He's already arrived

It turns out that he's so eager to make the twins' acquaintance that he's early and is currently waiting in the porters' lodge. The sensible thing would be for him to visit the chapel to listen to the choir, since that's his area of interest, but you don't want him to monopolize the girls' attention and leave you out, so you quickly suggest meeting up to give him a tour of the college buildings. As you saunter over, it occurs to you that you don't know exactly what he looks like, but when a portly middle-aged gentleman emerges from the lodge wearing heavy-framed black spectacles and a blue argyle jumper, something tells you he's your man, so you give him a wave.

"Simon?"

"Er, er, Jack, is it? Pleased to, ahem, meet you." He replies with a nervous smile that makes it looks like he has false teeth. Ill-fitting false teeth. He raises his hand in greeting and trudges over to you with a sailor's gait, rolling his bulk from one foot to the other.

"The pleasure is all mine." Or it will be when you're being simultaneously serviced by the dual attentions of identical blonde siblings. "Why don't we begin with Old Quad."

You talk for around twenty minutes about both the fabric and the ethos of the college, but your guest is thoroughly distracted by the scantily clad beauties all around. It's easy to forget how lucky you are, even in the new world you've created with the Rulebook, to have so much exquisite female flesh so readily available and it's good to be reminded of that.

The closer you get to the appointed hour, the more skittish the producer becomes, until in the end, he interrupts your flow of words to ask whether you're sure that your dates are really interested in a pair of old codgers like you (although not in so many words). You spend the rest of the journey back to the chapel reassuring him that they'll be putty in his hands or you'll flog them for disrespect, but you realize he's no longer listening and follow his gaze to the two stunning blondes walking over to meet you.

The girls have found the time to change into matching silver party dresses and staggeringly high sparkly heels. You think they've also done their make up and hair in preparation for your date.

"Astrid, Alice, this is my friend Simon." You introduce everyone, whilst not risking trying to tell which twin is which. Kisses and greetings are exchanged, allowing you to get close enough to see that the girls' dresses are completely backless, baring supple skin unblemished by signs of recent chastisement. With pleasantries out of the way, it's time to get on with the purpose of this meeting.