Goodbye to Chances

The campsite was quiet, late into the night when the sky was blue and the crescent moon shine bright, accompanied by thousands of glitterbugs glistening in the deep blue sky, only the breeze of the wind would howl through the darkness. Dimyri felt her ear flick as she caught wind of a rustling noise, like dry leaves crushed under someones weight. It woke her, rather cautious and for good reason, she sat up from her blanket and was met with Emyri's paw covering her mouth. Her mother leaned in, shook her head and gestured for her to be quiet. Releasing her mouth, she spread open the entrance flaps of their tent as Dimyri shrunk into her feline form, a rather timid cat covered in caramel fur, and snuck her way outside into the cool wet atmosphere.

Any attempts to sneak up on a feline in the dark were futile, something she kept in mind to comfort her nervousness as her bright yellow eyes allowed her to see no shadows within the darkness. Cats do not know of the dark, for they are accustomed to find shelter amongst the night. Looking around, she tilted her furry head side to side scanning the area and spying nothing but a series of tents placed up with the soft snoring of her many friends and family sleeping away. She walked carefully as she explored, her paws catching wet from the mild dew held in each blade of grass, thankful that her fur kept her warm despite the conditions of the environment.

Her ears sprang upward as another rustling sound was made, this time to her right. She lept toward the sound, hopping over a tent and crawling through foilage, running into the large trees surrounding them. She steered to a stop when she found him, a tired man fumbling with his bag, adjusting the sling that went over his shoulder as he did a poor job of handling it. Her ears dropped as Dimyri felt rather annoyed and frustrated with this one, walking around him when he paused and turned his head.

"Oh, it's you." He muttered, a hint of exhaustion expressed through his tone. He didn't turn around, keeping his back to her as she transformed back into her Nekomata form. "I didn't mean to wake anyone."

"You know we're not the only animals sleeping in the woods. What if a wild cat found you instead, or a bear? Just one snatch of your neck and you would become it's next meal."

"The only cats and bear that I am aware of are sleeping back at camp, I hope." He knelt down, tying the strap of his shoe before standing up. Staring at the partial moon, he inhaled deeply feeling his lungs expand and stretching his nerves, rolling his shoulders back once or twice.

"Raz, what are you doing? You can't keep doing stunts like these, go back to bed."

"This is it, this is as far as I go with you."

Dimyri rolled her eyes, stepping forward until she stood next to him. Raz pointed forward, aimed where the grassy plains became a dirt road leading toward several blocks of buildings and houses. Some laterns were kept lit to keep certain animals away, the torchlight reflecting off the windows and porches of several houses. All of its markets and shops that they could see were closed for the night, for all their owners were sleeping. Somewhere in that village would lie the wooden sign that curved around the main entrance with a familiar name welcoming it's newest customers.

"Kershin Market." Raz spoke in a soft tone. "That's where your friends are heading, yes? And if we follow that path over there, it should lead to your human friend's home. Rather, what remains of her home after we burned it down."

"Raz-"

"I am as much to blame as my father is, I accept that. Please, don't patronize me."

"I wasn't, Raz you don't have to blame yourself for what Perdilius did. You proved you can be better than him, you are better. You helped us stop him, saved my life even! You saved all our lives, we owe you for that."

"I don't expect them to forgive me. I hope they don't."

Dimyri angrily huffed, walking backwards in a fit of frustration. "Why do you do this to yourself? What is it about hurting your-your self-esteem and ego, do you want to be the victim?"

Raz turned around, locking eyes with her. She paused, despite being annoyed with him it was his eyes that removed angry thoughts from her head. Not eyes of beauty, but rather pity and sorrow. They were eyes that kept a lot of regrets in his soul, many that she could not understand.

"Do you remember the night after your sisters turned themselves in? I was baffled. My dad had taught me, well he embedded the idea into my head that your kind were animals, savages, monsters imitating our appearance as a way to appeal and deceive us. But then they rescued you from the hunter, and rescued your sister from us. Even then, you had the opportunity to continue running but instead of leaving your mother behind, you turned yourselves in."

He wiped his nose, sniffling as he felt the cold was giving him a runny nose. One exhale and he could see his breath escape him, like a part of his soul was leaving his body.

Raz turned his back to her once more, staring out to the far away sight of the sleeping village. "I didn't understand why, it was an enimga to me. Then I volunteered to capture you myself and we met in the forest. I was so close, so close to succeeding. Then you threw your life into my hands, risking everything in order to gain the advantage. That's when I realized, that's when I understood. You weren't running away or fighting back to save us, you were doing it to save the others. You never had any intention of running forever, you were stalling for time to think. This whole time you were fighting for them, running for them, you had each other."

Dimyri didn't know what to say, uncertain of the direction this conversation was heading. Her body was beginning to shiver, crossing her arms and rubbing her waist with her tails from opposite sides to add friction for warmth.

"I on the other hand have no one, no place to call home. No person to call friend, no blood to call family. I am alone, and I fear that in truth I have just come to realize that this is no new change in my life. Do you remember what you asked me then?"

"Why did you do it?" She repeated as the familiarity of the situation approached her.

"I thought I did it for him, now I believe I did it for me. I wanted to be... useful. I wanted a purpose, something to accomplish. I wanted to matter." He looked down at his hands, his eyes scanning the intricate design of the tattoos inked under each palm. "I don't know how to control this, and I don't know where my purpose lies now."

Dimyri looked over, following his gaze. "What now?"

"A wise woman said to me 'better to move on then to stay here'. I think I'll do that."

"Maybe stay for the night, we can say goodbye when we're-"

"They want me gone, Dimyri. I can tell, the way they look at me. I can see them whispering and glancing back, it's not fun for me to live through. I do appreciate what you've done for me, but it's better this way."

Dimyri sighed, closing her eyes and turning around with her paws to her chest. "Why do things get complicated like this? Is this what being a human is like, or are all species like this? Do all animals behave the same, do they endure these moments in their lives? I-I want things to be better, I want to have the answers but I can't. Things aren't easy or simple, but maybe-maybe if you stay a little longer, we can change their minds. We can show them you're better, show them you can change, that you have changed. We-we can-"

She heard the crunching sound of shoes stepping on dry leaves before feeling a warmth surround her, opening her eyes rewarded her with the image of Raz hugging her. She froze, her mind wandering to decide how she should respond. His chest was pressed to her back, she could feel his heart beating fast against her.

Words didn't matter, she knew better as she closed her eyes and pressed back. Maybe she didn't need to change him, or change how others felt. That was too far from her control, she had to accept that. As difficult as it was to admit, many of her clutter would feel safer without him.

"Thank you." He whispered to her ear.

She nodded as he pulled back, adjusting his bag and fastening the strap around his arm. He spun around, breathed in, and began to walk on his way. She spun around, watching him disappear down the hill on his way toward the market village. Would he be stopping there, no. Most likely he will continue walking, she wondered where his destination would end. For a moment she stood alone in the dark, surrounded by fog, contemplating and doubting herself. She should have said something, asked him to stay, but then she asked herself why it was important for him to stay.

As she sunk to her knees, she understood her mistake. She sucked in her breath, feeling her heart begin to shrivel, her lip quivering, her cat ears flattened against her hair and her tails losing strength and collapsing on the damp grass like a wet cape. She never asked, she had so many opportunities yet she stayed distance and avoided the topic. Burying her head in her paws, she began to weep in silence.

"Why did you save me?" She asked aloud, cursing herself for not having the courage to ask before. Did he like her, could she like him back? Was there more to their story, or was that the end of it? She quietly begged to know more, fearing for what the future may hold for her.

The feeling of a warm blanket around her spooked her, she gasped and looked up to meet her mothers eyes. Emyri simply hugged her oldest daughter tight, letting her turn around so she may sob into her chest hoping no one would hear. She calmly rubbed her back and kissed her head, reassuring her that it will be alright.