most basic terms: Heaven and Hell were funnels. They existed outside of time and space for souls to drift into from anywhere in the vast multiverse. Many planets, many stars, all with their own morality systems and beliefs that seemingly affected the way Heaven worked at any one point. New rows of doors would open and shut depending on the actions of mortals, some great empires were now decrepit streets of washed up Gods and Goddesses, and though there were attempts to govern big sections of Heaven by splitting up sections of infinity… it ended up being very hard to manage. Not helped by immortals that experienced time in a completely different way to humans. 100 years could fly by in the same time it takes for Tuesday to happen three times.

Needless to say, Aqua didn’t really get it. But as a lowly worker bee she was mostly told to stay in her lane and not think as it is.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this close to the exit of infinity…” She mumbled, peering down into the cloudy abyss that was getting closer and closer.

Gaia just shook her head, “You really ain’t lived much of your afterlife, have ya? Never wanted to explore the place ya live?”

“I guess I’ve never had the right reason…” Aqua replied absentmindedly, still focusing on the cloud gate below them, “Where was it we’re going again?”

“How many times have I had to tell ya? We’re headin’ to my place to celebrate, Aqua.” Her friend smirked, taking a cigarette into her mouth as the elevator began slowing down, “We got through to round two, and I wanna party!”

Their descent stopped at the very bottom floor. The floor where you actually went out of Heaven. The one without any corridors of purple doors, no upper management stairs, just one set of golden gates. Heaven’s one exit. Guarded by two angels, one with a long list of names for those getting in, and one with a short list of names for those wanting out.

The two wannabe goddesses were on the other side of the infinite corridor. Behind them was the usual plain wall, with the elevator zooming away from them back up. In front of them was the bannister, a gap leading to the cloudy barrier below where if you fell in you’d never escape from the purgatory of ‘in between realms’, and then the other bannister on the other side before the gates. To the right was the usual bridge across, so Aqua was quite confused when the two headed straight for the bannister.

“Alright, up and over.”

“W-whaA-!?” Aqua yelped as a vine suddenly grew from under her feet that pushed her body over the bannister. Suddenly plummeting towards the cloud barrier. Pure white enveloped her vision as clouds swirled around her. Her whole afterlife flashing before her eyes as she reached out for something to grab onto…

Before her face smacked into some wood.

“Owww… what the heck?” She grumbled, rubbing her bruised cheek while sitting up.

“Bahahaha! You should’ve seen your face!” Gaia laughed, lowering herself down with a vine from above.

Aqua finally got a good look of where she was. It looked like a human’s treehouse, and about the same size as one too. Planks of wood below and around her, with a few windows inside the wooden walls showing nothing but pure white clouds. The same clouds that took up the ‘sky’ as well, like they were in the middle of a smoking contest in a snowstorm. The room itself seemed rather well furnished, with plant based approximations for a bunch of human-like objects. A big leafy bed, branches with flower buds for seats, and a comfy little lounge area with a blanket on the floor. There were none-approximation items too, what looked like books, music discs, manga, anime, comics, posters on the wall, and even a little television by the floor blanket all made it seem like a very nice cosy home.

“Like it~? I know you do,” Gaia beamed in pride, “Welcome to Casa de Gaia! I got all the best human crap here. All swiped from the various times some god needed me to clean up their mess, from slinkies to left socks, I got every bit of crap I could grab from the multiverse down there!”

“Wow, it’s amazing!” clapped Aqua, forgetting all about the grievance she had about being pushed off the edge. “You live down here? In the purgatory zone?”

Gaia nodded while sitting down on her leaf bed, “Course. The rent’s cheap, innit?!” A quip that went over Aqua’s head completely, but made Gaia giggle, “But yeah, I come here to get away from everything up there. Too many pencil pushers and dweebs for my liking, none of them know what we’re working for anymore.”

“Uhm, the big guy?”

“Ha! So you actually believe there’s someone up there?” Gaia once more laughed, “Nah, I mean humans! The stupid, belligerent, amazing humans!” The plant girl was off the bed, throwing her arms out to her sides to present her loud collection proudly, “Like plants, they have such short lives but they grow into such wonderful creatures capable of stories, and music, and…” Her passion had amazed Aqua to the point her eyes were shining at Gaia, a blush covering the plant girl’s face as she scratched the back of her head. “A-anyway, this place is just how I can feel close to them, ya know?”

“Wow! You really like humans!” Aqua beamed, looking around the room with reverence and admiring a poster for a film called ‘Face-Off’, “I always thought they were a bunch of boring nobodies since their spirits just float there.”

Gaia shrugged, “Maybe up there, but down on the many Earths they come in all shapes and sizes. Though, if you ever do visit, be careful of NEETS and weirdos. Lots of people who’d take one look at you and eat that bubble butt for dinner.” She wiggled her fingers as her voice went gravelly, to which Aqua covered her rear in fear.

“No! Anything but that!”

“I’m just messing with you, chillax.” Gaia chuckled, walking over to a wall that began moving on its own. The wood shifted forwards until a ring of wood was indented in the wall, with a small opening appearing at the bottom that grew and bent around into a curved shape, “ANYway, enough about humans, let’s party like GODS!” The plant girl announced, grabbing a couple cups from her kitchen and placing them underneath the curved wooden finger.

From the finger, brown and bubbly liquid started pouring from the opening until a frothy drink filled both cups.

“Woah! Is that… what is that?”

“Come on, Aqua! Do I gotta teach you everything?!” A cup suddenly slammed into Aqua’s chest, bouncing off her bosom lightly and making the liquid spill minorly onto her pure white dress. “It’s the good stuff!”

A blank stare was what she got in return, “Uh, good stuff?”

“I’m not doin’ that gag a second time with ya,” Gaia rolled her eyes, “Beer, Aqua. Ya know? Al-co-ho-lic drink!”

“Oohh! Tha~t stuff!” Aqua finally got it, and Gaia just exhaled in relief, “Wait, are we allowed to have this? I thought only Dionysus had access to-”

“Where do you think he gets it from?” the plant girl smirked, “I’m the one who grows his malted barley, hops, and yeast for him. He just gives me a keg every so often as payment.” She suddenly downed the whole glass, glugging down the brown liquid in one go before loudly exhaling. “AHH~! That hits the spot!”

Aqua was still in awe, but was also nervous about actually drinking, “But… but what if I hate it? Oh, but what if I like it... but if someone finds out, but they'll never find out... Maybe I should just-”

“Just bloody drink it, man!” Gaia barked, making Aqua flinch. Anger faded quickly and the plant girl sighed at the reaction, deciding to take a different approach, “Alright, nevermind. Damn dude, maybe you were an effin dweeb all along. N' here ah thought you were cool…”

“I’M COOL!” Aqua strained, yoinking the cup before Gaia could take it back. Not looking back to start chugging as much beer as she could.

The taste was bitter, the bubbles were unexpected, and the liquid entered her system far too fast. Aqua choked up having to fight to keep the **** down and not look uncool. After she was finished… Aqua felt like her eyes were tilting.

“Woah… why’s there two of you?”

“Well, ur a lightweight if that’s already happening to you. But then this is your first, and you chugged that like a absolute champion, so maybe there’s hope for you yet! Eh?” Gaia laughed, poking Aqua’s belly a couple times and sending her stumbling back a few steps. “Want another?”

“Uhm… yeah. Yeah I do.”

The rest of the night was a blur.

If Aqua had to describe the words she remembered for a judge or jury of her peers, it’d sound something like this:

“WOOO~! I’m gONnA dRiNK ALL oF iT!”

“Woah! Chug it! YEAH!”

“Schnow… LeEeT’s StArt aFFiRE! Oh god… blerg…”

“HAHAHA! You just made a rainbow in purgatory! That’s never happened here before!”

“ChEcK IT oUt! NaTuRe’S BlEsSiNg!”

And look like various images of her drinking or partying with Gaia, who mostly just clapped and encouraged the blunette’s first time with more cups of booze, the night was certainly legendary for the wannabe goddess.

The only real moment of substance Aqua could really remember was the moment where things had really calmed down.

“Phwaahhhhhhh… that was amazing…” Aqua exhaled, head against the wood while looking up at nothing but endless void, “Thanksh…”

Gaia had far less of an instant hangover than the lightweight, but she still smiled while smoking out the one window, “No problem. Glad ya enjoyed yur first booze.”

There was a long purr from the floor as Aqua nuzzled into the one pillow her friend had laid out for her. A nice silence between the two as their micro party wound to a close.

“...why’re you bein’ sho nice to me?”

Turning back from the cloudy void, Gaia saw two eyes looking rather confused and concerned at her from the floor.

“Because questions like that shouldn’t be asked in Heaven.” said Gaia, “This place has grown way too corrupt, and tha common folk just walk around on bloody autopilot. Stamping this, following that order, barely questioning the eternity of suffering they’re forcing themselves through just ‘cause ‘it’s the way things are’...” She sighed, taking a long inhale from her cigarette and looking out the window again, “I can’t do much, but if I can just drag one soul from Divane’s mind funk and show ‘em how great it is to live like a human! I-”

SNORRREEEE

Her speech was cut short when it dropped its one listener. She wasn’t mad though, looking at the snoring deity with a smile on her face. They may be in competition to be a Goddess, but the undignified way she scratched her belly as she slept made Gaia think she may be more at home among the mortals.