Danganronpa: Teruteru's Campus Cafe

(This story takes place in a shared Danganronpa universe in which all characters can appear and no murders have taken place. All characters appearing are over 18.)

Hope's Peak Academy was the foremost academic institution in Japan, attended exclusively by Ultimates, a classification awarded to students who demonstrated prodigious talent and were recognized as the finest in that field. Its students received the highest quality education, the opportunity to rub elbows with other future leaders across all occupations, and even their own "labs." These specially-stocked labs were created with most everything each Ultimate could need to sharpen their talent in their free time: a grand piano for the Ultimate Pianist; a private pool for the Ultimate Swimmer; a fully-stocked kitchen and table settings for the Ultimate Chef.

It was all quite lavish. Needless to say, the Academy had its own cafeteria; the Ultimate Chef wasn't expected to cook food for every student in every class. Therefore, that he would be provided equipment and a space for such a purpose went to show how devoted the Academy was to providing equal opportunities for every student.

What an opportunity it was, not just for the Ultimate Chef, but for his peers! After all, a cafeteria was one thing, but food from a cafe staffed and prepared by none other than the recognized Ultimate Chef was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Obviously, students would be lined up out the door any time he was in...

"Obviously," Teruteru Hanamura reminded himself with a sigh, running a comb through his brown pompadour. With a wistful smile on his round face, the country-born chef glanced out at the grateful fellow students ready to enjoy the fruits of his morning's efforts.

All two of them: The beautiful Kyoko Kirigiri, her long, silver hair shimmering in the day's light from the window seat, her glamorous pale body wrapped in the dreary, dark Ultimate Detective getup she favored, including studded gloves and high boots... And Makoto Naegi. The Ultimate Lucky Student, some brown-haired guy in a green hoodie. "Lucky indeed," Teruteru remarked to himself privately, wearing a wry smile and repeating a joke he'd told himself the last three mornings. After all, these were the same two customers he'd had ever since he'd opened his cafe to share his hard work with his fellow students.

"Maman, are ya watchin'?" he began his private dialogue, turning his beady eyes to the sunlight, shedding a single tear as he felt a wellspring of what he told himself was pride. "Yer boy is toilin' away for the city folk in a bigwig academy. It ain't quite a five-star establishment, but it's honest work. I swear ah'll earn a followin', make our cookin' famous all over the world, and make ya proud. And most importantly... ah'll get a girlfriend!" he shouted internally, his monologue shifting focus from his mother to his own infamous personality. "Shouldn't ah have a groupie by now? Or a buncha fans?! Ah know my cookin's the best, darnit if ah don't! Why'm ah stuck lookin' at the same two faces every mornin' and then left by mah lonesome day after dadgum day?!?!"

Feeling a little ashamed of himself for getting so worked up and off-track in what he was envisioning being a wholesome message to his mom, the chef got a hold of himself. "Well, ah may be simple but ah weren't born no fool. Ah know mah... personality... might have a little to do with people avoidin' me. But a cow can't change its spots, and a man can't change his romance nor his proc'livities. If ah could just get the right girl eatin' mah food, ah just now she'd be all over me... her hands in mah hair and her panties on mah kitchen floor! That's what mah talent is for!! ... Th-that and makin' us famous and lettin' ya live comfortably, 'course," Teruteru apologized to his mother.

The short young man straightened his red ascot and patted down his chef whites, stepping out of his kitchen and into the dining area towards his prospective customers. "Bonjour, monsieur and mademoiselle! Welcome to Cafe Hanamura! It warms my heart to see my beloved regulars. That said... you haven't had any luck convincing your friends to join you?" Teruteru remarked, dabbing at his forehead with a handkerchief while still wearing his friendliest smile.

Kyoko turned her sharp eyes to him, then seemed to be considering if she should say something. "Teruteru... your food's been a pleasant surprise. Really. I think it's nice as a quiet, peaceful morning experience for the two of us. Isn't that enough?"

"Well, yes, but... it would be tres bien if I was able to offer such an experience to many rather than two, grateful as I am!" he replied, trying to look grateful and not desparate.

Her eyes narrowed. "I don't think there's any flaw in the food or the service here. I think it has more to do with the staff. I'm not trying to offend you, but... there's a reason I only come here accompanied. You're a bit hard to deal with. I don't think women like to be alone with you. I suspect men don't, either. Consider that my analysis."

"Ouch! Lucky for me I'm a bit of a masochist," he laughed good-naturedly, helping prove Kyoko's point as his nostrils flared with excitement that made his statement hard to take as a joke.

Makoto had been trying to gesture to Kyoko to put a softer edge on her criticism. Now that she'd barreled through in spite of it, he did his best to calm Teruteru down and make sure they weren't offending their host. "Well, um! I think that's a little harsh, but I guess everyone else seems to be... y'know, super busy in the morning. It's just ordinary guys with nothing to do like me that can make the time. And, uh, Kyoko... since I convinced her. Anyway, we're really grateful!"

"Mm... Well, I'm sure you are. And I'm equally ingratiated to my first and most loyal customers. But I'm afraid your days of eating in peace are at an end! Soon, this establishment will be standing room only thanks toooo.... Tada! Et voila!" the chef babbled, suddenly whipping out the secret weapon he'd been hiding. Behind his back, instead of the usual menu, the chef had been holding a small chalkboard. Now, he held it with its blank side turned towards those seated, clacking it proudly against the table before them. "My special daily menu! A package just showed up at my doorstep with this baby, no doubt a gift from an adoring fan. You can feel the love emanating from it, no? Now no one will be able to resist the allure and aroma of limited-time offerings! While I'd love to fix you your usuals, aren't you curious to see the daily specials?"

Neither of them had seen anything yet, but neither of them seemed enthusiastic. Makoto was at least trying to put forward the appearance. "That's great, but I can't imagine anything will top the breakfast crepe I've been ordering."

"The usual for me," Kyoko remarked. "And my usual tea, thanks."

"... Wait until I show you what it is, at least," the dejected Teruteru begged them. He turned around the menu with low expectations, showing them his fancy cursive writing, green chalk on the fresh blackboard. It read:

ENJOY A WHITE CHOCOLATE BANANA MUFFIN!

TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT OUR DAILY SPECIALS

"Doesn't that sound delicious?" he suggested, wringing his hands together. "Of course, if you like, I can instead provide your usual-"

Both Makoto and Kyoko shook their heads in unison. Kyoko was the first to speak. "No, I'll have the special. And my tea."

"Me too," Makoto agreed with a nod. "And a milk, if you don't mind."

"Oh?" Teruteru gasped. "Oh... oho! You two couldn't resist trying a culinary adventure, no?"

The two seemed to be ignoring him, talking among themselves. Kyoko seemed hesitant. "Makoto, we haven't said this formally, but... we're friends, right? Is that fair to say."

Makoto was surprised by the question, but he answered quickly. "Y-yeah, of course!"

"Hm. Teruteru has a white chocolate banana muffin as his first of many daily specials, starting this morning."

"Right! I was just about to tell you the same thing. You beat me to the punch. Hold on, I gotta tell the others." Ignoring Kyoko and Teruteru, Makoto had taken out his cell phone and began calling a list of friends in no particular order. "Hello, Leon? Have you heard about Teruteru's white chocolate banana muffins? I-... He hung up. But, uh... I consider us friends, so I gotta go tell him. I'll be right back to enjoy the muffin!" With urgent haste, the young man jumped from his seat and rushed out of the lab, leaving Kyoko and Teruteru alone.

Teruteru watched him leave, blinking in surprise. "Uhh... Hoho! That Makoto is certainly an odd duck-" he began, before Kyoko put a finger to his lips to shut him up.

To his surprise, Kyoko was quieting him because she was also on the phone. "Hello... Kaede? Look, I know we're not that close, but you'd call us friends, right? ... I see. Well, I needed to let you know Teruteru has a new daily menu with a white chocolate banana muffin... Yes, he has a cafe in his lab... No, that's all. Well, what you do is up to you. See you around." As soon as she hung up, she started another call, her fingers flying across her phone's screen. "Hello, Sayaka..."

The chef backed off to give her some privacy, still clutching his chalkboard to his chest. Still, he couldn't believe it. "Well, well! I'd call this daily menu a roaring success already! Makoto and Kyoko seem tres enthusiastic... Now, there's just the matter of... the muffins..." Teruteru paused.

He froze, sniffing the air as his only motion as he detected smoke in his cafe.

"S-S-SEYMOUR SKINN- Er, s-sacre bleu!" He corrected his bizarre exclamation to a normal, hoity-toity French one. "I-it seems I have an emergency! Do not panic, I am simply... making mademoiselle's muffin w-w-well-done!" the panicking chef reassured her. "Excuse moi."

As Teruteru skipped his small legs across the kitchen to the burning muffins he'd forgotten, he took one look back over his shoulder. Kyoko did look concerned, but she seemed totally engrossed in her phone calls, something that was especially odd considering it didn't take a detective to tell he was actively in the process of ruining the very muffins she was telling her friends about.

He made it to the oven just in time. Even a second longer, and he'd have been rescuing them with a fire extinguisher. Instead, he hastily turned off the oven, opened the door to a cough-raising plume of smoke, and pulled his miserable muffins from the heat.

There was no two ways about it: the muffins were essentially charcoal bricks. "Is this karma? For the Ultimate Chef to make a mistake such as this... I'm sorry, maman!!" He sniffled, working to hold back tears as he picked at the char, hoping to find some salvageable food he could serve his two excited patrons.

He turned around, wondering how he would break the news to Kyoko... only to find her gliding across the floor towards his kitchen, her boots clacking against the tile.

Teruteru almost shouted, looking between his blackened food and the approaching customer. "A-a-ah! Kyoko, um, this is... How should I say, well... these are clearly ruined. Allow me to dispose of these and I'll whip you up a nice croissant..." he apologized profusely, beginning to scoop the muffins out of the tray into the waste bin next to him.

Kyoko's eyes widened with alarm. With new swiftness, she dashed forward, catching the final muffin before it could leave the tray and plunge into the bin. Luckily, her hands were gloved, considering they were still more than hot from the oven. "Thank goodness... Trying to enjoy this after it'd been in the trash would have been tough." She shot the startled Teruteru a glance. "Is that tea coming? I think I'll need it..."

"... Of course," the chef/waiter replied, finding himself decanting tea with an unsteady hand. "You're... certain? I think what I was about to do with those muffins was, ahem, no mystery-"

Kyoko sighed impatiently, still turning the muffin over in her hand as though analyzing it for a weak point. "The rules of the cafe say I have to enjoy the white chocolate banana muffin, correct? I already told all my friends about the daily specials, like the rules said. Once I enjoy the muffin, I'll be able to leave. And to enjoy it, I'm sure I need the tea. Thanks." She took it in her free hand, then blew on it, then bit into it with a huge, horrific crunch, sending blackened flakes flying and scattering on the floor.

Teruteru grimaced and worked to keep a smile. "This is very considerate of you Kyoko, but... Kyoko?"

The woman was barely listening to him, digging into the nasty breakfast with enthusiasm, brushing her braid aside to keep it from flakes and wearing a smile Teruteru wondered if any other chef had been lucky enough to see.

The chef pondered, feeling a tiny bit of satisfaction at his customer's appreciation and a huge bit of confusion at her desire to eat what was clearly garbage. "Well, well! If I'd known getting smiling faces and word-of-mouth advertising was as easy as asking for it on a chalk board, I would have done so from day one-!"

Kyoko held up a finger to shush him again. "Do you mind? I'm trying to enjoy this," she interrupted him with an icy glare. "It's harder than it looks."

"It looks hard," Teruteru admitted.

"Well, it's harder than that." She finished her smart remark and then was back at the muffin with a convincing smile on her lips.

Before Teruteru could process that, Makoto slid back into the cafe, huffing and out of breath. The host realized what was happening as the lucky student rushed towards the kitchen, so he began hurriedly fixing Makoto the milk he'd requested earlier. It was a messy process, as his wide, disbelieving eyes were locked on the new arrival... who was, as Teruteru feared, digging a muffin out of the trash can, brushing it off as best he could, and then digging into it with hungry gusto. Insistently, Teruteru **** the glass of milk on the other young man, shivering at the idea of eating a charcoal brick after a sprint without anything to wash it down.

Watching this, there was no part of Teruteru that thought he was still watching satisfied customers wolfing down a surprisingly palatable meal. Was he being pranked... by the ice queen Kyoko Kirigiri, of all people? If so, wasn't this a little far for one?

Kyoko referred to the friendly suggestions on the menu as if they were "rules" she was required to follow in this cafe. He'd seen Kyoko and Makoto both going out of their way to tell all of their friends about the menu before going out of their way to "enjoy" the worst meal Teruteru had ever tried to throw away. Teruteru almost wanted to take a picture of their smiling faces so he could prove to himself it wasn't a dream, later.

Makoto wiped burnt flakes and a milk moustache away before smiling at his friends. "That was pretty good, huh, Kyoko?"

She coughed dryly, then sipped more of her tea, urgently. She lowered the cup, then smiled. "Yes, I enjoyed it. We do need to be off, though. This has taken a bit longer than usual. We'll see you tomorrow, Teruteru?"

Still dumbfounded, Teruteru couldn't quite manage a smile. "Yeah... I'll have a new daily special."

"I can't wait!" Makoto apparently genuine enthusiasm, grabbing his books along with Kyoko as the two of them hurried on to their next appointment.

Those words and the incident weighed on Teruteru as he began cleaning up the mess of burnt flakes. He tried to remember back to exactly how he'd found that chalkboard. He never saw who delivered it, and it was an unmarked package along with several colors of chalk. He was assuming it was just a late arrival for his lab equipment, and calling it a secret weapon had really been a stretch... but was there something to it, after all? Something that could have implications beyond simply making his cafe successful? A chalk board with magic powers would hardly be the weirdest thing he'd seen at this Academy. If it was real... His mind began to race with the possibilities.

Instead of jumping to conclusions, he ought to try testing it. But he wouldn't have any customers again until tomorrow...

Or would he? As he looked to the doorway, it seemed Kyoko and Makoto's strange advertisement had hooked a curious potential customer or two.