What I Want Tonight

So I kissed him.

I stepped forward into him and pressed my lips against his. I crushed my little body against him, my arms pressed and almost folded over me as I felt a tremble wash over my body, running up and down me as I closed the distance between us and I kissed him.

I kissed my landlord. I kissed him with all the potent urgency I could manage.

Lucas froze a little, stiffening a bit when my lips connected with him. He tensed and I couldn’t see it but I could feel his hands twitching, his fists balling and unballing as his arms stood out to either side of me. And I could feel his hard body flexing beside me, could feel his confusion giving him that moment of pause even though we both, truly, knew what it was that we wanted.

Lucas wanted me. Why wouldn’t he? I was young and cute and adorable and sexy. I was easy to throw around, to bounce up and down, and with all of the strength he had going for him he could give me a real good time.

And in another life and a potential future he had. Made me his little baby while I let him be my sugar daddy. Buy me nice things, take me nice places, let me be beautiful on his arm.

I didn’t want any of that now, not tonight. That wasn’t what I needed from tonight. I just needed to live a moment without regrets, like he said, and I knew that if I didn’t kiss him I would regret it tonight when I was in my bed.

“Oh god,” I mewled against his lips, “Touch me, please.”

“Emily,” Lucas groans, his body twitching as his hands reached for me and then finally grasped my shoulders only to pull me back from him, “What are you doing?”

I smiled. What else was I supposed to do? The man looked positively stunned at everything that had just happened and he looked positively uncertain with me. Eyes wide and mouth practically falling open but I could feel in the tight tension of his hands that he wanted me, that the only thing holding him back from me was the simple fact that he knew he ought to.

That it was the right thing to do in the eyes of society, because a man like him would only ever be seen as taking advantage of an innocent young thing like me.

“Living without regrets,” I told him, “Like you said.”

“I didn’t say to kiss me,” he countered, but I shook my head.

“You didn’t, but you also didn’t say not to. I want to kiss you. I want to feel you. I want to know you. And Lucas, I think you want to know me too.”

My hand was shaking and trembling a little as I removed it from its current place on my chest and reached out. Extending in the distance between us until it touched him in his chest and pressed into the wide flat of it, feeling the pounding beat of his heart beneath my palm.

“Don’t you?” I asked him.

His turn to shake his head now, as he replied, “Emily.”

But his tone was odd, something between a dismissal and a begging plea for me not to tempt him I think. Something in it hard to pin down, which I think hit the nail on the head here for him.

Lucas didn’t know what he wanted, wasn’t certain what the right choice was here. I mean a nubile young freshman throwing herself at a man old enough to be her father? The right thing to do was pretty obvious but the fun thing to do was the exact opposite of it.

And right from the beginning, right from our first meeting earlier today, it was clear he was thinking about that possibility and weighing it out. Hell, this afternoon he’d almost made a move on me and at least half the words he’d said to me since had been flirting in one way or another.

Lucas might not know what he wanted, but I did.

And all he needed to get on my level was the slightest little push.

Specifically the push of my hand sliding down his body, my fingers catching on his belt and then pushing down even further until my palm slid over and cupped the throbbing bulge between his legs and gave a little squeeze while I bit my bottom lip and raised one eyebrow.

“I think,” I said when he groaned at the touch of me, “I think I know just what it is you want.”

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