Dinner

Ted had always been one of Eric and Junes best friends and though we wasn't a groomsman, he still had a part to play in the wedding. An important role that suited his high energy and desire for attention.

"Ladies and gentlemen, put you hands together for our lovely couple, Mr. and Mrs. Richardson!"

Ted was their MC and DJ. His domain was a small stage by the dance floor. It and the head table sat on opposite sides of the hall, one could not watch both Ted and the wedding party at the same time. That wasn't by design, but it was to become a valuable quality.

"Alright, now, before dinner comes out I need to lay down a few ground rules. First off; clinking glasses. We don't do that here. If you want the Bride and Groom to kiss you've got to come up here, tell a story about one or both of them, then go over there and do a shot with someone, anyone, at the head table. Please, have mercy on June and Eric, they can't do shots all night."

"I can!"

The unamplified voice carried from the head table. There stood the petite Polynesian, waving her arms in an attempt to be seen.

"There you go. Penelopes happy to take a few shots for the couple. Second rule; drinks. If your table drinks all its wine there's more at the bar, which is right over there and staffed by the fairest of maidens, Justine and Michelle."

Tina, a punky woman with a hot pink faux hawk and more piercings than years, gave Ted a tall middle finger. Mitch, a seven foot wall of ebony muscle, mimicked the gesture.

"Always a pleasure. Third; dinner will be served in courses. If you want more, don't worry, we have some extra plates. Just wait until the last course is out and ask one of our helpful servers."

Eric leaned over to his blushing bride.

"I gotta say, Ted was a great choice."

"Well, he spent years MCing for a living. I'd be disappointed if he couldn't handle a wedding."

"Still, I'm surprised he hasn't said or done anything inappropriate. We told him not to talk about-"

"I'd like to be the first to share a story and a shot!"

Eric's palm found it's way to his face. Ted, wireless mic in hand, made his way across the room.

"I want to tell the story of the day I met Eric."

The groom shot him a murderous look.

"I mean, the day I really met him. With introductions and names and shit. Not that first time, that doesn't count."

Eric narrowed his eyes. Ted's comment made it inevitable that someone in the crowd unfamiliar with Eric and Junes history would start asking questions. Questions with answers inappropriate to share at an event as formal as a wedding.

"So, Trixy, that blue haired babe sitting next to June for anyone who doesn't know, was having a party back in college. She told me, 'Hey, come on by, it'll be great.' Now, Trixy threw wild parties. I was expecting a wild party. So imagine my surprise when I burst through the door in nothing but a banana hammock to find Trixy, June and some random dipshit sitting around a scrabble board."

He paused for a few laughs.

"After introductions were made I bet the new guy my hammock I could score higher than him. It took some ****, but he agreed and bet his coat."

Ted smiled and straightened his jacket.

"I've still got it. And what word did I win with, Eric?" He leaned close to the groom. "What word was that again?"

Eric leaned in to the mic.

"Friendship."

"Friendship! Fuck, that's a wholesome story."

June leaned over the table to get a word in.

"You misspelled friendship, by the way. We just didn't want you to take your hammock off."

"Wait, our friendship is built on a lie?"

Eric got up, jogged around the table and grabbed hit friend in a bear hug.

"The best lie ever!"

Laughter and applause filled the hall while Eric put Ted down.

"What are we shooting, Ted?"

"Prairie fires!"

The guests familiar with the drink, a mixture of cheap tequila and tabasco sauce, boo'd the DJ. The wedding party joined in as Tina brought a tray with nine shot glasses of deep orange suffering to the head table.

"Prairie fires for everyone!"

Eric, June, the groomsmen, the bridesmaids and Ted did their shots and had their laughs. The couple then kissed for the crowd and sent their bastard of a friend back to his table for dinner.

Eric knew where the night was going. He and June had a group of friends who held nothing back when the music was loud and the drink flowed. As soon as the older generation, the parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles, turned in for the night the party would start in earnest. Not that there wouldn't be hijinks in the meantime. The first course hadn't even been fully served before a few guests gathered at the bar to do a line of shots. That crowd with an open bar was a recipe for inappropriate behavior.

He was fine with it.

All the crazy parties in the past had become fond memories, of course their wedding would have to be one of them. But it couldn't be just another party; it had to blow the rest out if the water. He and June said they were going to try to keep things proper, just for the sake of trying, but they both knew things were inevitably going to get out of hand. They both looked forward to it.

"Oops!"

Eric looked over to see a red dot in his wife's cleavage. A cherry tomato had fallen from her fork and lodged itself between her massive tits. The man stopped her from plucking it out.

"I think this is one of those things a husband is supposed to handle."

He grinned, took a breast in each hand and buried his face into her pillowy flesh. Eric found the tomato immediately, but decided to remain and motorboat his wife. Hoots and whistles and cheers filled the hall as the guests took notice of what was going on at the head table. The groom, in need of air, eventually pulled back to display the bright red fruit held in his teeth. He popped it in his mouth and chewed. He then got a fork jabbed into his side.

"That was mine." June gave him a grin of her own while she picked a tomato from his plate. "Dick."

"Oh I'll show you dick, just you wait."