The Unpopular Girl

This time, the girl that I recognized is not someone I’m too close with, but I do know her a bit. It’s actually the same girl that I asked out last year. She is still just as unpopular as me, probably a bit less than me, but she is a complete outcast. And like expected, she is standing alone outside of the bathrooms. I think she hangs out here because she fears getting bullied, which is a sentiment I can relate to quite a lot.

She is probably just as average as me. She is a bit thicker than the regular girls, but not fat, just with a lot of meat in some certain parts. I actually think that makes her a bit attractive, especially when it comes to her thighs, and even her chest. That’s kind of why I wanted to ask her out. But even though I could see myself dating her, or at least being attracted to her, I don’t think I will try anything yet. Instead, now that I have her next to me, I feel like I should take my shot at talking to her again. I won’t ask her out, but I do want to find out if she finds me likable. If not, then I probably have no hope in succeeding with my plan.

—Hey, Jocelyn. What are you doing?—

She hears me and turns around, but as soon as she does, she gives me an uncomfortable expression. Now I remember that I said the same thing when I asked her out, so she probably thinks I’m trying to do the same thing. But luckily, she does respond, even if it is an awkward response.

—Waiting for class to start…—

It’s odd to wait for class to start outside of the classroom, but I completely understand her. She probably fears bumping into one of her bullies, which is exactly why I’m also waiting for class to start here. I know where she is coming from, we are going through the same thing. But instead of questioning her about it, I use my new found confidence to encourage her to face her fears, and hopefully encourage myself to do the same thing.

—But you could wait in the classroom. What if you are late? You know how strict some teachers are. One second late and they ask you to bring a pass…—

I try to convince Jocelyn to go to class, also trying to make myself a bit of company to go to my own class, but of course, she refuses. She just shakes her head, showing that anxiety that I share with her, or that I used to share. Who am I kidding? I’m still anxious to go to class, but there should be a way to just walk around school without being scared of being picked on, right? I guess we should find out.

—Come on, I get that you don’t want to see some bad people, but you can’t hide yourself all of the time. You should walk around freely and talk to your friends like everyone else—

I fear that Jocelyn will take my advice as an insult. I don’t want her thinking that I’m judging her for being antisocial, so I’m trying to show that I’m willing to help with my best smile. But since I’m still not used to smiling so much, she still seems uncomfortable looking at me. Although, at least she is willing to listen to me.

—No, you don’t get it. Every time I try to go to class, they are there to say all sorts of mean things to me—

—I know, I went through the same thing. You probably are tired of getting judged or being called names, whatever. But trust me, you can stop that very easily—

I try my best to sound optimistic, but it seems like she still does believe me. I get why she wouldn’t, I believed that lie for years. But this time, I think it isn’t a lie, it could be something that will actually work. I don’t even believe it myself, but now that I’m talking to someone just like me, I gained some faith.

—How? I’ve tried everything, but they always keep harassing me…—

—Simple, just ignore them. Stop paying attention to them and they will stop. They probably will still try to harass you, but if you show no reaction, then they will get bored of it, trust me. They just do it because they like seeing you get embarrassed, so if you stop giving them a reaction, they won’t have any reason to judge you or be mean to you.—

My response sounds so convincing that I almost start to believe it. But I do believe it, I’m completely certain that I’m telling the truth. Jocelyn also seems to find it very assuring, and I can notice her expression changing. But the little hope I get to see in her eyes vanishes suddenly. She stares at me skeptically, but I can still sense some hope in her.

—But that won’t work. They are mean because I’m ugly, that’s the only reason they need to make my life a nightmare. How could I change that??—

I can hear the desperation in her voice, she definitely went through the same as I did. But she is actually brave enough to admit, something I could never do, at least not to someone else. I find that endearing, and it’s nice to see her trust in me now, but I know I need to give her a clear answer to make her believe in herself again, just like I want to believe in myself. I know exactly what to say to regain some confidence, but I think it’s also something I need to hear.

—You are not ugly, what are you talking about? You just think that because they always say it. But you have to believe in yourself, stop thinking that you are ugly, you are not. Just ignore those thoughts, and if you know that you are not ugly, then no one has the right to say you are…—

—I’m not ugly?...—

I keep smiling at her, as it looks like she is regaining some hope in herself. I think she is asking herself if she is ugly or not, but I think I’ve reassured her enough. If I try to call her pretty, or if I keep giving her compliments, I might look like a creep, so I better just let her build that confidence on her own. But with nothing left to say, I just wait for the moment when Jocelyn builds her confidence back, just like I’m currently doing.

—T-thanks… Yea, I should go…—

Her shyness is the same as always, but I can tell she now believes everything I told her. Unfortunately, she is probably not ready to face that truth, so she starts walking away. But since she is walking towards other people, I think she will overcome that fear of being judged. Hopefully I do too, I should walk with her to class. But I’m right, nothing can hurt me if I just believe in myself. Damn, I’m good at this. I should be a motivational speaker or something. Maybe write a book about my experience and share life advice with other troubled teens.

Anyways, since I still have to put my own philosophy in practice, I can’t be celebrating quite yet. But what I will do is show more confidence than ever before. And as the bell finally rings, I prepare myself to head to class. All of the students begin walking to their respective classes, and I even think I see Jocelyn walking next to some of her bullies. They do try to say something to her, but she actually ignores them. Yea, it’s working, great! Now, time for me to do that. But wait, what class should I go to? I’m failing at pretty much everything, but I think it would be best to choose…