Out of Your Depth

"Adantia? Is that supposed to mean anything to me?" John asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"No, I wouldn't think so. Her name has been largely left by the wayside in the annals of history; there are still those who know her name, but... they do not make a habit of speaking her name, and for good reason."

"Would you stop leaving so much out of everything you say?!" John seethed, letting his annoyance overcome his restraint for a moment. "You won't explain why you felt the need to bring me here by **** when you knew full well I was headed here. You won't elaborate on why you refuse to help me, even though you seem to nominally support what I'm doing. You won't tell me what great mission it is that Isamu had you seem so interested in continuing – hell, you haven't even explained what exactly it is about this Shard that has such a powerful effect on you, or why you seem so heartless all the time. Are you ever going to explain anything?!"

"You would speak that way... to one of the Deities, of all people?"

John hadn't seen her move – actually, he was quite sure that for a moment in his vision, he saw Himiko standing in two separate places, as if she'd moved herself across the room faster than his eyes could perceive the light. Her touch was simple, almost gentle as she jabbed her finger into his forehead – but the **** behind it was so intensely unyielding that it felt as if the weight of the entire world was pressing into his skull. With the contact came an intense chill; Himiko's touch had always come with something of a creeping numbness, but this was as if her constant coldness had been amplified far beyond its own normal limits. John's anger and annoyance died away instantly, followed shortly after by almost all of his other emotions, as tendrils of ice crept through his mind and threatened to leech into his very soul.

John tried to object, but all that he could manage was a gasp. Even the air in his lungs seemed to freeze solid, far beyond any reaction he'd had to her presence before, even when she had fully had her arms wrapped around him.

"Make no mistake, John Newman; even the parts of myself I despise, even this eternal winter that consumes my very soul, are all tampered down for your benefit in our times together. The Shard itself has a great deal of power over me, but I must emphasize this, John Newman... you are still weak. The things I am not telling you, the horrors of this world I am hiding, are to prevent you from meeting the fate we must all one day face far sooner than necessary. Anything I am not sharing with you is too dangerous for you to know. Though this may sound like an excuse, you must understand that a single word out of place on the matters of the Deities would place you in a terrible danger that even I cannot protect you from. That is why I tell you to avoid them at all cost... why I cannot welcome you here, bid you to stay with me, to offer you the warmths and comforts you deserve, no matter how much I wish to do so."

Himiko stepped back, removing her finger from John's forehead. All at once the warmth of life returned to him in a heaving gasp, as his body's autonomous functions seemed to return all at once. John's heart was hammering and his mind felt as if a spike had been shoved through his head, but at least he could focus again. At least he could feel again.

"What I have just done to you... the feelings I imparted," Himiko whispered, meeting John's eyes with a steely gaze, "let that cold sink into your bones, John Newman. Let it sink into your mind. Remember how powerless you felt, and any time you consider dealing with one of the Deities, let that cold weigh against the fire in your heart. Just as I desire the passion and feelings brought on by that Shard, so too should you fear the icy chill that my mere presence brings to you. Just as he did, no matter how hard he..."

Himiko took a moment, and something broke through her outer shell in that moment, though it was too brief for John to judge. Like a single spark in the night, it was gone almost before he was sure he saw it at all.

"Just as all should," Himiko emphasized, stepping forward again. She aggressively slammed her palm into John's chest, and although there was no seeping chill in her touch this time, the slam was powerful enough to send him backwards, stumbling to keep his footing as his spine slammed against the arched doors he'd passed under not so long ago. Himiko stayed still and remained silent after her blow, leaving John gasping for air and still recovering from that strange numbness for a long while, as both of them stared into the other's eyes.

"...Why are you like this?" John asked at last, when he could stomach the feeling of speaking and his lungs burned less intensely. "Why does this Shard affect you so much? Is it whatever part of Isamu remains, or is it something more specific to this strange relic of yours?"

Himiko didn't respond immediately – she didn't even acknowledge his words for a long while. John wasn't honestly expecting much of an answer. He had contemplated whether to even ask the question at all. Himiko hadn't been forthcoming with anything else in their conversation, and her response to John asking her to be less cryptic and more helpful had been to (quite easily) put him back in his place. But he wanted to learn something about this woman, even if it was something small, even if it wasn't related at all to his reasons for coming here.

"...That much I can tell you... but if I do, will you promise that afterward, you will leave this place?" Himiko asked quietly.

"I... yes, I promise," John mumbled. He didn't have much more reason to stick around here anyway; he had no leverage to make Himiko change her mind on her decision, and it was clear no amount of begging or reasoning would do it either.

"Very well. I ask that you not share this with anyone, but... it's unlikely that they would believe you regardless, even if you do not offer me that respect. Even if they did, I know of no weakness this imposes on me, save the torment it causes me. It is merely something I am not proud of, and I do not long for the attention it would bring to myself."

Himiko reached up to her chest, grasping the almost feather-like ruffles of her dress and beginning to pull at them. Rather than stretching or tearing, the hazy fabric of her dress seemed to become less solid where she pulled at it, separating with wisps of black shadows flickering and waving at the edges. Slowly Himiko continued to pull and separate the dress, revealing more and more of her abdomen. At first all John could see was her flawless skin, but as she pulled the dress apart further up, John noticed something. At first, it looked as if the dress was clinging to her body – but after a few more tears, John started to realize what he was looking at.

Over the center of her chest, emanating from just below the underside of her breasts near her solar plexus, an inky black scar covered an area nearly five inches in diameter. Perhaps "scar" wasn't the best term for it, John thought as he stared – it didn't mar the skin, it was only discolored and...

"Is that mark... moving?" John noted, as he stared more closely at the marking. It wasn't exactly zipping around, but when John's eyes tried to focus on the edges of the discoloration, it looked like it was waving back and forth across her skin, similar to how the dress made of shadows constantly faded in and out of focus. The movement was subtle, to the point it took several seconds for John to be sure it wasn't an optical illusion. As soon as John spoke, Himiko released the sides of her dress and they wove back together of their own will, hiding her body away once more.

"It is... because it is very much alive. A part of me, yet separate in some ways. This is the mark of the demon that I summoned inside of myself centuries ago. I thought it would kill me... and I was fine with that," Himiko said, simply. "For a very long time, I would have preferred it. Before I met Isamu, I was as good as dead, for although I survived the summoning, the process left my very soul scarred. I feel... nothing. Not happy or sad, afraid or brave, even warm or cold – my body is as numb as my soul. Only that Shard has ever caused that feeling to return, and though I do not know why it has such an effect, it is the only thing that allows me to feel again. Without it… I am what you see before you now. Cold, calculating… less than human.”

"But... summoning a demon inside of you, that'd make you a... an..." John fumbled for the word, not having heard it in over a year. "An Infernal. I was told that no one-"

"That no one had ever survived the process, yes," Himiko said quietly, her brown eyes full of steel. "So far as I am aware, I am the only one... and as far as the rest of the world knows, there are none at all. There is no reason for my survival, I was not even at a fraction of the power I am now. Demons are not summoned often; perhaps I was somewhat lucky, and one in a thousand, or a hundred thousand summonings allow the host to survive. Perhaps there was something special about myself, or the demon, that I do not understand. Whatever the case, it is not a fate I would wish on anyone else, and I have spent many years slaughtering those who tampered with that sort of magic."

"If you hate it so much, why did you do it in the first place? What drove you to be so ****?" John asked, wondering what Himiko had been through that could make her as **** as an imprisoned serial killer.

"That was not a part of our deal," Himiko said simply, the tone of her voice making it quite clear there was no further discussion of the subject. "Now, you have a promise to keep, John Newman. Begone now. And this I give to you as an order – do not return here until I contact you. I did... I do appreciate your presence. More than you can imagine, but it isn't safe for you here. It was weakness of me to make my presence known back in Springfield after imparting the Shard to you, and it was weakness for me to allow you to come as far as you did today. I should have stopped you the moment I knew you were inside of my territory. Leave, and do not look back."

"How will I-"

"Go. Now!"

An icy gale suddenly filled the room, a gust of wind that chilled John to his very bones. It was powerful, too – and John realized as his feet began to slide that all the ice that had surrounded Himiko as she walked was still there. In fact, it had reshaped itself, forming a perfectly smooth coating on the floor that took away what little traction he had on the tile and allowing the winds to usher him straight toward the double doors that had been carelessly blown open by the powerful wind.

John didn't stop until he was well past the doors, nearly pushed all the way back to the staircase that he'd ascended earlier. Himiko stood at the double doors for a while longer, and though she spoke softly, something about that magical wind carried her words to him as though she were whispering in his ear, even as the doors to her home closed once more.

"I am Himiko Nakamura. I am the Ice Queen of the West. I am the Frozen Heart Empress. I am the world's only surviving Infernal. I built this kingdom of mine with the cold darkness that fills my heart. One day, John Newman, when you're stronger, I will call on you. I want you to come back..."