Process your doubts

You've marched for several days now. It feels like the entire kingdom is here with you, from the number of tents and soldiers abound. You had expected as much, having previously learned that every citizen was part of the army in some way, but to see that in action was a different sight altogether. The movement was fast, precise, and with purpose once the orders from the Sovereign General went out. There were no wailing spouses or somber tears here; everyone knew what was to come and what was expected. Those on the march seemed borderline giddy. This is what they trained for; what their whole purpose was to do. That they got to make war against the sworn enemy of Grushta, and the sniveling traitor who they were protecting made it all the sweeter it seemed.

At least, that was the case for the locals. For you though, it was scary. This was the first time you've been engaged in anything like this. War was something you've only read about in books back home. Even the feud with Kharkorum was settled by the time you were born. This was new, this was immense, and there was little opportunity for you to escape it at this point. Struggling with the fear of what is to come, you sit alone in a tent in the evening, plucking mindlessly at your lute, until you are interrupted. Bruce, the veteran soldier, came in to check on you.

"Hey there soldier" He said casually, showing his understated humor as he sat down across from you

"Hey" you respond automatically

"Something on your mind? It's not like you to sit alone like this."

"Ya, but it's kinda hard for me to put my finger on it."

"It's okay to be afraid, you know" he said, leaning forward to pat your knee "I'll tell you from first hand experience that all of these people are scared, or they will be soon. It's what happens when you have that feeling that defines who you are."

"Ya, I get that. It's not really fear of dying" You respond, looking at Bruce's eyes for a second before looking past him, staring into the darkness as you think "we could have died when we stormed that temple and defeated all of those goblins, but I wasn't scared. Or, I didn't feel like this, whatever this is."

"That's fair. It could be the size of the thing though. Going into a battle, a real battle is huge. Nothing like it. But, if it's not the fear of dying that's on your mind, what do you think it is."

"I don't know." You respond, as your eyes narrow briefly "I think it's a matter of what I'm possibly about to die for"

"Okay, that's fair" Bruce nodded slowly "Think the juice isn't worth the squeeze? That we're getting involved in something that isn't our concern"

"Ya, I guess. I mean, let's think about it. We're heading into the first battle of what could be a very bloody war, in exchange for a book, that we're told is the last holy text from a Goddess that everyone else has forgotten about, according to a bald, busty, and possibly crazy elf"

"You think Stravaria is lying?"

"Not knowingly, no. But, are we sure that she's right? We're about to pay a very high cost on a hunch."

"You bring up a good point, but let me turn this thought around on you."

"Okay" You answer slowly, wondering where Bruce is going with this.

"We've seen some strange stuff right? Like, this is beyond what any of us anticipated when we first looked at that map. Stravaria knew what was going on without ever having met you. There was an orgy in the Rusted Dragon Tavern just because we found that relic. The book she told us about exists, and is exactly where she said it would be. The guy who owns it even agrees with her on its contents. You **** a spell back on its user through...I don't even know what, but Veserae certainly had a part in it. Without that, without you, we'd be dead."

"So you think I'm wrong for doubting?"

"I think it's beyond that frankly, Fiana. I think we're neck deep involved in all of this. This seems like destiny level shit. This Goddess of Lust and Mothers and all that picked you, she wants you to believe in her, and the more you do, I imagine the more she'll be able to help."

"So, what? Think I need to pray more?"

"Yaknow, it sure as shit can't hurt." Bruce responded as he got back on his feet "Beyond that, the only advice I can give is to find something to take your mind off of things. Find a distraction for a few hours, see how you do when you come back."

"Ya, okay" You reply taking that on earnest "Bruce? You seem to be handling this all pretty well. Can I ask what helps you?"

"You can, but what helps me isn't going to help you. Sorry to say it"

"Why's that?"

"My life story doesn't apply to you. You're barely an adult, as far as elves go."

"Well, now I'm very interested" You perk up in your seat "You hardly ever talk about yourself or your past. What is it?"

"My wife and kids are dead. Died while I was away on campaign in the army, not that different from this."

"Oh" you reply morbidly "So, for you this"

He cuts you off "This is why I'm not afraid. The possibility of falling in battle will lead to an ecstatic meeting with those I loved and lost, and shall still love, and never lose again."

"That was very beautiful Bruce. Thank you for sharing"

"Hey, you're not the only one who can read." He presses his chin against his chest for a second and breathes in deep to keep his emotions in check "Good talk Fiana. Hope it helped."