What The Fuck Was That?

At this point I think she’s got to be second guessing things. I know I would at any time in my life and frankly there have been times in my life where I have been absolutely **** for friends that I would take on nearly anyone.

Near as I can tell this is how it looked from an outsider perspective.

Rachel walks up to me and catches me on my phone. We have a little surreptitious chat and she asks for my number. I bumble about getting my phone out and hand it over to her and in the process our fingers brush against one another.

I blink. I open my eyes. I trip and nearly hit the ground and stumble into a recovery, blushing and flushed and embarrassed beyond belief.

That’s the outward appearance, inward is something else. Something I cannot even begin to understand.

Rachel is talking to me while she keys her number into my phone. She’s asking if I’m okay and I’m reassuring her that I am and I’m trying to hide into the bundle of clothing that I’m wearing and doing my best not to look at her because I looked once, when I returned back to the real world, and only saw the look she gave me the moment before I sat on her face and made her make me cum.

I can’t look at her while processing that, so I have to look anywhere else instead and when she hands over my phone I have to do my damndest to not touch her one bit as I take it back from her, plucking it from her fingers like she or it is radioactive.

Deep breath now. Let’s figure this out.

The vision I’d had felt too real to be anything but that, but it was out of this time. It was sometime in the future, in the era and the time that I’d come from. I could remember all those years where we had been friends and been… close.

And there was this familiar sensation to it, something much like the visions that I’d had in the tent before this whole adventure had even begun. Something that made me feel like this was the reality, or a reality. Or maybe…

Maybe that was my future. Maybe that was Emily’s future. She was going to be with Rachel, in a way, and have a whole lot of fun along the way. She was going to have a friend and something more, a friend with benefits?

That could be fun.

But I couldn’t be sure that it was real and I couldn’t let myself hope that it would be. I mean I wanted that. That kind of future was practically my fucking dream, right? So why did it feel kind of hollow?

The dream or vision or whatever it was, that was a whole lot of fun. But that version of Emily in the future was all caught up between what she wanted and what she had and she didn’t know how to make sense of it. As fun as that was and as much fun as it offered, the feelings that Emily had for that Rachel weren’t… they weren’t the same as what I’d always dreamed of with her.

Sexual attraction, not romantic love. There was a difference and one was missing.

But it didn’t matter. It confused me and it made it hard to look her in the eye and as we stumbled along through the rest of the tour it was even more difficult to keep up conversation with her as my mind kept on drifting back to the beauty that she was beneath me.

I wanted that future but didn’t at the same time and I didn’t really know how to process that.

So I do what I do best and I let it slip into the back of my mind. I draw my clothing a little deeper around me as a guard and I keep the conversation as minimal as I can, hoping that I’m not eliminating the possibility entirely but not opening myself up to it at the same time.

And as boy-Kim and girl-Kim go through their carefully rehearsed tour I do my best not to let it occupy my mind. And of course I fail miserably at that.

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