"What if I helped you get a new girlfriend?"

“What if I helped you get a new girlfriend?” Jade suggested, sucking on her bottom lip after she spoke. She seemed hesitant.

“What do you mean?” I asked. I had hoped for more than that. A lot more.

“Well, like... what if I find some girls that are... straight and nice and attractive and single and... could maybe, you know, go out with you? I could talk you up and be your wing-man, kind of.”

Any other day that might have been an attractive prospect. I could almost picture fearless Jade hitting on hot girls, taking the ones that are lesbian and redirecting the straight ones my way.

But no, this wasn't any other day. I didn't need help now, I had the app.

Besides, I reminded myself, this whole plan wasn't about getting a girlfriend. It was about revenge on Jade.

“No,” I said sadly, “I don't think that's quite right.”

Jade looked surprised at my rejection.

“Don't get me wrong,” I explained. “I mean, that's a good idea to start with, but I can meet girls and find women to date easy enough. It's just... my self-esteem is shot. Since Lynette left, I don't have the confidence to really put myself out there and expect that a woman actually wants to be with me. Lynette left after we started having sex. And I guess since then, I've just assumed there was something... unacceptable about me in bed. So I... I just feel like no woman will want to be with me again. I'm sorry, listen to me getting all pity-party on you.” I have to admit, I was hamming it up pretty well. And Jade was still buying it.

In a soft voice she asked, “You're saying that because of what I did... all this happened?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” I shrugged.

“You've been to insecure to be intimate... because of what I did?”

I nodded, looking down solemnly and trying not to laugh. Some of it might have been true, but it wasn't as bad as I was making it out to be.

“So, like, do you just need to get laid? You want me to find someone for you to sleep with? Is that what I owe you?”