Words Sometimes Speak Louder Than Actions

We laid in the water as it caressed our skin. My breathing slowly returned to normal right before post-orgasm clarity hit me like a train.

I shot up looking at Alice, “Fuck, Shit. Uhm-”

“Lay back down and shut up, I don’t want to hear it,” Alice groaned, “So predictable.”

Confusion overwhelmed my panic, “I… what?”

Alice sighed before finally opening her eyes and staring into mine, “Oh no, we just did something improper, it’s all my fault, we shouldn’t have done that, I’m so sorry,” she mocked.

Again my mind couldn’t quite process what was happening, “W-what?”

Alice huffed before suddenly standing up, “You know what, I’m just going to go.”

As she began to storm off, my mind seemed to catch up just a little. I jumped up and grabbed onto Alice’s wrist, “Wait, please don’t be upset with me… I… sorry-”

“For fuck sake! Will you stop?” Alice barked, “This is why I tried to shut you up. You’re going to apologise and say that you took advantage or whatever other bullshit you come up with. I know you don’t mean it this way but every time you start apologising and saying that it was a mistake it just makes me feel like shit. Like I was a convenient pussy laying around while you were horny and as soon as you’re done using me to get what you want then you can have your pity party and apologise for taking advantage of me.

“But that’s not how it works! Yeah, I’m horny, like all the time but that doesn’t mean I’m not conscious of my actions, we agreed to help each other out with our frustrations and I think we might have done it once or twice where you didn’t suddenly start saying how much of a mistake everything was. You think I’d just throw myself at any and everyone just because I’m frustrated? I’m fine doing it with you because I trust you. I feel great and relaxed after enjoying an intimate moment. You don’t even consider any aftercare and instead, you pile on the guilt and it just makes me feel…”

Before finishing she snatched her arm back out of my grip before turning and storming away quickly, leaving me standing ankle-deep in water. Instead of chasing after her, I planted my ass and laid back in the water.

A new wave of guilt piled on top of me and my mind was a cyclone of emotions and thoughts.

One of the many reasons I felt bad in the first place was because I didn’t want her to think that what we had done made me think any less of her and in turn hoped she would reciprocate. We’d gone further than we should have as siblings and I felt that I was the one to blame. But all that worrying did the opposite and contradicted my intentions…

It didn’t just knock the wind out of my sails; It knocked me flat on my back. I moved to the mossy bank next to the falls and laid down. My thoughts were overwhelming to the point I’d fallen to sleep for a few hours, by the time I’d come too, the sun was right above me.

I made my way back to the new camp and seeing that Alice wasn’t around I set off to do busywork. My brain was in a state between shut off and working quadruple time and several times as I worked my eyes welled up.

At one point I’d felt a tap on my shoulder, followed by someone saying something, but it sounded like listening to someone from underwater. They pushed food towards me which I took. While slowly nibbling at the food, the muted talking continued.

Slap I was suddenly shocked out of my disoriented state. I blinked as my cheek stung, looking up at Alice who stared at me, “Oh, uh… Alice, when did you get here?”

Not giving me any time to the process she suddenly wrapped herself around me, “What the fuck happened?”

“I.. what do you mean?” I asked. My brain **** me to remember her outburst what felt like moments ago to me, “Oh, Alice. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. I felt like I’d taken advantage while you were in a **** state and I didn’t want to make you feel like I’d suddenly just started to see you as some kind of sex toy or something and we’re siblings and that kind of thing shouldn’t really happen and I felt conflicted and confused and trying to reassure you and fix everything made everything worse and I just…”

Alice was silent as I babbled, at least until I’d almost knocked the wind out of myself, “Just, shush… Let's just forget it, for now. I feel exhausted and don’t really feel like getting into a conversation like this right now. Maybe we can talk about it in the morning instead? I just… I just want to cuddle and fall asleep, would that be okay?”

I silently nodded, taking a deep breath, “Yeah, we can sleep here for the first time if you want? I don’t really want to go get the hammock right now but I padded the bottom of the shelter with leaves and stuff.”

The two of us crawled into the shelter and as Alice laid on my chest holding herself tightly there as if someone was about to come and try stealing her into the night.

It only took ten or so minutes for her breathing to slow down and her grip loosened ever so slightly as her body relaxed. I laid starring at the fronds that made up the roof, with Alice in my arms and things seemingly better and at least waiting to be addressed, I felt as my entire body relaxed slightly giving enough leeway for exhaustion to bodyslam me.

My muscles hurt and it felt like I was fighting just to keep my eyelids open. Giving in consciousness began to drift away, all the while I was very conscious that Alice was still with me in my arms.