A Fuck Before Christmas

Deep between other books, you find "A Fuck Before Christmas". It is hand-wrought and delicately lettered. Taking it to the easy chair, you begin to read:

It was the night before Christmas,

I was alone in the house

Everyone was at mass:

Even my spouse.

I thought I'd rub one out,

Jerk off really quick,

So I unzipped my pants

And out came my dick.

I thought of women

Who I'd like to spatter

Covering them all over

In my baby batter.

I was looking at porn,

When mid-double click,

I hear something heavy

Up on the rooftop shift.

I went to the window

To look up and see

Just what was on the roof

Interrupting me.

I climbed up to the rooftop

And saw Santa's sleigh

Pulled by 8 leather-bound women

That I'd want to lay...

And a male in antlers and no clothes:

He led the slay.

Santa sat musing, murmuring,

"which one should I lay?"