Closer to the Edge

The hour had barely ticked past midnight and John was already growing restless, to the point that he had begun experimenting with the dishware. Two plates and three cups all balanced just above the table in front of him, held in place by powerful gusts of wind he was struggling to contain well enough to not interfere with one another. It was a partial success at best – even when he felt most in control of the currents, they still generated enough noise to be the equivalent of a strong gust in the immediate vicinity, and any attempt at moving them around resulted in a lot of wavering and wobbling, culminating when he tried to add in a third plate, at which point he lost control of the lot. John’s reflexes were a bit faster than gravity, but one plate still fell hard enough on the table to crack in half, and one of the cups tipped off the table.

John winced at the glass as it shattered on the floor, his hand only inches away from catching it. Shards of glass ricocheted off the floor and his flesh alike, though the mundane material did nothing to his Abyssal skin. He gave a soft sigh, wondering how many of his lovers and family he’d just awoken.

“Creator John, shall I fetch you more tableware from the kitchen?”

“No need… I’ll fix it,” John murmured after a moment. Craft quickly restored the shattered glass to how it had been, and John plucked it from the floor with little ceremony, setting it aside its brethren while repairing the cracked plate in a similar fashion. “Besides, I’ve already made enough noise for one night. The others have been pretty understanding of me keeping them up all night, but I’m sure even they have their limits.”

“Will you be going for another walk tonight, Creator John?”

“I… not a bad idea, actually,” John murmured. “I need a way to pass the time and… I really shouldn’t start tomorrow’s training, until the others are up.”

“Is it difficult for you to train alone?”

“No, it’s… there was an incident shortly after we hunted the last of the Albidians.”

“Who are the Albidians, Creator John?”

“R-right. Forget how much I still have to explain. I should start writing all of this stuff down at some point, would be a lot easier than going over our history over and over…”

John grimaced as he recalled the days after he had created Orria and Shishun, when the uncomfortable questions arose. It was the first time he’d had to explain why he rarely went back to the old world… Shishun never asked many questions, but Orria’s inquisitive nature meant it was only a matter of time. Back then the wounds had still been fresh, and the re-telling of the story had nearly broken him.

Orria had refrained from asking a question about the past ever since, and he suspected it was part of the reason she focused so much on the world’s present, rather than its history. Shishun had sworn the same oath of loyalty she did on the day of her creation, and pushed herself even harder in her personal training, no matter how much he had pleaded with her to stop.

“I did not mean to inconvenience you, Creator John. I will refrain from further questions.”

“No, no, don’t apologize. It’s not your fault you don’t know about things that happened before you were created. Besides, you aren’t the only one. Yvara and Farrah-”

“Did someone call?”

John cursed mentally at the noise, more at the fact that he’d missed someone’s approach than the actual source. John turned his eyes upward and saw Farrah on the upper level, smiling widely at him. Her grin was as infectious as ever, though John’s rather somber mood meant it only touched at the corners of his mouth as he replied.

“Kind of. Feel like going for a walk?”

“That sounds great. I… can’t really sleep anyway,” Farrah said, not elaborating as she turned toward the stairs at the other end of the hall.

“What about you, Aclysia?”

“You would prefer I accompany you this time, Creator John?” Aclysia asked. For the first time, John thought he detected something more than her usual monotone in the way that she spoke – though he wasn’t entirely sure he didn’t imagine it.

“If you-” John cut himself off as soon as he realized he was about to ask Aclysia what she wanted again, something that she never seemed to know how to respond to. “Yes, I would love to have you and Farrah walk with me.”

“As you wish, Creator.”

John took Aclysia’s hand and made his way to the door, with Farrah joining them as soon as she’d made her way downstairs. John opened the door for his two companions and then quickly followed them out into the dark night of his world.

“So what’s giving you problems sleeping, Farrah? Anything we might be able to help with?” John asked as they traipsed away from the living quarters.

“I’m not sure myself, to be honest. I don’t really understand it, but… I feel really uncomfortable tonight. Ever since a little while after you got back, it’s almost been harder to breathe, like it all feels so…”

Farrah trailed off, staring at the house. They hadn’t walked all that far away – John didn’t want to wander too far while the others were sleeping – but she still already seemed to look back at it with a sense of discomfort.

“It’s better out here, though?” John asked, a bit concerned.

“Kind of. It’s… easier at least. I’ve felt it a few times lately, but I still don’t know what’s causing it.”

“Well, I guess we all needed to go for a walk tonight,” John said, hiding his worries behind a smile. It could have been just nerves, but somehow John doubted that Farrah was letting her nerves get the best of her. That would have been too easy, and despite seemingly being an ordinary human, Farrah was the creation of his that stood out from the rest above all else. Until proven otherwise, he would have to assume it was something Abyssal.

But when she smiled and giggled softly at his reassuring words, he couldn’t even think of telling her any of that. “I guess so… not like I’ll miss out on anything if I sleep tomorrow away, I guess. I heard you mention something about training tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’m trying to keep things balanced. After…”

John trailed off, realizing he was about to mention the Albidians again, despite the fact that neither of the women accompanying him would understand what he was referring to.

“...Maybe I should start properly, this time.”

The conversation that trailed behind the three of them as they paced around their home could have easily turned into something far more horrific than it did. John worried that telling his story in full might be too painful, too severe for his companions, or for himself even after all this time. Farrah was all emotion, with no worldly knowledge, while Aclysia seemed to understand most concepts but remained stoic to the point that she seemed nearly incapable of sharing feelings. He wasn’t sure at first how either of them would react to him telling them about such a tender past, how they would look at him, and how that might make him feel.

Aclysia, for her part, seemed to take things in stride as best as she could for someone who couldn’t truly empathize. She had started out a bit blunt and not as sensitive as she could have been, asking questions about things like what loss and grief were, but those were easily stopped.

“What would you do if I wasn’t here? If I just disappeared, or if I told you I was leaving forever?” John asked the statuesque woman.

“I am… I am supposed to follow you and obey your orders,” Aclysia said, a tone of uncertainty entering her voice as she gave her unconvincing argument.

“And if you couldn’t? What would you do then?”

“I would… I would not know what to do, Creator John. I don’t think I’m currently capable of knowing what I would do.”

“...Yeah. I wasn’t either.”

Farrah was more emotional, but in a way that John didn’t feel particularly smothered by. She was sympathetic, but not pitying. Her eyes shone with pain as if she shared it with him, rather than merely being uncomfortable around him, or being grateful it had not happened to her instead. The few questions she asked or times she made a comment on his story, she always seemed to have genuine insight – if anything, it was almost jarring how well she seemed to accept and understand John’s story, considering how much time he had spent explaining basic facts to her back in the old world.

Perhaps most shocking was how casually she related it to what he had already told her about her past.

“So this woman, the one you… say I used to be…” Farrah said, a deeper sorrow crossing her features, “she did all that to you? But you… you still seem so nice to me.”

“It’s not… sorry. I didn’t mean- what you are isn’t what you-” John stumbled, trying to recover from his slip-up. It had been so long since Farrah even mentioned Arista’s name he had forgotten how much he had revealed to her about her origins, both in the immediate aftermath of her creation and in the days that followed, during their long road trip. She’d picked up most of it from his slip-ups in mentioning Arista’s name when talking about where she’d come from and then questioning him on it later.

“John, you don’t need to worry about me right now. You’ve been nothing but kind to me, just… tell me how you’re really feeling. Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Well, I guess I could ask you the same thing,” John said, trying to smile back at her in the same genuine, wholehearted way that Farrah always did. “You trusted me almost immediately, and you have ever since. Even when I told you what I’d done, you barely let it slow you down. But you deserve an actual answer, and truthfully, you can thank Vallya.”

“Vallya?” Farrah said, the question coming out as a gasp. “She was… merciful?”

“No. Quite the opposite. If anything, it’s one of the reasons I’m most frustrated with myself for not being more worried about her doing something like she did sooner,” John said, furrowing his brows at the mere memory of Magnus’ cries. “When you were still Arista, she said I was being too soft on you. She tried to goad me into hurting Arista, making her suffer for betraying us. I… well, there was a point in time where I might have agreed with her. When I lost Seras, I did as bad or worse to the man who took her from me, and I wasn’t planning on Purifying Arista.

“Originally I planned on killing Arista when she finished leading us across the country. Maybe it was spending so much time around her, or maybe I just felt like what I had already done was punishment enough. I tried to spare her, but she was so enraged and broken by what I’d done she attacked me when I freed her… well, you know how that went.”

Farrah already knew everything about John’s final interactions with Arista. It had taken time, but eventually Farrah had sat John down and asked him to tell her everything about the day she’d come to be. It hadn’t been a comfortable telling, even with Farrah already knowing about Arista, but just like the story he was telling now, Farrah seemed to accept it and even empathize with John where he’d expected anger, or at the very least distrust.

“That’s a bit scary to think about, but you did the right thing in the end. I think it’s more important that you looked down the path you were on and turned away than it is that you chose that path in the first place.”

“Yeah, you might be right. Whatever the case, I’m glad things worked out the way that they did.”

John remained silent for a while after that, not wanting to risk Farrah’s ire by voicing any of the other, darker thoughts he had in response to that. Thoughts about how close he’d come to throwing himself down the path of torment eagerly, about how all it had taken was one major loss to bring him so close.

Worries that if another one like it came, he wouldn’t be able to turn himself away from the sadistic pleasures of suffering brought upon those who inflicted it on others.

The rest of their conversations became lighter after that, and in time, so too did the early morning horizon. The false sun of John’s new world crested over the distant hills, and the three of them found themselves at the front door of their home once more.

“Thanks for keeping me company, you two. Farrah, promise me you’ll at least try to get some sleep?” A concerned smile crossed John’s face as he turned to the innocent brunette, the knowing look of a man who had missed too many nights of sleep even before he no longer needed them.

“I’ll head straight upstairs and nap, promise,” Farrah said, nodding with a firm but tired energy.

“I will await your return in my room, Creator John,” Aclysia said, voice even but absent as she remained motionless beside him.

“Well… you don’t have to, if you have something else you’d rather do,” John offered, voice uncertain, already near certain Aclysia would have nothing else she truly “wanted” to do. “It will probably be a while before the others are awake, and-”

John stopped his sentence in its tracks as he slowly pressed open the front door to their living quarters and found that the others were already quite awake – and waiting on them, apparently. Sophia, Orria, Lerianna, and Shishun were all gathered in the common room, eager if slightly apprehensive looks on their faces.

“We’ve had an early morning, Father,” Sophia explained, face slightly harder than usual. “We’re all eager to start training, if that is alright with you.”

The four of them looked strangely melancholic, though none of the others spoke up. John was a bit startled by the strangely tense energy running through the room, but quickly chalked it up to the fact that there was yet another enemy ready and capable of ambushing them out in the old world.

“That’s fair. We can go whenever you’re ready. Farrah, Aclysia, have a good day. We’ll see you as soon as we’re done training.”

“Good night and good morning!” Farrah called happily, while Aclysia offered only a quiet accession before heading toward the stairs.

“So, Sophia wants to train on her own today, and Orria will be going it alone as usual, so what about you two?” John asked as he faced Lerianna and Shishun.

“We may as well train on our own. Don’t need you bugging me while I’m working out,” Lerianna said, huffing slightly.

“As everyone else seems to appreciate the idea, I would not mind a chance to practice my skills alone against true enemies, Master,” Shishun agreed, though there was a touch of shame in her features as she spoke.

“Alright, I don’t mind shaking things up every now and then.” John shrugged as he opened his menus, combing over the Dungeon Barrier choices and beginning to sort through the sub-menus. “It will take me a moment to figure out how to send us to our own, individual ones, but aside from that we can start the first ones as soon as any of you are ready.”

"Father, I'm ready to begin,” Sophia immediately said, standing up from the cushioned seat she was perched on and striding over to him. “I am eager to prove myself. Might you allow me a request, Father?”

“Hm? Sure, did you want to pick what kind of enemy to go up against?” John asked, still idly glancing through the drop-down menus.

“You may pit me against my own kind, that I might prove myself worthy against those who share my nature,” Sophia said quietly, “but that is not what I was referring to. I wish to prove my skill and strength alone.”

“Yeah, don’t worry, I’m figuring that out right now,” John said, already coursing through the sub-menus related to party size and auto-join options.

“...Father, I wish to prove myself. Alone,” Sophia repeated, emphasizing the words even more. “If I might be so bold, I would ask you to promise to let me defeat these enemies alone. I need to prove that I can do so.”

“Sophia, no one is doubting your-”

“Father… please.”

John stared into Sophia’s eyes and saw something he didn’t understand, something foreign to the eternally simple and blunt warrior woman. Something incomprehensible merely by being so foreign, something deep and painful.

“...Alright, Sophia, I promise,” John said quietly, not sure how else to respond. He had already intended on letting Sophia enter the Dungeon Barrier alone, so it wasn’t as if he wasn’t giving her the chance, though he had to admit now he was actually much more hesitant to do so.

“Thank you, Father. I will honor our clan,” Sophia vowed. “Send me in as soon as you are prepared.”

"Sure thing. Alright, here goes..." John said, opening his menus. It took a little work to figure out how to create a Dungeon Barrier for someone else, but eventually he found the right settings to avoid bringing anyone but Sophia inside.

"Alright, Sophia. Sending you over now. I set it to Harpies like you requested."

"Thank you, Father. I promise I will bring us victory," Sophia swore.

"I'm sure you will. We'll see you after you've finished!"

One more button press and Sophia was gone. It was still kind of funny getting to watch other people enter Barriers and simply vanish from existence; John wasn't often left behind to see it happen.

"Alright, everyone else ready?" John asked, turning his gaze to the others. One by one they nodded, and one by one John created and then opened their own dungeons for them, different levels and enemies to suit each of their strengths.

John felt a bit odd as he set up his own Dungeon Barrier, a distant and unwelcome nostalgia rolling over him. It was the first time he had done one of these alone in a long time. He could count the number of dungeons he’d done alone since Purifying the Nekos on both hands, and the majority of those were tainted memories.

"Well, at least they trust me not to go overboard like last time..." John thought bitterly, trying not to let the memory bubble all the way up to the surface. He replaced his trepidation with determination, steeling himself as he rapidly set the difficulty of the dungeon.

"But I still can’t take things easy. Even if that woman was really one of the elites of the army, she was way beyond where I am now. I think I see why Adantia gave me a month just to be able to hold my own on the battlefield.” John’s muscles tensed as he finalized his selections and slammed his fingers into the create button, his body warping through into the new Dungeon Barrier.

“But I have to do better than that. This is an entire undead army we’re going up against here. Fighting for survival isn’t enough. I have to be stronger than that, do better than just scraping by. I need to be prepared to win this war.”