Tell the neighbors I'm not sorry if I'm breaking walls down

“I don’t believe this!” Danielle slammed her fist on the table so hard her laptop nearly jumped. “How could anyone be that fucking stupid?!”

“Dani? Everything alright down there?” Her mom called up from the kitchen.

Shit made too much noise. “Yeah, mom, I’m fine,” she called back. “Just… you know. People are being assholes again.”

“Well, please don’t break anything, okay? You know we can’t afford to buy you another laptop after what you did to the last one.”

Danielle blushed, glancing over at the laptop-sized hole in the wall of her bedroom.

But it wasn’t her fault! She wasn’t the one in the wrong here, it was those fucking morons! What the hell were they talking about?!

Risa is the absolute worst choice to end up with Naoya! She frantically typed into her keyboard. She’s spoiled and bossy and treats him like shit! It’s been over 150 chapters and she hasn’t grown at all!

She saw the names of several people on the server typing as she prepared for the eventual rebuttal.

TwintailsGal: Risa is great though! She’s so cute!

NumberOneBaby: #FirstGirlWins

Ohime-san: Miku was doomed from the start, childhood friends always lose. Get over it.

Cherned: Lol get rekt Mikucucks

Dani suppressed a growl. Didn’t these idiots understand how stupid they were?! Miku and Naoya were meant to be! She’d faithfully supported him ever since they were children! When no one else thought he could make it as a basketball player, she was there to encourage him and tell him how much she believed in him! And now, what? Just because that blonde twintailed tsundere showed up and got between the two of them, all that hard work was for nothing? Fucking bullshit!

This writer is a hack! She wrote. Miku was rigged from the start! The only reason Naoya even fell for Risa in the first place is because the author needed it to happen! There’s nothing organic about their relationship at all, they don’t have any chemistry together! From the very first chapter, Miku and Naoya showed how much they cared about one another and how devoted they were! Any decent writer who knows anything about relationships could see that they’re the ones meant to be together, not Naoya and that abusive tsundere!

Well… Dani wasn’t one to talk. She was 28 and her dating life was nonexistent. Hell, she didn’t really have a social life period.

Laughter from the trolls and Risa stans were blowing up her screen, so she logged off. This always happened. She’d find a chat group for her favorite series, and everything would be going great. Then inevitably the ship wars would start, and everything would get ruined as people got vicious defending their “best girl”.

If only they could understand why Miku was better than the other girls in Naoya’s harem, then they wouldn’t have this problem. If only the author wasn’t trying to **** a bad ending and just chose the right route.

Shit like this was why Dani preferred dating sims. There, she could seduce as many women as she wanted, and pick the ending SHE wanted. And besides… it was way easier than trying to go out into the dating world.

As far as no-life shut-ins go, Dani actually looked pretty good. Because she knew how to take care of herself. The few times a week she deigned to leave her parents’ basement was to go to the gym, where she worked hard at making sure her body was as toned and muscular as it had been in her days on the track team. She’d had bigger muscles than even the guys she knew, and had never had trouble making friends back then thanks to her boyish good looks and fun personality. If only she'd realized her sexuality earlier, she could have been swimming in pussy. Fortunately, her isolation hadn't worn away at those qualities. If she put some effort into it, then maybe winning over some cute girls wouldn’t be out of the question. After all, with her blue pixie cut she looked like she’d walked out of magazine labeled “Lesbians Monthly”.

But no. She couldn’t bring herself to do it. Even when that nice girl had said hello to her at the bench press the other day, she’d only been able to mumble something out.

After all, what did she even have to offer anybody? Her body? Anime critique? She hadn’t picked up her drawing pencils in years. Not after... that.

Dang… if I knew it was going to be this rough, maybe I could have stuck it out at that arts school, she thought, staring up at the flickering ceiling bulb in her basement bedroom.

Maybe I would have actually been able to make some friends, instead of messing everything up and running away.

When her mother came down a few hours later to check on her unemployed daughter, she found the basement empty.

The second Sylvia had said the word “brawn” Nick knew exactly who she was talking about. Danielle Montenue, his best friend in high school. And certainly, that was the name that left Sylvia’s lips seconds later.

Danielle, or Dani as she liked to be called, had never rejected him directly. Rather, their relationship ended because she had (correctly) suspected he’d developed a crush on her. And because she’d been grappling with her sexuality at the time, she absolutely did NOT want to deal with that shit. So she’d ghosted him.

Now there she was, just as tough and beautiful as he remembered, even in sweatpants and a wifebeater. (Oh, who was he kidding? Showing off her toned arms like that made her look hotter!) She looked around, confused.

“What the heck?”

“Greetings, Danielle Montenue! Or should I call you Dani?” Sylvia asked.

“Dani? Danielle Montenue?” Dawn leaned forward, surprised. “I remember you, from the grade above us!”

“Oh!” Dani brightened. “Yeah, you were that genius girl, what was your name again? Something with a D…”

“Dawn Willowbrook. Doctor, now.”

“Sweet!” Dani offered her a crooked grin.

Sylvia cleared her throat to get the girl’s attention. “Dani here was the star runner of her school’s track team thanks to her height, and due to her talent with drawing got a full scholarship to an art school across the country. But unfortunately, she dropped out after a month. Now she lives in her parents’ basement!”

Dani’s smile sank off her face.

“But that’s all in the past! Now, you’ve been selected as a contestant on the greatest program ever aired! Welcome to 'Harem Hotel: Island Holiday Season'!”

The applause. That fucking applause. It was going to drive Nick insane. It was SO staged and SO fake he just couldn’t-

…Focus, moron.

“Harem Hotel?” Dani leaned forward, surprised. “Wait, is this shit like… what? We’re going to be competing to be in some dude’s harem or something?”

Sylvia scowled, disappointed at not getting the chance to break the news herself. “…Well, yes. But not ‘some dude’. I think you’ll recognize the ‘dude’ whose harem you’ll be joining, right there.” She pointed her cane to Nick. Not knowing how to greet his former friend, he just awkwardly waved at her.

“…Huh. Hey.” Her wave was just as awkward. At least she didn’t seem that upset.

“I’m glad to see you’re taking this so well,” Sylvia said. “Given your… preferences, I thought you might put up a bit of a fight about it.”

Or at least act a little surprised! She silently added. Who the hell just treats something like this as fucking normal?

“Well, shit like this happens all the time in anime,” Dani shrugged. “And yeah, I’m not crazy about having to be in Nick’s harem, but like… better him than some other guy, right?”

She gave him a shy smile that clashed completely with her tomboy charms.

“We had our issues, but… I know he respects me for who I am.”

Nick felt a twinge in his heart. At the time, Dani’s rebuffing of his feelings had stung, since she’d been his best friend. Even now, he still cared about her. But romance? She was a lesbian! And there was no way he’d ever disrespect that, just because Sylvia was going to **** him to have a harem.

…W-Well, he wouldn’t do that to the other girls, either, of course. Gina and Dawn didn’t deserve to be his sex slaves!

“Deserve” to be your sex slaves? A voice in the back of his mind questioned, and he flinched.

Sylvia, on the other hand, was feeling positively sickened by all the friendship and bonding going on here. “As I was saying,” she scowled, “on Harem Hotel, you and these other girls will be competing for your place in Nick’s harem. I’ll explain the finer details once the rest of the competitors are here, but until then, just sit back, relax, and get to know the others!”

Dani nodded. She glanced at the girls. Dawn was still cute, even if she was a little short, and the other girl… she looked like a bit of a wild one. Seeing her state of undress made Dani shiver. Then she realized she was dressed like a slob herself, and felt ashamed.

“Hey there,” the black-haired girl waved at her. “Name’s Gina.”

“Danielle,” Dani greeted her. “But you can call me Dani.”

“…Cool,” Gina nodded. Then she turned to Dawn. “Hey, so… you said you were a doctor, right?”

“That’s correct,” Dawn said, adjusting her glasses. “But I’m a veterinarian. I can’t help you with your… problems.”

“Nah, nah, just… since you’re a doctor and all, that means you can write me a prescription, right? ‘Cause I could really use some oxy right now…” She was shaking. Dawn was aghast.

“Are you crazy? I would never prescribe a **** like that for recreational use!” She exclaimed.

“Hey, come on! That shit’s great! Are you seriously telling me you’ve never done any of that before?” Gina was the one who looked insulted, insulted at the fact that Dawn was a responsible enough doctor to not pop pills.

“I’ve never even had so much as a drop of ****,” Dawn sniffed. “Inhibiting my faculties like that would be akin to puncturing a hole in your lifeboat.”

“…Your loss, doc,” Gina sighed, shaking her head. “But come on, you gotta have SOMETHING in that coat of yours, I need it!”

“Absolutely not!”

Dani kept up her shaky smile. When she’d been thinking about making friends, these weren’t the kind of girls she had in mind.

“Now then,” Sylvia said, turning back to the audience, “while these three ladies get acquainted, I think it’s time we meet the next member of Nick’s harem! This one’s for all you losers jerking off out there!” She winked.