"I am a slutty little sissy."

Of course you are.

says the security system.

I knew you were as soon as you appeared.

"I am not!" you protest, realizing how ridiculous it is to be arguing with a computer. "I just had to say it because it's the password!"

Actually, it's not. The password is, 'I am Jack Hewitt.'

You stare at the computer speaker, astonished and infuriated. That's it? That's all the password was? And all this time I was saying one humiliating, degrading thing after another FOR A FUCKING SECURITY COMPUTER??

Shit.

Okay, then, fine.