When I Come Around

As much as he loved his life in New York CIty, there was one thing from his youth upstate that Jake missed with all his heart; a simple, cleansing, ritual that, for all its near infinite access to nearly anything the human heart could desire, he simply couldn’t get in the city without a lot of travel, planning and hassle.

Jake loved fishing.

Out on the water, there were no earnings manipulation requests or rivals gunning for his position. There were no harems, or transformed loved ones or sexual temptations he knew he shouldn’t have given into. Here there was only water, fair weather, a case of beer and a line to watch.

He leaned back in his little boat, feeling it rock back and forth. He hadn’t put it far out to sea; had in fact kept it tied to the pier, for fear of drifting too far out in waters he’d no familiarity with at all. He wasn’t entirely sure he could even get any fish this far inland, but in a way, that wasn’t even the point. Emptying his mind and relaxing was.

Hell, the only thing he needed was a radio and a baseball game.

“You drinkin’ that beer or eloping with it?” A voice called from behind him.

It was the only interloper he’d have allowed at the moment, and he turned to see AJ standing on the pier in a pair of denim cutoffs and a tube top.

“AJ!” He greeted, with a wave, “Let me row back in, and you can come join me.”

He did and she lowered herself down into the boat.

“Been looking all over for you,” She said, helping herself to one of his glass bottles. “Even tried ringing your room.”

“Did it occur to you that I didn’t really wanna be found?” He asked.

“You don’t seem too torn up about it.”

Jake shrugged.

“It’s you. It’s fine,” He said, hopefully settling the matter. “Is anything on fire in my absence?”

AJ snorted.

“I think this whole thing’s been a slow burn since it started,” She quipped. “But no. Nothing more’n the usual’s gone sideways. Just wanting to check up on you.”

“I’m doing fine,” Jake lied, “Just looking for some peace and quiet’s all.”

“You got another line?” She asked, poking around and finding one before he could point it out for her.

Soon they were sitting back to back in the small boat, her fishing out the back and him the front in a companionable silence.

“I slept with Farra,” He said finally.

She jerked against him.

“No shit?” She asked.

Jake nodded, not turning to look at her. Somehow, this confession was easier when he was looking at the open ocean instead of his friend.

“Yeah,” He sighed. “She came on really hard. I tried…well…It was…”

“Hey man, don’t sweat it,” AJ said. “I bet she’s damn persuasive.”

“You have no idea,” Jake groaned. “Especially with two of her to do it with.”

AJ let out a low, impressed whistle, then went quiet. Jake rocked with the waves as he summoned up the courage to ask the question burning on his brain.

“Am I an asshole?”

AJ considered that for a moment.

“Why are you asking?”

It was about the last answer he’d been prepared for. He finally turned, sitting sideways in the little boat so he could see his friend. She was looking at him intently, but her angular face was a mask.

“I…uh…what do you mean?”

AJ rolled her shoulder, stretching.

“You’re asking me if you’re an asshole,” AJ said. “I don’t think anyone can answer that one way or the other, so I wanna know why you think you might be.”

It was a good point. What they’d done had been consensual enough. If he was beating himself up, it was worth asking why.

“Ryan,” He admitted with a sigh. “I fucked his mom. Like, for real fucked his mom, not Xbox trash talk fucked his mom.”

“Her,” AJ corrected him. “She wants to be a her now.”

“I know, I know,” Jake sighed. “I guess that’s what’s bothering me. I’ve known Ryan as long as I’ve known anyone, and I can’t help but feel like I…betrayed her, or something.”

He shook his head.

AJ gave him an annoyed look.

“You didn’t betray Ryan. She doesn’t own her mom,” She said. “Hell, nobody owns that woman. Just come clean with her and if she gives you a lot of shit about it, send her to me.”

“You’re right. I still feel like I did something wrong, but you’re right,” Jake said with a sigh. “Just tell me I’m not a piece of shit, okay?”

“You’re not a piece of shit,” AJ said, putting an arm around him. “And you know damn well I’d tell you if I thought you were.”

Jake relaxed.

“Thanks, AJ,” He said. “I know this is a fucked up thing to say, since I’d never wish any of this on any of you but…I’m really glad you’re here.”

“I know what you mean,” AJ agreed, giving him a squeeze. “I’m glad it’s you we gotta do this for, too. The wrong person would **** this shit, but that ain’t you.”

She went back to her line, casting it out again. After a time, she said.

“So she came onto you, huh?”

Jake chuckled and shook his head.

“God yeah. Threw herself…her selves...at me.”

AJ grunted.

“I’m kinda jealous,” She admitted. “Although…I do wonder what her angle was.”

Jake snapped his head around.

“Angle? What do you mean, angle?”

She gave him a skeptical look over the bridge of her sunglasses.

“I mean, c’mon man,” AJ said. “If she threw herself at you, she wanted something out of it.”

“Yeah…she’s…y’know…woman. And I’m a man, right. She’s got, y’know, appetite, again, and whatnot,” He stammered.

AJ looked unimpressed.

“She tell you all that?”

She laughed when he reddened, but put a hand on his shoulder.

“Relax, man. I’m sure she wanted to hook up. That’s not what I meant,” She said a bit more softly. “But she’s just so driven. Something’s gotta be going on there, too.”

Jake sighed.

“Have you seen Ryan, by the way?” He asked, changing the subject. “I’m worried about…her. Real worried.”

AJ frowned.

“Me too. And no, I haven’t. It’s kinda freaky that she’s been a ghost for this long,” AJ said.

“I’m supposed to see her tonight,” Jake said. “She’s my ‘date’ this evening.”

At this, AJ visibly relaxed, then laughed.

“Holy shit. That’s a huge relief.”

Jake looked at her quizacly, a little flower of hope blooming.

“What do you mean?”

“She just had her makeover, right?” AJ said, “I know we heard they were doing it. She’s probably just laying low to do a big reveal when you see her the first time.”

It was Jake’s turn to breath relief.

“You’re probably right,” He said, “Man I hadn’t even thought of that.”

AJ stood up, stretching.

“Come find me tomorrow,” She said, “Tell me how it went. Hell, bring her if you’d like.”

Jake looked up at her.

“Why? Where are you off to?”

“I…uh…made some plans for dinner,” She said.

“Oh yeah? Who with?” Jake asked.

“Oh, y’know…some of the girls,” AJ said. “Dinner. Drinks. You know the drill.”

Well, that’s a bunch of bullshit, Jake thought, but decided not to press her on it for now. It seemed disrespectful to pry after she’d helped him out so much.

For now, he wanted to get back to fishing.

*****

He’d been out too long, and as he made his way back to the hotel, he could feel it. The sun was setting and the air growing cooler, but his skin was hot and obviously burned. Not for the first time in his life, or even the first time after a day of fishing, Jake cursed his fair complexion.

As he climbed a wooden staircase that led toward the main complex, he caught sight of another passerby; green hair flowing down around a worn out t-shirt, wearing nothing below the waist but a flowery pair of bikini bottoms.

“Hey! Lindsey!” He called.

She turned her head, then waved. She started to go back on her way, but he waved her over, and she came trotting up to him.

“Hey, you got a second?” He asked.

“Squigglefuck, burkball!” She said with a smile.

“Uh…what?” He asked, confused.

Lindsey sighed and shook her head, holding up a finger. She reached into the messenger bag she wore and withdrew a notepad. He took it from her.

“Lurk sunk bork tick. Iggle swizz burps…” He began to read aloud, “Lindsey, what’s going on here?”

“Cockswatter!” She swore, and before he could stop her, pounced at him.

Their faces met in a clumsy kiss. He pulled her off of him quickly, but not before he felt her tongue dance along with his for a tantalizing moment.

“What is wrong with you?” He asked, then looked down at the notepad.

Suddenly, the words on it made perfect sense.

You can’t hear me right. It’s one of my curses. Everything I say is going to come out as gibberish. You have to kiss me, open mouthed first.

“Oh…shit. I’m sorry,” He said.

“It’s not your fault,” She sighed. “I hate that fucking curse.”

“Why on earth did you take it, then?” Jake asked.

She shrugged.

“I needed a lot of points in a hurry. That one was worth a fuckton of em.”

Lindsey’s hair had become tangled in the impromptu face smash, and she brushed it back over her shoulder.

“Anyways, what’s up?”

“Uh, yeah, about those points,” He said, collecting himself. “You were gonna spend them on Ryan, right? That’s why you needed so many? I heard you were taking him…her shopping.”

Lindsey hesitated, then nodded.

“Yeah. That was the idea, at least,” She said.

Lindsey: Ryan’s Rescue +5 VP

Jake nodded.

“Well, I wanted to thank you for that. It means a lot that you’d…y’know, do that for him and all,” He said.

She smiled.

“No biggy. I like her a lot,” She said. “And anyways, I actually didn’t have to spend all that much. It was Leah that did most of it.”

“Oh yeah? What happened?”

She considered that, then shook her head.

“You’re gonna see her tonight, right?” Lindsey asked. “Let her tell you. It’s really more her story than mine.”

Now Jake was really intrigued. But he only nodded, accepting the suggestion.

“I guess. Is she…doing okay?”

Lindsey shrugged.

“Way better now, but she might be a bit of a mess when you see her. She went and spent the night with her Mom so they could catch up,” She said. “Can’t tell you how that all went, but I reckon she probably can.”

Jake nodded.

“Guess I’ll have to see her to figure it all out,” He said. “Anyway, thanks for looking out for her.”

Lindsey waved that off and made some modest Midwest noises. Jake turned to leave, but she called out to him.

“Hey, Jake?” She asked.

He turned to find her staring at him, an odd look in her eyes.

“What’s up?” He asked.

She hesitated for a moment, then reached out to grab his hand and pulled it to her lips, kissing it. She let go, and Jake watched, bemused.

“Uh..what was that for?”

She gave him a big, earnest smile.

“Oh it’s this whole thing I picked up when I was in…Mongolia,” She said. “A good luck thing. Don’t worry about it.”

She waved.

“Give Lacy my love!” She said, before rushing off.

Jake watched her run back toward the main complex, where he knew she shared her room with Ryan.

What a weird, weird girl, He thought. And who the hell is Lacy?

*****

When his elevator opened a short time later, Jake found himself greeted by a very beautiful stranger. She sat on a loveseat facing the door, her head buried in her phone. She looked up as he stepped into the suite.

Jake’s first thought was that he absolutely had to stop meeting people like this. His second, coming shortly on its heels, was that while she was certainly pretty, he had no idea who she was. Only then, belatedly, did understanding dawn.

“Oh my god…” He muttered.

She was beautiful. Boyish, in some indefinable way, and not just because of her short, unruly hair, but beautiful in spite (and maybe even because) of that. Non-white in some capacity, which might have been hard to distinguish had Jake not known perfectly well where it came from.

Her long legs were crossed in front of her, clad in a short denim skirt and dark hose that were strategically run and torn. A pair of red suspenders looped over a black and red t-shirt.

Her green eyes, which stood out with lovely incongruity from her otherwise darker features, shone up at him with expectant shyness.

“Ryan?” He asked, just as he was beginning to doubt his own judgment.

The woman shook her head.

“It’s Lacy now,” She said, and Jake finally understood.

More than understood. Something inside of Jake shifted at the mention of her name. This was no longer Ryan, who was calling herself Lacy. She simply was Lacy. He didn’t forget his friend, and knew that at one point in the past, Lacy had been him. But any lingering doubts as to whether or not his friend was a woman vanished, along with his ability to see her for anything other than what she now was.

Lacy furrowed her eyebrows, crossing her arms beneath her breasts.

“Well, don’t gawk!” She said. “Are you gonna fucking stand there or are you gonna offer me a drink?”

“Uh, yeah, sure…” he said, starting toward the kitchen.

He felt uneasy as he fetched first two beers, then a six pack from one of the refrigerators. What was the angle here? Was she going to try to throw herself at him like Farra had? Wearily, he headed up the stairs.

“So, hey, listen,” Jake said as he climbed back up to his suite. “What do you uh…wanna do tonight? Because I’m not sure I’m really ready for anything, y’know…like, physical or whatever.”

Lacy baled her skirt hem in her fists.

“God…fucking damnit, Jake,” She said, her voice cracking.

“I…I’m sorry!” he said, quickly, not really knowing precisely what he was apologizing for.

She shook her head.

“You know what I want? I want to hang out with my best friend,” She said. “My friend I’ve barely even seen since all this shit happened to me.”

Jake slumped.

He’d been so fixated on Farra making him an asshole that he hadn’t even thought about Lacy. Of course she’d wanted to spend time with him. She’d been his best friend since they’d learned how to speak.

And what had he done? Avoided her.

Jake sat next to her, putting his arm over her shoulder. She looked at it awkwardly at first, but then leaned into it.

“I’m sorry, Lacy,” He said. “I’ve been really fucking selfish when it comes to you.”

“It’s okay,” Lacy sniffed.

“No…it’s not,” Jake said. “You needed me, and I was worse than not around. I was avoiding you.”

“No, I get it,” Lacy said, sniffing as she wiped her eyes. “You had Emily and Megan to worry about. And AJ. I get it.”

Jake scoffed.

“I’ve needed AJ more than she’s needed me,” He said. “But look…I’m really, really sorry.”

Lacy shook her head furiously.

“I know. You didn’t…it’s fine,” She said.

She was starting to compose herself, now.

“Goddamnit…this isn’t how this was supposed to go.”

“How was it supposed to go?” Jake asked, giving her a squeeze.

“I just wanted to come up here and get drunk and play pool or something,” She said. “Hang out. Do friend things.”

As she said it, Jake realized just how damn good that sounded. It wasn’t just Lacy who needed him. He kind of needed her, too.

“I’ve got an idea,” he said. “Why don’t we head down to my game room. We can get drunk, play some pool and hang out.”

Jake put his hand on hers and gave it a squeeze.

“Y’know…friend things.”

*****

It was the pool that did the trick. That and a whole lot of beer.

“How do you suck this bad when we’ve been playing this long?” Lacy asked.

Jake’s ball bounced off one end of the table, barely grazed the ball he’d been intending to hit, and careened into one of his opponent’s to drop it neatly into the side pocket. He shook his head with a laugh.

“How are you still surprised when you’ve been kicking my ass for so long?” He countered,waving a hand toward the table. “Go on, put me out of my misery.”

Lacy shook her head.

“You know the rules. Pay your penance.”

Jake sighed and took a long swig of the cold beer bottle, draining about a quarter of it before setting it back on the end table. He wiped his mouth. It was beginning to go to his head.

“This room is pretty sweet,” Lacy admitted, admiring the dedicated gaming room the showrunners had set up for them. “Kinda beats the place back home, huh?”

Jake shook his head.

“Listen, my place is way too small for what it costs, but I’d burn this whole island for everyone to go back unscathed.”

“Fuuuck ooooooff,” Lacy groaned. “No show talk, Jesus Christ.”

She took a long pull from her own bottle, then prodded her midriff and let out a very unladylike belch.

Jake couldn’t help but marvel a bit. Yeah, this was his friend alright. No doubt about it.

“Why Lacy?” He asked, the thought escaping his lips before he could stop it. “It’s a really delicate name, and it’s kinda…not what you’re going for, here.”

“Isn’t that what makes it fun?” She asked, positioning herself.

She leaned over the table, positioning herself for the shot; a process which did interesting things to her physique. The shot sent the cue ball careening toward two of her balls. It clipped off one, sending it careening into a side pocket, and driving its trajectory into another, which sunk into a corner.

The 8 ball was all that remained.

She stood, casually flicking a bang from her eyes and grinned.

“Y’know, if you just quit now, it’ll save us both some trouble.”

Jake shot her a defiant look, and took another long drink. She giggled; an almost musical sound that was more Farra’s than anything he’d have ever associated with Ryan.

It was…nice.

As she propped herself on the pool table and crossed her shapely legs, Jake felt a mad flush of desire in spite of himself.

It was also distracting enough to make his shot go wild, careening off several walls before settling on nothing whatever. Lacy flashed him a mocking pout.

“Think you needed better than that,” She teased.

Jake waved a hand.

“Quit playing with your fucking food.”

The end came swiftly.

Afterward, the two sat on his suite’s lower balcony, their legs dangling off the perilous, unguarded ledge as bottles accumulated around them.

“I need to stop letting you goad me into these kinds of nights,” Jake said, shaking his foggy head. “You always clean my ass out when we start with pool.”

Lacy swayed, then lay her head on his shoulder for balance for just an instant, but pulled back almost immediately.

“I need to stop goading you into them myself,” She said. “I think I’m gonna be in for a rough one tomorrow.”

“Isn’t that weird?” Jake asked. “How nobody gets hungover and stuff, here?”

Lacy gave her arm a dismissive, theatrical wave.

“Add it to the pile. There’s so much weird about this place already… that part’s not that big a deal.”

Then, abruptly, she turned and punched him playfully on the shoulder.

“No fucking game talk, though. You promised,” She insisted.

“I know, I know,” Jake said with a sigh. “It’s just kinda hard to think about anything else, y’know?”

He thought about it for a second.

“Soo…Lindsey, huh? She seems pretty helpful,” He tried. “Think there might be anything there?”

She let out a long sigh.

“God, I wish..I dunno, though. She’s kinda tough to read like that,” Lacy said, her voice slurring slightly.

She waved a hand again.

“Some girls, y’know…they’re either so outgoing it feels like they’re always flirting, or they flirt so much that it might not mean anything. You know the type.”

He did know the type. He was nominally dating the type. But thinking of Emily made him feel guilty all over again, hall pass or no.

“What’s the matter?” Lacy asked. “Your face is doing that thing again where you look like Superman and you gotta save the whole world again.”

He looked down at her.

“You think I look like Superman?”

Her green eyes rolled.

“Shut. Up.”

Jake frowned. Lacy might have been a useful person for him to vent about his affair, if not for who it had happened with.

“It’s nothing,” he said. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I dunno if I’d even wanna do anything with Lindsey,” Lacy admitted, ignoring it. “I kinda wouldn’t want to fuck it up, and she’s starting to feel more like a little sister anyways.”

“Yeah, okay,” Jake scoffed. “If you really felt that way, you wouldn’t check out her ass so much.”

“Yeah, well…it’sa really good ass,” Lacy admitted, and the two laughed together.

“Alright, I’m drunk. Fuck it,” Jake said, “Who else is hot? Who’s doing it for you?”

“Ugh, god….who isn’t doing it for me right now?” Lacy asked.

She sighed.

“Emily, for sure,” She said. “Sorry, but it’s totally true.”

“Oh no. Telling me my girlfriend’s hot,” Jake said in mock offense. “I’ll never forgive you.”

Lacy’s cheeks reddened for a moment.

“Uhm…So…I kinda like Exe,” She admitted. “She’s just…got it, you know? Just so fuckin…confident and in control and stuff.”

Jake made a see-sawing gesture with his hand.

“Ugh, do I? I think Exe is bullshit. Like, fronting, y’know?” Jake said. “Loretta, though…She’s the real deal. Her and…”

He paused, almost forgetting himself. Unfortunately, he hadn’t stopped himself soon enough.

“My Mom?” Lacy challenged.

“I…uh…” Jake fumbled for a lie, but he wasn’t good at it under the best of circumstances, and even less so when he was this tipsy. “Yeah…Listen, I should tell you something…”

Lacy shoved him back. The gesture was playful, though the sound of disgust she made seemed genuine enough.

“I already know. She told me,” She said. “I’m gonna just…ignore it, you know? Because…ewww.”

She shook her head, then threw it back, pushing that unruly, but tantalizing mop of hair back. She drew one leg up her chest, and rested her chin on it, giving him a rye grin.

“I guess I’ll have to pay you back by seducing your sister.”

Jake laughed.

“Good luck with that. Megan’s…”

He waved the thought away, not wanting to speak ill of anyone he’d just professed so much pride in. The two sat quietly together for a moment.

“I’m jealous of her…” Lacy admitted.

“Of Megan?!” Jake asked, astonished.

“No,” Lacy said, irritated. “Of Mom. I kinda always have been but it’s like, way worse...y’know…now.”

She paused for a hiccup.

“She’s got like, so much command of her body and being a woman.” Lacy said, “I wish I could do that…”

Jake hesitated, then reached out, putting an arm around her. Lacy hesitated in kind, but eventually relaxed into it.

“For what it’s worth,” Jake said. “I like you like this. You’re so genuine. It’s kinda refreshing.”

He gave her a squeeze.

“And I’m…well, I’m proud of you for, y’know…getting yourself back into it. Standing up for yourself. It’s…really brave. I don’t know if I could have done it.”

Lacy: Taking Charge +3 VP

Lacy looked up at him, her round eyes wide.

“Really?” She asked.

When he nodded, she shifted, pushing her hair back as she gave him a shy, but earnest smile.

“Thanks, Jake. That really means a lot to me, coming from you.”

She was so genuine, so **** and so sweet in that moment that, for the first time, Jake didn’t see Ryan when he looked at her; he saw a woman, and one he could have real feelings for.

They locked gazes for only a moment, and then they locked lips.

Jake breathed in a sigh, his hand feeling up her shapely, stockinged leg. He felt her fingers brush his hair, and her body slip into his arms. She slid into his lap, sitting on her knees as her shapely thighs straddled his hips, and Jake wrapped his arms around her slender waist to pull her close.

He hauled her away from the balcony’s edge, laying her and gently as he could a safe distance away from it. He slid atop her, one hand sliding beneath her top as the other explored beneath her skirt. Beneath him, Lacy moaned, her hands eagerly unbuttoning his shirt.

But when Jake looked down into her eyes, what he saw in them was as much fear as it was anticipation. It finally broke the spell. He wanted her, and badly; had desired her ever more feverishly as the night had gone on. But this was a mistake.

Lacy seemed to reach that realization about the same time he did. Her breathing steadied, and she pulled herself out from under him. They locked eyes again, neither of them sure of how to begin.

“We shouldn’t,” Jake said finally. “Not like this.”

Lacy pulled her legs back, tucking them beneath her as she sat up. She pushed her hair back and diverted her gaze.

“No. You’re right,” She said.

Jake stood, and helped her to her feet.

“Let’s get some sleep,” He said. “We can sort this all out in the morning.”

Lacy - Second Base: +5 VP

*****

He woke after a rough sleep, still groggy and uncomfortable. No food, this time, but the smell of coffee, and strong stuff at that, hung in the air as he rolled out of bed.

He found Lacy on the balcony, staring out at the island as she cradled a coffee mug in her slender fingers.

She looked tired in the morning light, but beautiful all the same, her long legs and shapely rear bare but for a pair of panties styled in her namesake.

“Morning,” She greeted as he sidled up next to her. “How’d you sleep?”

“Shitty,” He admitted. Honesty seemed the best way to open this conversation. “I don’t sleep well when I drink, and being next to you all night was tough.”

She spared a brief look at his boxers, where his meaning was displayed obviously enough.

“Guess we’re gonna jump straight into that, huh?” She said, putting up a finger to silence the apology forming on his lips. “No, it’s fine. I don’t want to run from it.”

Jake poured a mug of coffee for himself, and stood beside her on the balcony. Staring out at whatever she was was easier than looking at her.

“I’m sorry about last night,” He said. “It shouldn’t have gone that way.”

“In that we were drunk and being stupid, maybe,” Lacy agreed. “But don’t beat yourself up that it happened at all.”

That brought a ghost of a smile to Jake’s face. She knew him too well. Only a ghost, though.

He still wanted her, even in the sober light of the morning. But this was his best friend. It was delicate. He didn’t want to ask the next question, but knew he had to.

“That advance…it didn’t make you…uncomfortable, did it?”

He grimaced. He sounded like an HR rep.

“Was it…y’know, unwanted.”

“Stop,” She said, placing a hand on his arm. “That was as mutual and spontaneous as it gets.”

Lacy waved a hand to indicate her body.

“I’m still settling into all this too, y’know. I want new things. It’s not all about you.”

That stung a little, but he supposed it wasn’t unwarranted.

“So where does that leave us?” Jake asked.

He met Lacy’s big doe eyes, and she returned his gaze.

“I’m your best friend. Let’s start there,” She said with a shy smile. “I say we hang out, and whatever happens after that, we can take as it comes.”

Her hand found his on the railing.

“One thing I’m not confused about was how much fun I had just hanging out last night,” She said. “Whatever else happens, you’re too important to me to risk over this fucking game.”

Something about that rankled him. He frowned.

“Don’t get me wrong, that’s exactly what I was hoping you’d say,” Jake said. “But I still have something I wanna talk to you about.”

“Okay,” Lacy said, her smile now bearing a wary quality. “Shoot.”

“You say you don’t want to risk our friendship,” He said carefully. “But wasn’t your plan for yourself in the first round kind of exactly that?”

He turned to her, trying as hard as he could to see her as Ryan for a moment. It failed, and he instantly felt guilty when he saw the stricken look on her face. She looked sick.

“Yeah. I guess it was,” She admitted. “Jake, you know me too well to seriously think I’m playing you, right?”

He definitely knew Ryan too well for that. Ryan was too guileless to pull a fast one on him. He didn’t know if Lacy was or not, but it had been Ryan poised to make that choice.

“Just tell me what you were thinking,” Jake said. “Why were you willing to throw away me, and AJ, and Farra and yourself on some…constructed you? Leah said we wouldn’t have remembered you, even.”

Lacy’s eyes were green fire when they met his.

“How about we split your gender and tell you you have to seduce your best friend or end up like Amelia,” She snapped. “I love you, man, but you have no idea what kind of pressure we’re under here.”

Jake took a step back, immediately feeling guilty.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

But Lacy wasn’t done.

“I panicked, okay? I made a rash decision because I was out of my mind,” She said. “But nobody who didn’t go through what I did has any right to judge!”

Jake reached out and put his hands on her shoulders.

“Lacy, I’m sorry,” he repeated. “You’re right. I have no idea where your head could have been. I don’t have any right to judge.”

She pulled away, turning back toward the ocean. Her fists clenched around the mug.

“I also wanted to do it because it was easy. I didn’t want to compete as a guy turned girl, so I thought ‘why not skip it like it never happened’. And I did it because I didn’t like myself and I had a chance to hit the reset button,” She said.

Lacy was turned away from him, but Jake could tell she was barely holding it together.

“And you know what? I’m glad it didn’t work,” She said. “And I’m going to take the reset without losing myself, anyway. I’m tired of being a fucking loser. I’m tired of giving up. From now on, I’m going to do my best and take whatever happens.”

Jake finally turned her around and held her close, letting her sniffle into his chest. When she was finished, he pushed her back and brushed the tears from her eyes.

“I’m glad it didn’t work too,” He said. “I’m glad I didn’t lose you either. I don’t think you were ever a loser, but if you want to change, I want to help.”

And is that all I want from her? He wondered. God, please let my next visitor be less complicated.