Meeting the Straw Hats Pt 4: The Swordsman and the Captain’s Wife

The three crewmembers blinked.

“Luffy… how do you know that word?”

“I just said I’m married.” Luffy replied. “Did you guys become bad listeners in two years?”

Franky shook his head and slapped his face lightly. “Guys, I think there might be a wire loose inside me somewhere. It just made me think Luffy said he’s married.”

“That’s a crazy wire… I think it's affecting me too...” Usopp mumbled in concern but then shook his head too. “B-but it’s Luffy! He must just think being married means being stronger or something!”

Nami chuckled nervously, “Y-yeah! That’s it, right Luffy!?”

The captain just tilted his head, before a dawning realisation. “Oh yeah! She said to show people the ring to prove we’re married now!”

Right there, on his hand, right there on his eye widening, reality defying hand, was a grey line wrapped around his ring finger.

The three’s jaws just dropped.

“Oh my fucking god there’s a ring!” Nami exclaimed, practically screaming and pointing as if she feared the metallic band. “A RING! A RING?! A GODDAMN FUCKING RING!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!”

When he wasn't being shaken by his girlfriend, Usopp was looking absolutely pale. Like his entire world had been flipped upside down and his stomach didn’t appreciate the journey. "L-Luffy's... married...?"

The cyborg went for a different approach, trying to keep calm amongst his growing fears, “Luffy. Who gave you this?”

“My wife.”

Franky let that word hang in the air as he tried to read it over and over again.

He turned to the other two. “Shit, he knows the word wife as well.”

The doctor’s surgery door flew open and out burst both Robin and Chopper, both also looking incredibly confused and leaving a startled Natsuo behind. “LUFFY! YOU’RE ACTUALLY MARRIED?!”

“Hahahahaha! You guys got so funny in two years!” Luffy laughed and laughed.

Nami stamped her foot in annoyance at him. “This isn’t a laughing matter Luffy! We need to know everything! Details! Who’s the wife? Where was the ceremony? Has she dinged for you? Did she wear a pretty dress?”

Meanwhile, in all the commotion and Nami’s slew of questions, another Straw Hat returned to the Thousand Sunny. Landing on the grassy deck after finding his way back, “Hey everyone! It’s good to se-”

“Shut the fuck up Zoro!” Nami snipped, then grabbing Luffy’s hand and waving it in the swordsman’s face. “Luffy got MARRIED!”

“Oh, congrats.”

“Thanks Zoro! Good to see you again!”

Nami shook her head, “Fucking marimo. Shoulda known he wouldn’t react good enough.” She grumbled, turning towards the rear of the ship instead. “SANJI! GET OUT HERE!”

Usopp was the next one to approach his captain with a question, the one that really mattered here, “Luffy. You have to tell us. Who did you get married to?”

“To me.”

Like the beaming sun, it was almost hard to see the radiant woman as she stood proudly atop the ship’s railing.

Sanji had probably exhausted the majority of the kitchen’s oxygen from how much he was sighing.

After two long years of hell, after the suffering and the humiliations of New Kama Island and the boat that took him here, there was one idea that kept him going through all of it. That once it was over, he would get his chance to woo Nami and Robin again. That he’d become stronger in body and better in cooking to the point they’d be head over heels for him. Then they’d be able to perform all their lewd acts they wanted on him. The sultry princesses finally having someone to keep up with their pace.

But none of that happened. His princesses were in another castle. Two knights had professed their love before he had returned from hell and now the princesses were happy.

And he was happy for them!

But this feeling still sucked.

And worst of all, after being locked in hell he now had found he was cursed. His Princesses loved him enough to still want to fondle him and jiggle towards him… but Sanji was afflicted with too much horniness from two years away to not bleed profusely at even the mention of a lewd act.

Honestly it was making cooking really fucking difficult.

After one more painfully long sigh he shook himself out of it. This wasn’t the time to be moping around and feeling sorry for himself! Just because two of the crew found someone doesn’t mean he was doomed to be the lonesome one on the ship. There was still the braindead swordsman, the way too freaky looking cyborg, a skeleton, a reindeer, and Luffy! Dear sweet, innocent Luffy…

That did make him feel better, knowing he wasn’t alone. Now he just had to make sure the nosebleeds stop. Sanji just had to steel his resolve and make sure to never get a nosebleed again. Then he could enjoy all the perverted fun with Nami and Robin as he wanted!

“SANJI GET OUT HERE!”

Speak of the devil! Sanji quickly stopped his onion chopping and raced to the door. It burst open but before he could shout praises to his Mellorine, Usopp's voice caught his ear.

“Luffy. You have to tell us. Who did you get married to?”

That news hit him like a brick made Pacifista. Only to be hit by a planet shattering continuance.

“To me.”

It could be described that at that moment Sanji’s heart briefly stopped.

Such was what happened when he saw, not only the most beautiful woman on the seven seas in nothing but a micro-bikini, but her army of attractive hotties in similar garb behind her as her ship pulled up along side the Sunny.

Because in that moment there was practically no blood pumping around Sanji’s heart, it was all shooting out his nose and rocketing him skyward into the ship’s rigging.

“SANJI!” Chopper screamed in surprise.

Well, that was a crazy 5 seconds.

I came out the doctor’s office to see the commotion, only for Hancock to make a grand entrance and for Sanji to rocket off from a bloody nose. To say there’s never a dull moment in this crew would be the understatement of the fucking millennium.

“Luffy.” Hancock frowned, walking down the stairs to join her husband on the main deck. “Your crew seem to be quite rude. Their suggestions that it was impossible for you to find a mate in two years let alone two minutes is utterly unacceptable! It spits in the face of your virility and manliness! I say you let me turn them all to stone and we cast them to the sea for ever doubting you.”

“You promi-”

She pouted in a huff, “Yes yes. I know. I promised not to turn anyone to stone or I wouldn’t get to give you a blowjob for a week.” The warlord of the sea stropped, only lightening up when her husband put his arm around her.

There was silence from the rest of the crew.

Their faces aghast. Their worlds upside down. The only sounds were that of Chopper running towards the collapsed Sanji. An event totally unavailable to the rest of the crew who were too focused on this moment.

“So…”

“...B-Boa Hancock…”

“...one of the seven warlords of the sea…”

“...is your wife?”

“Yeah.” Luffy beamed before realising something and turning to Boa, “Oh! I think I’m also married to all your subjects as well or something, right?”

She nodded, “You are. All 45 Kuja warriors on my ship are dedicated to you, mind and body, for all time.”

Luffy turned back to his gobsmacked crew. “Sorry, it was 46 wives.” He laughed in embarrassment that he’d forgotten that. “But hey! New crewmembers, woo!”

Somehow, Sanji bled harder.

I think I was the only one still moving at this point, other than Chopper trying to stop Sanji from flying around with his nosebleeds.

“Uhh, congratulations!” I cheered down from the upper railing. Obviously this was still technically my fault but I had no idea it would make all these guys goddamn catatonic.

“Thanks Robin’s fuckbuddy!” Luffy waved back happily.

His wife just snapped her fingers at me instead, “You! Which of these two wenches did you sire a child with?”

I pointed quickly to the stunned Robin, making Hancock practically hiss at the closer Nami. “I-if it helps, I was told the longnose guy has sired a child with her.”

The terrifying warlord backed off a little, just in time for the Straw Hats to start their brains again. And with their use of brain's came many many questions.

"Did you two meet during the Marineford war?" Robin asked first.

The woman shook her head. "No, he landed on my island and I took him there... you fat breasted whore." Hancock mumbled that last part under her breath, making Robin recoil a little at the sudden casual insult.

“This is bonkers.” said Franky, “Ain’t she a government dog?”

“Not anymore. With my joining under the Straw Hat flag I will be revoking my status as a Warlord effective immediately.”

Zoro was more interested in a different part of the story, “You fucked 46 women? Were you even training these last two years? Or just enjoying your new harem?”

“I was training with Rayleigh the whole time! I only married Hancock and her crew in the last few days!”

“Wait, seriously?” asked Nami, “Did you have the reception at sea or something?”

Hancock frowned, crossing her arms under her bust. “A proper wedding never occurred. THANKS for pointing it out.” She scowled at her ginger rival. “Our marriage is bigger than weddings and priests and… proper rings…” She sighed a little, staring at her hand and the piece of metal they’d managed to scrounge together at the time.

When she left her melancholic memory she was definitely not expecting a huge metallic man staring at her hand. “Yeah, that thing’s a load of crap. Give it to me and I’ll make it super for you!” Hancock was very surprised by the giant man’s… well, everything, but his ginormous hand extending out was one of the biggest.

“Eh?”

Her confusion led up to his face, the strange robotic creature just showing a lot of teeth in pride. “Can’t have my Captain’s wife looking that sad with such a depressing ring! C’mon Luffy, you too.”

“Done.” said Luffy, popping his ring into his shipwright’s paw.

“EH?!”

Her husband just beamed at her. “Go on.” He instructed, “You can trust Franky. We’re all crew now!”

If Hancock was honest she didn’t trust him. She didn’t even trust him to keep hold of the ring with those massive mechanical mittens (how would he pick it up if he dropped it!?), but… she did trust the man she loved. With nearly sulking **** she removed her awful ring and placed it in the red palm.

“If you damage th-”

“One set of high quality rings coming up!” Franky declared, ignoring any threats to drive off on his legs, down his staircase to his workshop.

The stunned Hancock gave everyone enough pause to catch their breaths. Still confused but coming around on the idea as we all joined them down on the main grassy area.

Everyone except Sanji of course.

“WAAHHH LUFFY!” Chopper wailed, thundering through everyone in his larger form to reach his captain. “Sanji’s losing too much blood!”

Zoro snickered, “Ha! What happened to him?”

Before Luffy could ask why Hancock asked, “My love, there is a large beast carrying a pale blonde ghost… this is not concerning you?”

“Nah, that’s just Chopper and Sanji. Though Sanji’s not normally this pale.” He replied, poking his chef in the face. “Is this something he learned in his training?”

“I was able to keep tabs on a few of you through the Revolutionaries’ intelligence network.” said Robin, looking down at her pale friend with concern. “Sanji’s was the easiest to find out about since Ivankov was a friend of Dragon’s. I asked them to give me regular updates on his progress over the two years. Seems he was treating New Kama Island as a hellscape to train and learn recipes in. I offered to visit him when I sent him a letter, but I only received strange scribbles telling me to stay away and the word ‘dress’ repeatedly. I feared he’d died mentally and perhaps I was right.”

Nami and Usopp cringed a little at her, “That’s pretty grim Robin.”

“Luffy!” Chopper whined again, “I don’t have any good spare blood on the ship to cure him! He might not survive if we can’t get his blood pressure back up!”

“You may use the Kuja medical room.” Hancock once more interjected, wafting a hand over to her ship. “What’s mine is Luffy’s, and what's Luffy's I suppose is all yours as well. We are all flying under the same flag now after all.”

The reindeer’s face lit up, “Thank you Miss Boa! Or, wait, did you take Luffy’s name in the wedding? Uhh, Mrs Monkey Hancock?”

A wave of held back snickers flowed over the crew, except for the woman in question whose eyes were lit up like the sun. “Oh! I absolutely SHOULD take your name Luffy!” She declared, pulling on his arm before gazing out to the horizon. “Monkey Hancock…”

“Is that a marriage thing? Do I need to be Boa D. Luffy now?” He responded while looking troubled. “Do I need to ask for my wanted poster to be changed?”