Catching up and killing time.

Authors note: Today is the first day of my week off, so yay! I have plans tomorrow, but I'll see what I can do chapter wise anyway. After that? I have all the time in the world to write in the week! I hope you enjoy the new chapter. Love and kisses, H.B

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Congratulations! Your Skill in Kissing has increased from Level 8 to Level 9!

+0.5% Pleasure gained through ‘other actions’ whilst kissing. (Total: 4.5%)

For reaching Skill level 9, you have been awarded 90Exp.

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Congratulations! Your Skill in Speech has increased from Level 8 to Level 9!

+0.5% better prices when buying and selling. (Total: 4.5%)

For reaching Skill level 9, you have been awarded 90Exp.

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Congratulations! Your Skill in Speech has increased from Level 9 to Level 10!

+0.5% better prices when buying and selling. (Total: 5%)

Congratulations! You are now an Apprentice in Speech!

For reaching the Apprentice milestone in your Speech Skill, you unlock the following:

• 1000Exp.
• Additional Skill information: Positive reputation gains are increased by 0.5% per level. (Current total: 5%)
• New Sub-Skill: Persuasion.
• Apprentice level Speech Perk.

*Authors note: the quote is from The Wise Man’s Fear, by Patrick Rothfuss.*

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New Skill unlocked!

…Skill Level gained!

…Skill Level gained!

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For unlocking and subsequently reaching Level 3 in Persuasion, you gain 100Exp.

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Congratulations! Your Skill in Speech has increased from Level 10 to Level 12!

+1% better prices when buying and selling. (Total: 6%)

+1% increase in gained reputation. (total: 6%)

For reaching Skill levels 11 and 12, you have been awarded 460Exp.

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Congratulations! Your Skill in Leadership has increased from Level 7 to Level 9!

+0.5% better prices when buying and selling. (Total: 4.5%)

For reaching Skill levels 8 and 9, you have been awarded 170Exp.

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Congratulations! Your Skill in Leadership has increased from Level 9 to Level 10!

+1% Efficacy of given orders. (Total: 10%)

Congratulations! You are now an Apprentice in Leadership!

For reaching the Apprentice milestone in your Leadership Skill, you unlock the following:

• 1000Exp.
• Additional Skill information: The forces under your command are 0.5% more resistant to breaking ranks per level. (Current total: 5%)
• Leadership Sub-Skill: ERROR. INSUFFICENT EXPERIENCE. AQUIRE MORE LEADERSHIP EXPERIENCE TO UNLOCK SKILL.
• Apprentice level Leadership Perk.

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Achievement unlocked!

Entry level position available. Requirements: 10 years experience in dynamic procrastination and a masters level degree in passive-aggressive yoga.

You gained the levels required in a Root Skill to reach the next Skill tier, but lack the IRL experience to unlock an appropriate Sub-Skill. Whatever it is you did, you did it so well that the System needs to sit down and scratch its head for a while and work out what the hell it’s going to do with your over-achieving ass. Kudos?

Rewards:

• Knowledge tome for the relevant Skill: Small unit tactics, a guide for the (below) average crayon-munching connoisseur.
• +500Exp.

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Ding!

Congratulations! You have reached Character level 9!

Your Health, Stamina, and Mana, have all increased by 10 points.

You have 5 free Attribute points to spend.

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Achievement unlocked!

Single Pringle no longer.

You got a girlfriend. Our congratulations to you, and condolences to her.

Rewards:

• +1 Charisma.
• +1 Luck (which totally isn’t a thing).
• Magic Item: Apprentice enchanter’s gift basket (Which is for your girlfriend, duh).
• +500Exp.

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Achievement unlocked!

Sharing is caring.

You’ve started a polyamorous relationship. We’re still trying to work out how you convinced one person to fall for you, let alone multiple people. Your Luck Attribute must be off the charts. Not that there is a hidden Luck Attribute, nope, definitely not…

Rewards:

• +1 Charisma.
• +2 Luck (which still isn’t a thing).
• Magic Item(s): Journeyman Enchanter’s gift basket, 1 per person in your new relationship (other than you, do we really need to explain what a gift is?).
• +1000Exp.

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Achievement unlocked!

Under the Microscope.

You have spoken with a member of the divine and lived to tell the tale. Congrats on avoiding being squished like a bug!

Here’s a free survival tip: If a God or Goddess ordained to speak with your lowly, insignificant self, the conversation went fairly smoothly (or so you think), and you lack a divine patron, congrats, you have a divine sugar daddy/mummy now. Don’t like the god/goddess in question all that much? Tough! You don’t get all that much say in the matter, at least unless another god/goddess is willing to take you under their wing. Do not, we repeat, DO NOT, piss off your new patron. It will not end well for you, like, at all.

If you need it, your menus may or may not contain information on how to rid yourself of a particularly bothersome divine patron in a format that is undetectable by said divine. Good luck.

Rewards:

• +1 Divine Patron (probably).
• Primer: Divine patronage, a beginner’s guide on not getting smote.
• +1000Exp.

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Achievement unlocked!

That looks swollen. Let mummy kiss it better.

You somehow convinced your dear old ma, the woman who brought you into this world and raised you since you were a sprog, to suck your cock. We would ask you if you were proud of yourself, but I think we both know the answer to that.

Rewards:

• +1 Charisma.
• +1000Exp.

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Achievement unlocked!

Scoring an F in reproductive biology.

You came inside a woman for the first time, but did so either in her mouth or her asshole. We are choosing to assume that you guys were having fun and not trying to make a baby, otherwise we’ll need to sit the pair of you down and have a talk about the birds and the bees, and we are not qualified for that.

Rewards:

• +1 Constitution.
• +1000Exp.

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Achievement unlocked!

Louder (and slightly less muffled) for those in the back!

You either performed an act of oral sex or had an act of oral sex performed upon you in front of an audience. Couldn’t wait until you got home, huh?

Rewards:

• +1 Charisma.
• Minor magic item: Ring of the Exhibitionist.
• +1000Exp.

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Congratulations! Your Skill in Perception has increased from Level 3 to Level 4!

You are 1% more likely to spot traps (Total: 4%)

For reaching Skill level 4, you have been awarded 40Exp.

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Congratulations! Your Skill in Insight has increased from Level 7 to Level 9!

You are 2% more likely to spot when someone is lying to you (Total: 9%)

For reaching Skill levels 8 and 9, you have been awarded 170Exp.

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Achievement unlocked!

The extra-planer version of rural Wales.

You travelled to (or more likely, through) the space between planes and discovered that, not unlike rural Wales, there’s fuck all there. Don’t bother sending us a postcard.

Reward:

• +500Exp.

This Achievement is part of a chain. Complete the two linked Achievements to unlock an Epic or higher rarity reward. A strong, independent person such as yourself doesn’t need any hints to unlock the other two parts, right? *Hint* You’re perfectly capable of doing it yourself, right? *Hint Hint*

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Achievement unlocked!

“It’s three streets past purgatory on the left. If you hit paradise, you’ve gone too far.”

You were invited to visit a member of the divine in their personal realm, and chose to accept that dubious honour. We’re calling it now, that god or goddess either wants to get freaky in ways only the divine know best, or order you off on a long, arduous, and mostly pointless Quest. Either way, you’re getting fucked.

Reward:

• +500Exp.

This Achievement is part of a chain. Unlock more linked Achievements to unlock higher tier rewards.

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Achievement unlocked!

Checking out the neighbours' digs!

You spent some time inhabiting someone else’s body. You’re either a spirit capable of possession or fucking about with magic. Since you’re still capable of reading this, we are going to assume the latter.

Rewards:

• +1 Charisma.
• A small dustpan and brush for whoever is left to clean up after you when you inevitably disintegrate yourself. At least this way, they’ll have a slightly less shitty day.
• +1000Exp.

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Achievement unlocked!

Exploring your newly acquired great tracts of land.

You changed sex and are now a woman. The effect may be permanent, or it may be temporary. Either way, we both know what you’ll be doing first.

Rewards:

• A better understanding of how women tick, do with it what you will.
• +1000Exp.

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Achievement unlocked!

We totally called it.

A member of the divine invited to into their personal realm for the express purpose of fucking your brains out. As you received this version of the achievement, it's safe to say that you were rather enthusiastic about the idea.

By the time you read this Achievement, It’s probably far too late, but we’re gunna go ahead and give you a little advice, anyway.

Most people only receive the advice relevant to them. Things are different for you, however, because gender-bending shenanigans are involved. Instead of offering you what should be the correct advice and getting it wrong, we are going to dump the four most common bits of advice we have for this scenario (from most common to least common) and let you sort out what relevant to you and what’s not yourself, aren’t we generous!

1. If you are female, and the goddess involved is female: A goddess who knows how to lick pussy is bound to be extremely proficient at it, better than any mortal can hope to be. Even if you consider yourself an expert, asking nicely for some instruction can lead to an incredibly pleasant and very education experience for the both of you, and, if she really likes you and you’re an exceedingly diligent student, can sometimes lead to repeat visits.

2. If you are male, and the god involved is male: Due to their perceived station compared to you lowly mortals, a common myth amongst a surprisingly high number of pantheons is that it is below a god to act as anything other than a top (heh). Also surprising is the number of gods amongst such pantheons who, in the privacy of their own realms, would happily ignore such a myth if a visiting mortal were to ask nicely.

3. If you are female, and the god involved is male: if you don’t like the idea of carrying around a demigod for the next 9 months, you need to use some form of barrier style preventative. The only you can avoid becoming pregnant after having sex with a god is if the god was wearing a condom or some other form of physical barrier between his swimmers and you. Otherwise, life will find a way.

4. If you are male, and the goddess involved is female: Goddess’ find the prospect of having sex with a mortal man unappealing in most cases, so the fact that you are even in this position is an achievement by itself. Goddess’ have perfect control over all aspects of their physical forms, including matters of fertility. If a goddess does not wish to get pregnant with your child, she won’t. Whilst this is fairly common knowledge (at least in some circles), assuming this is the case and finishing inside her without a thought or care is the quickest and easiest way to land yourself in the proverbial (or, if she’s feeling particularly vindictive, literal) doghouse.

This is the second Achievement you have unlocked in the same chain. The rewards you received have been improved. Unlock more linked achievements to unlock higher tier rewards.

Rewards:

• +1 to all Attributes.
• The fantastic advice we already gave you.
• +1000Exp.

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Achievement unlocked!

Thoroughly mapping all the valleys and all the peaks.

You masturbated in your new body and experienced the wonders of the female orgasm. It took what? All of a few seconds as a woman for you to start touching yourself sexually? We can’t say we’re surprised.

Rewards:

• +1500Exp.
• X1 Perk: Empathic Insight (carnal).

Empathic insight (carnal): Having experienced the throes of passion as both a man and a woman, you have gained a whole new perspective for carnal matters, which has allowed you to unlock this perk. Your first-hand knowledge rapidly increases the speed at with you learn how to cater to the individual needs of sexual partners, and also grants insight into partner’s sexual desires, letting you know what they want to do, and how they want to do it.

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Achievement unlocked!

Then god spoke unto the people, and in his infinite wisdom he said, “M’names Jeff.”

You learned the personal name of a deity. Whilst their personal name might not hold the same power as their true name, bandying it about is still a major dick move. If you want to last longer that a chocolate teapot, you might want to consider keeping that information to yourself.

Rewards:

• +500Exp.

You have learned your second piece of sensitive information. As you have shared none of the sensitive information you have learnt up to this point, you earn the following:

• +1 Wisdom.

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Achievement unlocked!

“I think they said they work in some sort of management position in the church, but they were a little vague.”

You learned the personal name of a deity before learning their official divine title. This achievement is exceedingly rare. We advise **** diligence in the days moving forward. As they say: trust, but verify.

Rewards:

• Pending review…

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Character sheet (post changes)

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