Venting Stresses in the Spa Room

“HEY ASSHOLE! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING!?” Courtney shouts at you right after pushing your back to the door.

“I’m sorry?” You ask her in confusion.

“Yeah! You should be!” Courtney shouts. “Go and apologize to Brooke you dumb fuck! Why would you immediately put her through this? Didn’t you just go on a date!? What? You fuck her once and now you think it’s okay to ask to fuck her roommate? YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKER! It’s like you don’t even know her!” Courtney shouts while being very expressive with her hands, and you immediately realize what exactly it is she’s getting at.

“She might not have told you what she’s actually feeling, but you can’t possibly be so stupid that you don’t see how this fucking set-up would look to her.” Courtney adds on.

“Who do you think has to deal with the fallout if we push through with this, huh!? You? Your other girlfriends who don’t seem to give a shit about Brooke? Answer me, genius!” Courtney asks you aggressively. Before you can even answer, she continues her rant.

“Wait! Hold that thought. There’s breaking news from the Common Sense Network, the worldwide leader in ‘I can’t believe we have to report this’ journalism… but the answer to the previous question… IS ME!” Courtney shouts at you while pointing both her thumbs at herself.

You now realize why she possibly chose this room in particular. It was far enough from the lounge area that she can shout at you at full volume without Brooke or Chad hearing.

“~I~ have to deal with that shit! And believe me, I am done! So~~ done… with having to deal with a brokenhearted Brooke.” Courtney tells you, full of emotions you can’t even identify.

“I know life deals you shit hands, but she’s one of the few goddamn people I know who don’t deserve them, but that dumb bitch seems to just find every fucking way possible to hurt herself with the douchebags she picks.” Courtney says, her emotions — well, emotion (singular now), as it’s purely anger at this point — is more precisely directed at you. It became pretty obvious after she poked you when she said ‘douchebags’.

You can’t help but slump your shoulders and rest the back of your head on the door.

You know exactly where Courtney’s coming from, and it’s the same place you were coming from when you told Brooke she didn’t need to agree to Stella and Cassie’s suggestion at all. So you can’t blame her for shouting these things at you, because you’ve mentally shouted them at yourself already.

“Holy shit! You really are a fucking pansy, aren’t you? You even take **** from me without saying anything. No wonder two fucking teenagers can **** you to—” Courtney starts mocking you, before you finally have enough and tell her exactly how you’re feeling.

“HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL!?” You shout back defensively at Courtney, taking her by surprise as she takes a step back after your outburst.

“You think I wanted to purposefully put myself in the middle of this bullshit? All for what? To fuck you? Pardon my French, Courtney; but to use yours and Brooke’s love language, ‘BITCH, PLEASE!’” You tell her with the same energy she has, letting out your frustrations as well, with a hint of sass towards the end.

“I’m perfectly happy with my girlfriends already, and I love all of them to the point I’ll do whatever I can for all of them.” You tell her with conviction.

“That includes putting myself in this awkward fucking situation because two of my girlfriends want me to thank Chad for helping them by cucking him. Which, I know, out of context, sounds like a really fucking diabolical way to thank someone; but, as you and I both know, and probably the entirety of the female clientele in Brooke’s gym knows, it’s apparently something he really fucking wants… and that’s why we’re here. So I apologize in advance since I’m about to commit misogyny, but this whole thing would actually be a lot easier if the body I had to fuck wasn’t you. So a part of me is like, why did Courtney and Chad have to get back together—” You uncontrollably vent out, as it seems like all the built-up stress you’ve been suppressing since all of this happened is finally boiling over, before something stops you mid-vent.

*SLAP*

Courtney slaps you in the face. It was hard enough for it to sting a bit, but not hard enough for it to be intended as a slap that came from someone who was angry with you.

“I apologized in advance!” You blurt out in confusion, as the slap confounded you to the point you couldn’t think of a proper response to it.

“Oh yeah~, all misogyny is forgiven if you apologize in advance. How could I forget?” Courtney sarcastically replies. “I didn’t actually slap you because of that, dipshit.” Courtney adds a lot more seriously after punching you in the chest.

“Felt like you needed it.” Courtney says in a lot nicer tone. Although it’s weird to agree with her, it did get you to stop rambling. “You were sounding like that fat guy when that rabbit slapped him in that Marvel movie.” Courtney adds.

“Uh~... Thanks. I guess.” You reply.

“Anytime.” Courtney replies.

*SLAP*

“That’s for the ‘misogyny’.” Courtney informs you, after slapping the other cheek.

*SLAP!*

“That’s for saying you wish Chad didn’t get back with me.” Courtney explains this other much harder slap on the cheek she first slapped.

“I didn’t say I wished Chad didn’t get back with you!” You say defensively. “I just said this whole thing would be easier if—” You stupidly try to repeat, before getting the obvious repercussion.

*SLAP*

“Okay!” You shout, finally raising your hands to defend your face. “I’m sorry!” You apologize, not as sincerely as you want it to sound since you’re a bit tense from getting slapped multiple times. “But can you please not slap me in the face again?” You plead with Courtney.

*TAP!!*

“OOF!” You audibly grunt, as Courtney taps your crotch with the back of her hand like a high school bully.

“Man up, Love Coach!” Courtney shouts at you. “You’re the one dude with balls in your fucking relationship!” Courtney points out. “Use them!” Courtney angrily advises you.

“If those two lesbians wanted to thank Chad, they could have just paid for our drinks last night… You know? Like a normal fucking ‘thank you’? What kind of fucking psycho sluts suggest to their boyfriend to fuck their boyfriend’s other girlfriend’s roommate?” Courtney points out to you.

“I mean, seriously? Do you even hear the words coming out of my mouth? What kind of fucking sentence is that!?” Courtney shouts at you.

“Exactly! I totally agree with you!” You shout in exasperation, taking Courtney by surprise a bit, and causing her to look you up and down with her judgmental eyes.

…

“Wait, so you really are stressed about this, aren’t you?” Courtney asks you, unable to hide her confusion. You just nod profusely with possibly buggy eyes just to emphasize that this is not the situation you want to be in.

“Then why are your other girlfriends insisting you try this for Chad? Can’t you fucking tell them you don’t want to possibly hurt Brooke with their suggestion?” Courtney asks you, a lot less aggressively this time.

“Why can’t you tell Chad that you don’t want this either?” You return the question to her.

“Oh~, silly stupid bimbo me, I didn’t think of that!” Courtney replies sarcastically, which she assumes you picked up on as she continues. “You try telling that irritatingly sweet blockhead anything, and you fucking tell me if any of it sticks.” Courtney counter argues, and you immediately nod in understanding as you’ve felt the same frustrations with Chad.

…

…

It’s after this long pause between you and Courtney that you both seemingly get texts simultaneously, and both check your phones.

“Are you guys done? You know we heard the shouting right?” Brooke asks you in her message.

“Shit.” Courtney reacts. “How fucking thin are these walls!?” Courtney then shouts in frustration.

“We’re eavesdropping outside the door, babe!” Chad shouts right from outside the door, and you and Courtney just both hit your foreheads with your hands in disappointment of yourselves.

You turn around to open the door of the Spa Room to reveal Brooke and Chad standing in the hallway looking at both of you with appreciative looks on their faces.

“Aw~ babe! You think I’m sweet?” Chad asks Courtney. If anybody else said it, you’d think they were teasing, but Chad seems to be genuinely happy that that’s what Courtney thinks of him. He completely missed the part she called him a ‘blockhead’ or that his sweetness was irritating, but I guess that’s how their budding relationship could work — Courtney can be as sour on the outside with her words and behavior, but Chad’s stubborn and caring enough to work past that to see her sweet and caring center.

Something Brooke probably knows more than anyone by now.

“Didn’t think you cared for me that much, Court.” Brooke teases her.

“Care for you? I just care for my sanity! One more break up and relationship sob story from you and I’ll kill myself.” Courtney tries to deflect the tease.

“Yeah. I figured.” Brooke says with a chuckle, but she can’t hide how appreciative of Courtney she is with her smile.

“Babe, I didn’t know the reason you didn’t want to cuck me with J-bro was because you thought Brooke would take it the wrong way.” Chad tells Courtney with a lot of concern in his tone. “I thought you didn’t want to because you think J-bro’s a Spartan.” Chad then adds, confusing you in his signature Chad way.

“What do you mean I’m a Spartan?” You ask, unable to hold yourself back from asking.

“Spartan. 300. Three C’s. Clap, Clam, and Crabs. Get with the lingo, old man.” Courtney tries to explain, but you still don’t get it.

“She thinks you have gonorrhea, chlamydia, and… crabs.” Brooke explains much more clearly, and you shout a loud “WHAT!?” in reaction, before she adds, “I forgot what crabs actually stood for.”

“I DON’T HAVE ANY FUCKING STDs!” You shout in exasperation at Courtney’s insinuation.

“You sure? You’re in a relationship with that Tanya chick. If Brooke’s stories are anything to go by, her papaya’s been around the block.” Courtney points out.

“Don’t you fucking slut shame my girlfriend, Courtney.” You tell her threateningly, actually getting her to unexpectedly apologize. Hell, it was probably so unexpected she even looks at you with an impressed look.

“Oh-ho-ho, someone finally grew some cojones,” Courtney teases you, “but don’t think you can talk to me like that again you fucking pussy.” Courtney adds threateningly.

“You’re not one to talk about being around the block, Court.” Brooke then reminds her.

“You calling me a slut, bitch?” Courtney aggressively asks Brooke.

“No, but you did mention something about being your own whore, remember?” Brooke replies with a cheeky smile.

“Babe.” Chad then says to take Courtney’s attention back, effectively interrupting whatever comeback Courtney had from Brooke’s reminder. “It’s alright. If you don’t want to do it with J-bro because of Brooke. It’s cool. I understand.” Chad assures her sweetly.

“But Brooke already told me she’s okay with it.” Chad then adds to yours and Courtney’s surprise. You immediately look at Brooke in shock, trying to see if Chad’s words are actually true. Brooke looks back at you, a sweet smile across her lips. She closes her eyes for a moment, before opening them again to say…

“I am. I’m okay with it now.”